Everyday Objects That Creep Me Out

Wine Opener


Looks too much like a lobster, calipers, a medieval torture device, or one of those eerie sculptures by Louise Nevelson. If there was ever an argument for box wine, it's this scary tool. Avoid at all costs.




Vine-Ripened Tomato


Delicious, yes, but seen whole with a spidery piece of vine still attached, this demonic vegetable scares the bejesus out of me. And yet I am oddly drawn to it. They say we all have a capacity for great evil, and these remind me of how much I have to work to walk the straight and narrow.




Pumice Stone


Am I to believe this gefilte fish of a moon rock is really supposed to be good for my feet? Why don't you just find me a doctor who still uses leeches. Can you believe it's legal to sell these in Wal-Mart?




Tweezers


In expert hands these might be useful, but having one of these in your own bathroom is like giving a serial killer the hedge clippers and advising him to just "use your imagination." My adive: wrap them in several layers of leather, tie with string and then discard.




Light Bulbs


What is this but a little campfire in a fishbowl, just waiting to burst out? Use with extreme caution. Unplug lamp after turning off. For the love of God, never leave the house or go to bed with one of them on!




Rubber Band Ball


An ex-friend of mine gave me one of these. I say ex- because he died soon afterwards. I'm convinced it was because he reached the center of the ball and discovered some evil surprise left there by the poor third world slave who had to assemble this demonic novelty. (Probably a poisonous insect that can live without oxygen for months at a time, or a dead chicken head with a cryptic note attached.) You don't have to be too anthropomorphically delusional to see this clerical supply curio representing all the repression that exists and ever did exist. I threw mine into the East River and I pray I did the right thing.

Nevelson? Painted scrap wood assemblages look like a corkscrew?

Maybe Louise Bourgeois. Her work's sometimes pretty creepy.




[Edited on Mar 12, 2006 by billyfivecrows]

Fork
by Charles Simic

This strange thing must have crept
Right out of hell.
It resembles a bird’s foot
Worn around the cannibal’s neck.

As you hold it in your hand,
As you stab with it into a piece of meat,
It is possible to imagine the rest of the bird:
Its head which like your fist
Is large, bald, beakless, and blind.

( from Charles Simic: Selected Early Poems)

I worked for doctors that used leeches. And this was no shady operation - they have consistently been named some of the top doctors in the coutnry, in one of the top hospitals in the country. It's not terribly uncommon.

KenjiWaha... You might just be deeply, deeply disturbed... but more importantly, you're deeply hilarious...

MissTyrios... were the leeches named the top doctors (and your former employers just used them because they were highly recommended), or were the doctors named?

~Trilo~

n00bs.

That's what I get for trying to be coherent when exhausted.

Yes, the leeches were actually highly decorated surgeons. They were pretty good bosses.

When I used to eat buffalo wings, it would always creep me out to see the little bumps on the skin. Then I'd have to stop eating.

styrofoam, styrofoam, styrofoam. It sends shivers up my spine.

sweatpants and public telephones

Oil rigs. Ugh. They freak me the fuck out. Who knows why?

Ash trays.

My parents both smoked when I was a kid and they were all over the house and I always thought they were disgusting and to this day while I could care less if you smoke or not, if you ask me to hand you an ash tray, I cringe a little bit on the inside.

Me too! I'd rather wear a fiberglass sweat suit than listen to styrofoam rubbing.

I know a couple of people like us. I hate the sqeak it makes but seriously I sometimes have a hard time just feeling it in my hands. Maybe because styrofoam is so unnatural?

cleaning the lint filter

There's this soap cleaning thing at my work. It has a scruber and you fill with liquid, they pick PEACH! Okay maybe it's more funny than creepy.

The only object they really creeps me out is Insulation, it feels oh so weird. It's like a torture device on the fingers.

chairs...ALL of them...OMG I AM SITTING ON ONE!!!! help me...

You know they don't make enough computer desks that you stand up at.....They should!

and.......Muu Muus



:::shivers:::

Get it the fuck away from me.



And you too!

And especially you!

shag carpeting (have you any idea what's living in that?)

chickens (are evil)

office water coolers (turn that nozzle around and check for furry blackness...)

pumpkin pie (an incident when I was a caterer.)

hotel comforters (see a theme here?)

eletrical outlets (fuck you. i've been shocked 3different times.)

mayo (ew.)

propel bottles... i saw the worst trick ever...

ham. sometimes i get creeped out by ham, i will start to eat it and while i'm chewing i will see pig faces and then think about what part of the animal it comes from and a million other gross things and i will have to stop eating. which sucks, because it is tasty.

Awwww come on, NarcissusGirl. Bacon tastes goooood! Pork loin tastes gooooooood! And how can you pass up this tasty treat?

I personally love them... they look like a little man who can jump up an down!