by Luisa Mateus There is an island, high above the reef. The corals glisten, radiant in the opulence of iridescent sunlight. The waves crash softly, against the rocks, lulling you into a mesmerising trance. Looking down at the boats, cruising gently towards the land line, three beautiful women await the... more

by Luisa Mateus

There is an island, high above the reef. The corals glisten, radiant in the opulence of iridescent sunlight. The waves crash softly, against the rocks, lulling you into a mesmerising trance. Looking down at the boats, cruising gently towards the land line, three beautiful women await the arrival of the sailors to shore. Soft supple skin, long flowing hair, luminous eyes, these heavenly creatures sing a sweet sultry song to call the mariners to their untimely demise.





[Left-right: Helen, Regan & Lora (Photo credit: Mark Eilbeck)]

Flash forward, oh ten thousand years or so, and the mythology seems obsolete. How did anyone ever believe a group of scheming sea-nymphs could, or would, lure some unkempt, unwashed drunken sailors’ no-good asses in from the putrid sea, only for said sailors to listen to them sing in a field, until they died? Come on! Even Brothers Grimm could, and have, come up with better fairytales than that!

However, such legends have their legacies….

The Sirens are a three strong group of lusciousness, so named by Motorhead’s Lemmy (uhuh that Lemmy!) after those mythological ladies of yesteryear. They joined together out of the not-quite ashes of the Fuel Girls; and Helen, Lora and Regan bonded in their travelling sexy pants to form a group that make their performances about who they are and what they love. They’re British; they love heavy metal and can be found on stage, fire breathing, angle grinding, champagne jizzing and strip teasing.

We spoke to flame haired temptress, Regan, about the group.

The Sirens have been busy bunnies of late, shooting the show-reel for Halloween, when “The Sirens is really going to take off”. Featuring her own beautiful Vintage Capri V8 (pause for jealous thought!), Regan says the show-reel has become more a mini-film to showcase the girls’ personalities and bring their “mad ideas to life”.

The Sirens is an organic project that Lora, Helen and Regan embarked on when they set fuel to fire their bags and headed off into the sunset with big ideas, determined to follow through. Unlike many other girl dance tribes, they were all part of the original troupe that set hearts a blazing; and have enough notches on their Girl Guide patches to knock any man into submission. There’s no jack of all trades, hiding in the shadows, pulling the strings, shafting it up the back door, and pocketing the cash. The Sirens push their own buttons, proving empowerment can often depend on women choosing their own destiny, and not being at he mercy of some nameless male puppeteer.

[Regan in action]

Recently, a performance at a UK Festival (yes, Ghostfest, you!) was cancelled due to a Women’s Liberal group kicking off about their performance, essentially discriminating against them due to the sexualization of their ‘heavenly’ bodies. How did The Sirens feel about other women wanting to disqualify them from performing at a male-dominated festival, simply because of the sexual nature of their performance?

It’s very easy for us, as women, and as “feminists”, to sit and judge others and what they do; to say what is right and wrong, based upon our own set of values and morals. But should so-called “feminists” prevent other women from doing what they want to do, because we take offence to an act which sexualizes the female form?

I don’t need to preach to SG lovers that the female body is beautiful in all its forms. But should we not celebrate women who have the guts and the follow-through, to get up on stage and stand up for every single tattooed or “other” woman out there? When I originally spoke to The Sirens about doing this interview, we talked about how none of these stunning, beautiful, awesome women fitted the cookie-cutter standards of beauty, we see in mainstream magazines. As every one of them is covered in tattoos, with mad (awesome) hair and a variety of piercings – something highly celebrated on this here website.

With the exception of SG, there are perhaps far less representations of curvier or tattooed women than anorexic six stone model types (And believe me, I’m not getting at skinny people who actually eat). Surely, it’s nice for those of us who don’t fit that “standard” of beauty to see “other” representations of femininity doing the rounds in our media?

Like a knife that cuts deep through the wound, and pisses blood all over the floor, there is that engaging argument that permeates many “feminist” discourses, regarding the sexualization and objectification of the female form. Some argue that such objectification is more to men’s benefit than to the women who are performing and/or being objectified. Laura Mulvey wrote a very famous essay, that film scholars amongst us will be familiar with, regarding the “male gaze”. Her theory was that women exist in film so the viewer can identify with the male protagonist, and that they are of not of any importance in themselves, apart from as a sexual object to satisfy a (male) wish for “pleasurable (voyeuristic) looking”. How do The Sirens feel about such “feminist” notions?

[Left to right: Lora & Helen in action]

The girls recently toured with Steel Panther on the UK leg of their worldwide tour, providing the only support to the band on a tour filled with guys rocking out in 80s hair metal wigs, leopard print leggings and mouths full of crude, sexist jokes about strippers. How did they feel about performing on such a tour?

Isn’t that the nature of performance, as a whole? The opportunity to act out your inner desires and bring life to your creative ideas and produce something of value that entertains, or brings pleasure to others and to yourself. I don’t need to tell those of you that frequent SG that women’s bodies are beautiful; I probably don’t even need to tell you that we should celebrate women of all shapes and sizes and discover the awesomeness that often gets overlooked by such a dominating and, often, monolithic media that can, and does, provide the same “ideal” standard of beauty that is acceptable to the masses. That is what I love about SG and about performers such as The Sirens; these women are strong women with ideas and opinions, and their beauty is celebrated as much as their personalities are.

Shouldn’t we as “feminists”, be supporting women to perform in male dominated scenes? Are they not the ones who are going break the cookie-cutter “ideal” mould? Are they not the women, who are going to rip apart this outdated mythology from the inside – out? If they take men on, in male dominated scenes such as motor sport and metal music and command respect from those men objectifying them, are they not doing the rest of us a huge favour? Making it known that their beauty, and “legend”, is also testament to the personalities that drive this lust for success – that drive the ambition to succeed!

Getting their own back then, on the men who sexualize them, are the girls bigger fans of tattooed men, or “virgin blood”?

FYI boys, Regan is taken. And her boyfriend is probably way cooler than you! Never mind the fact, he could kick yo’ ass.

[Regan]

Oh and Regan, Can I, er…. borrow your car?

by Edward Kelly It’s an age-old question, which isn’t to say that it has been around for a very long time, but rather it is to say that it is more a question of our age, the era in which we live. The question, I should add, isn’t actually a question, it’s more a scenario and it goes a-little... more

by Edward Kelly

It’s an age-old question, which isn’t to say that it has been around for a very long time, but rather it is to say that it is more a question of our age, the era in which we live. The question, I should add, isn’t actually a question, it’s more a scenario and it goes a-little something like this:

You (yes, you, the reader, with the hair and the clothes, assuming you have both of those things) like a work of art. Could be a band, a movie, a book, whatever. You like it and therefore you tell your friends that you like it and they should listen to/watch/read this work so you can all appreciate it in a grand adventure of shared cultural experiences (not entirely unlike the plot of The Goonies).

[Lux Suicide in Heatwave]

Then the work of art catches on. You didn’t even see it coming, but all of a sudden there’s now more people liking the thing you like. And now they are talking about it and telling their friends and all of a sudden this thing that once “belonged” to you and your friends is now growing too big to control—this thing is going global, man, positively expansive.

And it all culminates in something you thought you wanted in the first place: everyone knows about it. Now it’s a genuine pop culture event and it doesn’t belong to you, but rather to the fans and you are just one face in a sea of squeeing appreciators.

So, you do what people do: you react and shun. And then, inevitably, you say one or both of the following stupid statements.

Statement the first: “I was into that before everyone else was into it, and now I’m not anymore.”

Statement the second: “Artist X sold out.”

[/LIST]
Comic book fans find themselves trying to reconcile these facts quite a bit these days. For example, take the recently released Scott Pilgrim movie.

Personally, I can’t claim any sort of fan-based claim to the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels. I started reading them about a year ago and, like most people, I love the crap out of them. I can’t help it—they’re wildly inventive, effortlessly charming, and refreshingly breezy and witty. They’re just good. I’d like to lay some sort of fan-claim, but I can’t because I only started buying them when I heard there was a movie coming out and I wanted to be In The Know and be familiar with the source material.

Or in the other words: I’m a huge poser.

But here’s the sad part, if you feel that you were a progenitor of the Scott Pilgrim fandom, then I have to break some sad bits of news: you were not there first and you’re pretty much a poser too.

You see comic book fans tend to be a pretty insular group. Maybe it’s a genetic thing, like we just don’t like people (although I would disagree with this) or maybe it’s a societal thing, like most of us spent so much time reading comics and being ridiculed for it that we eventually fulfilled the self-fulfilling prophecy and become islands unto ourselves.

This is a pretty big shame since comic books are a great art form and all art forms should be discussed and debated whenever possible. That’s why art is important—it’s not just pretty stuff that we can admire, it’s pretty (or ugly or exciting or sad or happy or insert any adjective from the gamut here) stuff that can tell us who we are, where we’re coming from, and why we care about this thing but not that thing over there.

So why do I say we’re all posers? Well, because we kind of are.

Unless you’re Young Neil, sitting on the crappy couch in the crappy apartment while sycophantically watching as Sex Bob-omb rehearses, then, yeah, you weren’t there first. And here’s another shocker: you didn’t want to be. You didn’t want to be because when art is just being birthed into the cold, bright world it usually sucks out loud.

But why do some fans (myself included) latch onto certain works and feel betrayed when said art breaks into the mainstream? There are probably a lot of theories and reasons why this is, but here’s my off-the-cuff, overblown and probably ill-informed postulation: the long and short of it is that you and me and everyone you know are terrified that we’re all going to die alone.

Oh yeah, this blog post just went there.

In this world, people need people (what up, Streisand) and there’s a constant need to make connections with others and art allows a shared shorthand language. It bridges gaps and crosses boundaries and allows you to quickly connect with people you otherwise may not have. I know that when I watch as something I felt a connection to explodes into the ether, I feel like I will somehow lose the relationships I made in the first place.

But the good news is: that’s a stupid, stupid worry.

Because, hopefully, you and your fellow posers will stick together.

Again, not entirely unlike The Goonies.

by Lisa Brady Holy 80’s Fashion Comeback, Batman! There are a few things in life that are inevitable: death, taxes and the cycle of fashion. And we’ve come full circle, folks. In receiving this month’s issue of Nylon, I have discovered that we have indeed reached the Mecca of 80’s trends (for... more

by Lisa Brady

Holy 80’s Fashion Comeback, Batman! There are a few things in life that are inevitable: death, taxes and the cycle of fashion. And we’ve come full circle, folks. In receiving this month’s issue of Nylon, I have discovered that we have indeed reached the Mecca of 80’s trends (for better or worse).



[Symon Suicide in Viva Glam]

1. Denim on denim. Say it ain’t so! Even though all signs point to this being an acceptable and even (GASP!) fashionable emerging trend, I’m just not sure I can get behind this one. There’s just something to Billy-Ray-Cyrus-Achy-Breaky-Heart about it that it makes my skin crawl. But the fashion Gods have spoken.



[Abbie Suicide in Static]

2. 80’s Hair: the mullet/the perm. Now, as a hair stylist I consider this a tragedy. Most women who come in asking for a perm want it because they think it’s easier to have some wave to their hair then have to straighten it everyday. So basically it boils down to laziness. Clearly the answer is to have a long, tedious and harsh chemical treatment done to your hair that will most likely result in a curl you didn’t envision on yourself (newsflash, there’s NO SUCH THING as a “beach-y wave” perm, people!!). And don’t get me started on the mullet. The crazy thing about this one is that I’ve only seen it on women so far. I swear to God, if I have someone sit in my chair and ask me to cut them a mullet, I will put down my scissors and walk away.

[Fany Suicide in After Hours]

3. Giant sunglasses/glasses. This is a fad I can totally get behind. I absolutely love huge glasses. I have 5 or 6 pairs. But as awesome as this trend is, like anything else, it can be abused. There are definitely wrong ways to go about this one. We aren’t seeing it as much this time around as when they first became popular, but not every big pair of sunglasses/glasses today are fashionable.

[Katzenz Suicide in Black Keys]

4. Layering. This trend is hard to go wrong with. Most designers that make their clothing with layering in mind create pieces that will compliment each other no matter how you mix and match. And now that fall is just around the corner we should be seeing cute cardigans, jean jackets (a denim trend I love), and scarves. This style really came into it’s own in the 80’s. There was hardly anybody who didn’t have a sweater/jacket/scarf/turtleneck outfit in their closet.

[Sliver Suicide in Hooked]

5. Loud makeup. One of the signature 80’s makeup palettes was bright blue eye shadow with a bright pink lip. Emphasis on bright. Now, 20-some years later, we are seeing this again with a vengeance. Most makeup lines have a “brights” collection or something similar. And with the introduction of lip stain, you can have a flawless and semi-permanent pink pucker. Just try to avoid putting your eye shadow all the way to your eyebrow without shading the crease. No one thinks that is cute.

To anyone who came of age in the late 80s or early 90s, director Joel Schumacher’s resume speaks for itself. The titles include The Lost Boys, his uniquely atmospheric horror film with its Jim Morrison-esque vision of a sun-baked Venice boardwalk under threat from miscreant vampires; Flatliners, the... more

To anyone who came of age in the late 80s or early 90s, director Joel Schumacher’s resume speaks for itself. The titles include The Lost Boys, his uniquely atmospheric horror film with its Jim Morrison-esque vision of a sun-baked Venice boardwalk under threat from miscreant vampires; Flatliners, the occult thriller about rogue medical students killing and reviving each other, which cemented the stardom of Julia Roberts, Kiefer Sutherland, and Kevin Bacon; Falling Down, the Michael Douglas-starring psycho-on-the-loose thriller which inspired a Newsweek cover and a national conversation about the rise of white panic conservatism; Batman Forever, which heralded the arrival of Jim Carrey as the maniacal Riddler and returned Batman to its campy TV roots, for a while. With a career spanning four decades, there have been many downs to match the ups, but through it all Schumacher’s identity as one of America’s most recognizable journeyman directors has never waned.

This past weekend marked the release of Twelve, his latest project, and the most recent to feature one of his recurring motifs: a cast of impressive young newcomers to the business. Emma Roberts, niece of Julia, is Molly, a sheltered Manhattan teen who is blissfully unaware that her would-be boyfriend Mike (Chace Crawford) is
actually “White Mike,” a notoriously prolific drug dealer known throughout Manhattan.
50 Cent also stars as Lionel,
a colleague of White Mike’s in the drug trade; Emily Meade is Jessica, an Upper East Side princess who gets hooked on a virulent street drug called “Twelve,” and Rory Culkin plays Chris, a well-to-do brat trying to get
together with a neighborhood blonde while keeping his increasingly strung-out brother in check. How the film resonates with 70 year-old Schumacher, who himself had a checkered youth in a very different Manhattan of the 1960s, was one of the things we

spoke about when he called up SuicideGirls last week.

Ryan Stewart: I was thinking about how Twelve fits in with the rest of your
filmography, if at all. I’d say that it’s further confirmation that you’re suspicious of the
leisurely upper classes and what they do with their money. Just look at Batman! Too
much money is the curse, right?

Joel Schumacher: [laughs] No! I wish that was the story. Certainly the access these kids have to money is not helping, it just encourages them. But no, Ryan, you sound like a very smart guy and you know that the values – or lack of values – of the kids in this movie are going on everywhere. I think that’s just where our culture is. We're all
victims and villains in this. We live in a culture where recognition has become more important than accomplishment. Just be famous! It doesn't matter what you're famous for. There's that moment in the movie where Emily Meade, that terrific actress who plays Jessica, is talking to her teddy bears and she's wondering if she died what would
happen, and if that party in the movie really happened you know that would be all over the media for two weeks. And just what the bears say would be true! One news show would have the mother on, crying, another would have the girlfriend on and we'd know
what everybody had for breakfast, and the boy who is responsible for it -- that's Billy Magnussen, who does such a good job of playing Claude -- we would know everything about him. We'd know what he had for breakfast, we'd know everything that was on his computer, we'd know more about him than some of the people we work with. He would get all the attention. I think a lot of adults are at the mercy of all that, not just kids.

RS: So the values of the broader culture are the target here, not one class of
people.

JS: Well, who is the most famous person on any reality show? The worst
behaved! They are the ones who get all the attention and we are the ones responsible for this. I'm not pointing fingers, we're all in this together, and we sort of know it. I think these kids are certainly the victims of bad parenting. Remember, these are children. These
are kids who are sixteen, seventeen, eighteen at the most. I would love to say to you that this is only happening to the rich, but you know that's not true. I think if we went to a trailer park or the suburbs, no matter how well-meaning the parents there are, we'd see that a lot of them are single parents and they work and they have to put food on the table
or they're going through a divorce. There are a lot of problems that go on which don't make it easy for parents to be on the case all the time. I think there are some people who are lax, who are irresponsible, but I also think there are other people who just can't help
it. The kids are sometimes left on their own, and in the world we live in they are expected to grow up very fast now. They have sex really soon, they want to get dressed up and have all those fabulous material possessions. I actually think it's worse in other parts of the socio-economic structure. Those [less well-off] kids are going to do all that stuff, but
it's either going to be through credit or getting in debt, or their parents getting in debt, or crime.

RS: Do you know a lot of teenagers in your personal life? Could you speak the lingo well enough?

JS: Well, I've made a lot of films with young people and there are certainly a lot of young people that I work with. I have a lot of god children and a lot of friends with kids. But the cast will assist me in showing me how young people act. And this was a great cast and they were fun. But I don't impose those things on people, I don't sit with teens and try to convince them that I'm cool and should hang out with them or be their bro. [laughs] No, no. I'm their director and that's what I'm there for. But the novel itself was written by a seventeen year old, Nick McDonell.

RS: This was obviously a quick, down and dirty shoot. Is there time for any sort of mentoring of the young cast on a professional level?

JS: I don't know if I had anything to offer, but I sure had time to talk to each and every one of them, for sure. They are so talented, and it's my job to first hire talented people and then to remind them of how talented they are. You can't make someone talented, and these kids have the chops, as they say. You guide them a little bit, you know? Each actor, no matter what age they are or where they are in their experience, will need something different from a director and my job is to try to sort of suss that out, to
figure out if they need a parent, if they need a shrink, if they need someone to kick their butt; whatever it is that each person needs, they'll let you know. It's the same as if you had a whole bunch of children: one rule doesn't work for the whole bunch. And it would be the same even if everyone was a very accomplished actor, you know? I'm starting a film at the end of this month with Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman and I've known both of them for most of their professional lives and I've worked with both of them. I worked with Nicole in Batman Forever and I did 8MM with Nick, and we're friends also. And they are very different talents and very different people. They have different
psyches and different needs, and you want to be there for both of them. Then there are people like Cate Blanchett and Sam Jackson and Philip Seymour Hoffman that really want to kind of be left alone a little bit, to do-do their voo-doo, you know? And what they look to you for is 'little bit to the left, little bit to the right' or 'that was perfect' or whatever. Some of them like to talk things out, some of them like to rehearse a long time, some of them like to shoot right away, each person is different.

RS: Speaking of Trespass, there have been some stories leaking out over the last few days about Nick Cage changing roles from leading man to villain back to leading man.

JS: Well, it's a little unfair, what people are saying. They are both fantastic roles, and there are pluses and minuses to each part, as there is in everything. He being an artist, there are times when he has embraced one role and then saw a way to do the other role. In the role that he settled on, he and Nicole are the married couple -- that's the role I offered him.

RS: Did you get Emma Roberts onto this film through the Aunt Julia connection?

JS: No, you know how Interview Magazine does that thing of having people who are not journalists interview each other? The editors of Interview, Ingrid Sischi and Sandra Brant, asked me to interview Emma when she was seventeen or sixteen, which I did, over the phone, and she was absolutely delightful. She was charming. We didn't meet through Julia at all. The only thing that's even really similar about them is that they are both really talented and both gorgeous. They are very different personalities. And Emma and Rory Culkin were the first people I asked to be in the film, theirs were the first parts.

RS: It's interesting that the film’s title, Twelve, is the name of a new street drug, but that's just a detail. The drug doesn't really have any noticeable properties that we see, and I couldn't figure out why that title.

JS: I never really asked Nick that, but I thought it was brilliant of him to just make up his own drug, because no one would have an idea of what it was and it would give everyone a chance to create what that drug means for them in their own mind, instead of going for an accuracy thing with a drug and then everybody could say "No, that wasn't
my experience!" or "You could never do that on....." You know, it would be endless stuff. And I thought that just having a fictional drug that was instantly addictive was quite interesting. It's a very bold book and I think it's a bold idea to name it after the drug, but I think you could also kind of look at it as the story of twelve people, maybe.

RS: Was there anything in the story that reminded you of your own colorful youth in Manhattan?

JS: Well, yes. You know, I've certainly dipped in and out of glamorous, reckless lives and I had a very long bout in my own life with drugs and alcohol and a lot of risk addiction and bad behavior and I fucked up. But in the long run, I think that no matter how many worlds I've been a part of and how accepting and wonderful people have been to me all my life since I was a kid, I think I've always felt more like White Mike. My
parents died when I was very young, and there are scenes in the film where White Mike is walking in Manhattan alone, just dealing with his own grief and whatever he's living through, and I think I felt connected to that person and the sense of his isolation and his grieving and trying to come to terms with all of that. Over the course of those three days he takes a look at himself, especially when there are events that he is part of that he's
somewhat responsible for, and I think Emma is really great at the end of the movie in nailing him on that and loving him enough to tell him the truth. I think at the end when he goes to visit someone who also grieves, he realizes that his grief is not the center of the universe. That's really the only way to get out of grief: to have compassion and serve
others. As his mother says to him: "We have to live the best lives that we can no matter what happens to us." That's not an excuse. Parents lose their children. People lose their loved ones in war. And yes, you can always sit in the dark and grieve or you can maybe go and visit someone else who's having problems.

RS: Not to keep harping on the names of things, but what significance do you see in that name White Mike? The narrator, Kiefer Sutherland, refers to him by that nickname over and over.

JS: Well, what Kiefer is saying are the words from the book, and that's just
how the book is written. White Mike was a real character, by the way. He was quite legendary for selling drugs to young people and Nick McDonell says he's dead now, but the teenagers in the New York area know White Mike. White Mike became a name, a generic name, for whoever the dealer was in your high-school. White Mike was the guy,
the man. He's the guy who is gonna come with the drugs, and so a lot of people took the name White Mike even though they aren't the real White Mike. So, if someone tells you that they know White Mike, they know their White Mike, but they don't know the real White Mike. But yeah, there was a real White Mike and his name was White Mike, and
in the book he is never referred to as anything else. And I like that name, White Mike.

RS: Kiefer has such a great voice. Have you ever tried to get him to do your
outgoing message?

JS: [laughs] I will now! I'm gonna tell him that. This was our fifth movie together. And also, speaking of Kiefer's voice, what he did in Phone Booth was so great, wasn’t it? You could only see him for a split second at the end of the movie and other than that he was just a voice on the phone -- and he was really controlling the whole movie. And he's just phenomenal.

RS: Your career's had an interesting trajectory, with all different budgets and styles. I’ve heard casual movie-watching friends wonder aloud why you aren’t still making highly-stylized, polished studio films like 8MM.

JS: Well, I think of Twelve as very stylized. Do you mean big gloss?

RS: Right.

JS: I think that depends on the subject matter. And I wouldn't call 8MM glossy, because 8MM wouldn't get made at a studio today. It would be way too controversial. You'd have to make that one as an independent movie. I think Phantom of the Opera is as glossy as it gets. That one would be the king of gloss in my career, and you know, it's different strokes for different folks. I like all kinds of movies myself, and people like the ones that you're talking about should know that I just make all kinds of movies. Tigerland was very gritty and even hand-held!

RS: I’d be remiss if I didn’t get in one question about my favorite of yours,
The Lost Boys. Do you have fond memories of working with Corey Haim?

JS: Oh, he was just dazzling. He was so good-looking and so funny and so charming. There was no way in the world that that fantastic thirteen year-old kid's life could have turned out the way that it did. There was not one clue, to me, that it was ever going to happen to him and it's really tragic. And I did stay in touch with him over the years and it was really like losing a family member. It's just horrible. That's all I can tell you, just that it's so horrible. But making that movie was one of the most fun things that
I've ever done. We didn't know that it would be successful, and we really just made up a lot of it right on the set. It was a blast.

Twelve is playing now in select cities.

by Christine Dinh We all know the phrase “We can still be friends, right?” ranks up there as one of the worst phrases one person can say to another person. (Don’t even get me started on that. We were never friends to begin with before whatever the heck we were happened, ass.) In addition to pseudo-romantical... more

by Christine Dinh

We all know the phrase “We can still be friends, right?” ranks up there as one of the worst phrases one person can say to another person. (Don’t even get me started on that. We were never friends to begin with before whatever the heck we were happened, ass.)

In addition to pseudo-romantical relations, we’ve all at one point in our lives used the word “friend” as a loaded weapon. In junior high, my sister and I would trade our friendship for requests with my younger cousin. If he wanted to be friends, he would have to go downstairs and grab us a snack pack.





[Gossip Girls]

In college, during an ethics hearing between myself and two other sorority sisters, our Facebook friendship status, or lack of, played a heavy part in deciding which sister displayed the most unsisterly behavior. If we’re not friends on Facebook, we were not friends in real life. (I know; you can judge.)

Today, I was referred to as a “friend,” and not in the “She’s my ‘friend’ and not girlfriend” type of way. But more of a “You’d really be my ‘friend’ if you meet these expectations” sort of thing.

What does a friend even mean nowadays? Is it a single soul dwelling in two bodies as Aristotle claims?

Going through my Facebook friends, Twitter lists, and IM buddies, I probably could only count out enough people who fit that statement on one hand.

Where do these other people fit in, and why are a majority of them “friends” and not friends?

It appears in the business of give and take which we refer to as friendships, the goods are no longer things like comfort, trust, support, understanding, etc. In fact, in today’s social world, friendships seem to operate on a barter system similar to the one I placed upon my cousin. If you were Gretchen Wieners, you understood queen bee Regina George’s friendship and popularity carried the price of your loyalty and obedience. And there are those who think of a “friend” and see their name on a tight guest list, an “in” into the company or girl of their dreams, an audience to listen to them talk, the ticket to a new life and a bunch of other unfriendlike reasons.

I’m nostalgic for the days when a friend was my catcher in the rye. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty certain my friend tank is full at the moment.

The return of The Kids in the Hall isn't being treated like a national media event. Growing up, you may have caught their show on HBO or in reruns on Comedy Central. They did a movie in 1996, Brain Candy, and still go on tour performing live shows as recently as a few years ago. They haven't... more

The return of The Kids in the Hall isn't being treated like a national media event. Growing up, you may have caught their show on HBO or in reruns on Comedy Central. They did a movie in 1996, Brain Candy, and still go on tour performing live shows as recently as a few years ago. They haven't really gone away, but they're back with a different sort of TV show.

Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town is an eight part miniseries airing on IFC in America. It's already played the Kids's hometown networks in Canada. In the show, Death (Mark McKinney) arrives in Shuckton, Ontario, where the town abortionist gives away free kittens. Each of the Kids portrays more than one of Shuckton's wacky characters, getting bumped off one by one each week. You'll meet three of Scott Thompson's latest creations on the series.

Thompson makes a triumphant return to the screen after spending last year battling cancer. His treatment for stomach cancer coincided with filming Death Comes to Town. The shoot fell right in between chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Not that a few months down time is ideal for performing on television, but he toughed it out. Now promoting the series, Thompson is back to full strength.

At The Beverly Hilton hotel, Thompson bounced around the hallways. He'd interrupt Bruce McCulloch or Kevin MacDonald's interviews with a joke, or pass out potato chips to reporters. It was a happy day anyway, the day after California overturned Prop 8. It's not the end of the fight in California, but Thompson shared a good attitude for overcoming social frustration, and funny stuff too.

SG: How does the group plan which character you'll play in which scene? The longer it goes, do you have to worry about interacting with yourself at some point?

ST: Well, that was part of it. That was part of the thing. There were certain characters that we might wanted to have played but you couldn't because you were playing another character that talked to that person too many times. It all came very naturally. I think there were certain characters that were created that people fought over. There were certain characters that everybody wanted to play. Marilyn, for example, the mayor's wife. Everybody wanted to be Marilyn but I think it became very clear that it was going to be Dave. For me, I play less characters than the other because I got sick before the show so I had not as much energy. So I had three main characters: Heather Weather, Crim Hollingsworth and Dusty Diamond. They are three main characters so I was in charge of those characters, their arcs and working on them. So there were certain smaller characters that I would have loved to have played, but next time. The next series when I don't have cancer I'll be doing that.

SG: Who did you miss out on playing?

ST: The motel owner that Dave plays. He does a great job but I would've loved to have been the motel owner. I would have loved to have been the grief counselor. Marnie the old lady but that was a big one. That was between Kevin and I from the beginning. Then I said, "I played the old lady in Brain Candy. My acting muscle's not that big so if I did her, it would be very similar to the old lady in Brain Candy." That's when I decided I'd play Crim who originally I think Bruce wanted to play. Then no one really wanted to be Ricky. Ricky was a tough one, the 400 lb. guy.

SG: Should people go on message boards and theorize about who the killer might be?

ST: It'll just cause you grief. It really won't help. For this series, as long as you're laughing, that's all we really care about. And if you're trying to follow it logically, just stop right now.

SG: There may not be logic, but it does tell a story.

ST: It does. There is a story. You're not going to cry. I hope not. You're not moved in any way. Characters don't really change. They don't really learn anything but then comiccharacters rarely learn. When comic characters learn, then they become dramatic charactersin a way.

SG: Is that a problem with comedies of the last 10 years? They're all trying to have a message and a lesson.

ST: Yes, absolutely. It's the death. It's the worst thing. It's the enemy of comedy. Comedy is not about teaching people lessons or preaching tolerance or any of those things. It's about mucking around in the id. That's why that phrase "positive role model" makes me fall asleep like it's a hypnotist waving in front of me, because that's not what comedy's about. Comedy is about laughing at how silly and foolish and venal we are.

SG: How did comedy get this way then?

ST: Maybe it's the generation. Maybe it's the generation of kids that have too much self-esteem. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's too many kids that were raised to think that everything that they did was amazing. Therefore characters have to. I don't know, it might be part of an American thing too, America's myths about coming from nothing and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and taking lemons and making lemonade. I think Canadians are maybe a little more cynical about that sort of thing. Definitely the Brits are and our sense of humor comes as much from England as it comes from the states. It's true, in Canadian comedy, people generally don't worry about a redemptive arc for a comic characters.

SG: That's really interesting about the self-esteem. It never occurred to me how egotistical it is that every character has to learn something.

ST: Isn't it? It is. And they don't. You look at the history of comedy and the great comic characters, what makes them hilarious is that they never learn.

SG: Look at Homer Simpson, it's been 20 years.

ST: He's not going to learn. "I shouldn't have that donut." You wouldn't want him to. There's nothing heartwarming in this series and I'm very proud of that. In fact it's heart chilling.

SG: Would giving away free kittens solve the abortion debate?

ST: For cats it would.

SG: Does the series make other political digs on hot button topics?

ST: By politics, if you mean the politics of human nature, yes. I'm sure there are things. Yes, there are. They're never taken on consciously. There are certain things that we know that we're doing and we know that that will piss people off and that's true. We don't set out to do that but we're aware that it will do that.

SG: Is it sort of funny that people feel so strongly about an issue anyway?

ST: I think it's funny. Outrage is funny and I can say that as a person who spent much of my time in a state of outrage. I'm not like that. I don't really feel that any more. Intense outrage is hilarious.

SG: What changed that for you?

ST: Getting older and beating cancer has definitely been something for me. When you're on the other side of it, you tend to look at life as much more silly and a game. It's like I've been playing a video game for a number of years and then I'm in the bonus round now. I'm like oh, man, this is great. Of course I still get outraged over certain things but I try to keep it outside of my comedy.

SG: Is part of it that things have gotten better socially?

ST: Oh yes, much better. Gay things, anything, socially, absolutely. We have a mixed race president. They overturned Prop 8. Yeah. I think for people to say that it hasn't is kind of weird. No, you should wake up, smell the coffee. Remember what coffee used to be like? Even McDonald's has good coffee. Absolutely things are moving forward. You're cynical about that.

SG: It's hard to get too happy because I know that even when they overturn Prop 8, that just mean more loud people will complain about it and it'll still be a fight.

ST: Oh, this isn't remotely over but it's never going to be over, I don't think. Never.

SG: Well, we ended slavery. We gave women and blacks the vote. It seems inevitable.

ST: It is inevitable but you'll never erase prejudice. There will always be a way for people to feel better than other people. That's what I believe. I just know that for me now I'm just like yeah, things are getting better. I just think human nature is the way it is. We'll find something else. It'll be like test tube babies vs. natural babies. Clones vs. non clones. There'll be something. Redheads. In 100 years, redheads are all going to be imprisoned and having sex. They'll just be prostitutes because they'll be so rare, everybody will fetishize red haired people.

SG: So we should see the humor in how upset and angry people get over something that shouldn't bother them at all?

ST: Yeah, yeah. Years ago, I remember being at the March on Washington many years ago, the very first one, and Fred Phelps, remember him? He's that freak from Nebraska who's got that family and they picket AIDS funerals and soldiers' funerals and they say things like, "AIDS kills fags dead." They're just evil, evil people. He got in his face with his family, just spittle flying out of him, and it's kind of funny if you think about it.

SG: Do you think people who are neutral can see that and think, "Well, let's not be like that guy. Whatever he believes, let's do the opposite."?

ST: I don't know. Outrage is always going to be funny.

SG: How many times did the Kids almost get back together?

ST: Oh, 17? It's a weird one. I think the only time we actually ever truly broke up was after the disaster known as Brain Candy, financial disaster that it was. Artistically I don't see it that way and we didn't speak for maybe four or five years. But then after that, we've never been apart.

SG: Was there blame within the group for problems with that movie?

ST: There was a lot of blame going around, but not now. Now it's different. Sometimes we don't even remember why we hated each other. It's not really important. Yeah, there were a lot of ugly things said but like a family, you get through it. The thing between us, the glue is very, very strong. We're like the mafia. You don't leave.

SG: Was doing the series more like doing the movie where you tell a whole story with sketches and characters inside it?

ST: It was like that but a hell of a lot more fun than making that movie. Yeah, I guess it was. There are certain scenes in the show that could survive as sketches. I guess you're right, it was.

SG: But with eight episodes, is it a lot more epic?

ST: Yes, it's like a four hour movie. 3 1/2, three hours 40 minute movie. It is quite epic. It's comedy, obviously, first. I don't think any of the great mystery writers are rolling over in their graves. Especially the ones that are alive, they're not rolling in their graves. It was a thrill. I just love playing characters so it doesn't matter to me what medium they're in. As long as I get to throw on wigs and clothes and moustaches, I'm a happy man.

SG: Whether it's a standalone sketch or it has a role in the story, either way?

ST: Yeah, doesn't matter to me. I just like playing different people.

SG: As the group gets older, does your point of view get funnier or less so?

ST: I think funnier actually. You look at life in a more realistic way. I think as I've gotten older, life has become more of a comedy than it was when I was younger. When I was younger I saw it more as a tragedy which is ironic that I would go into comedy, but now I do see it as much more of a comedy. Just generally I find people hilarious.

SG: Does that inform the characters you play or your reactions to the other characters?

ST: I think both. For example, one of the characters I play in the series, Heather Weather, I never really would've played a woman like that before because she's really not as nuanced as some of the women I've played before. She's kind of an out and out bitch. It's interesting, I never really worried about her motivation. I just went this is the way she is and this is the way she's written. I'm just going to play her like an out and out sociopath in a way. It's a lot of fun.

SG: Do you think anyone from Death Comes to Town will become one of your new trademark characters?

ST: Yeah, I do. I'm thinking of writing something for Dusty. I had this idea for Crim, the Windian, the white guy who's 1/16 Indian, eh. I thought it would be really fun, and sort of a page from Sacha Baron Cohen but I don't mind taking pages from him. He took pages from me. I thought it'd be really fun to host a show as him on Indian affairs. In Canada we have a station called APTN which is the Aboriginal network. I thought it'd be really funny pitching a show with Crim talking about native affairs, eh? And a white guy doing it, so that's sort of a germ in my head. That would be so post-racial. That's where I do think we are now. I don't think that the world has quite woken up to it yet but I do believe we're there. Certainly, there'll always be work to do but I really think that collectively, especially here in the west we can breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe I'm a little Pollyanna about it right now but maybe that's the euphoria of beating cancer.

SG: Doing a TV show in character, Cohen wasn't the first either. That's been around in comedy.

ST: Yes, that has been. I do love him. I think he's a genius.

SG: Do you have a relationship with him?

ST: Never.

SG: What do you feel he got from you?

ST: Maybe I'm wrong here, but I'd like to think he knows us. I can't imagine he's not a fan of The Kids in the Hall. It would be disappointing for me because I remember meeting one of the Monty Pythons and they didn't know who we were. I thought, "Don't ever meet another Python" because I don't want to hear that. I won't say who it is but I'm sure Bruno, I'm sure he'd seen Buddy Cole. Maybe not. You know what I like about when he does Bruno - I think Bruno is a better film than Borat. I thought it was genius - was that he's so far away from who he really is that he just feels completely free. I feel the same way when I played someone like Danny Husk, my businessman character. I can do whatever the hell I want. I have a book coming out with Danny called The Hollow Planet which is my graphic novel and I just went to Comic Con in character. When I put that moustache on, I do crazy things. He loves women so I end up making out with women all the time. Maybe that's what I'm doing. I use that moustache to explore my latent bisexuality.

SG: How many issues is the graphic novel?

ST: It's a book. There's going to be three books. This is a full length graphic novel. The whole series is called Husk and the first book is called The Hollow Planet. It's a big comic epic fantasy starring Danny Husk.

SG: And it's funny?

ST: Yeah, it's funny. Again, it's a comedy epic fantasy but comedy's first. It's beautiful. It's from Frozen Beach and IDW is publishing it November 1st so I'm very, very excited. It's funny, you don't do anything for years and years, or anything that gets into the public's radar. Then all of a sudden you have two things which is pretty amazing for me. Especially where I was a year ago.

SG: How are you doing now?

ST: Excellent. I just had a new report and everything was great. I'm feeling better than I have been and all the side effects are pretty much gone. I feel for the first time, in quite a while, myself.

SG: Ready to put on wigs and makeup?

ST: Yeah, absolutely.

SG: Are there any character you're glad you never have to play again?

ST: Nope.

SG: Any you miss?

ST: Oh yeah. Francesca Fiore, I miss doing her. Weston Esterhazy, he was a character that never totally took off and I don't quite understand why. Buddy. I definitely put Buddy away for a while. After I saw Bruno, I was with Paul Bellini and he said, "Buddy's gotta retire for a little while." I went, "Maybe so." Even though they're not remotely the same, they're just both really effeminate, but the public's not sophisticated enough to see those differences I don't think. But I'm thinking of putting a tour as Buddy Cole in the new year, like a Dame Edna kind of a thing.

SG: A solo tour?

ST: Yes, and I'm definitely planning a standup tour soon. I've really fallen in love with standup again. I love characters more than anything but I do think a Buddy tour would be a lot of fun. So we'll see.

The Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town begins August 20 on IFC.

by Bob Suicide There are two different kinds of geeks: those that take the blue pill and the ones that take the red…and depending upon which color you subscribe to; your interaction with the world at large (and the l33t ladies within it) will vary widely. Take the blue pill and you’ll find that you’re... more

by Bob Suicide

There are two different kinds of geeks: those that take the blue pill and the ones that take the red…and depending upon which color you subscribe to; your interaction with the world at large (and the l33t ladies within it) will vary widely.

Take the blue pill and you’ll find that you’re unable to stop talking in social situations. You may not even be conscious of it, but to other observers they can see the looong green lines of code just spilling out of your mouth without end. Take the red pill and you’re so cripplingly shy, you can’t seem to talk to anyone. You just wander thorough various social situations as an observer.





The battle isn’t with the machines, it’s with you’re own ability to interact with the people around you…

I’ve discussed it with other Suicide Girls and this phenomena can be witnessed–at it’s height–at conventions. We’re often approached by partakers of the blue pill who will sit at our booths for HOURS talking about this and that…but we’ll also meet red pill fans who are SO shy they approach us shaking with fear and leave without saying a word. Neither choice action really gets you any closer to the heart (or pants) of a geeky girl (particularly if she’s in a red dress).

Now, I myself am a firm addict of the red pills. Which is important to note ’cause this geeky Matrix is not exclusive to men. For all of you looking to bag a nerdy lady, don’t fret too much over which color lozenge you took because the girl you’re planning to talk to is going through the same exact struggle.

As a group, us nerds are not known for having the best social skills (and that includes girls too). So, be aware of which group you fall into (red or blue) and adjust your social interactions accordingly. It’s all about balance, be aware of you and how you engage your surroundings.

If you notice you tend to talk too much, try actively switching up long-winded discussions with questions directed at someone else in the conversation. A girl doesn’t want to hear how cool you are, she wants to have a discussion about how cool the two of you could be as a team. Think of it in terms of gaming: there are very few of us who can enjoy watching someone else play through story mode…but in co-op, every one gets a turn.

While, being overly quiet and shy doesn’t even get you in the game. Don’t be afraid to grab a controller, press “x” and join! Since I fall into this category, I can recommend advice I try to put into practice myself: breathe and try to make eye contact. Clenching up and looking down is a surfire way to miss what’s going on around you as a result. Don’t be Rajesh Koothrappali. Geeky girls are awesome, but they’re still just people. You don’t need a grashopper or extra hit points to keep us engaged. A simple, “hi” and a smile is an easy way to get the ball rolling.

Now, whether you wake from your dream or stay in Wonderland…remember this blog, download some kung fu and get ready to date!

Jason Schwartzman loves the Suicide Girls. He called out his favorite by name and even mentioned another one by her signature tattoo. It makes sense that he’d be so cultured, coming from the Coppola family. They have high class tastes in film, music and even fine wine (try the Coppola shiraz. It’s... more

Jason Schwartzman loves the Suicide Girls. He called out his favorite by name and even mentioned another one by her signature tattoo. It makes sense that he’d be so cultured, coming from the Coppola family. They have high class tastes in film, music and even fine wine (try the Coppola shiraz. It’s delightful.)

Alternative beauty is especially relevant to Schwartzman’s latest movie. In Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Scott (Michael Cera) has to fight his new girlfriend’s seven evil exes. Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) expresses a lot of Suicide Girls qualities, the way she dresses and her different hair colors (three hair changes in the film), though no visible tats. We’ll assume the tats are in the director’s cut.

Schwartzman plays Gideon Gordon Graves, the evilest of Ramona Flowers’ seven evil exes. He’s the final battle for Scott. How cool is that? A Hollywood movie about two guys battling it out over a Suicide Girl? It’s based on the comic book by Bryan Lee O’Malley and directed by Edgar Shaun of the Dead Wright, full of martial arts battles and video game style.

When Schwartzman debuted as Max Fischer in Rushmore, kung fu action wouldn’t have been anyone’s prediction for his future. Everyone grows up though. Now a 30-year-old man, Schwartzman sports a moustache as he makes the press rounds for Scott Pilgrim. He seemed happiest to talk about Suicide Girls though, exclaiming “No shit!” when he heard we were at the table.

Fred Topel: So Ramona Flowers has some Suicide Girls qualities.

Jason Schwartzman: I love the Suicide Girls. I like the girl Radeo. I like Radeo, that’s her name.

FT: Radeo will be happy to hear that. So you’re really familiar with the Girls?

JS: I was just talking to my publicist, Matt Labov, because he  represents Will Ferrell and I was telling him that one of the Suicide Girls got a tattoo on her thigh that says “Milk was a bad choice” from Anchorman. She [James] has that tattooed on her thigh, because he drinks milk on a really hot day and he goes, "Argh, milk was a bad choice," and that’s what she got tattooed on her thigh.

FT: Do you go for the Suicide Girls type?

JS: I went with my girlfriend in high school to get her first tattoo ever when she turned 18. That was the thing she did right when she turned 18. She went and got a tattoo.

FT: What was it?

JS: A star, right here [on her thigh], real original.

FT: How do you like it rockin the ‘stache? Is that just your own thing or for a film?

JS: I’m doing that for me, for my wife, for us. She said she liked it.

FT: Do you do a lot of gaming yourself?

JS: When I was a kid I played a lot of Super Nintendo and Nintendo NES and stuff, but not recently. I want to now. I’m afraid though. I know on some levels it would be addictive for someone like me because I spend a lot of time alone, and that would be so much fun I can’t think about it.

FT: What were the top five video game you really liked as a kid?

JS: Breakthrough was my favorite one. There was Double Dribble, Metroid, MegaMan and Mario Brothers.

FT: With all the video game influence in the film, do you think it plays to non gamers?

JS: I’ll tell you tomorrow because my mom has never played a video game in her life and she’s coming tonight to see the movie. I’m curious to see it. I’m pretty sure the reaction will be that she will be happy. The best case is that she will be happy, but I think it will be mesmerizing to her. People also love to see stuff that they don’t know anything about, new worlds. I think that people that don’t know a lot about video games will be just like, "What is that?" I think it will be a sense of wonder or something.  I think that’s very interesting.

FT: How about comic books?

JS: One thing I really love is the R. Crumb's Kafka book. He kind of illustrates the life of Kafka. It's great. Also The Beats. He does a little autobiography of the beat poets [with Harvey Pekar.]
I hate to admit it but I wish all my books in high school were comic books. I mean like textbooks. I can learn and retain it so much easier for some reason when words and pictures, showing it to me at the same time. I mean, it sounds so silly to say but a page of words is daunting when we’re reading about the beats. "Oh, Kerouac?" Now it all makes sense if it's so well done. It’s like right in between a movie and a book.

FT: How much fun did you have playing the bad guy?

JS: It was really fun. It was really scary because when I showed up I guess they shot the Katayanagi twins after I shot my big sword-fighting scene. But, for the most part they had shot all the exes, I think, in chronological order so I kind of showed up toward the end. It was really scary for me because Edgar was showing me a bunch of stuff they had edited together and it was like, "Look at this!" and it was all so great. It was just kind of like a thing I was thinking to myself, "This is a really great opportunity for me to ruin his movie." It’s like I’m coming in at the end and what if I f*ck this up, and I didn’t want to be too much. I didn’t want to be cliché, you know? These things were floating around in my head. So I was just asking so many questions like, "What do you want? Where do you want Gideon?" Edgar and Bryan were so helpful to me, and one thing Bryan said was great was, "Just remember this whole movie is through Scott Pilgrim’s eyes, so you don’t play Gideon Graves as if this was in the real world. Don’t think like that. Approach it as you play how Scott sees Gideon. Be his idea of the worst nightmare ex-boyfriend." So that’s really where I was coming from, like who would I hate to meet if my ex-girlfriend was like, "This is my ex!" I would hate someone saying like, "Hey!" and being nice, trying to help me, and being really sweet.

FT: What was Edgar's direction?

JS: Edgar said he saw Gideon as passive-aggressive. Well, to me that’s a tricky thing to play because there are some passive-aggressive people where you can tell they are passive-aggressive instantly, and then there are other passive-aggressive people where you don’t realize it until it's too late. I asked Edgar about that. "How overt do you want his douchey-ness?"  I hate to say it. It was tricky, because it’s not like you're going to meet him and go, "Oh, he’s a great guy. Obviously you know he’s got to fill this role of the seventh evil ex. He’s got to be that, but where do you want it?" He came up with this great thing which was kind of like 10 is evil Satan, one is just a great person, a wonderfully sweet guy with really no evil at all and then we would do different takes of different levels of it just so he had it. Then in the editing room he could kind of put them together. Although I don’t like to watch myself, one thing I can see that Edgar did was take one take where I’m a real cocksucker asshole and another where I’m sincerely nice and it makes Gideon seem unstable, which I like.

FT: What was the average number you ended up at? Were you more of an 8 or a 2?

JS: I would think I was more like a six, six or seven.

FT: Was it difficult being a musician in a movie with music and not actually drawing on that talent at all?

JS: Did I want to run in there and play in the scenes?

FT: Did you ever have that impulse watching everyone else having a good time?

JS: Totally! I’m glad that I wasn’t because it’s very hard, as you’ll find with any musician, to just make them stop playing. Alison Pill was sitting at the drum set for so many hours and I was like, "That is the exact person who should be behind that drum set for 12 hours." If I had a guitar in my hand it would be so distracting. Anytime there was an instrument around, it’s not like you want to show off. It's fun. You want to get your hands on them. It's fun. It’s hard to be around instruments and not play them.

FT: There was a big Scott Pilgrim experience at Comic-Con. What was it like to be amongst your fans, and be there without your publicists and manager and just be in the middle?

JS: I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about that. When I was in my band, you play and then you take your instruments off stage and then go hang out in the bar and drink with everybody. It never seemed like there was much of a difference. I just went and got a bunch of shirts made and people were like, "Can I take your picture?"  I think it’s a different thing for someone like Robert Pattinson because I heard people will try to grab him and really try to hold him and rips his clothes. I’ve never experienced anything like that, except at home.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World opens August 13.

by Nathalie Moody Trimming, plucking, waxing, shaving. Painful laser procedures to destroy hair follicles. Expensive toxic ritual of cutting, dying, straightening our luscious head hair! Women go through a lot of work to maintain their hair growth. All these techniques are part of an expensive and high... more

by Nathalie Moody

Trimming, plucking, waxing, shaving. Painful laser procedures to destroy hair follicles. Expensive toxic ritual of cutting, dying, straightening our luscious head hair! Women go through a lot of work to maintain their hair growth. All these techniques are part of an expensive and high maintenance hair management routine, all for the sake of attracting a mate. Guys are not immune to societal pressure to be hairless. Bare chests, bald heads, hairless legs images surround us. The amount of hair a man possesses, along with where it is located, seems to indicate where he will fall on the attraction scale.





Now I embrace the movement away from au naturel days of the 70‘s when way too much hair was everywhere. With all that acid-induced dancing and twirling to the Led or the Dead, I can imagine that intimate times involved a lot tolerance for certain smells and hair in the teeth. (I know..a little vomit came up in my mouth too).

Sitting with my lesbian friend, Carrie, we began discussing all the effort some gals put into this movement towards a hair free-existence. She expresses annoyance at this seemingly ludicrous amount of energy spent on maintaining the hair to stay sexy where women look “pre-pubescent” from the waist down.

Carrie -“Why not keep it natural, Sista? I understand the need to trim it up or shave some off here and there. But if women never shaved that leg hair in the first place, it would be soft and lovely like the fuzz on a peach!”

Nat – “Can you honestly enjoy kissing and loving on a bunch of scratchy, stinky pubic hair? Come on, be honest! There is nothing nicer than smoothly waxed lady!”

Carrie -”No argument there. But honestly, all this pressure to look like that hairless porn star with the ridiculously long fake nails is just wrong and doesn’t do a thing for me. It’s so unrealistic. Most of us will never look like or hook up with that girl or guy. I prefer spending my time making love to a real person. I’m not freaking out about the amount of hair on my body, or the size of my big hips and small tits”.

Nat – “Definitely. Some people spend way too much time on their appearance. But…I love someone that takes care of their business and wants to accentuate their sexy. A freshly shaved, waxed, and bathed body is such a turn-on!”

Carrie – “Of course I might prefer some bareness to the funky hair designs that some woman come up with. You have the stripe, the patch, the triangle and some unnecessary designs like a heart or a lightning bolt! Hilarious”.

So we agree that it just comes down to personal preference. Respect yourself enough to either trim, shave, wax to our heart’s content, let it go, or find a middle ground. To each its own. Of course neither of us are suggesting that we should go hair-free or revert to the hair- infested days of the our hippie predecessors, where the site of hair creeping out of panties and shirts run wild. It just seems the focus should really be about embracing “what cha Momma gave ya” and making it work for you.

(video) Silvi Suicide stops by for this weeks video blog, along with Rambo and Missy. Check out a preview of Rambo in the lingerie she wore for the Ink ‘N’ Undies fashion show, get a peek of Missy’s new ink, and find out what’s so great about back to back multiples. more

Silvi Suicide stops by for this weeks video blog, along with Rambo and Missy. Check out a preview of Rambo in the lingerie she wore for the Ink ‘N’ Undies fashion show, get a peek of Missy’s new ink, and find out what’s so great about back to back multiples.

There was a time when you couldn't just find any song you wanted on iTunes. You couldn't even find them all in music stores. In the early days of rap, artists would sell cassette tapes out of the trunk of their cars. That's the world Ice Cube came out of. He was part of the influential... more

There was a time when you couldn't just find any song you wanted on iTunes. You couldn't even find them all in music stores. In the early days of rap, artists would sell cassette tapes out of the trunk of their cars. That's the world Ice Cube came out of. He was part of the influential group N.W.A., which stands for something I'm not even comfortable spelling out.

Today you may only know Ice Cube as the star of family movies like Are We There Yet and Barbershop. He produces too, including the Friday series, TV spinoffs of Barbershop and Are We There Yet, and this weekend's new release Lottery Ticket. He also appears in the film as Mr. Washington. Ice Cube still makes music too. His new album, I Am the West, drops September 28 and he just went on tour with Snoop Dogg.

Lottery Ticket stars Bow Wow as Kevin, poor kid who dreams of going to design school. When he wins the lottery, Kevin finds neighbors and women suddenly cozying up to him, close friends treating him differently, and even dangerous criminals setting their sights on his winnings. Mr. Washington is a retired boxer who lives in a basement. Sporting a little gray in his beard, he teaches Kevin that he should do what he loves, regardless of money, and even if he's not very good at it. (Mr. Washington wasn't a very good boxer.)

Ice Cube kept it casual for Lottery Ticket. You can't help but notice the diamond stud in his left ear, but that's the only millionaire touch of bling. Otherwise it's baseball cap, sweatshirt, backpack things we all wear. The talk was stuff we all think about: the arts, the future and what to do with our lives.

SG: Mr. Washington says you should do what you love even if you're not good at it. You happened to be good at music and movies, but is that what you believe?

IC: Well, I feel like if you can do what you want to do and be happy with it, that's more important than doing what you think you should be doing. Sometimes you can think you should be a certain way, your father's a carpenter, you think you should be one but the most important thing is to do what makes you feel good. You'll probably live a lot longer.

SG: Are there a lot more chances now, if you're not an expert, to do what you love on YouTube or iTunes?

IC: I think so. Technology lends itself, if you can use some brain power, you might figure out how to make money with something you love to do. I think still the majority of people out there are doing stuff they don't really love. What they love to do is usually a hobby and they can't really make a living with it.

SG: That's the other side. Is there a danger that you fuel false hopes if someone is trying to make it at something they're just not good at?

IC: Yeah, you can. Especially if it's getting you nowhere, if you're doing something that you love but it's really getting you nowhere in life, then you probably want to put less time into that. You'll probably end up as one of the people who are doing stuff more to survive than what they love to do.

SG: Is there a balance where you can keep it in your life if it makes you happy?

IC: I think so. First of all, you've got to do what you've got to do to survive, first of all. Then I think if you put your brain to work, your hobby, the things you love to do on the side, if you put your brain to work you can figure out how to make money with that and how to make a living at it. But, it might not be as fun at the end of the day.

SG: Once it becomes a business?

IC: Say you like to fish and you figure out how you can make a business out of it, then it might not be as fun to. It is a balance.

SG: Do you miss the guerilla days when people were selling cassettes out of the trunk of their car?

IC: Yeah, because you felt like it had value, what you're doing had value. Now it's like you're not sure if it has value or not. You do it and you don't know if people are going to buy it or steal it or download it or not buy it. If you're making a living off it, it makes you feel like okay, I need to do something else too to make a living at this. Pretty soon there's going to be a generation that just never buys nothing. They just take it. Then if there's a generation that just takes stuff, then there's going to be a generation that don't make stuff because it's going to get taken. So at some point, something's got to give because we're seeing less and less music coming down the pipe, less and less movies being made. It's all because of downloading and internet and piracy and all this stuff.

SG: How do you figure there's less? It seems like five movies open every weekend, and new music sources even if it's just American Idol.

IC: I see that there's less music. As far as the music I do, I know that they're not doing as many deals with artists. It's harder to get a deal as an artist. I know it's harder to get movies made. Everything is tightening up. I can feel the screws tightening up on everything. What it is is the illusion with the iPod and all these gadgets where you can play all this music, it gives the illusion that music is still flowing free but it's not. It's older music you're stuffing into those things. It's not the new, fresh [music]. That's starting to come down the pipe slower and slower every year.

SG: Do the new technological tools make music better or worse?

IC: I think it makes it worse because you don't have the live feel. I don't know kids that are picking up bass. I don't know kids that are picking up guitars, drums. Where's the garage bands? You used to drive by and see one of them playing in their garage in the 80's. You don't see that no more. It's just all computers. It's not even instruments no more. Usually you have the instruments with the computer. Now the instrument's inside the computer. People are playing like that. So it's becoming wacky. I don't know where the new musicians are going to come from. Less music in schools, it's just getting to a point where: where are the new musicians going to come from 50 years from now?, who are going to be playing?

SG: Do you have a way of incorporating technology into your music?

IC: Yeah, I think you have to. One thing you can't fight is City Hall and technology, you know what I mean? You have to keep up. If not, you're going to be left behind so I still get live musicians to come play and things like that just because I'm more comfortable doing it that way. But you know, there's going to come a time where that might feel obsolete.

SG: With all the sensitivity over the N word these days, do you think a group of artists could call themselves NWA knowing what the N stands for?

IC: Yeah. It's like there's a lot of words in the English language. Some of them sting. Some of them don't. That's a stinger, like the word f*ck. It stings every time you hear it. I don't think that will ever go away but I don't think that's going to be a reason that it's not used or that it is used. It's just kind of part of the English language. It's just part of the fabric in a lot of ways.

SG: Was that the point of calling the group that name?

IC: It's kind of taking the power out of the word and defusing it and not making it as hurtful. Words are like a knife. You can cut your food up with it or you can cut somebody up with it. It's as dangerous as the user and it's as deadly as the user so it's always in context. Pretty much every word and everything that's said, put it in context. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it don't.

SG: The movie is about how quickly money changes you and the people around you. Have you enjoyed the trappings of success?

IC: Yeah, of course.

SG: Is that a healthy part of it, like the earring you're wearing and jewelry?

IC: Yeah, those are trinkets. As far as enjoying it, being able to be in a nice hotel and take a nice vacation and enjoy the perks of luxury is nice. You would be kind of crazy. I'm not going to be a Warren Buffett or somebody who just keeps it all quaint. I just would rather enjoy it, but it's all in balance. I don't want to spend all my money and not pass none down to my grandkids. I don't want to spend it all, so I'm not going to spend it all. Enjoy things in moderation. I'm past the splurge point in my life. I don't think I would splurge because there's nothing to splurge on.

SG: I read a review from Outlawvern.com that on your last tour, you didn't do any NWA or even Amerikkka's Most Wanted or Death Certificate. Do you not do those songs anymore?

IC: I just didn't on this show because I was opening up for Snoop. We only had an hour. Snoop's audience is a little different than my audience. You come to see an Ice Cube concert, I think it's just a little more on the hardcore tip. Snoop's crowd is a little smoother, a little more with the R&B flavor. I just wanted to do enough to warm the crowd up for him. When I come back and I can do an hour and a half, hour 45 minutes, then I'll incorporate the NWA stuff, Amerikkka's Most Wanted, Death Certificate. The complaint I usually get is that I don't do enough new songs. I do more of a retrospective medley from the start of my career to now.

SG: So for the I Am the West tour you'll mix it up?

IC: Oh yeah, hell yeah. You'll see everything.

Lottery Ticket opens August 20.

by Tara Diane I recently discovered quick-dry casting resin and can’t get enough of it. Casting resin comes in two bottles. When you mix them together it forms this liquid plasticy shit (I don’t really care about the science), which you can then pour into molds and let harden into a solid plastic-like... more

by Tara Diane

I recently discovered quick-dry casting resin and can’t get enough of it. Casting resin comes in two bottles. When you mix them together it forms this liquid plasticy shit (I don’t really care about the science), which you can then pour into molds and let harden into a solid plastic-like substance. So today, our DIY project is space invader resin magnets! Or just any resin magnet shape you choose; we don’t discriminate.



What you’ll need:

• Silicone or plastic molds. I used this mold, among others.

• A surface you don’t mind getting messy

• Gloves (I highly regret not using them!)

• Casting resin. The one I used is “Amazing Casting Resin” and it comes in the two big bottles seen below. It’s available at places like Hobby Lobby and Michaels.

• Resin dye. The one I used is by “Castin’ Craft,” and I just mixed red and white to make pink.

• Magnet strips with adhesive backing



The steps to this are actually insanely simple. You mix the two bottles in a 1:1 ratio and add in a few drops of dye (more in-depth directions are in the package, but it really is that simple). You QUICKLY pour the mixture into your molds. You wait a couple of minutes. Seriously, easiest shit ever.



Here are my filled molds. I mixed some yellow, light pink, and hot pink resins. Even though this looks messy, don’t worry, it isn’t going to ruin your precious molds.



Once they dry (about five minutes) peel them out of the molds.



See what I did there?



Now that all of your little resin pieces are finished, start sticking magnets to the backs of them. If you purchased magnet strips with adhesive on the back, all you have to do is cut and stick. Hard life!



You’re done! Enjoy giggling about your silly magnets when you come home sauced at 3am! Or give them to some geeky girl who is bound to be impressed by your creativity.

Notes:

- One of the two resin mixtures eats through plastic cups!  I left it sitting on my table and when I came back an hour later there was an awesome pile of goopy shit everywhere.  When you’re finished, dispose of everything immediately.

- Wear gloves!  I’m kind of cocky/stupid and don’t follow safety directions usually, but definitely wear gloves for this.  This stuff is impossible to wash off.

- When you mix the two ingredients together, it’s going to get very hot.  Don’t freak out, it’s normal.

- You should probably work outside.

The title of Elisabeth Shue's new movie is self explanatory. Piranha 3-D is about killer piranhas. Actually, playing a mom in the film was important to her. "I got to be an action hero but I also got to be a mom trying to save her kids," Shue said at a public screening of violent, nudity... more

The title of Elisabeth Shue's new movie is self explanatory. Piranha 3-D is about killer piranhas. Actually, playing a mom in the film was important to her. "I got to be an action hero but I also got to be a mom trying to save her kids," Shue said at a public screening of violent, nudity filled footage at San Diego Comic Con. "So that combination was great."

In case you're not as familiar with her earlier work, let's run down the basics of her career:

In The Karate Kid, she played Allie, actually the reason Danielsan started a fight with Johnny. In Adventures in Babysitting she took three kids into the city and climbed the rafters. In Back to the Future Part II and III she replaced Claudia Wells as Jennifer, Marty McFly's girlfriend who witnesses herself in the future. In Leaving Las Vegas she was nominated for an Oscar for playing a prostitute who comforts a man drinking himself to death. Recently she played Elisabeth Shue in Hamlet 2, who a high school drama teacher discovers working as a nurse and his students don't recognize her. And she produced and starred in Gracie, a personal Shue family story about a young girl breaking boundaries in the junior leagues of soccer.

At San Diego for Comic Con, Shue was the picture of class. While her costars posed with their lady parts hanging out at their late night footage screening, Shue still looked like the real movie star in a sweater and wearing glasses. Privately, it seemed like Shue had other things she wanted to talk about besides movies she made 20 years ago, but she was a good sport. Like a buddy you haven't seen in a while, she put on a smile and reminisced about old times.

FT: This movie has you, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfus and Jerry O'Connell. Is there some magic about the ë80s era actors?

ES: Well, in some movies. I mean, there's tons of terrible movies from the ë80s too. Yeah, maybe it was the beginning of the innocence of the blockbuster and the innocence of the big movie coming into being that started to develop in the ë80s. Jaws came out in '75 so I think there was an innocence to that time that we can go back to and explore further.

FT: From the inside, having made Karate Kid, Adventures in Babysitting and the Back to the Future sequels - -

ES: I guess I'm firmly planted into the 80s.

FT: Do you sense something about the people who came from that world?

ES: The only thing I can really think of is there's definitely an innocence to the stories that were told back then that I think are lacking now, and they were more character-driven. Even in a movie like Back to the Future, it wasn't all about the special effects. There were hardly any special effects. It was just a story about this people and just a really well told story with amazing actors. So I think there's a lot to learn. Just think how we went back to the ë70s for drama. People had to go back to the ë70s to re-learn how to tell a good story. Maybe with these huge popcorn movies they're going to have to go back to the ë80s to remember how to tell a good story.

FT: This summer, how weird was it to see the number one movie in America was The Karate Kid?

ES: That was kind of cool because when I was in the first Karate Kid, I didn't even know how much money it made. Until three years later, somebody told me it made $100 million. I was like, "Really? That's amazing." I haven't gone to see it but everyone says it's reinvented enough. It's still the same core story but because they made it different, it is its own movie. That's why it's probably so big.

FT: I went back and I didn't appreciate how mature The Karate Kid was. So even as a grown man, I relate to it.

ES: Great stories are timeless.

FT: Besides Adventures in Babysitting, is this your first action role?

ES: Yeah, I think so. I did do Hollow Man which had similar aspects to it but the one thing I realized, what makes this so wonderful and I think Hollow Man suffered for not having it be more fun. I think audiences love to be scared but they also love to laugh. They love to have release from tension and I think that's why this movie's going to be so amazing, because it has so much action, so much tension and so much humor.

FT: The fun of it is "Aw, they got me."

ES: Yeah, I found myself, and I never would go see a horror movie, but I found myself last night screaming and then laughing. Then I punched Adam [Scott]. It just became so physical and so visceral, the experience. I've not experienced that for so long because I haven't gone to see horror movies or even want to go see them because I think they would just be horrific and dark and terrible. I think this will change things.

FT: Well, there's the kind of horor movie that's supposed to make you uncomfortable and then the kind that's just fun.

ES: This is both. That's what's so amazing tonally. I'm just amazed that he was able to weave those tones together and keep them all playing. That's kind of spectacular.

FT: Was Adventures in Babysitting a real action movie to you?

ES: In some ways it was, definitely. It has a similar weaving of reality and tension and fun and absurdity.

FT: How much did you get to do yourself?

ES: I did everything. Oh yeah, I did everything in that movie. I did everything in this movie, pretty much. There's only a teeny shot of a stunt person. Blisters, big, big, blisters on my hands but I didn't complain. Not once.

FT: Could they remake Adventures in Babysitting today?

ES: They're trying to. They've been trying to for years. They actually are in a great way but they tried to do the actual Adventures in Babysitting. There was a part, I guess it didn't work out, there was going to be a part that I could have maybe played. Jonah Hill is going to be babysitting for kids and it's all going to go awry. The basic theme of babysitting kids and an adventure that ensues, yeah.

FT: Do kids even get babysat anymore? I figured with all the technology, kids take care of themselves. Do teens even do that as a part time job anymore?

ES: Well, not as much, you're right. Not that age because parents are scared to leave their kids, as well they should be considering the fact that I was a babysitter back in the day when I was in high school and not a really good one. I wouldn't want to leave my kids with me at that time.

FT: Jonah wouldn't be a kid if that's the way.

ES: But he is a kid at heart so I'm sure he'll be bad at it too. [Laughs]

FT: You said playing a mom was important to you. Is that something you look for in roles?

ES: Well, I wouldn't want to play a typical mom, kind of one dimensional mom who's sweet and earnest and takes care of her kids perfectly. That would be really boring. Sometimes the clichÈ mom does pop up and ugh, it sort of sends shivers down your spine. What I liked about this mom is that she was totally single, had to take care of an entire friggin' town plus her kids, and had to have that visceral, disgusting emotion of fear that your kids are in danger and what that does to you and how far you'll go, how extreme. Whatever it takes you will protect your kids. To experience that in the midst of the insanity of this movie was incredibly challenging and ultimately really satisfying.

FT: Is it because you are a mom or just that as an actor you want to reflect where people can be in life?

ES: I mean, I am a mom so I definitely understand what it feels like to fear that your kids are in danger. I love the visceral emotion of what it means to be a mom. Just the power that a mother has in the world. I've experienced that in beautiful ways. I think some people are so scared of the role of the mom, but I've had so many great experiences being a mom in movies. Most of the mothers I've played have been extraordinary and fun and interesting and inappropriate and sexual and weird and complicated and addicted to drugs and saving their kids from piranhas. There's always been something that's been really interesting and challenging.

FT: Were you ever a spring break party girl?

ES: I definitely had my share of partying but I never had a spring break experience. Because I think I went to college and I was then working and I went back to college and maybe the colleges I went to were snotty upper east coast colleges didn't seem to lend themselves to spring break. I don't know. I never really ever went on Spring Break.

FT: If you get a chance to make a movie between semesters, isn't that cooler than partying?

ES: Yeah, I don't think I would've been in the wet T-shirt contest. I don't think that was my thing back then.

FT: Leaving Las Vegas must have been a profound experience for you. How often do you think back on that?

ES: I try not to look in the past but yeah, obviously it was an experience that I knew was incredibly unique and perfect in so many ways. At the time, I would tell people that I'll never have an experience like this again. I know how special this is. They'd be like, "Oh, yes, you will, yes you will." I was like no I won't and I'm right. There are certain movies that you get blessed to be able to be a part of that are kind of perfect in that they are incredible challenges. They also are incredibly well received and the experience of them is just perfect. Maybe Piranha will live up to that too.

FT: Did you find it again maybe as a producer on Gracie?

ES: That was different. The result of Gracie wasn't as satisfying because we weren't allowed to get that movie out to as big an audience as Leaving Las Vegas was able to ultimately get out to. So that was a little hard to make a movie that means so much to you and then have it not released in a way that was never able to reach a wide audience. That was tough but what I'm learning too is that sometimes you'll have someone come up to you. Every once in a while I'll be on a soccer field, my son plays soccer, and a girl will run up to me and tell me that she saw Gracie and how much it meant to her. That always still means so much to me. I realize you have to stop imagining a whole world seeing your work and really be satisfied with one or two people seeing your work.

FT: Do people still refer to you as Academy Award Nominee Elizabeth Shue?

ES: When they meet me, I make them say that. Like I'm royalty and I have a title, Academy Award nominee.

FT: In Back to the Future II, it's 2015 and there doesn't seem to be an internet there.

ES: Really? That would be so interesting to see [again]. I wonder what is there though that we have. It'd be fascinating to see if there's anything.

FT: They have flying cars but no cell phones.

ES: They did have flying cars? So what was really so futuristic, just the flying cars? They have TV screens everywhere. I think people were communicating over big screens so they do have that now, the skype thing.

FT: Cocktail, who would've imagined a bar tending movie would be so popular and exciting?

ES: Exactly. It was the way he spun the bottles.

FT: I also loved Hamlet 2. Has that experience ever happened to you for real, either the gushing or the classroom where people don't know you?

ES: That was very specific because that was that I was actually working at a different job. I guess I haven't really done that yet although I fantasized about it all the time. It seemed very realistic to me that it could potentially happen. I always thought I'd be a teacher first before I'd be a nurse. I'd have to go to nursing school but I think I'd be a teacher before I'd be a nurse.

FT: You were a good sport playing yourself that way and that's another underrated one.

ES: I know, I know. That deserved to. It was timing. A lot of times it's just timing. It was when they brought it out and how they brought it out. That's what's tough about this business.

FT: Are you working on more as a producer?

ES: Not so far. Not so far. I think I'd have to find a story that meant so much to me because right now the balance of my life is perfect with being a mom to three kids and working once a year has been what I've been able to do so far. Then to produce things on top of that and Davis [Guggenheim], my husband, has a really important career which requires a lot of time and commitment to being there for him. You have to keep some kind of a balance.

FT: Could there be a spinoff of you and Ving Rhames as sheriffs kicking ass?

ES: [Laughs] We'll go to Thailand. We'll go to Thailand if we have to the two of us. They'll call us. They'll be in Thailand. This is what will happen. The fish will attack in Thailand and they'll think, "Who do we know that has any experience with piranha?"

FT: They showed some really awesome scenes in the preview. What other awesome stuff is there still to see?

ES: They didn't show a lot of the story that I think will balance all of the outrageousness. Then I think it'll be viscerally a little bit more emotional, a little bit more tense with all of that great stuff that everybody saw last night. There's still more that's even more extreme than that.

FT: Did you have a lot of fun in the spirit in which this was made?

ES: I did. I think when we all first got there, all of our blood wasn't thin enough to deal with the heat so there were a few cranky people at first. Once our blood changed dramatically, we all really did have a lot of fun and a lot of laughter, a lot of bonding. We really did enjoy the action sequences a lot. You know what else I enjoyed so much? I had one day of driving a boat. I was driving those boats around. Me and Adam were just laughing all the time, how dangerous it was that we were given these high speed boats. There were times where I had to drive it right up to the flotilla and right to the angle of the camera just so, but going 40 miles per hour and then make a quick u-turn.

FT: Was there someone in the boat for safety?

ES: Yeah, just always terrified, like what was he going to do to save you guys when we slammed into the camera? Oh my God. My heart would pound so much before we would do those sequences, not because I was nervous. Literally I was scared I was going to kill somebody, for real. I remember the adrenaline rush of some of the stunts and driving those boats at fast speeds. Then I just remember what I really truly loved about the movie. You can't get that in any other movie but Piranha 3-D.

Piranha 3-D opens August 20.

by Christine Dinh It’s hard to hold back your inner Julie Powers or Regina George, sometimes. Life is full of difficult people. Some you can avoid. But then there are those you can’t, like bosses, coworkers, clients, friends, family members, your girlfriend’s evil exes, etc. We all can’t... more

by Christine Dinh

It’s hard to hold back your inner Julie Powers or Regina George, sometimes. Life is full of difficult people. Some you can avoid. But then there are those you can’t, like bosses, coworkers, clients, friends, family members, your girlfriend’s evil exes, etc. We all can’t tell an aircraft of passengers to go fuck themselves before making a grand exit down the emergency slide with two bottles of beer in hand or be even bold enough to tell a boss they’re the reason we’re quitting.



[Nya, Posh, and Zoli in Absinthe]

We’re at a point culturally where we want to be heard and we want an audience. While most peeps will resort to sending passive aggressive notes or embarrassing themselves with  their mean girl tendencies (hey, it’s good to know mature women are guilty of it too!), you can be better. Because you are better!

When punching their life in the face isn’t an option, here are a couple things you can do to prevent the inner mean girl or douchecanoe from surfacing:

• Calm yourself. Losing your temper isn’t classy and you will come off less respectable. The goal is to be cool and in control. And if you’re in need of a mantra, I personally like Carl Winslow’s. (If the repetition doesn’t calm you down, at least the thought of Carl Winslow can make you laugh and distract you from the offending party.)


• Don’t get wrapped up in their personality. It’s like their face; it’s not their fault, they were born with it. I have to work the hardest at this one as well, but when you remove the personality factor, you can treat the other person not as your arch nemesis but as another human being and look at the situation at hand more objectively.


• Curse like a sailor. Swearing has been proven to relieve stress. So have it, but be in the hallway or in the car. Somewhere you’re alone. Unless you want to have your life punched in the face. Let all that frustration leave your body.


• Vent it out, baby. But don’t let it turn into complaining. Again, unless you want your life punched in the face or have your friends screen your phone call.


• Stop fixating. Negative thinking just wears you down and who wants to waste all their time and energy fixated on difficult people. Besides, all of this annoyance, it won’t matter in five years, let alone ten. Things may get blown out of proportion and end up melodramatic in our heads, but you won’t even remember this blip in your life on your deathbed. Promise.


• Me, me, me time. When don’t nearly get enough time to ourselves and to tune out the world, but do it. Even five minutes away can help. A relaxing bath or massage, some catch-up time with your pile of comics or dancing in your underoonies in your room. When you’re recharged and had some great universe one-on-one time, you’re better equipped to deal with whatever comes your way.


• Kick them in the shins. Just kidding! Just keeping you guys on your toes.


• And if that doesn’t work and you’ve still got the need to punch something in the face, have at it with this clown. Unless some of you pacifists out there have any other tips.

Comic book artists don’t get more prolific than John Romita, Jr., whose acclaimed work with Marvel Comics spans over three decades and includes definitive illustrations on almost all the company’s A-list brands, such as Spider-Man, X-Men, The Hulk, Iron Man, and The Punisher. His latest assignment... more

Comic book artists don’t get more prolific than John Romita, Jr., whose acclaimed work with Marvel Comics spans over three decades and includes definitive illustrations on almost all the company’s A-list brands, such as Spider-Man, X-Men, The Hulk, Iron Man, and The Punisher. His latest assignment in the Marvel universe is working alongside leading comic writer Brian Bendis on a big-picture reboot of The Avengers, the famed superhero comic that regularly teams up a handful of Marvel mainstays for collective adventures against ultra-powerful foes. Romita’s assignment this time around: to create illustrations that reflect the company’s desire to return the franchise to its traditional, upbeat roots after nearly a decade of downer storylines that saw Iron Man battling Spider-Man and similar episodes created to satisfy a cultural desire for darker superhero tales.

But those who think Romita is saying adios to edgy material should remember his most popular indie project to date: Kick-Ass. Created with writer Mark Millar (Wanted, Superman: Red Son) and first published by Marvel in 2008, Kick-Ass is an R-rated, decidedly meta story of real-world NYC teens who put on costumes and fight criminals, sometimes shattering bones and earning hospital stays in the process, while gradually becoming true heroes. The comic touched a nerve with its cutting humor and its depiction of foul-mouthed, pre-teen assassin Hit Girl, a modern day Baby Herman whose existence is seen by some as a middle finger to middle-class values. The Matthew Vaughn-directed film adaptation, released in April, made newcomer Chloe Moretz a star and cemented Kick-Ass in the zeitgeist, making further adventures for the characters inevitable. Romita recently called up SuicideGirls to talk superheroes and the future of Kick-Ass.




Ryan Stewart: Is the movie sequel to Kick-Ass essentially on hold until Matthew Vaughn finishes the X-Men movie?

John Romita, Jr.: That’s a good question. From what I’ve been told – and I’m not positive -- but I’ve been told that Matthew Vaughn will decide between producing and directing the sequel to Kick-Ass at a point when he is further along in the X-Men process. As far as I know, he wants to do it very badly. But with his schedule, who knows? I have to finish the series as quickly as possible so that he has the material in his hands, and I think then it will be entirely up to him.

RS: You were writing the first series almost while the first movie was being filmed, right?

JRJ: Well, we were a little bit ahead of the game in that I had done one or two issues before the screenplay was finished, but the filming began well after I’d gotten the series done. And ironically, because of working on the film I couldn’t finish the series quickly enough. They had me working on the film, the animated sequence, and I wasn’t going to tell Matthew Vaughn “Sorry, I can’t do your movie because I still have a couple of comic books to draw.” [laughs] That would have been an interesting conversation. So, I had to put something behind schedule and it ended up being the comic book series. Ultimately, it bothered me because I would have had more comic book sequences in the film had it all been done further in advance. It was a strange confluence of events, but that’s exactly how things worked and it kind of set a precedent. I don’t know if we’ll do it again that way, but hopefully I’ll be done with the new six issues well before filming begins, and then anything they would need from me wouldn’t interfere with it and it would also allow me to help them out more. It worked out well the first time, but you don’t want to try it again to see if it has to be done that way. You’d prefer to work from a position of strength and I think that having the series completely done before they begin would help that.

RS: There’s the one animated sequence in the Kick-Ass film that you created -- do you expect to do more such sequences in the sequel?

JRJ: I honestly don’t know. I’m available if they need me, but it’s entirely up to the director and the producers. If I can get the series done quickly enough, then I’ll be able to do anything that they need at any time, but I don’t know if Matthew is a director that would want to do something completely different from one film to the next or if he would want to be consistent. So, you’d have to ask him. He’ll need me for something! I’ll sweep the floors if he wants.

RS: Are you doing any visual touch-ups to the look of the world or the main characters in the next installment of the comic, Kick-Ass: Balls to the Wall?

JRJ: The only thing is that I’ve taken it upon myself to try and show a little bit of time passing. I want them to look a little bit older, perhaps a year older, but nothing drastic. There is a need for consistency, but we are in the real world in this series and I wanted to show a little bit of a difference. So, nothing immense, just Hit Girl looking slightly older, maybe a year or so. Chloe Moretz really aged in front of our eyes. This beautiful little girl became a beautiful woman, so I thought of the same thing for the character. She’s not really supposed to be any older, but I wanted to hedge my bets a little bit. The trick is to be consistent while also show a little bit of time passing.

RS: When you do conventions, do little girls dressed as Hit Girl ever come up and curse at you? Is she a role model?

JRJ: No little girls! There have been adults dressed as Hit Girl and Kick-Ass, but no little girls. And if the [role model] thing were to happen, it could be done without the foul language and the violence. I remember the words from Jane Goldman in the run-up to the film during the press junkets, when she said: “I don’t see a problem in the empowering of a little girl, as opposed to the victimization of a little girl.” And she had a point. So, if a little girl comes by dressed up as Hit Girl and she’s taken jujitsu lessons and can take care of herself, I see nothing wrong with that. Now, if she starts using foul language and swinging machetes, then I’m in trouble!

RS: The cover of the first book famously promised “Sickening Violence: Just The Way You Like It.” Is that hard to top?

JRJ: Absolutely, and that’s a great point, because it isn’t so much topping myself in that I just have to top the content that I’ve done -- I have to come up with creative ways to do it. This is the strangest thing, but I held back a beheading in the first series because I said “That is too easy to do and I want to do something different and I may need that as a trump card.” But then, at the end when Hit Girl dispatches the bad guy Mark said to split him right down the middle with an axe and I couldn’t do it because that’s too easy, that’s what everyone would think of, visually. So, I had her do it from the side so that you could see his face. Those are the kind of sick thoughts that go through my mind, and I’m a good Catholic boy from New York! [laughs] Just look at this, I’m coming up with new and inventive ways to slaughter people! I do have to top myself by coming up with not just these brutally violent variations, but ones that make sense in the context and in the moment. For example, if they are outside as opposed to being in a kitchen then you can’t have any kitchen utensils. If they’re outside they have to use whatever would be lying around, that kind of thing. And if Mark says “We’re going to do this in the middle of Times Square” then they’re less likely to have knives, except for Hit Girl, who would bring her machetes. So, I wait until the scene dictates how the violence will progress, or at least I try. The problem is that Mark will come up with a scene where he says “She should kill him with a bat to the back of the head” and now it’s in the back of my mind that that’s what he wants, and how do I go do that? I have to vary from what he has suggested and what I’ve done before. However, the good thing is that at least I have something to go by and something to differ from. So, I’ve actually helped myself in a certain way.

RS: Where do limits figure in, with an ultra-violent series like this? I’m sure Marvel has limits in terms of what they want their name on. What about you?

JRJ: We pretty much own the project, with Marvel just distributing it. And so, no, there is no limit. Quote-unquote, there is no limit. There might be a tastefulness limit, I mean we’re not going to do pornography. We’ve done some slight sexual content, but I don’t think I would ever allow it to be taken too far. I would never do that. However, there will be some naked ladies. There will be some naked butts and there will be some naked men, but there won’t be anything that I would be ashamed of. I do have my limits.

RS: I hear rumors about a new character called Mother Fucker. Does that mean anything to you?

JRJ: [laughs] It does mean something, that’s a character! Look, Mark knows what he wants and the names have to be outrageous and different, and that’s what we’re intending to do. I think the big difference between this and the first one is that there are more Kick-Asses than there were before. There are more costumed people, and some of these people are taking themselves seriously – that’s the difference between the two stories. Whereas it was a novelty in the beginning, it’s become less so now. And yes, there’s a character called Mother Fucker. Mark wants the outrage factor and the shock value involved, and that’s cool. Now I have to follow up with equally powerful costumes and visuals.

RS: You’re sort of straddling two worlds at the moment. Have you fallen in love with the movie business yet?

JRJ: I haven’t fallen in love with the business per se, but I was always in love with cinema. Getting involved in the business is something I’m guarded about. I had this project and now there is interest in other projects. Should I be able to do it a couple of times and then people start coming to me, then wonderful, but I’ve gotten one great quality from my father and that is being grounded. My feet are on the ground. I’m a cartoonist who happens to be very lucky to be in this position. If it progresses and it allows me to do something that I’ve always fantasized about, which is to direct a film, then so be it. But I’m not going to get too far ahead of myself, if you know what I mean. Now, having said all of that, yes, I would give anything to be further involved in films from here on in because I’ve always been fascinated by the process.

RS: Where do you think we are in terms of superhero movies and the public? Are people getting bored with it? Is Marvel thinking about that?

JRJ: Knowing the people who are involved in that whole spiel, I know that they’ve anticipated that people can get tired of a genre. The trick is to be ahead of that curve. Marvel has always been able to come up with good stories, regardless of the premise. If you have a costumed character, you anticipate that there are going to be some people who are wary of that, rolling their eyes. The trick is to just come up with a good story, and Marvel does that. Look, Iron Man was one that no one expected to blow up into what it became. But Tony Stark’s story is a quality story, and in no small part thanks to Robert Downey, Jr. Iron Man was never considered to be a Spider-Man-level, A-list character, but if you have good stories you have a good quality product, and that’s all there is to it.

RS: It’s funny that the most popular superheroes tend to be 40 to 70 year-old properties. Why do you think that is?

JRJ: Because it’s like coming up with a new melody for a song. To me, that seems nearly impossible. To come up with something that’s new and different has got to be so difficult, and I’m amazed whenever one does appear. And perhaps it’s because there are already so many different characters and so many different ideas that are already out there. It’s really almost impossible to come up with something new. That’s why Mark Millar is a genius and Brian Bendis is a genius – these writers are geniuses. To be able to come up with a new idea on your own is amazing.

RS: A lot of people are excited about your new run on The Avengers, alongside Brian. Are you able to say anything about forthcoming stuff?

JRJ: Just to expect the unexpected. I can’t get into details, except to say that this has it all. You have no idea how much can be put into a 23-page story until you’ve seen what Brian is asking for and what we’re delivering. I can say that the artwork is amazing because of Klaus Jansen and Dean White. And again I can say without hyperbole that Brian is really a genius, cause that’s just the way it is.

RS: Would you like to be involved in The Avengers movie on some level?

JRJ: Sure! I’d love to. If they call me, I’m ready. If they need me for something, whatever they need me to do, I’ll do it.

RS: Even though they are creator-owned, could the Kick-Ass characters ever be incorporated into the larger Marvel universe and interact with Marvel characters?

JRJ: I doubt it. I don’t know that Marvel would allow it because of the legalities of it, since Mark and I own it. The people that own Marvel prefer to only use their own stock of characters, so, on the mundane, legal scale, no. And I also doubt that it could ever fit.

RS: Do you see any drawbacks in general to doing creator-owned stuff, as opposed to working inside the big tent?

JRJ: I don’t see drawbacks in it; it really frees up the mind to come up with your own stories. However, one problem is falling in love with what you do, as opposed to seeing it in an unbiased way. You tend to think that whatever you have is quality, and you have to be able to stand back from it. If you have a creator-owned project, the writers and artists might consider it a quality story, but you have to be both subjective and objective about it. So, yeah, there are difficulties in creator-owned, it’s not easy. But I do embrace it because it frees up the genius of the creators, even though there is a danger that young creators can sometimes fall in love with what they think is a quality project.

RS: Kick-Ass is, of course, a take-off on the notion of real people putting on costumes and fighting crime. What do you think about the real-real world people who do that?

JRJ: Well, remember that before the costume craze there were, for years, patrols by people like the Guardian Angels in New York. There have always been neighborhood patrols, and now people are just putting on costumes. And I think the muggers and the burglars should be nervous. These people are not your everyday, average accountant. I’ve met a whole slew of martial artists who are now putting on costumes. I think if you have a flashlight and a mask on and you’re trying to break in through somebody’s back door, I’d watch your ass. There really are a lot of them out there now, and they will bust you up!

RS: If you had billions to spare, do you think you might become a superhero yourself?

JRJ: [laughs] Interestingly enough, I’ve considered that. If I was that rich? Yes. I would find a way to do it, I really would.

RS: What would your name be?

JRJ: I don’t know if I’d even come up with a name, I’d just want to be very quiet about it. I guess I’d be the man with no name. I’d be like Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter, just fading in and out, and nobody would ever know me. I’d just be very quiet. Wait, how about that: The Quiet Man.

RS: I like it.





Kick-Ass is available this week on DVD and Blu-ray.