Hey gang! (image) In case you haven't heard, Coilhouse 05 is out and features Zoe Keating, Clive Barker, Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman, Chet Zar, Wil Weaton, and many, many more. It can be found at Barnes & Noble all across the US. Additionally, here's a list of indie stores that carry... more

Hey gang!




In case you haven't heard, Coilhouse 05 is out and features Zoe Keating, Clive Barker, Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman, Chet Zar, Wil Weaton, and many, many more. It can be found at Barnes & Noble all across the US. Additionally, here's a list of indie stores that carry us.

As always, I drew original section headers for this issue, this time imagining a blithe, enchanted world of dancing sheiks and courtesans. Now, one of these headers is available as a fine art print. I present Turquoise Tart:



My favorite of the three, she's printed on velvet fine art paper in archival ink. Each print is hand-signed and stamped. Click here to go to the shop now!



I hope you love it!

At the Richmond Tattoo Show last year, I was told to check out a portfolio from a guy by the name of Timmy B. He wasn't at his booth, but I looked through photos of his work --I was impressed, to say the least. As he approached the booth, I was shocked to see someone under the age of forty standing... more

At the Richmond Tattoo Show last year, I was told to check out a portfolio from a guy by the name of Timmy B. He wasn't at his booth, but I looked through photos of his work --I was impressed, to say the least. As he approached the booth, I was shocked to see someone under the age of forty standing before me. At only twenty-three years old, Timmy has become the talk of the east coast over the past few years. This could be credited to his relentless travel schedule, but I think with work like his it was just a matter of time before his name was on the tip of everyone's tongue.



TattooSnob:Let's run through the basics before we start. Tell us a little bit
about yourself?
Timmy B: My name is Timmy B, although some internet folks may know me better as Timmy Nitemare, long story, but I'm ok with that.  I'm currently working at Cherry Bomb Tattoos in New Port Richey, FL alongside an awesome realism tattooer named Billy Toler.  I've been tattooing about 5 years now and have to say the experiences I've had are unbelievable.  One of the more recent being that I am now sponsored by Eternal Inks and that is a huge accomplishment for me, so I have to say thanks so much again for picking me up.   I am beyond grateful for the people I've met and get to call my friends, I love what I'm doing and wouldn't trade it for the world.



TS:I'm sure people make comments about your age on at least a semi-regular basis--but seriously, how are you such an amazing tattooer at only 23? Any idea where you feel like you'll be at 33?
TB: I do get the age thing a lot, being 23 has its perks but it also can have its downfalls.  Certain people judge a lot on age and assume someone who's as young as I am must know nothing about tattooing.  I usually leave my age out of things and let the work speak for itself but hey, you can't win em all.  All I can say is that I'm just trying to better myself and experiment with style all the time and I hope I can keep doing it until I'm 33.  I'm just grateful I have the opportunity to do what I do and really hope to continue learning for as long as possible.

TS:How would you describe your work? Your portfolio shows you feel comfortable with a number of different styles.
TB: I hate this question, haha,  My style I guess is something along the lines of Illustrative realism with a lot of Traditional or neo traditional feeling and influence.  I've dabbled into a lot of styles and I am comfortable doing a lot, my primary focus is really to just give someone a solid tattoo that won't fall apart in 5 years.  Only time will tell I guess so 5 years from now if you see my style completely change, you'll know why....





TS:I know you've done quite a bit of traveling in the past, do you plan to continue that in 2010?
Timmy: I was going to try and settle down a bit for 2010, but that definitely didn't happen.  I'm doing a lot of shows this year that span all over the country as well as a few guest spots, and there is also a Europe trip along the way which is pretty exciting.  I would list the shows and guest spots but that would pretty much take forever so I'll spare you the reading..haha.

TS:Are there any cities or shops that have become favorites because of your trips?
TB: I Love Chicago, Denver was great, one of my absolute favorites would definitely be Austin Texas, I always have a blast out there and a lot of my good friends work out there.  As far as shops, No Surrender in Texas was amazing, thank you Mr. Zach Ross, and Ink and Dagger in Decatur GA is always interesting, And as we all know that the infamous and famous Russ Abbott is the owner, and he's my favorite teddy bear.  This question is to hard though, I always have a blast on my guest spots and every shop I go to is always filled with great and talented people so I can list them all.  But you know who you are, thanks everyone.



TS:In terms of conventions, do you enjoy working them or do you only
attend a select few?
TB: I love working conventions, Its like seeing your family on a holiday, you get the chance to see a ton of great people and your best friends all put into one place for the 3 or 4 days and just do good tattoos and party.  I always look forward to shows and the whole convention circuit, if you go to a show and don't have fun, something is seriously wrong...



TS:I hear you're on Team Cool Kids, can you explain what that's all
about? Who else is on the team?
TB: We can all thank Mr. Tanane Whitfield for Team Cool Kids as he is the driving force behind it all.  I'll try and give you the short version of what its about.  Tanane called me up and asked me to start a crew with him, keep in mind I had never even met Tanane at this point, so this phone conversation was pretty funny.  But anyway, He said he wanted to start a crew of solid up and coming young tattooers who could pretty much try and defy and recreate the stereotype of tattoo artists.  We want to issue a new generation of tattooers who are willing to help people and not be competitive just to show that this industry does not have to be a cut throat industry,  we want to show future tattooers that we can all be friends and accept each other and every style along the way.  We also plan to start being more active for charities and other groups in society to try and make the world see that tattooing is an art form and we can help and contribute in good ways. As far as who is in it, there is a solid list and I'll give you a few examples, Obviously Tanane Whitfield, Myself, Taylor Cort, Kyle Cotterman,Myke Chambers, Dennis Duarte, Pepper, Drewski, Scott Olive, Nora, Steve Martin, Short, and Brando.





TS:Who was the last artist that tattooed you?
TB: Mr. Bryan Reynolds, I love him, so we got matching tattoos on the side of our fingers....

TS:Do you have a list of artists that you want to be tattooed by?
TB: Oh hell yeah, Just to name a few, Jeff Ensminger, ( My hero ),  Russ Abbott-again...Myke Chambers, Dustin Golden, Nick Baxter, Bryan Reynolds-again, and I dont know there are a shit ton so thats a few for now.



TS:Any last words?

B]TB: Check out

Myspace.com/TimmyNightmare
NightOwl.com
Eternal Tattoo Supply







NightOwl.com
TattooNow

Deep in the Congo, a scientist named Jenny Lowe is running for her life from the machine-gun fire of guerillas when she comes upon the isolated cabin of a colleague who has always kept his distance despite their identical fields of study – primatology. Finding him dead in his doorway and his cabin ransacked... more

Deep in the Congo, a scientist named Jenny Lowe is running for her life from the machine-gun fire of guerillas when she comes upon the isolated cabin of a colleague who has always kept his distance despite their identical fields of study – primatology. Finding him dead in his doorway and his cabin ransacked for valuables, she is about to press on when a figure hiding inside catches her eye: a young girl. Acting on instinct, Jenny grabs the girl and they race through the darkness towards the safety of a helicopter: it’s not until the danger subsides that the girl, Lucy, is seen clearly. She is, in a word, different: dark, sleek, and muscular, with features that are proportional, yet very exotic. She proves to be startlingly well-educated – fluent in poetry and mathematics – yet culturally autistic, having been born and bred in the jungle.

Lucy also has a secret, one even she is not aware of and which explains her lifelong isolation: she is the product of a gene-splicing experiment undertaken by her now-deceased father to create a child that has both the cognitive abilities of a human and the physical and emotional attributes of an ape – the parting gift of a man convinced that humanity (as currently constituted) is doomed. Lucy comes from the mind of journalist and author Laurence Gonzales, known for his best-selling non-fiction books Deep Survival and Everyday Survival, which explore how and why some people respond better in crisis situations than others. SuicideGirls recently called up Gonzales to talk about the creation of Lucy, and why she is his vision of the ultimate survivor.



Ryan Stewart: What are you working on today?

Laurence Gonzales: I’m writing a new novel. It’s kind of a long story, but I’ll tell you if you want.

RS: Sure.

LG: It’s speculative fiction. I’ve done a lot of research about global warming and written a lot of non-fiction, and I had this idea that I would write something. So, I did all this research and then two things happened: I got the impression that people were just saturated. They’d made up their minds and were not listening anymore. They either thought it was a problem or they thought it wasn’t, but you couldn’t really say anything that they hadn’t already heard, or at least thought they’d heard. The second thing was that every time I’d come across something that was saying ‘This might happen in thirty years’ I’d turn around and see the news saying that it was already happening. So, things were happening a lot faster than anyone thought and no one was listening and I was struggling with this idea, which was: How do you approach the subject of global warming? And I have a seven year old son, so I thought ‘I wonder what the world will be like when he’s my age.’ I’m 62. So, I thought ‘Okay, what if we just jump over all of this and say that everything they think is going to happen has happened. What does the world look like? What is life like for someone who would have been in kindergarten or first grade right now?’ And that’s essentially what I’m writing about.

RS: There’s some pessimism in Lucy about how we’re doing as a species and where we’re headed, as I see it. You seem to suggest that humans don’t have what it takes to make it in the long haul, and all that can save us is a sort of radical genetic intervention, a deus ex machina that alters our evolution. Although admittedly, that’s the point of view of one character, Lucy’s father.

LG: You have to read Lucy’s father as a bit of a mad scientist. Nobody would do this, otherwise. His theories about why he would do it are his own, not mine. And I wanted to get past all of that, because the main thrust of the story is: What if you had such a person? Forget about how she got here. What would happen if such a person existed? How would the world react? I think that’s the main interest of the story. So, I don’t feel that. When I read the news about what’s happening around the world in various places I can certainly get pessimistic, don’t get me wrong, but I certainly don’t think that genetically engineering a new race of people is the answer. What I think is that people basically respond to pleasure and pain. If something works and gives them pleasure they do it again and again and again, like those guys on Wall Street with the mortgage default swaps. Those seemed like such a great idea because it was a money machine, until it wasn’t. And people respond equally to pain. If something is going really wrong, they tend to correct it eventually, it’s just a question of how much pain they have to be in first. During the energy crisis of the 1970s people actually cut back on their driving so much – because the cost of gas had become so high – that if it had gone on for another year we would have been completely independent of foreign oil. Most people don’t remember that, but we actually did do the right thing. Doing the right thing is always possible, it’s just a question of whether we’ll do it in time.

RS: I read somewhere that you’ve actually visited prisons to study inmates. Did that affect your view of human potential at all?

LG: Well, at the time I went there I was writing about a number of different kinds of institutions. I spent a lot of time in a mental hospital too. And the idea behind it was that I wanted to show people something they probably would not see themselves. Prison is one of the great institutions of this country. We have more people in prison per capita than any other country in the world, and while that’s a shocking and awful thing, there are certainly people who belong there. There are just an awful lot of people in there, and I don’t think people understand what the conditions are. So, the idea wasn’t so much a comment on our humanity as much as an exploration of a piece of our culture that most people know nothing about. And the thing about the mental institution was that there really is no effective treatment for serious mental illness and these institutions, well, they do what they can, I guess, but that’s another thing where people don’t just walk in and take a look at their local mental institution.

RS: There’s a rather insane character in Lucy, a government veterinarian who captures Lucy at one point and experiments on her with no ethical qualms. As someone who has written extensively about survival and what kind of person is a survivor type, do you think that fundamentalists are survivors?

LG: Yes, I do think that. As my model for the veterinarian I read a book called The Banality of Evil about the Eichmann trial. Eichmann was the mastermind of Hitler’s death machine, but he was essentially a bland bureaucrat who just figured out an efficient way to do things, namely recordkeeping and moving logistical things around. And he was tried and executed for killing all these people, even though he never actually killed anybody. He just did these mechanistic things that got the job done. And that’s kind of what this guy [in the book] is like: very low affect, not subject to emotional pleas. There are people like that in any society and, yeah, they do tend to survive, which is not such a good thing.

RS: I noticed that you don’t really do the Michael Crichton thing in this book of overwhelming us with data to make an airtight scientific case. Is there plausibility in the book’s premise?

LG: There is plausibility in the premise. I don’t know if you noticed, but Arizona just passed a law that goes into effect this week that would make it a felony to create Lucy. It’s a law against creating human-animal hybrids. Several other states have made similar laws and the reason these laws are appearing now is because it is becoming possible to do this sort of thing. Now, I didn’t think for the purposes of the narrative that it would be very interesting to go through all of the possible genetic mechanisms by which you could create a human-animal hybrid – it’s very complex stuff. But yeah, it is possible, but the question of what you would get is an open question. As far as I know, no one has tried it. I took the Frankenstein idea and turned it on its head. Creating a monster that’s bad is one way of doing a story, but creating a monster that is unequivocally good poses a whole new set of problems that I hadn’t seen examined very much. Everybody likes Lucy, but she’s got this weird genetic picture, so what do you do with that? It would be a different thing if she were roaming the countryside killing people – that would make it much simpler.

RS: Do you have a position on the morality of experimenting with human-animal hybrids?

LG: Well, in writing the novel my impulse to deal with that subject matter was to get people talking about it before we’re actually faced with it. I wanted to open the discussion, to say ‘Here’s this stuff and it’s out there, now what are we going to do about it before some high-school student in China actually does it?’ That’s probably what will happen. You can get biotechnology kits right now. You can get the components free from MIT, they have a library of genetic elements called BioBricks. And there’s a company that will sell you a kit for assembling these for $235. So, anybody can start doing genetic engineering. It’s kind of like the computer revolution in 1971. I’m essentially an observer, not a philosopher, and as an observer I think people are going to start doing this stuff. Not necessarily creating a Lucy character, but creating elements of genetic systems that combine human and animal genetic material. For example, you can grow human organs, conceivably, in a pig. So, we take your genetic material and implant it in a pig through all of these genetic techniques and you can conceivably get your transplant kidney grown in an animal. I think that’s probably the direction we will go, initially.

RS: Just to go back to the philosophical side for a second, do you generally take the Peter Singer position that animals like chimpanzees are entitled to right to life and protection from harm?

LG: Yes. I believe that great apes, which would include chimpanzees and bonobos, should not be used for experimentation. Ideally, they should not be put in cages, but what are you gonna do? They are many, many of them in cages and you can’t repatriate them to the jungle because they’d die there. They’re not used to that if they were born in captivity. So, treating them as well as possible in whatever setting you find them is certainly my position.

RS: They say that bonobos can recognize themselves in a mirror, which is supposedly a key criterion of self-awareness.

LG: It goes way beyond that. They’re so smart that if you spend time with them you’ll immediately recognize how close to us they are. I went the other day to the Milwaukee Zoo, where they have the largest captive group of bonobos. I hadn’t been there in about two years, but while I was doing research for this novel I had gotten to know a bonobo there called Viaje, and he was from Mexico. He had been a captive bonobo in Mexico all his life – he’s 24 years old – and no one had ever spoken Spanish to him. I spoke Spanish to him and when I did his head snapped around in recognition and he came right over to me. It was clear that he was like ‘Finally, somebody who can talk!’ He had been hearing only English since he came to the United States. Well, that was two years ago and I came the other day to have a photo shoot done there and as soon as I came near the cage he came up to the glass and started pounding on the glass. And during the whole photo shoot I was close to the glass and he sat right next to me. Wherever I moved, he moved over to be next to me – he clearly knew who I was. He’s a smart guy.

RS: There are some interesting digressions in the book where you remind people that as bright as chimpanzees are, they also occasionally leave people horribly maimed or dead. Do you take the Werner Herzog position that it’s naïve to forget that they are still animals at heart?

LG: Yes, it is naïve and dangerous as well. Bonobos are not as violent as chimps, but they will hurt you just like they hurt each other. They do fight. Chimpanzees are notoriously violent animals and extremely dangerous to humans. The usual scenario is that someone gets a chimp as an infant – they’re very attractive as infants – but as they reach maturity the males especially become quite dangerous. People will find at that time that if they don’t have them placed somewhere they will eventually attack someone. So, yeah, they are definitely animals and definitely dangerous.

RS: As the book goes on, Lucy starts to embrace her animal side, her violent side, more casually. She starts biting off fingers at the first provocation.

LG: Well, what happens is that Lucy is fine if she’s left alone. Once she’s attacked, she defends herself. When she is attacked, her violent side comes out, but I think we should bear in mind that this violent side is something we as humans possess too. Most people are capable of being violent when threatened and also of being much stronger than they are normally.

RS: Lucy doesn’t always wait for a threat to be verbalized, because she has a very heightened awareness of nonverbal communication. That’s a big feature in the book.

LG: I did a lot of research on nonverbal communication and it’s a real thing. It’s a formal area of study in science and I think it’s something that people ignore to their detriment. There are a lot of professions in which you’re forced to rely on the type of communication that Lucy refers to as The Stream – a constant stream of messages that don’t involve words, which all animals exchange all the time. For example, police officers, firefighters, people in hazardous professions – they learn to recognize these signals because their lives depend on them. Most of us don’t need to because we live in a protected environment, but Lucy was raised in the jungle and is very much attuned to that. Throughout the book she is constantly reading The Stream and I think it helps drive the story.

RS: You said it’s a scientific discipline? Does it involve trying to prove the existence of telepathy?

LG: No, there’s a fellow named Paul Ekman who sort of pioneered a study where he took high-speed video of people to show what he referred to as micro-expressions that send signals. A person can be seeming to talk to you in a friendly, normal way, but embedded in that in increments that are too small to recognize consciously are micro-expressions where someone might grimace, for example, when it looks like he’s smiling. People are able to process that through their emotional system and receive those messages, but they don’t hit the level of consciousness because they’re too quick. I could give you the whole neuro-scientific rundown, but it goes through the amygdale, which is a very fast route, instead of going through the normal visual cortex which produces a clearer picture. But anyway, Ekman was one of the pioneers of this. It’s not considered telepathy at all; it involves things like body language, micro-expressions of the face, and pheromones, which you can’t consciously smell, but they send signals. So, in these ways people are constantly exchanging information without knowing it. You may yourself recognize this if you meet someone and the person makes you really uncomfortable, but you don’t know why. It’s probably some set of signals this person is sending. Also, if you see two young people who are attracted to one another in a bar on a date, and they’re hitting it off, watch them carefully and you’ll see that they start to mimic each other. They’ll start to synchronize their body movements and sort of mirror each other, even to the point of taking their drinks at the same time or folding their arms at the same time, and they’ll gradually even synchronize their blood pressure and heart rate. There’ve been a series of experiments done showing how this works.

RS: It’s interesting how in the book Lucy’s education seems to come from everywhere but school. Her father taught her abstract thinking, and she has all these strategies for dealing with things.

LG: Well, I never learned anything in school, did you? [laughs] I always think of that Paul Simon song about high-school: When I think back to all the crap I learned in high-school, it’s a wonder I can think at all. I’m being facetious of course, but her father was intensely educating her and she knew more by the time she got to high-school than she would have learned in high-school, so that becomes a non-starter. She was planning on going straight to college. She is a character of superior intelligence, and is meant to be special in that way. And because she’s unfamiliar with technology she thinks of things that people who use those technologies every day of their lives might not think of. She’s a very creative individual. But the only critique of high school I was making was that it really isn’t a place of learning, it’s a place for socialization.

RS: You describe Lucy as “exotic” in the book a few times, but you never really commit to describing her in detail. Do you have an image of her in your mind?

LG: I think I do have an image in my mind, but it’s sort of a vague image. I think I purposefully kept it a little vague, because people tend to create images for characters in books in their own minds and you don’t want to step on that too much. A lot of the fun of reading is what the reader brings to the subject, so rather than give a very detailed description of her I left it a bit sketchy. I think people will jump at the opportunity of adding their own thoughts. When you say to someone: What would you get if you crossed an ape and a human, they’ll come up with something.

RS: We have to think about the movie, though, right?

LG: Here’s what I think about the casting process: it doesn’t really matter what Lucy looks like as long as she’s pleasant-looking. But when the movie is made, somebody completely unknown will probably play Lucy. Or at least, that’s how I imagine it.

RS: After the novel you’re currently writing is done, do you plan to write more about survival? Is there anything new to say on the subject?

LG: Well, the novel I described to you earlier is very much about survival, because people are left in a depleted world and they have to change their strategy. But yeah, there’s a book that I’m in the research stages of which is about what happens after a survival incident. We always see these stories where the rescue takes place and the helicopter takes off and that’s the end of the story, when in fact that’s really only the beginning of the story. People have to go through a tremendous amount of adjustment after they’ve been through a survival situation in order to get on with their lives. So, I’m talking to war veterans and people who’ve been through traumatic experiences like shark attacks and things like that, to see how their lives went afterwards.





Lucy is available in bookstores everywhere.

by Christine Dinh Beauty and perfection has never played a tag-team trick as cruel as this. I’m known for saying ‘Pain is beauty’ as I literally run around Los Angeles in notsogentle heels.  And I curse the stars that I wasn’t born with heels on like my mother. And who didn’t grow up with the... more

by Christine Dinh

Beauty and perfection has never played a tag-team trick as cruel as this.

I’m known for saying ‘Pain is beauty’ as I literally run around Los Angeles in notsogentle heels.  And I curse the stars that I wasn’t born with heels on like my mother. And who didn’t grow up with the notion of Cinderella and the perfect pair of heels?

Now because I’m Asian and a woman, it basically guarantees that I should have a weird fascination with feet.

Fact:  In my youth, I read in an issue of Jane (do you miss the magazine as much as I do?) or maybe it was Glamour that depicted accounts of Asian women who were inserting steel rods in their ankles so they could be two inches taller.


Second Fact:  In an episode of Full House, Michelle Tanner was so self-conscious by the size of her feet and under coaxing from the whackadoo Kimmy Gibbler, she shrink-wrapped her feet and stuck it in a bowl full of ice water. Chinese foot binding anyone?

Now one place in Los Angeles is fueling the latest extreme foot trend among women: the Cinderella procedure.

What does all these foot procedures include? Narrowing your feet. Shortening your toes. How about stealing butt fat and sticking them in your feet for extra cushioning so I really can go the distance in a pair of sky high, ankle-snapping heels. And if I’m really self-conscious about some sweaty piggies, that’s nothing a little shot of Botox can’t help.

Because I have really thought about it, why not sew a bit of your toes together so you don’t catch a glimpse of toe cleavage?

While I talk myself out of the thought of having butt fat in my feet, would any of you gals seriously consider this procedure that apparently women in LA are nuts over?

It's rare to get a serious interview about an Adam McKay movie. Whenever he teams up with Will Ferrell, their press conferences turn into comedy improv sessions. With Anchorman it was McKay, Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and David Koechner riffing. For Step Brothers it was McKay, Ferrell and John... more

It's rare to get a serious interview about an Adam McKay movie. Whenever he teams up with Will Ferrell, their press conferences turn into comedy improv sessions. With Anchorman it was McKay, Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and David Koechner riffing. For Step Brothers it was McKay, Ferrell and John C. Reilly goofing off. For The Other Guys, McKay and Ferrell got Mark Wahlberg, Michael Keaton and Eva Mendes in on the joke.

"We all like to smoke out," McKay told the press. "We like to burn it down on a pretty weekly bases. We all meet, Michael Keaton has a van, a conversion van. We would meet with Michael and just burnin' rope like six clouds of smoke. I'm sorry, I don't know what you're looking for but this is how it happened."

Nobody believes the actors were getting high, but they also didn't get any real answers about the making of The Other Guys. McKay directed the spoof of buddy cop movies, where Ferrell and Wahlberg play desk cops who get ignored because some hot shot buddies are the star heroes of the police force. Keaton plays the captain and Mendes plays Ferrell's wife. The other guys have to stop a ponzi schemer when the hero cops don't come through.

In private, McKay actually can take things seriously. He is a filmmaker who's made his fourth movie, plus Funny or Die shorts, producing other movies and writing for SNL. Keep him away from the comedians and it's possible to really talk shop. Of course, "shop" for Adam McKay is still funny stuff.

FT: It seems like every press conference for your movies turns into a riff session.

AM: I know, I'm sorry.

FT: Do you guys plan that?

AM: No, we do not at all. It's just we can't [help it.] It's such a formal setting, a press conference, it's just too much fun to fuck with so we always end up and then Will and myself, you add Keaton to the mix and Eva likes to play. It's just too much fun so we can never resist but I always feel vaguely bad because I know you guys've gotta get real answers and it's like we're up there dicking around. But you get the 1:1s so you get them one way or the other.

FT: What do you expect the stodgy old journalists to write?

AM: Well, they know we do comedies. I wouldn't think they're that surprised. If it was the press conference for Inception and we acted like that it would be full out out of line but I would assume they'd somewhat guess that we like to joke around.

FT: What are you favorite action movie cliches?

AM: My favorite that actually is a cliche but I also think is cool is the moment of realization where they realize it's bigger than all of us. I always love that. The end of Three Days of the Condor, the end of JFK, French Connection. They always have that moment of, "Holy shit, this goes all the way to the top." That's probably my all time favorite.

FT: Do you also hate when they start at the end and go back and keep coming back to the end?

AM: That was the [Steve] Coogan line, right? You know, hey, that's been done really well. That's a legitimate narrative device. It just made us laugh that the guy was going to recount the entire conspiracy in that manner. So I can't quite say I hate it. I mean, Rashomon, movies like that are amazing with it. Sometimes it can get a little bit creaky, yeah.

FT: Well, Rashomon is multiple perspectives. Just starting at the end and flashing back has become a crutch.

AM: It kind of has. It's true, another one there's a big knock on which I actually do like is narration, people don't like. I like narration. I've heard people say, "Well, in Apocalypse Now, you know he lives." I'm like eh, but you forget about it.

FT: Narration doesn't mean they lived. Sunset Boulevard.

AM: That's true, that's true. Very good.

FT: So the joke about starting at the end and flashing back, was that Coogan's line or was it always in the script?

AM: That was not in the script. That was his. He came up with that.

FT: Why was Cobra the main poster on Wahlber's wall and his main reference for awesome cops?

AM: We always do that. We always throw a poster up in a scene. Sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't. It was huge. It turned out to be way more prominent. We had one in Talladega Nights. Ricky Bobby's billiards room had Road House or Over the Top. That's just a little treat for us. I didn't expect it to be that featured but that is an amazing movie, Cobra.

FT: Of all the cops he might have looked up to, why Marion Cobretti?

AM: Cobretti, of course. That's it, man. I love that the name of the Cobra yet they felt compelled to make his real name Cobretti. That's the sole reason I love the movie.

FT: Was this your chance to do the action you've always wanted to see?

AM: To some degree. Because you're doing comedy, you can't go full bore. There's some restrictions because if the action gets too cool and too long then it starts screwing with the audience's perspective. All of a sudden they're like, "Where's our head at?" You couldn't do full on Matrix seven minute sequences in this because it just doesn't fit. That having been said, absolutely, yes. I loved being able to shoot action. I loved being able to do a slo-mo shootout with a cool song playing. I loved seeing a van flip into an IMo camera. Yes, absolutely. I'm a full out movie geek. I like all kinds of movies so it was a blast to do that.

FT: I can't believe I've enver seen a wrecking ball scene in a movie before.

AM: We talked about that at length. We had exactly that discussion. We said, "Oh my God. This seems like such a simple idea. Has this ever happened?" We literally had an intern go and research it just to make sure we weren't bumping into some clichÈ. The intern's like, "I looked at all the major action [movies]. No, I've never seen it." We were shocked.

FT: But I can trust your research. If you couldn't find one, then I certainly can't.

AM: It's possible me missed one but it is kind of incredible.

FT: But even if there's one you missed, then everyone has missed it.

AM: I would think, yeah.

FT: Was the pitch "will Ferrell as... a cop?"

AM: No, no. There's always those myths like Talladega Nights was "Will Ferrell... NASCAR." It's actually not true. We always write. We have a two page treatment, we go through the whole story, we talk about ideas, we talk about the style. This one was "Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are cops". The pitch was there are two star cops on the force. These are the guys that sit in the desk next to them, the other guys.

FT: That's still a good high concept pitch though, just a little more complicated than "Will Ferrell as a..."

AM: I wish it was that easy. That would be a good world. Maybe Will Smith could do that. There's only four actors who could get away with that.

FT: But Will Smith as most things feels like "Of course Will Smith would be that." Will Ferrell as most things is "That'll be funny."

AM: That's true. The fact that he was the other guy is why you saw it right away. We joked he was like Keith Olbermann with a gun.

FT: Do you have an opinion on the financial industry?

AM: I don't even look at the financial industry corruption as a right wing/left wing issue. It's pretty much a matter of fact that we deregulated monopoly corporations way too much. So the financial industry's falling apart, health care industry's falling apart, defense is corrupt. Every monopoly corporation has gotten way too much power. The proof's in the putting, like BP leaking oil into the gulf, the financial world collapsing, mortgages. Everything, we need to tighten our belts quite a bit. Those rules were there for a reason from FDR on and our economy worked great. When they stripped them out, everything fell apart.

FT: I wasn't trying to pin you to right or left. I just meant putting that subplot in a comedy, do you have an opinion yourself?

AM: Yeah, I'm sorry. When you say opinion it right away made me think political opinion so maybe that's not what you meant but my opinion is they are seriously underregulated. That is my opinion.

FT: How did we get here though? If someone like Bernie Madoff says he has a big plan to make you lots of money, or a bank says you can get a home lone that's all interest, shouldn't we assume that doesn't sound right?

AM: Yeah, but here's the truth. Most people aren't savvy about that kind of stuff. Sadly, the power of marketing and advertising is way more powerful than people think. You can convince people to kind of do anything.

FT: Just the fact they're selling something seems suspicious.

AM: You would hope but the dream of owning a home overshadows that suspicion for a lot of people. In fact, any con man will tell you, for all the classic cons, the trick is you have to offer something that's bigger than the suspicion. That's when cons start to kind of tilt. You literally could argue that's the entire American economy right now is driven on that con. It'll happen though. Things keep getting this bad, eventually at one point we'll go back to that FDR moment and go, "Oh, wait a minute. We needed these regulations."

by Tara Diane So before you say “what the fuckkkkk” at the idea of chocolate bacon cupcakes, just hear me out.  A while back I bought this chocolate bar(image) This recipe is strictly for frosting.  I am really bad at making up cake recipes.  I have yet to find an amazing chocolate cupcake recipe,... more

by Tara Diane

So before you say “what the fuckkkkk” at the idea of chocolate bacon cupcakes, just hear me out.  A while back I bought this chocolate bar[IMG|550x609]http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=suicblog-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B001LMT1CY[/IMG]

This recipe is strictly for frosting.  I am really bad at making up cake recipes.  I have yet to find an amazing chocolate cupcake recipe, so for this we are using (gasp) regular old chocolate box cake mix.  If anyone has a good chocolate cake recipe, send it my way!!



What you’ll need:

•    Dash of vanilla
•    Four cups powdered sugar
•    Half pint whipping cream
•    Twelve ounces semi-sweet or bittersweet chocolate chips
•    Half teaspoon salt
•    Two tablespoons drip coffee (optional)
•    10-15 pieces of bacon (if they’re small then 15, if they’re big then 10)

At this point, I am assuming that you have already made your chocolate cupcakes.  Following the directions on the box is not very complicated, so you should have managed that on your own :].  This is JUST a frosting recipe!  Also, you don’t need to have a mixer to make this.  A whisk should work just fine for mixing, your arm just might get a little tired.

1.  Pour your whipping cream into a bowl and heat it in the microwave.  You will want to heat it in thirty-second intervals until warm, about three or four times.  Pour the warm cream into your mixer.



2.  Put chocolate chips into a bowl and heat in the microwave, also in thirty-second intervals… also about three or four times, until melted.  Pour the melted chocolate chips into the mixer and turn on low.  Also, please don’t feed your fat pets chocolate chips.
3.  Add a dash of vanilla to the mixer.  If you are super anal, just say half a teaspoon.
4.  Add in half a teaspoon of salt.
5.  This is optional, but adding two tablespoons of drip coffee can really make the flavor pop.  If you don’t have any coffee brewed at the moment it’s not a big deal, it just makes them EXTRA good if you add it.
5.  One cup at a time, put in your powdered sugar.  Four cups total.  At this point, make sure all ingredients are thoroughly mixed together.



6.  Chop up your 15ish pieces of COOKED (I shouldn’t have to say that, but just in case…) bacon as finely as you can.  Once it is chopped to your satisfaction, throw it into to mixer.  Mine could have been chopped up a little bit more in this batch.  If that picture doesn’t gross you out, something is wrong with you.
7.  Mix for a minute, then let the frosting sit for about half an hour.  This is to let it firm up a bit (since you melted the chocolate), but also to let the bacon flavors get all sexual with the chocolate flavors.  Brown chicken brown cow.
8.  Frost up them cupcakes, yo!



Operation fat kid, complete!



P.S.  I know there are a ton of vegan and vegetarian SG readers, and I apologize for excluding you!  My next recipe will have a 100% chance of being vegetarian and 70ish% chance of being vegan.  Sorry, healthy people :[.

Few women have done sexually charged works that made an impression on both men and women’s psyches. Tura Satana’s look and work, especially in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, is right up there with Bettie Page, Dixie Evans and Brigitte Bardot. Satana is a woman that took all the shit she’s gone through... more

Few women have done sexually charged works that made an impression on both men and women’s psyches. Tura Satana’s look and work, especially in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, is right up there with Bettie Page, Dixie Evans and Brigitte Bardot. Satana is a woman that took all the shit she’s gone through in life and dumped that anger right into Faster, Pussycat. Since that time she hasn’t acted very much but she is easily recognizable, hence why she has a comic book and a line of memorabilia plastered with her face.

Check out the official website for Tura Satana

Daniel Robert Epstein: Back when you did Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, did you see the film as representing any kind of female empowerment?

Tura Satana: Not really, I saw that it was a part that gave me the opportunity to get rid of a lot of anger [laughs].

DRE: [laughs] But obviously that’s something that’s been taken from the film over the years, have you come to understand that aspect of it?

TS: I knew that aspect back then but we were trying to show that women could be feminine and still be strong and powerful and take care of themselves. That they didn’t need a man around to do everything for them. Female empowerment wasn’t even thought of back then, just a little equality. That was the only reason I agreed to do it. It was something that helped me show the world that women were not weak little pansies that needed to be protected all the time. That we’re capable of doing our own thing.

DRE: How did the part come to you in the first place?

TS: My agent asked me if I wanted to do an interview for Russ Meyers and I said, “Well, you told him that I don’t do porn.” He said, “Yes. It’s not that kind of a part. There’s no nudity in the movie.” Which that was not really true, there was a little nudity in there [laughs].

DRE: You have such a unique look, what kind of parts were you going for?

TS: For somebody who was built like I was there weren’t that many parts around. If I went for a casting call nine times out of ten they were either looking at my chest or looking at my face but never the two together [laughs].

DRE: [laughs] Did Russ do that too?

TS: No, actually he just looked at my chest and said, “Oh you’ll do great.” [laughs]

DRE: [laughs] Since then have you met a lot of women who have used the film for feminist ideals?

TS: Oh yes. A lot of women fans have written me and told me how much the part that I did in Faster, Pussycat helped them get better lives for themselves. They were proud to be able to be female, feminine and kick a little ass too.

DRE: [laughs] I’m from a generation that wasn’t around when Faster, Pussycat came out, was this kind of role and movie very unusual?

TS: Yes it was. There were no parts before with a female who was strong enough to carry out what they wanted to have done or what Russ wanted to have done. When I first went in for the job, he had me read some parts and I asked him, “Do you want it played soft or do you want it played with power?” He said, “Well, give me a rendition of each.” So I gave him a rendition of each and he said, “The power definitely does it.”

DRE: [laughs] You mentioned that you had some anger.

TS: It was basically stuff from when I was a kid and when I was growing up. Mostly that was a lot of the anger I had inside of me and Russ said, “Just bring your own personality to it.” Afterwards he didn’t think anybody else could have ever played Varla the way I did.

DRE: [laughs] I hope not.

Was the role cathartic for you?

TS: I felt like there was still some unfinished business there but one thing about that part was that it did limit what I could do afterwards. There were not too many people who were willing to give me other parts because they didn’t think I could be soft enough. I wound up losing a lot of parts because of that film.

DRE: Such as?

TS: Like Modesty Blaise. They thought I was not feminine enough. Then there were some parts for the Matt Helm series. They thought I was too strong to play opposite Dean [Martin] even though I had played opposite Dean in a couple other films. Even though I wound up losing parts I’m still happy about doing the film because I feel that it accomplished a lot for women.

DRE: I know you had some very rough times when you were younger but would it be difficult for you to say that you regret them because they were a big part of what made you what you are?

TS: Yes, there were a lot of the things that helped mold me to the way that I am. I was raped when I was almost ten years old by five guys. The helplessness and anger that comes along with that is something that takes a lot out of you. But I think it also helped make me who I am because after that I could have become a devout man-hater or I could have become a sex maniac. I think I fell in between the two.

DRE: How was the rape handled legally back then?

TS: First of all you got to realize that I am oriental and this was just a few years after the war was over. It felt like there was no crime committed against me. The oldest boy’s father paid the judge a thousand dollars and I went to reform school.

DRE: It’s so hard for someone like me to comprehend that but it seems that you’re doing so amazingly well now.

TS: Luckily my father and my brother helped me through it. It helped me put things in categories so I was a lot better off than most people who went through something like that.

DRE: Were there a lot of strong women like yourself either in Hollywood or in general?

TS: No. Back then most gals were taught that we were supposed to marry, get pregnant, have babies, take care of the man and take care of the house. There was nothing that told you that you could be strong and independent. Back then there were love children all over the place and everything had to do with loving the world and loving everything else. So being strong was not a positive asset.

DRE: Your look and your character from back then has also become a strong gay icon. When did you first start to notice that?

TS: I didn’t notice that many lesbians until recently. Mostly it was the gay guys.

DRE: Why do you think that happened?

TS: I think they loved it because of the fact that I was feminine but I was not in competition with them for their partners. They were able to take their partners to go see a film and enjoy it without being worried about their partners saying, “Oh God, I’d really like to stick it to that one” [laughs].

DRE: [laughs] What is your comic book about?

TS: It’s basically a continuation from the end of Faster Pussycat. I turn out to be a good guy afterwards and I get rid of all the bad guys. I start kicking ass that way.

DRE: Quentin Tarantino said that he’d give up five years of his life to work with you. Have you guys gotten in contact with one another?

TS: No we haven’t but I’m not that hard to find. He can find me any time he wants. I would love to work with him. I would love to work with John Waters. These are people that I admire and enjoy, but I think I’m a little past their era now.

DRE: Do you still want to act?

TS: I’ve got two pictures that I’m going to do very shortly. One is supposedly a semi-documentary on my life plus the times that I had with Russ out in the desert. Russ and I stayed friends until the day he died. I never did another film with him but he always kept saying that he wanted us to but that he felt he didn’t have anything that he thought would be good enough for me [laughs]. I said, “Yeah, you probably don’t.” because he got a little heavier into porn afterwards.

DRE: I read that you are also writing an autobiography.

TS: Yeah I worked on it for about eight years. I could probably go into a lot more details than I did but there were a couple times where I just didn’t feel like writing anything [laughs]. It’s hard to put a finish to a book when you’re still alive. [laughs]

DRE: What made you want to write it?

TS: Thousands of my fans have said, “God, we have to hear your story.” So I figured I’d finally sit down and write my whole story just so they’d know what’s going on.

DRE: You said before you weren’t interested in doing nudity for Russ. Was that because you were very into being an actress or were you against things like that?

TS: The only nudity I ever did was for Harold Lloyd. That was the only time I ever posed in the nude. I didn’t like posing in the nude. There’s a mystery about a woman if she had just a drape over her. On my website you can see some pictures that are very close to being nude, but I’m still not [laughs]. I have pictures of when I was an exotic dancer on there and pictures when I was about 14 years old. I probably could put all the pictures from Harold Lloyd’s collection of me on there but I haven’t gotten around to that.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

SG Username: AndersWolleck

by Bob Suicide Sure, you could take a girl to dinner and a movie…if that dinner happens to be at Ninja and the movie is Predators.  But, why not invite her out to something that will really catch her eye?  After all, geeky girls love limited edition items…give her a one of a kind date to remember:... more

by Bob Suicide

Sure, you could take a girl to dinner and a movie…if that dinner happens to be at Ninja and the movie is Predators.  But, why not invite her out to something that will really catch her eye?  After all, geeky girls love limited edition items…give her a one of a kind date to remember:

1. Pretend like your Dr. Who and take your companion on an amazing trip through the stars! Invite the lady out to your local planetarium or history museum–like San Francisco’s Academy of Science or Philly’s Franklin Institute–clad in your scarf or bow tie (depending on your doctor of choice) and she’s sure to swoon.  (And, she may even touch your sonic screwdriver.)  You’ll even get bonus points if you read up on astrophysics and can lend some geeky tidbits about the doppler red shift effect and string cosmology…after all, the Doctor’s had 907 years to learn it all. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do.  Better jump in your Tardis now!


2. What nerdy girl doesn’t love a sackboy? Invite her over for a game night. And, while us hardcore gamer girls do love to  frag and pwn noobs, there’s something to be said for a boy who whips out a Little Big Planet level designed specifically for said gamer girl. Now, this might take a lot of work to set up–but trust me–if the girl’s a gamer she’ll know the amount of effort you put in…and she’ll really appreciate it. Who doesn’t want their very own game? Bonus points for the dulcet tones of Stephen Fry’s narration…if he can’t set the mood, you’re in trouble. That man is class.

Another game suggestion would be to get Sleep is Death.  You’ll definitely impress her with your indie game cred and win her over with your support of the indie dev movement (as you can choose your own price for the game). To give you an idea of the kind of fun you can have (and what the gameplay is about) from the perspective of an uber-geeky gamer girl here’s my favorite “Hey Ash Watcha Playn’” video for Sleep is Death:



3. Show off your mad scientist skills (as well as your cunning culinary skills) and cook her dinner. I know, I know…that doesn’t sound super nerdy does it? Sounds pretty normal…like a plain-old, boring date. Yawn. Well, let’s gekify-it! BAMN!!! Cook for her with a sweet molecular gastronomy kit. (And, prepare all your “molecular balls in my mouth” jokes accordingly). Or have a space taste party and relive the days when Defying Gravity was still on the air (and wonder about what the heck was up with the singing, floating balls of goo). For bonus points, do all your cooking in this Darth Vader apron. Warning: These are not the cookbooks your looking for.

4. Typical lists of this sort (lists suggesting ideas for innovative, romantic dates) almost always suggest a scavenger hunt. Now, stay with me as I suggest the same thing…but I’m gonna crank the “nerd” up to 11: Geocaching. There are a couple different caching apps, but I like Groundspeak’s app. What better way to spend a sunny day than to follow wherever your gadgets lead you? You guys might discover parts of your town you didn’t know existed. Bonus points if you can get to a geocaching location before you two start your trip to hide something for her: tickets to a movie perhaps? (Or, maybe just a letter saying to look in your pocket for tickets to the movie in case other cachers get a hold of them first). You could say your pocket is the nest cache on the list!

Bonus points if you give your date your finished toy…what geeky girl doesn’t like swag?

I know I mentioned the cliche-ness of the typical “dinner and a movie” but, if you can put your own spin on it and add a little of that nerdy flair it’ll definitely give you a one up in your date’s heart. Even the simplest of dates can really make an impact on your nerdy sweetheart if you can show her your own personal geeky flair…and share a button or two with her.

Now, I’ve given you some hints; Make it so!

by Dan Tabor In some ways the Apple app store is one of the greatest retail platforms ever invented; it gave the ability for anyone to make an application for their iOS platform and sell it to the public. But in some ways it’s also one of the worst. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those guys hoping... more

by Dan Tabor

In some ways the Apple app store is one of the greatest retail platforms ever invented; it gave the ability for anyone to make an application for their iOS platform and sell it to the public. But in some ways it’s also one of the worst. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those guys hoping to get some hits by throwing some wood on the ol’ I hate Apple bonfire, and I am not talking about bars or death grips either. I have a legitimate beef, and trust me, I love my iPad.



Have you ever purchased an app and had it simply not work like you expected, or just had it crash over and over again? Have you ever downloaded two apps with the exact same functionality, only because the first one didn’t perform exactly as it was listed in the store?  What do you do? I know if I buy a blender at Target and it only works some of the time, I would simply take it back to Target and get a refund. That’s what you do with defective goods, but not with the app store.

The return process on apps is not the easiest or most intuitive, and good luck trying to contact some of these deadbeat developers to get your $2.99 back. Making an app is a lot like having a baby, sure anyone can do it, but you don’t have to support it afterward. The app store, while being the ultimate in convenience, has no safeguard for the consumers who spend up to $200 million a month on applications. They make it painfully easy to spend money, but not so to get it back.

But what Apple is doing by keeping the prices of apps low is most people wouldn’t want to be bothered with trying to get a refund. They will just simply spend another $2-$5 and buy another app which hopefully will fit their needs, and be done with it. Trust me, I have five RSS reader apps for my iPad and I am still looking for a good one.

So, where’s the guarantee that you’re going to get what you want when you hit that “buy now” button?  You can’t try before you buy on most apps, and the reviews are about as trustworthy and reliable as what you would read on a truck stop bathroom wall. Also, with so many apps now for the two platforms, quality control has started to slip to the point where a 15-year-old got a tethering app through the “very stringent” Apple app store Q&A.

I guess as long as Apple is too busy approving sub-par apps, which we continue to buy, this will keep happening. If there is no real penalty (i.e., easy refunds for consumers or support) for delivering a product that “kind of works,” developers will continue to do so, at least until Apple has another class action lawsuit on their hands when someone actually figures out they spent over $100 on apps just to find $10 worth of good ones.

Our story begins with a poker game gone bad... a lifeless body on the floor, hand still clutching its cards... whacked on the head with a bass guitar. In the background, Mike Patton's haunting film score crescendos over the radio waves as the other two poker players argue over what to do with the... more

Our story begins with a poker game gone bad... a lifeless body on the floor, hand still clutching its cards... whacked on the head with a bass guitar. In the background, Mike Patton's haunting film score crescendos over the radio waves as the other two poker players argue over what to do with the body. Incinerator? Garbage disposal? They haven't a clue.

Without a doubt, Derrick Scocchera's short film, A Perfect Place, is a dark comedy, wonderfully directed and acted. But it is Patton's striking film score that ups the ante on this noir story; it transforms every scene, drives the action, and pushes the audience into a surreal world that they have visited only in late night, restless dreams.

While some musicians skulk and idle in the corners of your iPod, Mike Patton charges forward like a maestro possessed, and continuously delivers transgressive albums that one-up the status quo. In recent years, we've watched the former Faith No More and Mr. Bungle frontman push new ground with bands Fantomas, Tomahawk and Peeping Tom (amongst others) and now with A Perfect Place, we get to enjoy his debut as a film composer.

Released April 1st on Patton's Ipecac Recordings -- a geeky enclave of the alternative underworld, marked by a distaste for run of the mill, rock-n-roll schmuckery -- both the film and score to A Perfect Place are packaged as a double-disc and are a must-have for cult connoisseurs.

SuicideGirls had to get the details so we dusted off the ol' video camera and met up with Patton over sake and fresh eel in San Francisco's Japantown to chat about his foray into film scoring...

Check out video footage from our interview here.


Erin Broadley: How are you?

Mike Patton: I’m good! How are you?

EB: Fantastic.

MP: Hungry?

EB: Hungry indeed. You live around here… how do you like Japantown? Come here often to buy Samurai swords?

MP: Or 39-cent Hello Kitty stickers.

EB: [Laughs] Oh, my favorite. So let’s talk about A Perfect Place, which you scored. First film score you’ve ever done, correct?

MP: True.

EB: How was this experience compared to some of your other projects or bands?

MP: It’s 100 percent different. If it’s one of my own projects or even a band, it’s done when it’s done. You have the ultimate veto power. When you’re working for someone else, you’re a hired hand in a sense and he tells you when it’s done.

EB: Right, the director gets final cut.

MP: Yeah, and rightfully so.

EB: How did you meet the director, Derrick Scocchera?

MP: I was a big laserdisc guy and he had a store in my neighborhood and I used to go shop there a lot. So being a regular customer, I got to know the people who worked there and I got to meet him. It was really a great store. It was so great, [laughs] of course it went out of business. I spent a lot of money in there. We got to be friends and from that point on, he was working for Zoetrope for Coppola for a while and we’d call each other from time to time to talk about film and talk about music. I’d invite him to my shows and he’d send me stuff that he was doing. He started an independent company [Fantoma Films] where he was putting out great DVD box sets from really historic directors… Mario Bava, Fassbinder… he put out lots of great stuff that, even if I didn’t know him, I’d just go to the store and buy it. He put together great packages and I was a fan of what he was doing and he said, “You know what? I also write scripts,” and sent me a few scripts and it’s hard for me to tell what a movie is going to be like from reading it on paper, but there was a kinship there and when he said, “I’m going to make a short film and I want you to score it,” who was I to argue?

EB: With the 2004 film you starred in, Firecracker, some wondered why you didn’t also score the film because a lot of the music you make has a very cinematic element to it.

MP: Yeah. For a musician, using film is part of your vocabulary. At least for an untrained musician, I think it’s important. It certainly works for me. With Firecracker, I did not want to act in the movie; I wanted to do the score. And the director -- again, sort of an acquaintance who turned into a friend -- he was adamant and said, “No, no. I’m not letting you do the music; I want you to [act]. I want you to stretch out. I want you to try something new.” And I said, “Well, okay, I’ve looked like a fool before, why not again?”

EB: For A Perfect Place, was there any point where you were down on the set, checking it out?

MP: No. I would have loved to but I happened to be out of town when they were filming it and, you know, a film like that is pretty renegade. I think they barely got the permits that they needed to do it and a lot of it was done at night. It’s a short film, black and white, beautifully shot, almost like a play in that there’s just very few characters and very few sets, but the strength is in the writing.

EB: And the characters. One of my favorite characters is the little old lady who has a collection of bow ties in her house, which is just one of those simple quiet elements that can really define a character.

MP: Yeah. The best part of it is, it starts out with guys playing a card game and they basically, quote unquote, kill their friend who was cheating, [laughs] or so they thought. And somehow, even though we maybe wouldn’t be driven to those lengths, you can relate. If you were to kill someone, all these questions would come up. It’s not as easy as Scorsese would have you believe: you kill somebody, you drop some lye on them and you bring them out to the suburbs. It’s a lot harder sometimes so I think that’s one of the premises of the film.

EB: One thing about the score, it taps into a lot of the same themes that are in the film. Were you crafting these compositions scene by scene or was it more, “Here’s a word, here’s an idea, go with it.”

MP: A lot of the film was basically done, or close to being done, before I started. Being friends with the director, he showed me a couple of scenes. Also, he would just describe a scene to me and say, “I need a theme for when the old lady puts on a seventy-eight and I want it to sound like Enrico Caruso.” One of the best directions he gave me was from the outset he said, “I want one major theme, and I want you to come up with a zillion variations including the source music, including a seventy-eight record, or when the guys are in a car, flipping the radio dial, I want you to write a piece like that.” In a sense, I was doing the score and the source music, in one. It was fun.

EB: The music really moves the scenes along. That’s one thing I noticed; it’s tied into the scenes enough that it helps the narrative progress.

MP: One can only hope!

EB: How did you strike the balance between somewhat heavier sounds and dark subject matter and still retain a sense of humor within this score?

MP: Didn’t think about it. To me every project or every piece of music has a certain amount of requirements. Maybe I’ll set out to create some sort of heavy and dark atmosphere and in the end it becomes comedy. To me, it’s about maintaining a balance and it’s really hard to quantify that. It’s hard to describe what that balance is but I know it when I hear it. The most important part is when it’s done, let it go.

EB: Right. You’ve said before that one of the hardest things to do is to pull back and press stop.

MP: Yeah, yeah.

EB: Does it get any easier over the years?

MP: Eh, depending on the project. To me, certain projects are easier than others. Fantomas… I know exactly when that music is written and done and there’s no more tweaking to do. Something like this film score is a little more difficult; I was on unfamiliar ground. Sometimes when you’re dealing with a collab or maybe a guest vocal for somebody it’s also hard to know because ultimately, you’re deferring to someone else. Usually it works out. But I’ve done a few collaborations or guest spots where it just didn’t work out, either the artist wasn’t happy with it or didn’t feel that it suited the track. You do your best and ultimately if you’re a guest you’ve got to know when to go, “Okay! You’re the boss.”

EB: It’s like being a guest in someone’s house. You’ve got to know when to step down.

MP: Oh yes, I’ll leave now. I pissed on your couch but I’m leaving.[Laughs] I tracked in mud on your expensive carpet…

EB: [Laughs] I’ll pay for the cleaning bill.

MP: Yeah, exactly.

EB: Back to A Perfect Place, the score you did is about twice as long as the actual film so how did you decide which music was included? Or why the choice to include extra tracks in the CD available?

MP: Ultimately, it is the director’s decision. There were certain scenes, certain cues where I did two or three different versions. Like, the thing we were calling the “Alley Theme,” where they’re dragging the body out to the alley, he wanted something with a beat and percussive so I gave him two different choices. He chose one and used it and then, you know, had the other sitting around so it’s like, I guess you just put them on the soundtrack.

EB: Yeah, why waste something good?

MP: Yeah. Also, I didn’t want to put out a CD that was 20 minutes long and a film that was 20 minutes long. I wanted to extend the CD a little bit and make it a little more desirable.

EB: Right, and to have them be able to exists independently on their own…

MP: Well, yeah! Actually, the director made some great suggestions… it was his idea to do a vocal version of the main theme, almost as a single, or whatever. It never got used in the film and was a complete afterthought, but that was his idea. That was [the] “Twist” theme that I did with vocals and it’s probably one of the standout tracks on the album.

EB: It’s a fun track, yeah.

MP: He gave me some direction that was a little hard to follow, just because he was aiming really high. Like, “I want a main theme that sounds like Elmer Bernstein.” And you just don’t press a button and…

EB: …become Elmer Bernstein!

MP: Yeah. That’s like saying, “I’ve got an idea for a street fight and I want you to be Mike Tyson.”

EB: Just do it, channel it.

MP: Yeah, just grow and kick some ass.

EB: And get a tattoo on your face [laughs].

MP: Yeah [laughs]. Bite somebody’s ear off. It was very challenging in that respect but I’m glad he was aiming high and forced me to aim a little high.

EB: Last year you got a lot attention for the sound effects you did for the creatures in I Am Legend. Any afterthought on that whole project?

MP: It was great.

EB: You and Will Smith best buds now?

MP: Oh yeah. He was in the studio, patting me on the back.

EB: You guys are gonna put out a rap album, like Fresh Prince.

MP: There you go. Fresh Mike.

[Both Laugh]

MP: No, uh, [doing the sound effects] was clinical and dry and fun and easy.

EB: Was it flattering in the least that they wanted a more human element to the scariness of the film?

MP: Yeah, it was great. It was a completely unique opportunity and it probably wouldn’t have come my way unless someone involved in the film didn’t put their ass out there and suggest me. So I’m really thankful and would love to do more stuff like that.

EB: You’ve said before that to keep things interesting, you have to continually reinvent or find new ways to say what it is you want to say with music. How do you find ways to make that happen without feeling redundant?

MP: That’s a difficult question and even harder to realize. You just keep trying. My way of doing it is just to keep doing things. Stay busy. My way of learning and getting better and growing is by doing.

EB: You started Ipecac in 1999 with Greg Werckman. Coming up on your 10-year anniversary, obviously you have expanded your roster and are still going strong. How has it changed in recent years compared to when you first started?

MP: It’s been great. I would say the main struggle has been [that] we’ve kept the same amount of employees and the same business model, if you will, meaning Ipecac is like three or four people. Always has been. Yet, we’re getting more and more submissions and personally I’m finding there’s more and more great music that needs to be put out! But we don’t have the manpower. I’m a little nervous about expanding. What we’ve done so far has worked. If we were to listen to our distributors and whatnot, we’d hire 15 more people and run it like everyone else runs a label.

EB: Then again, you don’t want to be like everyone else runs a label because we’ve seen what happens there.

MP: Yeah. If you really think about it, the reason we’ve been successful is because of the way it’s gone. Ultimately the way we do it, if you’re looking for half a million dollars and a bunch of hype, we’re not the right label for you. If you want to record cheaply, which is not to say that it can’t be a great sounding record or an amazing record, but do it smart, and then you will ultimately be rewarded because you will make royalties and not dig yourself some sort of loan shark hole where you’re constantly in the [dark]. Our label is not for everybody, but people who understand that aesthetic will be really happy with us and we’ll be happy with them.

EB: Another thing you have coming out in 2008 is [the video game] Bionic Commando. You do the voice of one of the lead characters. Tell me a little bit about how you got involved in that? You’ve always been a bit of a video game enthusiast.

MP: Yeah, that sort of dropped out of the sky and I think it sort of came about because I did a couple of other video game voiceovers and once your name is in the hat…

EB: …You’re on their contact list.

MP: Totally. So I got the call and I was familiar with the old ’80s Nintendo game .

EB: What character do you play?

MP: The main guy, Nathan. Basically, what I did was… I will tell you that my best point of reference was I was trying to channel Henry Rollins [laughs]. It was a real drill sergeant, tough guy.

EB: Did you method act it? Getting into character, weight lifting every morning?

MP: I didn’t go quite that far but you have to have some point of reference and Henry was mine. And Henry… no offense [laughs]. Hey, eat your eel!! I’ve already eaten my eel.

EB: Okay, I’m going to eat my eel and you tell me what else we can expect from Ipecac in 2008.

MP: New Melvins, new Dalek, Farmer’s Market, Desert Sessions, Mondo Cane, Rhazel… Finish your eel. Be a good girl.

EB: I’m finishing my eel… dad. [Laughs]

MP: [Smiles] I’ll take that as a compliment.

EB: Mike Patton’s my daddy, telling me to finish my eel.

MP: Finish your eel.

EB: [Laughs] How do you balance being a businessman and an artist without completely losing your mind?

MP: I don’t think about it, just kind of do what I do. The label is a part of every day; it’s just a matter of how much of that day. Sometimes it’s more; sometimes it’s less. To be honest, it’s rewarding and most of the things that I do, my contribution to the label is things that I’d be doing anyway. Listening to music, listening to new artists… I would do that anyway, even if I didn’t have a label. So to have a purpose in doing that is even better.

EB: And to put a roof over their heads and not have them be wandering, homeless stray pieces of music.

MP: Yeah, like I said before, the real trouble is there’s too much great music and we can’t do it all. And that’s in the last year or two become a reality. It’s a bitch. If I heard something great tomorrow, I’d have to tell an artist, “This is great, I’d love to put it out, but I can’t do it until late ’09.”

EB: There’s no promises of grandeur right away like there are with other majors.

MP: [Laughs] There’s no promises of grandeur, period. But just on a timeline vibe, no artist wants to hear that. I can totally relate but we’re in that position right now and that’s just the way it is.

EB: So what’s your next release we should be looking out for?

MP: Mondo Cane. It’s a new project of mine. It’s an orchestral project of ’50s and ’60s Italian pop tunes that I arranged.

EB: Fabulous.

MP: It’s a crooning record but with an orchestra. Not many horns. And, I wouldn’t say very jazzy, but much more orchestral ballad stuff. Lots of singing. But it’s not in English. Summertime we hope.

EB: Well, any parting words of wisdom?

MP: Eat your fuckin’ eel!

EB: I’ve eaten pretty much all the fuckin’ eel.

MP: Pretty much?

EB: I just didn’t eat the skin!

MP: The skin’s the best part!


Video Exclusive:


For more information on Mike Patton and to buy A Perfect Place, go to ipecac.com.

Tattoo Snob recently sat down with LA based artist Jim Sylvia to talk about art school, travel, tattoos and his ’54 Chevy Bel Air. Tattoo Snob: For those readers out there that aren't already familiar with you, tell us a bit about yourself. Jim Sylvia: Oh man, I am terrible at writing about myself. more

Tattoo Snob recently sat down with LA based artist Jim Sylvia to talk about art school, travel, tattoos and his ’54 Chevy Bel Air.


Tattoo Snob: For those readers out there that aren't already familiar with you, tell us a bit about yourself.

Jim Sylvia: Oh man, I am terrible at writing about myself. OK, I’ll give it a try. I started my tattoo career as an apprentice in Boston in 2001, while also going to school at MassArt. I worked at Skin Art Studios until 2007, when I decided to make the cross-country road trip to Los Angeles. I’m now a tattoo artist at Union Electric Tattoo in Wilmington, CA, and call LA my home.



TS: Artists often refer to a time period when it all came together, could you tell us a bit about when that was for you?

JS: There wasn’t a specific time when it all came together. Tattooing just didn’t fall into my lap. I worked hard and was motivated from the start. I really didn’t want to have some boring office job or get stuck in the daily grind. It’s just not for me. I knew before I started college though, that tattooing was going to be what I would end up doing. Once I was done with school I was really able to focus on tattooing.

Another huge motivation was the death of a close friend. We grew up together and even went to college together. We took the same art classes all through High school and college. He was an amazing and successful artist and the most positive person I’ve ever known. His death has become a constant reminder to do the best I can.





TS: It's rare to find a tattoo artist that has a diploma from a well-known art school on the wall behind them. How has your education changed the way you approach tattooing?

JS: The whole college route just seemed natural after high school. I had been taking classes at MassArt for a few years before enrolling. I knew that I wanted to be a tattoo artist, but an education would really help my career and artwork. I don’t think it changed my tattooing approach too much, but it has helped me with my drawing skills and taught me to draw as much as I can. I have filled tons of sketchbooks with doodles and crap.

TS: You call yourself a traditional, American traditional, and neo-traditional tattoo artist. Have you always stuck to that? A couple years ago that market seemed pretty dry with all of the realistic portrait work everyone was doing...

JS: I hate all the labels. There are so many subcategories that just come and go like fashion. The best tattoos are the ones that stand the test of time. I like art that reads well in the skin. That happens to be traditional. I don’t always stick to just one style. I do all kinds of different stuff. I just take pictures of the tattoos that I enjoy doing. Most of my friends and artists around me do the realism and portraits real well. I take what I have learned from them and apply it into my own stuff. I am constantly learning and progressing to make my art better.



TS: What's the best way for a potential client to get in touch with you? How long can the average person expect to wait before being able to get an appointment with you?

JS: It’s easy for people to get a hold of me. Whether it be through my website JimSylvia.com or my current shop, Union Electric Tattoo. This is my job, but it’s also something I love to do. So if someone wants a tattoo, I’ll make the time. Contact me!

TS: Every time we've posted a tattoo of yours, we get a barrage of comments and e-mails about your work. Your fan base is extremely loyal, and vocal about it. What do you attribute that to?

JS: I don’t know what to say. I have awesome customers. I just try to give them cool tattoos.



TS: Is there one tattoo you've done that you'd consider a personal favorite?

JS: Come on, you know I can’t answer that. I don’t have favorites but here are a few that I am proud of. (see the various pictures)



TS: Let's talk about the last time you were tattooed - who did it, and what was it? Are there any artists out there you'd like to be tattooed by, space and time permitting of course?

JS: Hmmm, the last time I was tattooed… It was by Big5. He was finishing a couple of things on my arm and my leg.

I look forward to getting more work from many artists that inspire me. If I have to name a few, I would love to get tattooed by Russ Abbott, Lu’s Lips, Seth Wood, Jim Miner, and Adam Barton. I’m a collector; I have been lucky enough to get tattoos from rad artists from all over the world.





TS: You don't do a ton of conventions, why is that? I have no doubt you wouldn't have a problem booking open spots in just about any city.

JS: I have done a few conventions. I am not exactly sure why I don’t do more of them. When I travel, it’s usually for a guest spot. I feel it’s a better way to see the world as well as being able to tattoo more people. Working a few days in any city, you are able to get a better understanding of the area, the people and different cultures. You don’t get that at conventions.

TS: I know you're in a touring band - how do you feel about balancing your time between that and tattooing? Any other cool non-tattoo related stuff you're involved with?



JS: I am a musician, but currently I’m not playing in a band. I have tried balancing both in the past but felt like neither one was getting my full attention. I focus almost all my time on tattooing now. I am lucky to have many friends / clients who are in successful bands. Recently, I have been out on tour with a few bands while tattooing along the way. Last month I got to do guest vocals in the UK for huge sold-out venues. It was crazy.

There is some non-tattoo stuff that I am working on. I am collaborating with a couple rad clothing
companies. Later this year there will be a bunch of new shirts available. Also, sometimes a bunch of friends and fellow artists get together after work and have late night painting sessions. I don’t paint as much as I’d like to. I also need to find more time to wrench on my ’54 Chevy Bel Air. Hopefully I’ll be cruising around LA soon.

TS: Any last minute plugs?

JS: I don’t have anything to plug other than some websites.

JimSylvia.com

Twitter.com/JimSylviaTattoo

UnionElectricTattoo.com









JimSylvia.com

TattooSnob.com

It's nearly impossible to get all the remaining Monty Python members together again. Graham Chapman passed away in 1989, and no matter how many retrospectives there are, you'd be hard pressed to find John Cleese, Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle and Terry Jones in the same room at the... more

It's nearly impossible to get all the remaining Monty Python members together again. Graham Chapman passed away in 1989, and no matter how many retrospectives there are, you'd be hard pressed to find John Cleese, Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle and Terry Jones in the same room at the same time. Gilliam directs movies, Idle adapted Python to Broadway for Spamalot. Palin is roaming the world, Jones is doing voiceovers and Cleese continues to act.

Even in the IFC channel miniseries Monty Python: Almost the Truth - The Lawyers Cut interviewed each of the Pythons separately. Bill Jones (Terry's son) and Benjamin Timlett directed the six hour biography of Monty Python's career. It features inside dirt on classic sketches like The Fish Slapping Dance and Dead Parrot, tension on the set of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, protests against The Life of Brian, Chapman's funeral and more. The five did all attend the the series' premiere in New York.

Eric Idle and Terry Jones got together with Bill and Ben to present a 90 minute cut of the documentary to the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences on May 25. The miniseries version is eligible for Emmy nomination this year, so perhaps screening an abbreviated version and letting the voters schmooze with two Pythons can secure some nods. They'd better get Python's humor though. Idle asked Jones in front of the audience how many Emmys Flying Circus received. Regretfully, Jones said none. Idle looked for the silver lining, asking how many nominations they received? Sadly, also none.

After taking photos and signing autographs for Academy voters, Jones and Gilliam retired to the green room for a glass of wine. Imagine having two Pythons all to yourself getting liquored up! Idle's animated riffs woke Jones up from his eight hour jet lag (Heathrow to LAX is a killer) as the duo revisited Python one more time for the fans.

SG: What do you think your chances of an Emmy are after schmoozing the Academy tonight?

EI: Well, they're not for us, are they? We don't win anything anyway. However well we do, we still get nothing. So I think we're truly fucked really. It will be lovely if they won because it's sort of good. What they've done is amazing and that would be great. So what are the chances? I have no idea. I only bet football, soccer.

TJ: I think it'll get nominated because of the turnout tonight.

EI: Well, it better. Jesus, all that money you forked out, all that wine, all those freeloaders.

SG: After you've won the Tony, do you really need Emmys?

EI: Well, does one need these things anyway? Actually, the Grammy was the most amazing thing. I didn't expect we'd win a Grammy for the best Broadway Show. John [Du Prez] and I won Grammys. Yes, we've won. But we've been nominated for Grammys, many times but Steve Martin always won.

SG: Is there any one sketch you think no one talks about enough?

EI: Camel Spotting is not recognized as the great classic that it is. I don't know remember what it was but Michael always credits that. I don't know. I don't sit around discussing sketches that much.

TJ: Actually, one of my favorites was one I did, Stanislav Richter playing Tchaikovsky's first piano concerto while escaping from six padlocks.

EI: Oh, I love that. That's hilarious. That's in my "best ofÖ"

TJ: It's the one that goes dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. What happens is the orchestra starts off and this sack rolls onto the grand piano. Then sort of a hand comes out and bangs on the thing. Anyway!

SG: Now that sketch will get its due with our readers.

TJ: Oh good.

EI: It's a very funny sketch.

SG: Calling it The Lawyer's Cut is funny. Is there actually any legal vetting about what you can talk about?

TJ: No. No, I think it was Mike's title. He came up with it, according to Bill.

EI: Funny.

SG: We've heard stories about Saturday Night Live. Are there any Monty Python tales of '70s debauchery?

TJ: Well, we used to drink a lot.

EI: There's a book out which I edited last year about us on the road, which is as close as we came to having fun. We went on the road, we toured England and we toured Canada and it was a bit rock n' roll, young men on the road. So it has been sort of told. It's not very interesting. 36-year-old sex.

TJ: But what I was thinking was when we were doing the TV shows, we'd think nothing of having a couple of pints before doing the shows.

EI: You would think nothing of having a couple pints. Graham would think nothing of having two bottles of gin. I would always have a bath before a show.

SG: But alcohol is a depressant. SNL did coke to keep their energy up.

EI: They didn't do coke on the show usually. I was there through most of the early '70s. What they did do which was terribly frustrating is they smoked weed and then sit down to try and write sketches. Of course, you can't find the typewriter. SNL, they'd go, "Well, let's write a sketch about something in New York." Then they'd roll big joints and then 20 minutes would go by and then they said, "So, what are we going to do?" We were very disciplined. We would work 10 'til 5 on our writing. We were professional writers.

TJ: I guess we actually missed out on the drugs because it was a bit later than us.

EI: In Canada when we toured, it was a certainty that we were all out of our heads. Of course it's kind of cleverer than that. People can watch it stoned and I think that was one of the appeals. It helped to watch it stoned.

SG: What do you think of the culture that's kept Holy Grail alive, mostly college kids it seems?

EI: Well, I think eight-year-olds and 10-year-olds love it now because it's like pretending to be children. It's men riding horses like kids do. And it's tremendously violent.

TJ: I never noticed the lack of horses when I watch it. You just accept it.

EI: Totally accept it as a convention.

SG: Would you agree that's your seminal work?

TJ: No, we think Life of Brian is.

EI: I like Holy Grail. They all say Life of Brian but I personally feel Grail because it's like A Hard Day's Night. We don't know what we're doing. We're kind of cute, we're young enough. It's not being done, what we're doing. We're staggering into something wonderful I think.

TJ: In England, Life of Brian is the most popular. It always comes up as the funniest film of all time and things like that, in votes for that.

SG: Even in those films, are there elements that go unnoticed?

EI: I think nothing in Python goes unnoticed. That's the most extraordinary thing about it. We did something so temporal at the time just for that moment and it's actually still being talked about 40 years later. It's kind of remarkable.

TJ: We never thought it would be.

EI: It's impossible.

SG: But it is between those two films?

TJ: Yeah, although on the other hand, I think Meaning of Life has got the funniest, best bits in it.

EI: I think Meaning of Life is still shocking, kind of objectionable and repellant. I'm very proud of that.

SG: Do you think Mr. Creosote inspired the fat suit comedy we've seen ever since?

EI: Probably.

TJ: Yes. Absolutely yes.

EI: You see a lot of Python jokes being recycled. They say it's homage. At least that's what Dreamworks says.

SG: Wow, you said it.

EI: I did say it. Lucky I don't want to work.

SG: You'd think there'd be more sketch movies as attention spans get shorter. Why do you think no one does it anymore?

TJ: Well, I guess in the way that you want to come out of the movie having had an emotional experience as well as a laugh, I guess.

EI: That's the trouble, you see. A sketch can be in any order whatsoever. There's no story, there's nothing, so you can watch it for about 60-67 minutes and then you need the hook of a plot or the hook of something.

TJ: It was odd. Actually, I'll tell you what, talking about sketches that aren't remembered. I think one of the funniest sketches in Meaning of Life is Eric in the tiger skin, which never gets mentioned. It comes at the wrong moment of the film and people don't respond to it. If it was in a different place, it would get laughs.

EI: I think people respond to completely different things. Some people see the same thing, like the film, and they laugh at different places. I think that's just taste in comedy.

SG: Do you think Monty Python pioneered comedy music, even before Weird Al?

EI: But he just does parody songs. We would tend to do something more obscure, off the wall.

TJ: I like Eric's "Galaxy Song." It's a great song.

EI: That's later on. In the show, it would be like they'd suddenly be singing about summarizing Proust and things completely stupid.

TJ: The archeology sketch.

EI: I love that song. I love that song. For no reason, an archeologist would slip into a song. That was The Rolling Stones' favorite song. They would sing it all the f***ing time. Before they went on stage, Keith and Woody would sing, "Today, I hear the robin sing. Today, the bird is on the wing."

TJ: It's John miming to me singing.

EI: And you have a beautiful baritone, Terry, as we saw.

SG: Do you think online is where the edgy comedy is going on right now?

TJ: Yes, certainly.

EI: Totally, totally. That's a good point because that sketch thing that everybody needs, they make it themselves and they edit it themselves and they put all the clips together and then they send them off to each other so that's where the sketch things are found, absolutely.

SG: Do you see edgy things you like?

EI: I never go online. It's very bad. I read books. It's an old fashioned things.

SG: Terry, do you find that people still discover Labyrinth, which you cowrote, and see new things in that?

TJ: I guess so. I was always sort of dissatisfied with it. I'd rung Jim Henson up to see if he'd be interested in doing Erik the Viking. His secretary said, "Actually, Jim was trying to get a hold of you because he's doing a film." So I wrote a screenplay for him and it was totally about something different. I mean, it had a lot of the things in it but it was a different idea. For instance, I thought you should never get to the center of the labyrinth before the girl does. I thought you should save that for the end. Then Jim had the script and then he said, "No, no, you had to have fun in the center of the labyrinth." Also he wanted David Bowie or Michael Jackson to be the king and he wanted him to sing. Anyway, so I rewrote it and then it went away for about a year and then it came back and it was totally different and he'd lost all the jokes. So he said could I put it back? Jim wanted it to be about coming of age.

SG: So if I love the Helping Hands and the Door Knockers, was that not you?

TJ: Oh no, no, the helping hands was me. Yes, that was my idea. Actually what I did, they'd all started into production. So they had all these characters and puppets and Brian Froud had done a lot of drawings. So I just had a collection of Brian's drawings and the Door Knockers were a couple of drawings that Brian had done so I sort of brought those in, and the wizard with the talking duck on the head. I haven't seen the film since it came out.

Monty Python: Almost the Truth - The Lawyers Cut is available on DVD.