In every new relationship there are moments of truth. They are small moments. Many of us don’t even recognize them or even remember them after they’ve passed. But the way these moments unfold can make the difference between a happily ever after romance and one cut down before it even has a... more

In every new relationship there are moments of truth. They are small moments. Many of us don’t even recognize them or even remember them after they’ve passed. But the way these moments unfold can make the difference between a happily ever after romance and one cut down before it even has a chance to begin.

That’s where leading comes in.

You can make goo-goo eyes at each other across the anime convention floor hall all you want. There still needs to be the moment where someone makes the decision to walk over and start a conversation. Leading can be non-verbal (taking someone by the hand, going for the kiss), or verbal, (asking for the phone number, revealing your sexual fantasy about the Kama Sutra Pirates).

I think of leading as anteing up. You‘re putting your money on the table (usually not literally), at which point the other person needs to either a) meet or beat your investment, or b) opt out of the game.

Leading isn’t about controlling the relationship. If anything, leading is about giving up control, because if the dancer(*) chooses not to follow, it’s the leader who ends up looking stupid.

Leading is about being willing to take risks. On a more practical level, it’s also about avoiding conversations like this.

BOY: Want to go out?
GIRL: Sure. What do you want to do?
BOY: I don’t know. What do you want to do?

And so on into infinity…

If you’re going to ask someone out, the onus is on you to provide direction for what you‘ll be doing. It doesn’t mean there’s no room for negotiation, but someone has to open the bidding.

Which brings us to the question, why does Boy get to lead? Girls can lead too.

They sure can. And if it works for you, go for it. Putting yourself out there when you don’t know how the other person feels takes guts, and I give mad respect to anyone--male, female, or other--that does it. Be advised however, in heterosexual dating circles, the woman leading goes against convention, so be prepared to face the following reactions.

1) Male insecurity. We’ve had it drilled into us from an early age that we are supposed to take charge. So when a woman does it for us, it can be a stab to the ego. Many women have run into this, and it’s what stops them from taking charge on a date. A friend of mine put it best: “It sucks when guys don’t have a plan cause not only do you have to take charge, you have to bring it up in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings.”

You would think shyer or more inexperienced guys would welcome a woman who takes charge, but sometimes we take it the hardest because it reminds us of our shortcomings.

2) Suspicion. Often the more attractive a guy finds you, the harder time he’ll have trusting your motives. Instead of counting his lucky stars, he’ll be thinking. “There is no way THAT girl would ever have to ask a guy out, especially a guy like me. Either she’s messing with me or she‘s a murderous sex alien like in Species, and either way, I‘m not falling for it. And I‘m going to make sure everyone knows it by saying something mean to her.”

3) Inexperience. Most guys don’t get asked out a lot, which means they aren’t always going to know how to deal with it. I didn’t when it happened to me (**). We freeze-up and stammer and start looking around for the exits. It doesn’t mean we’re not interested. It means we don‘t deal well with unfamiliar social situations.

4) Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. When two people are simultaneously trying to be proactive, there’s going to be some clunkiness until they find a rhythm. The comforting thing about convention is everyone knows his or her role. On the other hand, those people bound by convention will never know what it feels like to live by their own rules.

The good news is, truly confident and self-assured guys have no problem with a woman showing a little initiative. The bad news is, most of those men live somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy. Here on planet Earth, truly confident men are a little thinner on the ground than one would hope. Kudos to you, if you’ve found one.

The last point about leading is that YOU DON‘T HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME (***). Leading isn’t a way to prove what an mighty, in-control Alpha Male or Female you are. It’s a way of keeping a smooth flow while you get to know one another.

Good luck. The Kama Sutra Pirates await.

(*) I realize it would be less confusing to use ‘follower’ but I don’t like it. The word ‘follower’ implies blind obedience, which isn’t what we’re talking about at all. Plus ‘dancer’ sounds prettier.

(**) In my defense, the person hitting on me was another guy. Still, I felt dumb for not catching on sooner.

(***) Timing leads is a column on its own, but here are the basics. You lead a) during ambiguous/awkward moments b) as a response to a cue from your partner or c) when he/she has impressed you.

Who says gaming systems are just for boys? Not us, that's for sure! The SuicideGirls prove that woman can game just as well as the men can- only we look good doing it! Whatever the system: XBox, Playstation, Nintnedo, Wii, or PSP, whatever the game: Rock Band, Final Fantasy, Sonic, GTA, or W.O.W. more

Who says gaming systems are just for boys? Not us, that's for sure! The SuicideGirls prove that woman can game just as well as the men can- only we look good doing it! Whatever the system: XBox, Playstation, Nintnedo, Wii, or PSP, whatever the game: Rock Band, Final Fantasy, Sonic, GTA, or W.O.W. We dare you to come play with us!


























Fashion Notes:

As you can see, a SuicideGirl's favorite way to play is in a tee and panties. You've got to be comfortable to rank up all those achievements, right?! So, leave the high fashion to your avatar and check out some of these cute gamer tees.

Hot Topic always has cute vintage video game T-Shirts. Try their Sonic The Hedgehog Retro Tee on sale now for $10.98! Get it on with their Donkey Kong Tee for $22.00.

BustedTees.com is a great source for gamer tee's . Most websites cater to men when it comes to their gaming t-shirt collection, but BustedTees.com customizes the shirts to fit either male or female. That way no one gets left out! Check out these hilarious and witty tees! Their Original Gangsta tee lets everyone know that the silly dog in Duck Hunt never laughed at you for $20.00! The Blow Me shirt pays homage to the many hours we've all dedicated to heavy breathing. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter! I'm talking about Nintendo for $20.00! Be apart of something special and join the revolution! The DD Revolution that is, with this tee, Viva La Revolution , on sale for only $8.00!

Had enough of the old school tees? StylinOnline.com is a great place for tees for all you hardcore fans and best of all almost everything is only $18.00 and under. Try this Res Evil Resident Evil Umbrella Star Baby Tee Make a statement in this Legend of Zelda Land of Hyrule Tee. You can also show your inner rock star with this Guitar Hero Rock N Roll Baby Tee

Another fun gamer merchandise websites you can visit is SplitReason.com. They not only have cute shirts, but they have panties too! Check out their Achievement Locked XBox panties for $13.95

Okay, So we can't do fashion notes and only give you t-shirts. If you are in the mood to really get into the game, here is a great way to cosplay with your favorite characters. CosplayMagic.com is a great website for costumes that really look like they jumped out of your gaming system.

A Few Of Our Favorite Gamer Girls

Claire from Resident Evil, is the ultimate bad ass zombie killer, the women from Final Fantasy are born with the ability to kick serious butt, Lara Croft, the ultimate pin-up equivalent to James Bond. All these girls can hold her own with the guys and still look good! And let's not forget about the mystic Princess Zelda. Can you think of any other gamer girls that embody all it is to be a SuicideGirl?

Check back for more Dirty Laundry and let SuicideGirls show you the best way to (un)dress.

After Rob Zombie remade John Carpenter’s Halloween, he was determined not to make a sequel. His remake embellished the original landmark slasher film by portraying Michael Myers’ childhood. Released to box office success in August of 2007, Zombie was ready to move on. “I was totally... more

After Rob Zombie remade John Carpenter’s Halloween, he was determined not to make a sequel. His remake embellished the original landmark slasher film by portraying Michael Myers’ childhood. Released to box office success in August of 2007, Zombie was ready to move on.

“I was totally serious when I said it,” Zombie said in an exclusive phone interview. “I wasn’t bullshitting. When I finished the first Halloween, I was so burnt out, I couldn’t even conceive of doing another one. That was totally the truth, and I did pass on it. Then I ran into someone from Dimension Films at the Scream Awards last October and I said, ‘Oh, how’s Halloween II going? Is that going well?’ They were like, “Well, the directors fell off. We don’t even have a script. We don’t know what we’re doing.” And at that point, I actually was kind of feeling bad that I didn’t do Halloween II because I had created my new characters, my Dr. Loomis, my Laurie Strode, my everything, my Michael Myers. I was like, ‘I feel kind of weird that some other people are coming in to take over my world that I feel like I just started.’”

Halloween II picks up right after Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) shot Michael Myers, presumably to death, at the end of Halloween. It’s no surprise in the world of horror movie that Michael wakes up to continue killing. His rampage continues that night, then takes a year off giving Strode and her surviving friends a year of post traumatic stress before he returns the following Halloween. Zombie continues the brutal violence he has portrayed in his previous three horror films, also including House of 1,000 Corpses and its sequel The Devil’s Rejects. Brutal kills also come with a new motif of a white horse, a symbol Michael associates with his loving mother and younger self.

On the phone, any topic was fair game with Zombie. Nothing was off limits, from homage to the original Halloween series to current events and studio politics. In music with his band White Zombie and now as a filmmaker, Zombie has always spoken his mind. It’s the more rebellious distributors like Lionsgate and Halloween’s Weinstein Company who give him his latest artistic forum.

FT: How did you pick up the story where Halloween left off, but branch away from the old Halloween II.

RZ: Yeah, I decided to pick up the story the next second and carry through that night, have Laurie Strode go to the hospital and what not, but then I jump ahead a year. I wanted to just pick up Laurie and Sheriff Brackett and Annie Brackett and Dr. Loomis, where everyone’s lives were at that point and follow them on from there. I wanted to do something totally different. I didn’t want it to relate to the Halloween II that had been at all. The other thing that excited me, I felt in the first Halloween, the scenes that were 100% my own, which was sort of like the first hour of the movie, young Michael Myers in Smith’s Grove Sanitarium, I thought those were the most successful scenes in the movie. That was the best part of the movie and any time it veered somewhat into John Carpenter land, it wasn’t as good because it felt like I wasn’t being me. I was sort of telling someone else’s story. So by being able to make a completely original thing, it became much more exciting.

FT: If your first Halloween was more about exploring Michael’s point of view, is this one more about the victims’?

RZ: Well, it’s a little of both. It kind of follows three storylines. It follows Laurie Strode trying to put her life together. Her parents are dead, some of her friends are dead. She doesn’t know who she is at all really. Then she’s living with Sheriff Brackett and Annie Brackett. Annie is a victim too. Her face is all scarred from the attack that she survived and Sheriff Brackett is just a wreck. He’s now got these two totally messed up teenage girls living in this house. Dr. Loomis on the other hand is off in the world having written a best selling book, making money, almost loving every minute of it, cashing in off the tragedy. And then there’s Michael Myers who everyone believes is dead but he’s still out there. It’s really Laurie’s movie but it’s also Michael’s movie too because for the first time we see the world through Michael’s point of view, which I didn’t do in the first movie at all. In this movie, we really see just how crazy he is and how he views the world.

FT: Were you conscious of Halloween H20 which explored, in that series, grown-up Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis)’s post traumatic stress 20 years after the first two films?

RZ: I really haven’t watched that movie so it didn’t influence me at all since I hadn’t really seen it.

FT: A lot has happened in the world in the last two years. What different perspective does that give the film?

RZ: Nothing in particular. I mean, I can’t think of any real life events that took place that made me think, “Oh boy, that really changes my view of the world. Let’s incorporate it.”

FT: But they always say horror films do well in tough times. There were tough times two years ago, but with the economic downturn and such, has it given you a different perspective to approach horror?

RZ: Not really. People always say that stuff and truthfully I guess it’s true but I don’t always understand it. Like oh, horror movies do great in time of war. They do great in economic downturns. Why? Why is that? I don’t understand why that would be. You would think that uplifting movies would do well, not movies about the darkest depths of human despair. I think in general, horror movies always do well no matter what, because they’re the only types of movies that promise a certain something and I guess people just love them.

FT: Just to talk about what’s going on in the world, whether it informs the film or not, what are your thoughts on these Health Care town hall meetings?

RZ: I mean, I think people are acting crazy. It gets really weird. So many people have such a weird point of view on everything. I don’t understand. I was talking to somebody about it and I said to them, “Oh, have you ever been out of this country and gotten sick and gone to the doctor’s?” They were like, “No.” One time I was on tour, this has happened many times, but one time I was in Sweden and I was deathly ill. I went to the doctor’s, they took great care of me, they didn’t even ask me my name. They took great care of me, they wrote me a prescription, I had no money, I went to the pharmacy, got my medication and got well. You tell somebody that and they’re looking at you like, “What are you talking about? That sounds like some kind of fantasy land.” It’s just weird. I don't know.

FT: It’s like they’re so scared of the idea of addressing end of life decisions that they’d rather have no health care at all!

RZ: Yeah, I don’t understand it. Are people’s situations so wonderful that there’s no way it can get better. I think that sometimes Americans get brainwashed that everything we have is absolutely the best and that if someone’s trying to change it, that means that they’re trying to scam you. Most of the people that think that have never traveled outside the United States. Then if you even question anything, somehow you’re like a bad American, when the whole point of being an American is you can question fucking everything. That’s the whole point. It’s just so weird. People get weird with that stuff and I don’t understand why. It’s ridiculous. If I was Obama, I would be like, “Fine, who fucking cares? I have good health care. Good, go, die, whatever.” I would be so fed up if I was him.

FT: At least they’re not bashing movie violence for now.

RZ: Yeah, not yet. They’re onto new topics but they’ll come back to it eventually.

FT: How is the economy affecting filmmakers these days?

RZ: It’s changed. What’s really changed, I think with studios is studios are even more gun shy than ever to put out something that is original because they feel like, “We gotta just put out stuff that’s a safe bet.” So a safe bet is usually a remake or a comic book movie or something along those lines. So if you’re trying to pitch stuff that’s original, it’s harder than it ever was. I think that’ll change again but for right now, that seems to be the case. Sequels, remakes and comic books.

FT: Isn’t that so weird because in the history of Hollywood, the biggest hits are those original movies that just connect with people?

RZ: Hollywood is so weird because it’s the same sort of brainwashing where you always want to go, “Look, whenever they seem to take something and market it differently or do it different, it’s a hit because people are excited. But whenever people do the same old shit, it seems to fail.” It still seems like they go, “Yeah, that may be true but we’re still going to do the same old shit.” The studios have no creativity left I guess. I don't know. It’s really kind of sad because like you said, it’s always when something’s fresh and new, that’s what catches fire, not the same old shit. I’ve never seen someone walking out of the movies being happy going, “Wow, that was great. I’m so happy we saw the same old shit again, except this time it was $12.50.” I’ve never heard anyone say that in my life.

FT: It’s amazing that something keeps not working but they stick with it.

RZ: Yeah, what’s kind of exciting about Halloween II to me, even though it seems like I’m part of the problem, is that when we did a test screening, all the kids that were in the focus group, they kept raising their hand pointing out the parts that they loved. Their reasoning was always, “I liked it because it was different. I had never seen it before. It wasn’t the same old thing.” The amount of times somebody said that was incredible. That was the main thing that kept getting said. They liked it because it was different.

FT: Have you found reactions to Halloween II as divisive as they were on the first one?

RZ: Well, not that many people have seen it so there’s not much reaction, but for the people that have seen it, the reaction has been awesome. I’m very excited about this movie. I think this movie blows away the first film, blows it away. I’m super excited.

FT: What was your reaction to the divide on the first one?

RZ: I was pretty happy with it actually because that is the type of thing that I love. I love that reaction because that’s when you know you’re onto something. Someone either loves it or they fucking hate it. That’s what I’ve always had. Same thing about my music. Every record that’s come out. Either someone loves it like it’s their favorite thing in the world or someone just thinks it’s the worst. Starting with White Zombie, people were like, “This is my favorite band” or “This is the worst band I’ve ever heard.” That’s really the best way to exist. I remember reading when I was a kid, David Bowie said something similar to that. I was like, “What a great way to look at it” because the last thing you want is someone to go, “Eh, it was okay.” That just sort of means you didn’t have any effect one-way or the other. It’s kind of a bummer.

FT: I figured that was the reaction you were going for.

RZ: I’m not really trying to go for any reaction. I’m just trying to do what I think is right but you want a strong enough reaction, love or hate. Anything in between is kind of a drag.

FT: The latest thing in horror now is vampires. Why do you think that’s the big trend of the moment?

RZ: Well, because I think probably vampires are always the easiest horror creature to update. If you have a creature that’s supposed to be eternal, well, now they can be modern day. Vampires are always sexier. You can kind of make them any which way. They can be very modern, they can be very gothic, they can be whatever. Whereas werewolves, people start looking kind of goofy sometimes when you put them in werewolf makeup. What, are you going to do a mummy, a sexy version of the mummy?

FT: They did that.

RZ: Well, they tried to. But vampires are just the easiest one. It’s always the easiest to update and it always has been. I think that’s why people gravitate towards it.

FT: How do you use music as a filmmaker?

RZ: As far as music in the movie, you’re probably talking about Moody Blues’ “Knights in White Satin” I would guess. That is a very significant song within the movie. That plays a huge part in act one. I love that song. It’s such a great song. It’s a classic song. Kind of like what I did with “Free Bird” in Devil’s Rejects, I love being able to take this sort of epic song and use it in a new way. For this movie, “Knights in White Satin” is probably the most significantly used that way.

FT: Does the song have a special meaning to you?

RZ: No, not really. Usually, if there’s a song in the movie, it’s because I just love that song. There’s a lot of D.C. Hardcore in the movie, like Scream, Void, Bad Brains, bands like that that I have Laurie Strode as a fan of because I thought well, it’s kind of cool that she’s trying to recover from these events. She’s reinventing herself like now she’s kind of like wild punk rock girl as opposed to the nice all-American girl. I thought here’s some music she might get into. This is music I discovered when I was that age in real life so you always play off things in your own life. All the characters in some ways are an extension of me because that’s who I know the best.

FT: We lost a lot of artists over the summer, including Michael Jackson. Was he influence to you as a musician?

RZ: Uh, no. Well, in a way actually. Let me back it up. He never influenced my music. In fact, when Thriller was out, it was meaningless to me. I didn’t care at all about that but when I was a little kid, The Jackson Five
Actually, The Jackson Five “Dancing Machine,” that 7” was the first record I ever owned, ever. So in a way, yeah. I thought The Jackson Five were pretty kick ass when I was a little kid. They were huge. I’m talking about when I was in Kindergarten but in that sense they were very exciting. As far as Thriller and all that stuff, I didn’t care about any of that stuff.

FT: Still, I bet The Jackson Five would surprise a lot of White Zombie fans.

RZ: Well, you figure that was like 1972 for a little kid. That stuff’s pretty badass and actually, I went on YouTube and was watching The Jackson Five. I think they were on Merv Griffin doing “Dancing Machine.” Whatever Michael Jackson became, at that age when he was, whatever, 17 years old, he was pretty fucking incredible. I mean, I will say somebody is talented and give props wherever it’s due, even if it’s something I don’t like. You can’t like everything.

FT: Is this really it? No Halloween III?

RZ: I don't think there’ll be a part three. I mean, there might be a part three with someone else but part threes are tricky. I always think with part two, you can always make a better movie with part two because you sort of got the backstory out of the way. You’ve already been there, done that. You can really take it to a new level. I felt that happened with Devil’s Rejects. I thought that was a far superior film than House of 1,000 Corpses and I think Halloween II is a far superior film than Halloween. Usually, no matter who it is, when you go back for the third one, it’s usually a disaster.

FT: That’s so true. Why then do you think we gravitate towards trilogies when it usually ends badly?

RZ: If the story is originally conceived as a trilogy, then I think you’re okay. This certainly wasn’t. It wasn’t conceived that way at all. It’s not to say that it can’t be done but it usually seems to be the case, whether you’re talking about Army of Darkness of Godfather III. It always seems like the third one’s never quite as great as the second one. I guess art comes in threes. You’ve got a three act play, so you feel like everything should be a trilogy, with three parts, like three acts. Everyone’s been bugging me for years, “Oh, do a third one with Devil’s Rejects.” Well, I just feel like it would be a disaster.

FT: How do you feel about the plans to release The Haunted World of El Superbeasto on DVD?

RZ: I think it’s great. El Superbeasto was always planned as a direct to video movie from the start. It was always conceived as this low budget direct to video movie but then the project kept escalating and escalating. It eventually became a big budget movie but it was still always really kind of meant to be a direct to video movie. What we’re actually doing is we’re releasing it on about 100 screens. We’re putting it on DVD and we’re putting it on Pay Per View so it’s simultaneously so we’re sort of just trying to hit it across the board. But it is kind of a weird movie. It is a very weird movie. It would be a very strange movie to try to put out there in a mass marketed kind of way. I just don’t know if it would be possible.

FT: Is it a natural extension of the animation you did with your music?

RZ: Sort of. It’s a very different movie because it’s a comedy for one. It’s like this monster sex comedy so it’s unlike anything I’ve done yet, sort of.

FT: Are you doing Tyrannosaurus Rex?

RZ: Well, that’s a script I wrote that may or may not be the next movie. I don't know yet. I haven’t gotten that far.

FT: What genre would it be?

RZ: It would be a different genre. If you would call it anything, it’s a very violent action movie. It’s not a horror movie at all.

FT: Have action movies lost that since they’re all PG-13 now?

RZ: I think computer generated effects have really changed action movies. They’ve become very superhuman. People are doing things in action movies that are just not physically possible. Everything, the giant explosion, people jumping out of helicopters, landing on buildings, running on top of subway cars, this crazy stuff. I’m a fan of older action movies that seem a little bit more down to earth and a little bit gnarlier. Mad Max per se, something like that, where it feels real. Mad Max to me seemed like a dark, scary movie when I saw it the first time as a kid because it was just so intense and it felt real. Action movies now, you never really feel any real danger because everybody in the movie seems superhuman.

Halloween II is in theaters everywhere today

(image) Ever thought about how sweet it would be if members of Led Zeppelin, Foo Fighters and Queens Of The Stones Age would jam together and form a supergroup? Because if the answer is yes, rockers rejoice! That time has finally come and since the word is officially out about John Paul Jones, Dave Grohl... more

Ever thought about how sweet it would be if members of Led Zeppelin, Foo Fighters and Queens Of The Stones Age would jam together and form a supergroup? Because if the answer is yes, rockers rejoice! That time has finally come and since the word is officially out about John Paul Jones, Dave Grohl and Joshua Homme collaborating, it has been buzzing with rumors and speculations about said mystery project.

As soon as posters announcing METRO 8/9 - MIDNIGHT with images of the three bands' logos started to appear in Chicago earlier this month, reports of a secret show poured in and confirmed what many had already been hoping for. But things started to get really interesting once the trio was named Them Crooked Vultures and released a 14-second video clip ominously called Nobody Loves Me And Neither Do I, featuring imagery of three vulture-headed men in suits (not unlike QOTSA's black, red and white animated video for Go With The Flow).





The secret show proved to be a great success and the start of something huge if my sources are not mistaken, and if that wasn't enough to pique my curiosity, another cryptic poster appeared, this time in Amsterdam, only depicting the already iconic man with a vulture's head and the numbers 52.365065, 4.881114. Once the code was cracked and it became clear that these were coordinates of the Melkweg, news of Them Crooked Vultures playing their second show ever there three days later spread like wildfire. Hundreds of people showed up, queued in a line that wrapped around the building as far as the eye could see, in hopes of acquiring a ticket (one per person, non-transferable!) for the next day's spectacle.



On Wednesday night a sold the fuck out Melkweg anxiously waited with high expectations, exploding in a huge ovation when the Vultures appeared on stage. Never had I experienced so much love for a band that a.) no one had ever heard before, and b.) had yet to touch their instruments. With his famous big grin, Dave Grohl took place behind the drum kit (a relatively rare sight since the Foo Fighters frontman usually picks up the guitar) and Josh Homme greeted the audience confidently. Followed by a modest Mr. Jones and long-time QOTSA affiliate (and guitarist for Homme's wife Brody Dalle's band Spinnerette) Alain Johannes, Them Crooked Vultures had officially landed to rock Amsterdam.

Opening an incredible 80-minute set with Elephants, all assumptions that some might have had of TCV being just another incarnation of QOTSA were dismissed within minutes. High-charged guitar riffs and Homme's characteristic voice paired with solid bass lines (and solos!) and Grohl never missing a beat, this deserves much more credit than to be blindly compared to any of the members' previous or current bands. Clearly enjoying themselves, skill and creativity reigned the set (when is the last time you saw and heard a 12-stringed bass, a luminescent sparkling slide-guitar and a keytar all in one night?) and songs like Warsaw, Dead End Friends (my personal favorite), and Daffodils all provided to be excellent material for a truly epic live performance. At one point Homme even put down his guitar to sing for a jazzy intermission. Who said white boys can't dance?

Even if Them Crooked Vultures ends up being a one-off project, I look forward to the full-length album that is supposed to be released later this year(?) and am counting my blessings to Deserve The Future...

There are only a handful of comedians whose album releases qualify as cultural events, but Patton Oswalt is one of them. Tracks from his new CD, My Weakness is Strong are already being dissected by comedy enthusiasts in coffee shops around the country and picked apart on social networks like Twitter for... more

There are only a handful of comedians whose album releases qualify as cultural events, but Patton Oswalt is one of them. Tracks from his new CD, My Weakness is Strong are already being dissected by comedy enthusiasts in coffee shops around the country and picked apart on social networks like Twitter for the exquisite one-liners, the acutely-lobbed political grenades, and moments of inspired lunacy that compare to his memorable tangle with a screaming heckler on his last album, Werewolves and Lollipops. That CD, released during the death throes of the Bush administration, was widely hailed for its stance of supreme indignation and undercurrent of soul-weariness that mirrored the national mood at the time, and cemented Oswalt’s reputation as a comedian who loses no ground by going topical and getting angry.

Since that time, the 40 year-old and new father has continued to play to rabid fans at intimate clubs, tossing out brief, memorable bits such as one in which a Youtube user is re-imagined as an insatiable Roman emperor. An acting career that began with a run on King of Queens has also accelerated, with Oswalt winning critical kudos for his voice work in the 2007 animated adventure Ratatouille. This week also sees the release of Big Fan, a pitch black indie comedy that marks the directing debut of Robert Siegel, screenwriter of The Wrestler. Oswalt plays Paul Aufiero, a 35 year-old trapped in a state of permanent adolescence, living with his mother, and pouring his love and his energy into an obsession with the New York Giants – a one-sided relationship if there ever was one. “He loves his team, and he shows them he loves them through suffering,” is how Oswalt summed it up to me when we met up last week at a Manhattan bar to talk about the film, as well as the state of comedy in 2009.


Patton Oswalt: I’ve done a lot of interviews with you guys, with the late, great Dan Epstein.

Ryan Stewart: I know, I think I’ve read them all. Great stuff.

PO: So, what the fuck happened? Did they ever know? No one has ever told me.

RS: I honestly don’t know. I read that it was sudden and unexpected, but I don’t have a connection there.

PO: But it was never explained. And I met him a couple of times and he always seemed so hale and hearty. I mean, what the fuck? That just sucks so fucking hard.

RS: I was sort of brought in during the wake of that whole thing. I would like to have gotten to know him, though.

PO: Oh, he was the best. I would get into fights with him. I would be like “Why did you just ask me that? That’s stupid!” And he’d be like “Oh, um, sorry…” I always just loved how we would go back and forth, it was so great.

RS: Could you back him down?

PO: No! He would totally defend it. He would hand it right back to me, and I loved it, it was great. I loved it!

RS: Someone just told me that the original title of Big Fan[/] was Paul Aufiero, which kind of stopped me, cause that’s a way, way better title. There’s just something about it. Agree?

PO: Are you kidding? I think it’s a fantastic title. I also thought Sydney was a way better title than Hard Eight. But there you go! [laughs]

RS: The only other obsessive sports movie that comes to my mind is the one where Jimmy Fallon is one of those guys, but he’s also dating Drew Barrymore. Unrealistic!

PO: Yeah, but that character was a functioning guy. His fandom was the kind of fandom that enhances a life. Paul’s is fandom in place of a life. But you know, in a weird way, there’s also a love story in this movie. It’s just that, as Robert put it, it’s an unrequited love. He loves his team. And he’s going to show them he loves them through suffering. It’s that classic case of “You’ll really start to love me when I don’t leave you after I’ve been abused.” It’s that kind of thing, that whole pathology.

RS: I know guys like Paul. Mid-thirties, no ambition. They seem to get along okay, for the most part.

PO: Go to some rep. theaters in L.A. on a weeknight, like I do all the time. Go to the New Beverly and you’ll see some people for whom movies have completely replaced their lives. It’s no longer a supplement to their existence, it is their existence. It’s very, very sad, those autograph hounds, those guys with the weird, tattered copies of the Leonard Maltin movie guide, checking off what they’ve seen and haven’t seen – that’s really fucked up.

RS: Does Paul have an out? Does he have opportunity?

PO: I think he has nothing but opportunity, but there’s really no ability on his part to pursue it. The opportunities are there and they will continue to be there, but he’s actively waging a war against that door being opened. He does not want to change, at all, and it really activates him when someone comes along and tries to make him change. He really fights against that. He’s kind of a perfect combination of sad and noble.

RS: Was it easy to get into the headspace of a low-energy, low-ambition kind of guy?

PO: Well, as ambitious as I am with my comedy and as a writer, I do have that aspect in me where I just want to sit back and watch movies. And I’ve also seen people like that in my life. In show business, you see a lot of delusional, damaged people. People who’ve rejected life. They’ve really, really rejected life. I see that in a lot of my friends and in me – where we have one foot on the edge of having way too much passion for our own good, you know? You also see that in the biographies of some people like H.P. Lovecraft. That’s one that immediately comes to mind as a guy who was just, like, against life.

RS: The obsession is ultimately a symptom of what? Boredom or depression?

PO: That’s a good question. Which came first? Would this person have filled his life with something else if the object of his fan desire wasn’t there? Or would he just be this weird kind of empty shell? I can’t say! [laughs]

RS: What I loved most about the movie was that sudden ramp-up in the beginning of the third act. We’re suddenly made aware that we haven’t been privy to al of his thoughts. Did you like that?

PO: Yes! That’s what I really loved. This is one of those rare movies where it goes into the third act and you’re suddenly like “I have no fucking idea what’s going to happen now … but it seems to be going someplace really bad.” Things start to get really, really bad. Yeah, that’s also what I dug about it. The fact that you asked that question is, I think, what makes it such a good movie. It’s that you just do not know, and the movie is not going to go, okay, let’s hold up here and let me answer some of your questions. It just doesn’t do that. Instead, it opens this tiny window. It’s like those great movies of the early 70s, like McCabe & Mrs. Miller or Night Moves[/], where it’s like “Hmm..that’s all I’m gonna see, now I’ve got to put the rest together myself.” People used to get excited by that. They were like, okay, now I’m engaged – let’s figure this movie out.

RS: Now, not so much!

PO: Ehhhhhh, not so much! Didn’t Reader’s Digest just file for bankruptcy? A magazine that boils books and magazines down to shorter versions? People didn’t have the attention span to read that!

RS: Going back to the movie nerd parallel, I also saw a specific comparison to the way that today’s seasoned movie nerd is expected to have a finely-honed opinion about each studio, like it’s a team.

PO: Good lord, yes! I never thought of it that way. Or even a production company, like, saying “Oh, they always put out this or that.” I mean, just look at the Weinstein Co., with that New York Times Profile on Sunday. They’re being treated just like a sports franchise that’s gone into some weird twilight phase. It’s all like, what happened to their glory years? The company becomes a bigger personality than the people involved.

RS: Why can’t people just consume their entertainment without getting under the hood and getting a closer look at their icons?

PO: I’m going to argue that there is something inside of us that seeks out things to worship and elevate, if only to give us something to aim at in ourselves. The only way we survived as a species was that we evolved. The main thing about evolution is improvement and refinement, and it certainly helps that process if you have a target or a symbol that you can focus on for your improvement. Oddly enough, the fact that we have religion is proof that evolution is real. It’s further proof, to me, anyway. We seek a godhead or a demigod or some other elevated figure that we can evolve toward. We invented that and we focus on it, in order to give us something to aim towards, just subconsciously. So, the fact that we invented religion and the fact that we created God proves that evolution is real.

RS: I think you might have blown my mind.

PO: You’re welcome.

RS: I thought you were going in a simpler direction, of just saying that we want to best our own Philly Phil [Paul’s rival, who he spars with throughout the movie on a radio call-in show] across the street. We have to top our rival.

PO: That’s just a tinier version, though. That’s just a cul de sac of evolution. That might be the definition of a failure – a guy who picks a really lame target to defeat, and then once he’s defeated them, that’s it; that’s all he’s gonna get. He’s never gonna do anything amazing, because he picked a shitty target to focus on. Pick a better target! Get a bigger weapon, as Boots Riley of The Coup would say.

RS: I don’t think Michael Rapaport would mind me saying that he’s a spectacular douchebag.

PO: He was amazing. In scene after scene, this guy was completely tireless. He would just do take after take. And what was really weird was that, in talking to him in real life, he’s just this sweet, kind of goofy guy. He was like “Hey everyone, how ya doin?” and always talking with people, but then in the scene … and it wasn’t like he did some crazy thing where he was like “Oh, now I’ve got to put my actor face on.” He would just slowly crank it up. He was so fucking annoying! But you know, most actors don’t want to play that kind of abrasive, repulsive guy any more, and this guy, he just loves playing characters.

RS: I think Paul resents that Philly Phil doesn’t give a shit, he just spews forth whatever is at the top of his mind. Meanwhile, Paul is going as far as to craft his bon mots in a notebook ahead of time.

PO: Right, he’s just spewing forth the easiest things that everyone else says. Although, even through struggling in his notebook to write that stuff down, Paul’s still struggling for his art. “I showed my team my love through my industry and my labor.” It’s basically like Salieri pledging to Jesus, you know? I think in his mind, this is all a performance. “This is my art and I prepare, the same way that a musician tunes up or an athlete warms up, basically. That day job I have? That’s just to pay for my art."
RS: Do comedians tend to pocket some good comeback lines, in case they need them to slap down a heckler or fight with Carlos Mencia?

PO: I certainly don’t. I think it becomes so clear, if you’re up on stage, that you had a line ready. I prefer to talk to them and let them hang themselves. I never have something where it’s like “Just wait, I’m gonna wham him with this line.” Instead, I amplify whatever it is that they’re doing until they pop. I can handle hecklers pretty well, and it’s not because I’m so amazing. It’s because I’ve been defeated by hecklers many times and the world didn’t end the next day. That’s why I’m without fear now. I’ve seen it crash and burn so many times that it doesn’t matter to me, either way. It’s not going to change a thing about tomorrow. I think a lot of hecklers are like “Boy, he’s gonna remember me,” but I just tune that out and then I take care of them and then I reactivate what I’m doing. I go back to doing the material that I like. Hecklers really have no impact on me, you know? On my second album, I deal with a heckler on one of the tracks and when the producer of the album played me the thing to say, you know, you should leave this in here, I had totally forgotten that it happened. It just meant nothing to me. I find it so boring.

RS: Was that the guy who gave a kind of Lynyrd Skynyrd yell?

PO: It was a guy who makes some weird noise during a bit where I’m building up to something, and there’s some silence on there, and then he starts yelling. I can barely even remember what I said to him, because it didn’t mean anything. I had totally checked out during that, and I didn’t want to include that on the track, because if you actually listen to what I’m saying you can tell that there’s no passion in what I’m saying. I’m more like, “Ugh, I gotta deal with this guy,” and then I go right back to what I was doing.

RS: I think that was also the album where you commented on the state of comedy at the time, and you said it was a golden age because comedy fans were having to seek out the comedians.

PO: It’s gotten ten times better. Those audiences have stuck around and the comedians who are flourishing now are so fucking good.

RS: Like who?

PO: Well, where do you live? They’re out there. Anthony Jeselnik. Natasha Leggero. James Adomian. Kyle Kinane. There are so many that are coming up right now that are just fucking amazing. Not just good. I’m talking about holy-shit-they’ve-found-their-voice-way-early. They’re just gonna run with it, they’re amazing. And these young comedians are starting to get looked at for TV, and the fact that Conan O’Brien is in L.A. now and is very interested in showcasing young comedians, and the fact that Jimmy Fallon is very much looking for young comedians in New York, both of those scenes are just so fucking fantastic right now. It ended up getting way better than I described it back then. I thought that it was happening in waves, and maybe it is, maybe this will end up being a wave, but if it is it’s gonna be a fucking huge one, with all of these people coming up. It’s just ridiculous right now.

RS: But I want open-mic wingnuts, too! I want Dr. Pepper.

PO: Hey, I hope those guys come back too – they’re fun! Nothing wrong with that, but for the most part the shows themselves are not being put on by the clubs, they’re being put on by other comedians. The ones putting them on are lovers of comedy. And every night, there’s some great shit going on. It’s fantastic.

RS: Do you expect your comedy to become less political going forward, now that we’ve sort of said goodbye to all that?

PO: No. There’s plenty of political stuff on my new album. I think, if anything, politics is always affecting the world in one way or the other. What’s great about Obama is just watching to see how certain people react to him. I mean, that is fascinating. It’s just as crazed and insane as how I felt about Bush, you know? What’s really great about it is that I can look at a lot of the ways people are dealing with Obama – not just comedians, I mean the public – and I see a lot of what I did wrong during the Bush years, a lot of the easy stuff like the Hitler comparisons.

RS: The stuff about Bush causing the biblical apocalypse, and that stuff?

PO: Well, actually, the apocalypse one was one where I felt like I went for something a little better. But I do look at what they’re doing with Obama and I know that I was just as guilty of that. I fucked that up. It’s good to see it from the other side and be able to go “Oh, so that’s where I was wrong.

RS: So, how does a comedian approach Obama?

PO: Well, I’ve never found more ways to say “There’s a black guy in the White House” without actually saying “There’s a black guy in the White House.” [redneck voice] “I want my country back! We are on the verge of fascism!” It’s so great, it’s fascinating! There is nothing more fun for a comedian than watching a country lose its shit.

Big Fan opens in select cities this Friday. My Weakness is Strong, Patton Oswalt’s new comedy album, is in stores this week.

CW, Pony, Pete and I are all auctioning off tattoos at http://www.skeletonkeyauctions.com. All the proceeds go to benefit the West Memphis 3. Learn more about the west memphis 3 at wm3.org place your bid at http://www.skeletonkeyauctions.com/ thanks

Still half a year shy of her 21st birthday, Scout Taylor-Compton is already an old hand at horror, able to speak from experience about things like working the convention circuit, keeping in touch with the legions of fans, and balancing a career with non-horror roles (she’ll next be seen as a young... more

Still half a year shy of her 21st birthday, Scout Taylor-Compton is already an old hand at horror, able to speak from experience about things like working the convention circuit, keeping in touch with the legions of fans, and balancing a career with non-horror roles (she’ll next be seen as a young version of rock queen Lita Ford in the band biopic The Runaways.) Her horror credits include appearances in such indies as the zombie-children film Wicked Little Things and the possessed-by-God chiller Pearblossom, and she also took on the lead role in the 2008 remake of 80s horror comedy April Fool’s Day, which was ultimately denied a theatrical release. Her claim to fame, though, is reimagining sexy bookworm Laurie Strode, the heroine of John Carpenter’s 1978 classic Halloween, for Rob Zombie’s 2007 remake.

Whereas Jamie Lee Curtis played Laurie as an awkward, librarian-style dork, Scout’s portrayal was more of an impish goody two-shoes, one without much of a care in the world until big brother Michael Myers escapes from an institution and blows into town. The film was a box-office smash, and Zombie was eventually lured back for a sequel with the promise that he could do, as he put it, “anything I want.” As a result, H2 is said to veer sharply away from the original series’ continuity, focusing largely on the crumbling sanity of sole survivor Laurie, who at the film’s beginning has lost her entire family and most of her friends thanks to one terrifying night. Scout Taylor-Compton recently dialed up SuicideGirls to talk about returning to battle big brother once more.


Ryan Stewart: What are you working on today?

Scout Taylor-Compton: I actually have the day off today. I’ve been doing a lot of press for H2, but today is my breather day. We wrapped on The Runaways about three weeks ago.

RS: Did you get to meet Lita Ford?

STC: No, I didn’t. I didn’t get a chance to meet Lita, but Joan and Cherie were there a lot and we would hang out on set and stuff, it was really nice. Off set, too. I was kind of like their little buddy. I honestly had to pinch myself, because it was Joan Jett, you know?

RS: But you’re kind of young to be a rocker chick, aren’t you? I imagine you being into Beyonce and stuff.

STC: No, I listen to a lot of rock and indie music. I don’t care for hip-hop too much. Except when I’m in the club dancing, maybe. But no, I’m definitely a rocker girl.

RS: Even with a last name like Compton.

STC: [laughs] I know, everybody says that! Everybody is like, “Hey, Compton!” and I’m like “Eh, no.”

RS: Have you gotten into Rob Zombie’s music at all?

STC: I’ve listened to a little bit of Rob’s music. When we were doing the first Halloween he came up to me and he felt really bad about it, but he handed me all of his CDs and he was like “I know you haven’t listened to any of my stuff, and I kind of feel really bad about doing this, but here’s my stuff!” Which I thought was really cool! And then I got into it and I was into it all the time. His CD is in my car right now.

RS: I’m sure he’s big about playing music on the set.

STC: Actually, when we were filming H2 I told him about The Runaways and how excited I was about it, and he was really excited for me, and he started playing “Cherry Bomb” and “I Love Playing With Fire” on his iPhone. Also, sometimes he would bust out some old-school rap, just to kind of lighten the mood on set, which was always funny.

RS: Are you one of those actors who needs to listen to Metallica or whatever to get pumped up?

STC: Oh no, I can’t do that. I see a lot of people at auditions that have the headphones on, but I can’t do that. I feel like I can’t concentrate when I’m also listening to music.

RS: The studio hasn’t shown me H2 yet, but people who’ve seen it say that it’s all about you.

STC: Pretty much! That was really overwhelming. When Rob contacted me, he was like “I’ll send you the script, it’s gonna be fun, it’ll be cool,” and I’m thinking “Okay, this is great, I’m gonna be doing some screaming, whatever, fine,” and then I get this script and it’s just…me. [laughs] I was like, “Um, thanks dude! Thanks for the heads up! I have to fly out in two days and this whole thing is about me!” Dimension had been pretty protective of the script [up to that point] and I had heard that these two French directors would be doing it, and I was passing on it, and then my contract got closed at the last minute. And then it was like, time to pick up and go. I literally found out about it like two weeks ahead. It was just crazy.

RS: What happened with the French guys?

STC: Those French guys were completely…their script was really different and just completely off the topic of anything Michael Myers related. But as for Rob, I think he had two drafts. I think he had one and then he went back and changed some stuff about it, and while we were filming we of course changed some stuff on the spot. But we basically stuck to the draft that he had. Sometimes there would be a spur-of-the-moment thing, like, let’s cut this and add this dialogue here. Sometimes I would have an idea and I would tell him and he’d totally go for it, and sometimes he’d be like “Eh, that’s not working, let’s try this.” It was really great working with Rob, because there’s a trust that I have with him that you don’t often find between an actor and a director. It’s actually rare.

RS: Give me an example of that trust.

STC: Okay, like in the first Halloween there was this scene we were doing in the kitchen where I fondle a bagel [she fingers the hole in a bagel as a sex joke] and then I get into it with my mother, and that was just something that he told to me. He was like “I know this may sound weird, but I think it might be funny if you try this,” and I just said “Okay, let’s do it.” It was just the spur-of-the-moment things, the jokes here and there, or if it said in the script that I should cry and I thought it should be different, he’d just be really open-minded about anything that I suggested.

RS: Was there anything you particularly looked forward to shooting this time around?

STC: I did these two scenes with Margot Kidder, who plays my psychiatrist, and they were really solid, intense scenes. One of them is very casual, just talking, yet still really powerful, and the other is angry and intense and…physical. I was really looking forward to doing those two scenes, and doing them with Margot was just amazing. I think those were my favorites.

RS: The rumor is that Laurie starts to show a crazy side in this film. Like brother, like sister.

STC: I don’t necessarily think Laurie’s becoming the next Michael Myers. I honestly think what she went through in the first movie has gotten to her, like it should, realistically. I mean, if I went through that? I’d go crazy. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. My whole family, gone. My friends, gone. And this guy was chasing me around all night, trying to kill me? I would never be the same. And I think that’s what’s showing with Laurie. She’s having difficulty. She’s going crazy, but not like Michael Myers. She’s just depressed, and she’s trying to deal with everything. It’s a hard situation!

RS: So, we’re definitely departing from the Jamie Lee Curtis character at this point.

STC: Yes, completely. And I understand that some people will find it hard to understand, because they’ll want to compare our Halloween to the original and compare me to Jamie Lee Curtis as she was in the second one, but I think the route that Rob and I have gone is much more realistic. That’s what I would say to anybody who is like “Laurie is supposed to be a bookworm, she’s supposed to be nice.” Imagine yourself going through this – would you be nice? Would you? [laughs] I would become the biggest bitch ever!

RS: So, Laurie’s becoming a bitch?

STC: She’s being everything you could possibly imagine. She’s being angry for no reason, and not being able to control it, she’s being sad, she’s being confused, she’s going through all of these bi-polar moments, and she can’t control them. That’s the worst feeling to ever have, to be helpless, you know?

RS: What did you draw on to get to that dark place? Bad childhood? I read your Wikipedia page.

STC: No, no, I had a normal childhood, I honestly did. I had a normal childhood, one where kids get stupid and go against their parents and run away because they’re angry and upset. I was young. I was sixteen and I took off. It just blew up into this big thing that it wasn’t. Unfortunately, I had to go through it, but I do thank my parents for not wringing my neck when I came home.

RS: So, you’re still more of an HI Laurie than an H2 Laurie.

STC: [laughs] I’m both Lauries! I have a good amount of both in me.

RS: Is it easy for you to cry in these films, when it’s called for?

STC: Rob knows how I cry and what I have to do to cry. Sometimes, before a scene, he’ll yell at everyone to be quiet and then he’ll be like “Whenever you’re ready…” Honestly, it just helps me to sit in a corner while everybody else is making noise, and just start crying and making sounds and stuff, like maybe a minute before we start rolling, just to get into it. And it helps me if there’s a bunch of noise and nobody is paying attention to me sitting in the corner crying. So, it’s kind of weird. Rob knows when I’m off in my corner, and he’ll be like “Oh, okay.”

RS: Does this stuff ever get to you? Do you dream about Michael Myers?

STC: No, because I know Tyler [Mane]. I don’t picture anybody else as Michael Myers except Tyler. Tyler is like – he’s gonna get really mad that I said this – he’s like my dad. I mean, he honestly is. I always picture Tyler as Michael, so I don’t think I could ever have a nightmare about Tyler.

RS: Are you starting to get pulled into the whole Halloween fan industry, autograph conventions and stuff?

STC: Yeah, I get that all the time now, I do. On my MySpace page, people ask me all the time to do conventions. And I do a few here and there – I do, like, two of the big important ones just to see everybody. And it’s really good to support your fans, you know they love seeing you and they love talking to you. I love talking to the fans, because their interests are the same as my interests, so it’s kind of weird, like I’m talking to friends. I also find the conventions fun because they always have a lot of neat stuff. I can buy some skulls for my house and stuff.

RS: That’s how I am when I visit a movie set. I like to walk around and play with everyone’s props, touch everything. Do you do that?

STC: Oh, totally. Always, all the time. Tyler has a fake knife and he also has a real knife. I tried on the mask a few times, and it looked ridiculous on me. Half of my face was like, out of the mask. I get to use a lot of the stuff in the film, I use Michael’s knife, and I looked like a baby, holding a big, giant knife in my little baby hand. It was totally crazy. [laughs]

RS: Do you think you’re going to start pushing against doing horror, to keep the “scream queen” label from sticking?

STC: Well, I just did The Runaways which is not horror at all, of course, and then I have another film coming out that’s not horror. It’s not that I’m saying no to them, it’s just that I’d like to try other things. But I’d love to do another horror film. I mean, I love them in real life. I’m a horror buff myself, I just want to make sure I show my other talents. And I like all kinds of horror, which I know sounds cliché, but I do. I love Freddy, I love Chucky – I’m obsessed with Chucky. I love the mysterious ones and I love the brutal ones, I really do. Plus, I don’t get scared in scary movies, so it’s fun for me to go with friends.

RS: So, is there a plan for continuing this story? I suspect it’s all kind of fly-by-night.

STC: I know Rob’s not gonna do another one. And I know that I’m saying that I’m not gonna do another one, but I honestly don’t know. If Tyler was into it, and I was into it, and I really liked the script, and we liked the direction it was going in…but if we thought it was just going to be a DVD release, with some stupid script that we knew would let the fans down, then I would not do it. I’m sure that, to the studio, there’s always more to tell, but I honestly think the way Rob and I ended this one is really good. Perfect, actually. It’s an amazing way to end the movie and I give props to Rob for coming up with it. It explains a lot, it leaves the audience wanting more, and I think it should end here. It really should.


H2 opens in theaters everywhere this Friday.