Worst. Joke. Ever.

That was good.

I give you a month. Tops.

Good Lord.

that's cool. I don't remember where I originally heard it but I always thought it was really funny

whats the difference between a maggot and a dick?

A baby seal walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "What'll you have?"
The baby seal says "Anything but a Canadian Club"

Why did the sperm cross the road?

This is one of those you had to be there moments...

We were having a wine and cheese night, and tasting all the different wines.
Friends 1: yes yes this wine has a slight sparkle.
Friends 2: mine has lovely legs.
Me: mine's corked. *throws cork in glass*

Hah. Hah. Harrrr.

Scary ^^

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, Do you know what I’m doing?

Yes, she replied, you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.

That is right, said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. Do you know what I’m doing now? he asked.

Yes, the woman said, you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer. Correct, replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, Do you know what I’m doing now?

Yes, she said. You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.