MAD LIBS

Lessons Aesop Never Taught

And the moral of the story is . . .

Two rubber erasers don't make a pancake bunny.

Never gyrate with cassowaries.

bamboozle while you're ahead.

One narcissistic family recipe for lutefisk deserves another.

A gawdy ball of kitten fluff spoils the whole barrel.

The early giant squid catches the escalator.

Slow and steady wins the depraved robot.

A french fry a day keeps Michael Jackson away.

leeches of a feather kill together.

You can bring a kangaroo to water, but you can't make it dance.




[Edited on Apr 21, 2005 by pygmy]

Live from the Sydney Olympics


Hello, folks. We're live at the Sydney Olympics. Everyone is very excited about the fucking race. All eyes will be on ben dover who is representing iraq. ben dover has already won 69 medals here in Sydney.

Here come the athletes now! ben dover looks a little fabulous as she gets ready to race. And they're off. ben dover and jessica alba are neck and neck as they near the finish line. The crowd is on their feet punching. ben dover has won, and it's a world record!

We quickly move to the medal ceremony. This is very emotional. We just heard that this is ben dover's last Olympics. Tears are in ben dover's eyes as the iraq flag is raised and thunder kiss 65 is played. It's a wimpy day for ben dover and all the people from iraq.

I just hate it when . . .

Mom serves Alabama Blacksnake for dinner.

My pet lemming chews my whore.

Sensei gets mad at the class for being chunky.

My best friend Fuckface decides to finger with somebody else.

I get fucked for something I didn't do.

Dad makes me wear sluts to school.

My favorite TV show "the Jesus Channel" gets canceled because the station has to broadcast a news conference.

People fist into my bedroom without knocking.

Dear Bob,

Last week I helped solve a mystery and had a real Slimy time. When it was lunchtime, I found out my Green Taco was missing.

I told Mrs. Crissinger and she said the whole class could help me find my Taco. Susie thought she found it, but it turned out to be a small Cock. Josh thought he found it, but it was someone's Hot Pussy. Finally, I found it under the Ass. It Slid out when I opened my lunchbox.

Next time, I'm going to put my Taco in a closed Closet so I won't lose it.

Your friend,
PunkyNatas

We thought our trip to the museum would be boring, but we were wrong. After we handed our sponges to Genghis Kahn at the door, we were led into the museum's bathroom. The first things I noticed were the mummy cases against the Vagina. Why mummy cases in the bathroom?

While we waited for our guide, Mr. Flechinstien told us how the pharaohs always placed a large ferry in their mummy cases to protect them from intruders. Kitty and I got a little hairy hearing this. There were, after all, seven mummy cases in the room with us.

Suddenly we heard a passing sound coming from inside one of the mummy cases. "Bugger!" Kitty and I screamed at the same time.

"Nothing to worry about," said Mr. Flechinstien calmly. "I'm sure it's just the wind." Just then one of the mummy cases crapped open. Out broke an enormous ferry covered with cheeses. Just as I was about to run from the room, the ferry threw off the cheeses and howled, "April Fools!" It was Mr. Stickupbutt!

We had forgotten that it was April first, but I guess Mr. Flechinstien and Mr. Stickupbutt had not.

Funny thing is....this makes sense to me.

i did the horoscope one, and none of them were that funny except for these two, which is where i started getting bored and filling in variations of the word "fuck" in the blanks.

Virgo — Virgin (August 23-September 22)
Fuck in private when possible. It's difficult to concentrate when people are watching.

Libra— Scales (September 23-October 22)
Avoid fucking fuckers.

The Audition



Dawn: Did you try out for the cock in the school play?

Larry: I auditioned, but I didn't get the part. I don't know why, though. I wore slimy twins on my balls and huge baseball bats on my ass Then I screwed my eye socket and sang "river runs red." When I finished, Sarah banged up on the stage and touched me.

Dawn: You must feel hairy.

Larry: Not really. Sarah made me the dick crew manager. That'll be a blast!

yay fir posting in old threads.

To make the best spankbot salad, you need fresh ingredients. The best time to buy a fresh spankbot is from Smarch to December. Go to your local market. Pick up one spankbot and study it. The spankbot should be smarmy and succulent. These taste the best! Put fiddy of them in your shopping cart. You will also need a pound each of carrots and gaping holes.

Next, you need to get the ingredients for the salad dressing. You might like fruit loop dressing, which tastes yummy on spankbot salad, but you might also enjoy butt pudding dressing. Pick out the 50 billion best fruits you can find. Take your ingredients home, and get ready to make your salad.

Wash and dry each spankbot thoroughly. Use your gay to separate the parts of the spankbot. Put the pieces in a large salad bowl. Next, chop the carrots and gaping holes, and put those in the bowl. To make the dressing, mash the fruit in another bowl. Add a cup of oil and 2 teaspoons of vinegar. Pour the dressing into the large salad bowl and mix the ingredients. Voilà! Enjoy your spankbot salad.

The corn

The moist
corn fell upon
a slick jelly and I
tried merrily to sucking it
away.


My farts

quick farts
with dabs of green
drinking on a carpet
that my friend sandra had just ate
again.

Westward Ho!
Teresa and Ericka had a sleepover at Teresa's house last weekend. Both had a lot of fun. The girls played a lot of games, but their favorite one was "Cowgirl," since they both like riding dildos so much. They pretended they were cowgirls in the Old West.

They changed their names to Buckaroo Teresa and Pussypoke Ericka, with their trusty dildos, Wack-my Hole and Double Dong. They ran around the house, herding Dildos instead of cattle, yelling "Stuff my hole little dildos!" They practiced their roping skills, using belts and chasing the Dildos around the house. Luckily, the Dildos were too smart for them and hid under the bed!

Their favorite activity was singing cowgirl songs that they mostly made up as they went along, which is why they don't rhyme.

"Get along little But plugs,
you move way too shakiely.
We have to get to Houston in the north of Idaho!
We have 69 head of Pussys
to make cumm way out West,
but you're moving too slow,
you are such a pest!"

They decided to have more sleepovers and to practice their cowgirl skills, especially their cowgirl song-writing!

Meet the Animals

pygmy: Today, we are interviewing a couple of animals at the zoo. I am pygmy and I will be your host. Our first stop is the primate area, and our first guest is mingo mcgillicutty the balooga whale. Mr. balooga whale, please tell us about a day at the zoo.

balooga whale: Well, pygmy, I have many festive days here at the zoo. The most festive days are the ones when I get to fornicate with my friend Babs Boone. We gyrate all day, and this is a lot of fun. We also like to make jewel-encrusted faces at the people and watch their reactions.

pygmy: Thank you, Mr. balooga whale. That was very interesting. Next, we head to the pachyderm area, where we meet Elle E. Phant, a famous warthog who has been seen on the covers of the enquirer and scientific american. Hello, Ms. Phant.

Elle: greetings. How do I look today? Come, share some peanut butter cookies with me. Do I look toothsome to you?

pygmy: Why, no, Ms. Phant, you look indolent.

Elle: Thank you. I have to frolic now. I must pack my trunk for a long trip to serbia.

pygmy: Well, there you have it, folks. This has been pygmy reporting from the zoo. Back to you in the studio.

I love Mad Libs!! When I was a kid I had a Popey Mad Libs that my grandma and I would do when we were on car rides.


The Weather Station

Coming soon to a television channel near you: Dial-a-Weather. This slimy new TV channel lets you see the weather in another city, and, if you like it, you can have that weather in your own city right away!

Is it too hard in Omaha? Then choose another city, like Minneapolis, and soon it will be big in your city too! It's just that shiny!

Some bright bonus features include rough wind, super fuzzy barometer pressures, and, for blue-level members, "Choose Your Storm." That's right, if you have a test and you didn't study, order a nice snowy storm and, "WTF!," you get a day off from school! Keep playing this station for more information!

Pet Show

While I was fucking to the bus after school, I saw a poster announcing that a pet show would be held the next day in whorehouse. I was so sleazy! I couldn't wait to enter my pet manbearpig, stud, in the show.

The next morning at the pet show, stud balanced a big pussy on his nose. Then he came around three plastic hookers. Suddenly, a big bigfoot bumped into stud. He sucked 69 feet in the air. The judge made a terrible face when he saw what happened, so I didn't think stud would win. Imagine my surprise when he won the number 256 prize! I was happy to have a great manbearpig like stud.




fill out your own….

Spring Cleaning!

“Rise and shine!” my mom said camly.

I looked at the calendar. “Oh great,” I sighed. “Spring Cleaning Day, my favorite.” I rolled my eyes.

Before I knew it, my brother George Burns, my sister Gracie Allen, and I had mops, magpies, and buckets in our hands. George Burns started in the basement. He came up the stairs in seven minutes with cobwebs in his hair and a large box in his hands.

“I've been looking for that box for years!” Mom exclaimed. We all took a little break to examine the contents: old photographs from my grandmother's childhood. There was even a photo of Grandma and George Washington!

Well, it was back to work for us after that. Gracie Allen trudged to the garage. In forty minutes she returned with dirt smudged on her nose and dragging a giant trunk behind her.

“fuck!,” Mom said. “It's been a long time since I've seen that!”

We grabbed a snack of cookies and Fresca and opened the trunk. It had about a bajillion old vinyl records. They were too red! George Burns and Gracie Allen giggled as I held up one that had a singer with a particularly awful haircut on the front.

“Sure, he's no Doris Day, but when I was your age, all the girls in my class had pictures of John Denver hanging in our lockers!” said Mom, smiling.

Finally, I went off to the attic. It wasn't long before I ran downstairs with a(n) svelt smile on my face and a big suitcase in my arms.

“fuck!,” Mom said. “I can't wait to hear what you kids have to say about this!”

We excitedly unzipped the suitcase. George Burns held up a pair of aubergine top hat with big daisies all over them. Gracie Allen held up a(n) brown frilly dress that had wavy shoes to match!

“Well!” Mom laughed. “I see you've found my clothes from high school. Maybe I could wear that aubergine top hat when I chaperone George Burns's field trip next week.”

“Maybe NOT,” George Burns replied.

I had so much fun with my mom, George Burns, and Gracie Allen that I decided that from now on, Spring Cleaning Day really would be my favorite day of the year!

The Sky Is Falling!

Each spring, the sky turns pink. Giant drops of gin fall from the sky. All this gin helps the grass and the vaginas to grow, but it can make things really squishy too.

Some places get so much gin, that rivers lick into the streets. Driving can be tricky when this happens, so some people put special boobs on their cars.

And when the gin is falling, don't forget your penis. Otherwise, your feet might get steamy if you grab in puddles!

After all the gin has fallen, the skies begin to fuck. If you are lucky, you might see a huge anus stretched across the sky.

The kayak Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. “Abandon ship! Everyone into the boards!” hollered Captain stars. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough boards, so they threw sheep, goats, and even one fuck fuck overboard. Then everyone fucked into the fuck water and grabbed onto whatever they could.

Captain stars ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing “nobody likes me.” First in line were beth and jowie, bobbing in their red fan. Next, came JFK hanging on for dear life to a slimy penis. They were followed by 666 others.

After 333 days, they were rescued by a strange fuck. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.