Dear _____,

Dear Guy who sold me this Computer,

You took advantage of me as an uneducated consumer and sold me a shitty system,it has taken years to upgrade just to make this thing work. The killer is the fact that I never even realized that my monitor completely sucks until my roomies computer was placed beside mine. The colors of the internet are amazing and you robbed me of them.

Fuck you!

Swindy

ps. I must apologize to all the people and sites out there that I have said they're stuff didnt work. Years of wasted time trying to get the right lighting to see better, thinking things didnt work ohhhhh the shame.

Dear All the Creepy Guys Who Request Friendship~

Please make an attempt to comment in my journal please. It takes as much effort for me to decline you as to accept you, so you might as well try to make me laugh first.

Its a safe bet that a large percentage of the women on this site feel this way as well.

Until Later,

Liger

Dear Matt,

You are the best bartender a girl could ever have. Sure, you really just serve me beer (often for free, but that's just between us) and say hi to me when I pass you walking to or from the mini-mart by where we live but hanging out with me and talking me off the ledge that night when I came in and told you I'd just been dumped was above and beyond the call of duty. I hope you got to keep that $20 tip I left.

Stephanie

seen on a t-shirt:

Dear Tom Delay,

Please kill yourself.

signed,
everyone

Dear lady who is buying my mother's house,

Bitch better have my money. Friday.

Stephanie

Dear People Who Use the Word "Emo,"

Stop.

Thanks,
CC

Dear Guys in Bars Hitting on Girls who Don't Like You,

stop making the rest of us look bad,

you know,

the ones who can take a fuckin' hint.

thanks,
Chris

Dear SG's
Stop requesting my friendship. I just don't have room on my overbloated friends page to fit you in. I know that you can't help yourselves but I am sorry.


Sincerely,
Circus Freak
Reverse Pschology eggspert.

Dear my most hated roommate/ girl I share a bathroom with,
When it's 3am, please don't come home screaming, some of us don't get all of daddy's money, and we do get up early to go to work. Also, when you leave everyone notes to take out the trash that has been piling up in the storage room, you should probably help out too, its not all of our shit. Oh, an when you have a yeast infection, I do NOT want to know about it, and I don't want your medicated tampons all over the bathroom. I'm also pretty tired of you coming home and not looking to see who is there and just talking shit about all of us behind our backs, then when you see us, give us the biggest fucking grin and say "I didn't know you were here." and continue to pretend to be our best friend.

Sick of it all,
Ashley

dear university of nevada, las vegas, spring 2005 graduation ceremony,

see you this saturday.

yours,
monkeybutt

Dear SPAM-sender,
No I don't want to make my penis bigger. I don't have one, and my 10 inch strap on gets the job done just fine. I also don't need microsoft software, as I only use Macs. And I don't need any prescription drugs, as the illegal ones are much more fun. So please, stop contacting me. I am not interested.
PyroGrrL

P.S. I also don't need to see horny housewives, barely legal sluts, or a chick fucking a horse. SG is all the porn I need.



***edited cuz I mispelled "horse" as "house", completely changing the mental image of what I said.

[Edited on May 10, 2005 by PyRoGrrL]

Dear All the Creepy Guys Who Request Friendship~

She's twice this nasty when you do become her friend, why bother?

Just looking out for your ego.

FridgeMagnet

Dear United States of America,

Please lower your drinking age so that I may get plastered.

Unfortunately Sober,
Chris

Dear Monkey Butt,

We lied, You can't come to our graduation party because, Well, you're a monkey butt. We let you come to school because you had money but it is against our policy to give animal asses a diploma.




Sorry
UNLV dept of student services.


Congrats!!

[Edited on May 10, 2005 by CircusFreak]

Dear Prudence,

Won't you come out to play?

Love,
The Beatles & Siouxsie and the Banshees

Dear Thread,

I notice you slowing down. Please don't die.

Chagrined in Chicago.

Dear girl who is in most of my courses,

please stop fucking all my friends.

sincerely,
Pants

Dear pookums,

You really are the most adorable cat in the world, but could you please find somewhere to puke other than the exact spot I step in to get out of bed? Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.

Sincerely,
mommy

dear circusfreak,

stop harshing my mellow.

sincerely,

Dear person who tricked me into looking at www.tubgirl.com,

I hate you with every fiber of my being. That was just digusting. I mean, who gets off on making other people click on a link that will take them to see a nacho cheese geyser spraying out of some girl's ass into her mouth? I hope that you have fun with your sick and perverted fetishes, because you my friend, are a sick and twisted individual.

Click here for a free iPod, my ass...
GanzHimself

Dear Truck,

I hope you don't mind it too much when I put you in hawaiian shirts, but everyone loves a dog in funny clothing. Please dont eat my face off in my sleep.

Mom

Dear yumchen,

I love you for also posting a letter to your pet.

Love
Stephanie

Dear Mystery Internet Girlfriend,

You are beautiful. Everyone would be so jealous.

Surreptitiously yours,

Fridge

Dear Spring,

Could you please come out with a new hypoallergenic service? It would be much appreciated.

Sincerely,
Faithful Customer

dear cute boy,
stop being cute, i shouldnt have a crush on you, its bad, so stop it!!!
hugs and stuff,
thedishwasher