Funny Yet Traumatizing Virginity Loss Story...

...Alright, due to popular demand (alright, ONE casual request) I am to share with you the vivid detail of how I lost my technical virginity. I got a couple minutes to kill before my night begins, so here goes...

So I'm an eleven-year-old kid, addicted to Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, He-Man, and anything to do with H.R. Giger (that's a wierd one at that age eh?). All I do in my spare time outside school is fuck around in my own little imaginary world, play with my toys. I got a little brother, but he's too young and A.D.D.-ridden to be any fun to me. So I was basically my own best friend at the time. Christmas time has come and my family decides to take off to Toronto for a couple weeks for the holidays. I didn't want to, until I heard they get like 4 feet of snow. My plans for underground world domination soared as I had agreed to go. It seemed logical. You keep a layer of snow on top, and dig like fucking mad underneath, have a shitload tunnels that nobody knows about, and somehow that gave me inconceivable power. We get to T.O. and there's no snow. And there never was. It was useless, so I ended up hanging out inside the house with all my boring-ass relatives until I got my presents in a few days. We were staying primarily at my grandmother's house, and she had this wierd program thing going on... Where she'd take in kids who had abusive-or-no-families and give them a happy holiday season. There were like 16 of them there on top of like 9 of my cousins. It was a fucking romper room of retard children. It was awesome. It was like Lord of the Flies, except in an old person's house and at Christmas-time. My cousins were all rich snobs, and I was a poor punk kid with a mohawk from the ghetto, so I generally got along with some of the orphaned kids. My temporary best-friend at the time was a mute kid, who couldn't talk but he could understand everything you said to him through either lip-reading or hearing, I don't know. Anyhow, it's Christmas day, we get our presents. I got a lot of boring shit, but a couple good things. I got the Echo-1 car and a Donatello action figure. Everyone else got like sports equipment except for the mute kid which worked out fine. So me and the mute kid were playing teenage-mutant-ninja-turtle-ghost-busters all over the house with complete disregard for rules. We decided that we had to go find and save April from the depths of my grandmother's room.

"If I ever catch one of you little fuckers in my room, I'll ring your little fucking necks, y'hear? Fuck around with my shit and it'll be the last thing you ever do, boyo!"

So we're fucking up my grandma's room but but good, looking for april, when these two skirts walk in. They were like 14 and 12. The one who was 14 must've been in a lashing-out-shock-your-mommy-stage because she would NOT shut the fuck up about sex. The twelve year old just agreed to everything that came out of her master's mouth, and did everything she said. Anyhow, these girls thought that since we're all alone in the room we're not supposed to be in, nobody would look for us in there and she was "So horny" and "So wet" and "Wanting my dick". She said a lot of things you can totally tell she didn't know anything of, but heard from somewhere or something or someone she thought was role-model-material. I was eleven. My li'l buddy was maybe nine or ten. We didn't give two shits or a fuck about sex, we just wanted to save April before Shredder's ghost got her!

The two broads, they whisper to eachother, smirk an evil shit-eating grin, and attack. The pudgy young one went after my li'l mute homie, and the tall slender one tackled the shit out of me onto the bed. We wrestled around, I said a lot of words I knew that would get me in trouble should anyone hear me, but I wanted her to know I wasn't fucking having fucking sex with fucking her. Pudgy chick tackled mute kid beside the bed where I couldn't see, and lord knows he didn't tell me the details afterward, but you can kind of assume. I tried to keep my clothes on, but this bitch had the strength of She-Ra! I wasn't gonna have sex with her. I was eleven! Girls give me tingly feelings, sure, but they're still gross!

So she clunks me over the head with a big, clear, glass paperweight-like-thing that was chillin' like a villian on penicillin' on the bed-side table.

I wake up lord-only-knows how long from then, and SOMEHOW I have an erection, and this older girl is bouncing up and down on me like she TOTALLY knows what she's doing. She got off or got bored, I can't fucking remember. The other two kids were gone, the chick who was on me, got dressed, prettied herself up, and took off not even saying "Bye" or anything!

Hours later, after lots of recouperation, my grandma discovers the mess I made in her room. It sparked World War III with my family. I lost like half my presents on the spot. The mute kid and I were back to normal. Never even saw the girls again until the day I left Toronto, hugged and kissed everyone goodbye, and the one who fucked my brains out gave me a "Thanks hottie!" I just blushed and tried to forget the whole thing. Until I was like 16, then I told everyone because it's a fucked up story. I never even knew her name! Funny as hell!

Long as hell story, and for that I apologize. If you read all the way down to here, I owe you a fucking hug.

If you got a good one, lemme hear it!

[Edited on Jan 14, 2006 by SonOfAPunk]

Am I the only one who was rubbing one out at age 11?

I have had crushes on girls since like the 3rd grade.

Yeah, ditto.

I was technically spankin' when I was like 10, but I never really reached a full orgasm until my early teen years.

I too had crushes on girls early, like third grade as well, but just the thought of sex was intimidating as hell!

I'd love to hear it. Do you have the Cliffs version?

Sure...

"The two broads, they whisper to eachother, smirk an evil shit-eating grin, and attack. The pudgy young one went after my li'l mute homie, and the tall slender one tackled the shit out of me onto the bed. We wrestled around, I said a lot of words I knew that would get me in trouble should anyone hear me, but I wanted her to know I wasn't fucking having fucking sex with fucking her. Pudgy chick tackled mute kid beside the bed where I couldn't see, and lord knows he didn't tell me the details afterward, but you can kind of assume. I tried to keep my clothes on, but this bitch had the strength of She-Ra! I wasn't gonna have sex with her. I was eleven! Girls give me tingly feelings, sure, but they're still gross!

So she clunks me over the head with a big, clear, glass paperweight-like-thing that was chillin' like a villian on penicillin' on the bed-side table.

I wake up lord-only-knows how long from then, and SOMEHOW I have an erection, and this older girl is bouncing up and down on me like she TOTALLY knows what she's doing. She got off or got bored, I can't fucking remember. The other two kids were gone, the chick who was on me, got dressed, prettied herself up, and took off not even saying "Bye" or anything!"

Hahahaha! Read! READ! Muahahahahahaha!

[Edited on Jan 14, 2006 by SonOfAPunk]

Excellent!!!

er..i think...

I was a full-blown sex-aholic since I was 13. I've never had anything but mindblowing sex every single day of my life, for hours on end, from then until about 2 months ago. This is the hardest time of my life.

......words fail me.

-TM

I need the short version please. summary or something.

i read it.
that's the greatest story evAr.

pfft, when i was 8 years old i was caught trying to hump one of my stuffed animals. true story!

That's a sad story. I wonder how common that sort of thing is.

Must be where the sweater-wearing squirrel infatuation comes from.

-TM

Sad story? Yeah I suppose it coulda fucked me up something hardcore. But I turned out pretty fucking alright if you ask me. I got a bit of a guttermouth, but that comes from my fucking mom swearing every fucking sentence I've ever heard her fucking say... (Alright, sometimes I go overboard with it on purpose, hehe!) I'm prolly one of the friendliest motherfuckers you're ever gonna meet though. And not "I was quasi-molested as a child so I'm gonna creep you out" kind of friendly either!

Hahaha! I think it makes a great conversation piece.

Let's ride bikes!

yeah the story is pretty screwed up but it happened so its good that you can find humor in it now. I do think it was a bit funny.

That's a little weird. On the other hand, it kinda reminded me of how badass Skeletor is. What a tough guy...

...and yet, he was nothing compared to THIS particular badass:



What a motherfucker this guy was!!!

hahahaha. new favorite member.

did you find april? i dont think so. April died, all because you went and got 'lested.
asshole.

Dude, I'm a shitty ninja turtle. Just a couple hours ago, I asked my buddy to smoke me across the face with a 2-by-4. I thought I'd be able to retract my head into my shell...

Yeah I got a couple of shiners now.

But screw April. She's a turtle-cock-tease and a half anyhow. Raphael ALONE saved her ass how many times? Did she even put out once? Well? Did she?

what, you didnt see that episode?

I only caught the german edition. And as soon as shit started flying more frequently than the monkey section at the zoo, that's when I turned it off.

This is the 3rd 0r 4th time I clicked this thread, and still have read it.

...ok

I don't swear much but...

Fuck, dude, that shit is messed up.