Dear _____,

Open letter thread.

Dear College Roommate from Fall '02,

It's been almost three years, could you please stop stalking every girlfriend and female friend I had over? Thanks.

Your friend,
CokeConfessional

Dear Housemates,

Could you please not talk about me in the room next door, if you think your voices don't transmit through walls, you're wrong

Clue

Dear guy in the end apartment,



Sir could you get your shit out of the dryers. Other people have to do their laundry too. Two days of sitting there is not going to cut it. That is why I have made the decision to throw your camoflauge print sheets on the floor. Its bad enough I have to do my own laundry but let alone yours.

p.s we arent supposed to have pets. Thats not a threat just an observation


Lovingly yours,

XPXPX

Dear Girl who was in the elevator with me a few mintues ago. I could totally see your underwear (nice by the way) through your skirt. Consider a slip?

Love,

That guy.

Dear Doctor Steve,

This is quite possibly the ugliest looking vagina ever. I want my money back.

AG

Dear Roommates,
Could you PLEASE do the dishes and clean up after yourselves once in a while. I am not your mother.

XOXO
GanzHimself

Dear next door neighbor, would you please stop calling the cops everytime I peer in your bedroom window, I am only trying to get a peek at your boobies.

[Edited on May 10, 2005 by CircusFreak]

Dear Trent or Orlando (whom ever sees this first),

Please come to my house and make out with me!

Truly obsessed,
Niobe

Dear Mum,

Please go away, and stop bothering me with your drama. I don't owe you anything, and you are fucking mental.

KTHXBYE

James

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

This isn't a bowling alley, playground, or professional sport arena. Please pass this information on to your boyfriend's children who have gone from "every other weekend" to daily residents, along with his mother, of your two-bedroom apartment.

Yours faithfully,
CokeConfessional

PS-When you leave your wet clothes in the washer overnight, it develops mold.

Dear Girl who just walked past my office, Your perfume is a little much don't you think?


Love

Sneezy

P.S. Nice Tits.

Dear Mom,
I didn't really forget to call you on mother's day, I just didn't bother. After all these years of calling you or sending you something (even when you moved without telling me or when you were incarcerated), I decided that I needed a break from trying to pretend on this one day of the year that you were/are a good mom. In a way I appreciate the fact that you being what you were made me who I am, but it's not like that was even part of the reason that you shirked your responsibilities. You are the only mom I have, and I do love you, but I couldn't fake it this year. I got you a gift today out of guilt, I hope you enjoy it.
LLKF

Dear roommate,


Dear god clean your effin room , Stefan. And you should probably consider helping out around the aparment, since most of the time you cant pay your part of the bills anyway. We have lived here how long? 4 months and you dont even know where we keep the garbage bags.

Oh and stop buying porn on pay per view. Unless you can pay the cable bill.
I am not interested in Big Titty Sluts. Well, i kinda am but thats a whole nuther story. Just stop. Move out. Go away and take your stench with you.


best wishes

you know who.

Dear departed,

I miss you. Come back.

Fridge

[Edited on May 10, 2005 by FridgeMagnet]

Dear Son,

Could you please stop trying to get me to kill you. I love you, you love me. Could we start acting like it? Let's get over this whole "3 year old" thing. If you yell at me one more time i will tear your head off.


Off.

Love
mommy

Dear Customers,

I know that looking for things yourself is really hard, but when there are bright red and yellow signs EVERYWHERE saying that there is a sale with new cd @15% off, and used cds @33% off... you gotta see them right?
Please don't ask me whats on sale for what.. cause I might just have to kill you.

Thanks,
Managment

Dear onlineartschool.com,

YOU AIN'T WORTH SHITE!



Sincerely,

S. Robinson

PS. Hammer ain't a fan either.

Dear Jesus,

You still owe me twenty dollars. I need it for gas money. Thanks.

Your Pal,
Chris

Dear thread starter,


Please take into consideration the consequenses of starting a thread seemingly about underscores.



Cordially,
Ryan Dipietro

Dear IT Director,

It isn't funny when you run through the office yelling about the ice cream truck outside. Nor is it cute when you flirt with the new editorial assistant and get her a brand new computer when most of the rest of editorial and production have Macs so old we can barely play Oregon Trail. You're a grown man with a wife and a kid. Act like it.

Warm personal regards,
CokeConfessional

ha! haha!

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

Did you just fire a gun at the floor? I swear it sounded like something exploded up there and hit the floor right above me as I was in the kitchen. You fucking scared the shit out of me just now. It's bad enough there's 5 of you living up there and you stomp on the floor like a herd of cattle. But this is just ridiculous. It better not have been a gun. Either way, I'm just glad I'm moving soon.

Sincerely,
Apt.# 6

Dear Theatre Department of Ball State University,

Please stop casting shitty actors just because they're upper classmen and your personal assisstants. M'kay? Oh, and Michael? Fuck you, you shallow cunt. Thank you, and God bless.

Sincerely,
Siouxsie

Dear Johnny Depp,
If ever you come around my area, please do stop by to see me...I can do ANYTHING you want me to..ANYTHING!

With ever lusting love,
Foxee