Help for the practical evil genius

Acid is expensive, especially when you need vats big enough to suspend your enemies over. Here's a tip: there are many volcanoes out there, build your base on, around, over top of, or inside one. its an amazing deal, and you'll save tons of money on chemical spill cleanup crews. Also, every day is like a vacation when you only have to walk 10 minutes to get to the beach after melting someones face.



Got Pro-Tips of your own? share away. I'm writing a book, your comments will be used and credit will not be given.(how delightfully evil)

Bottomless pits are useful because they have no cleanup cost. However, if you are going to use pit traps of any kind in your lair, make sure to invest in the video series "Pits of Doom: Death Traps and You" safety series and have your minions watch them at least twice a year, so you aren't needlessly paying out life insurance payouts to their next of kin

you make a very valid point. safety is the number one concern when it comes to minions, it will save time and money. also, minion insurance is definitley a service to be looked into

liquid hot maga-ma

Hot bitches make the worst minions. Their self esteem is entirely too high for them to truly devote themselves fully to you. Unless you plan to enchant them or make them your blood slaves, you should always choose homely and socially inept individuals to do your bidding. Their low self esteem guarantees they will never leave you and that their moral compass is easily guided or tossed out the window... as you see fit.

Ugly motherfuckers make substandard minions, for they always have something to prove.

Stick to the average to below average minion middle ground.

clones, sexy minion clones,

1 - Volcanoes are more expensive in the long run, believe me I know. Two words "volcanoes insurance" is NOT subsidized like flood insurance.

2 - When you are going to kill'em don't go into a lengthy discussion. Just do it. Overtime costs for henchmen and women can really cut into your run rate. Also you really don't want to listen to real estate agents and lawyers try and explain why the volcano should have worked.

Sunblock. Sunblock. Sunblock.

Maintain your "I spent hours plotting world domination in my underground lair" pallor by investing in a moisturizer with at least SPF 30... and apply daily.

Hire a top notch aquaculturist. Nothing ruins that special "feed the hero to the hungry sharks" moment like a bad algae problem in your tank, or even worse - the floor slides open to reveal a smelly mess of belly up tiger sharks.

Image is everything. Invest in a stylist... STAT!

Evil is magnified when Evil is also "effortlessly" stylish.

Booby traps are a must. Spike pits and squishing walls are too standard and predictable. Try turning that decorative set of armor into a murderous robot. Nothing says world domination like murderous robots. Charities; start some. Especially to benefit orphans, as they are the most likely source of your minion production. Nothing says evil organization like a kid fresh out of the system. Not scary looking enough? wear an eyepatch. For those willing to go for a more durastic change, i suggest grafting lasers onto your skin, possibly on an arm or beside your eye directly attached to the temple. You'll scare the crap out of people and never have use for a microwave again.

nothing says i don't care like effortless style.

Melanoma is an evil that nobody enjoys but everyone can combat

Recycling the skin of your victims into baseball mitts, leather jackets, medicine balls, lamp shades or reusable grocery bags is a fun way to get the family together in the fun!

But it does limit your torture and horrible death options. Acid burns, shark bites, etc. will ruin good hides.

These are the very important considerations you must weigh oh so carefully and outlines why planning is ever so important.

I had a whole little thing in reply to this about killing people in more fun ways.... but it disturbed me... so I am just walking away now. LOL

Yeah you guys kinda took that one down a dark alley. also thanks for the snatch post, coincidentally i watched that movie for the first time in a long time yesterday

It's far easier to tackle this challenge if you broaden your victim base. Don't limit yourself to on type of person... throw in some hobos, hookers, fellow evil-doers, housewives, vegetarians and babies!

A variety of victims means that you can enjoy utilizing a variety of torture methods, and save your creme de la creme victims for household accessories and crafts. You can still have a signature while keeping things fresh!

No problem, still one of my favorite movies!

Watching Total Recall [2012] I realize that any super villain with henchmen need to have extensive firearms practice. Its just too damn hard to get henchmen to hit the hero. Maybe laser sites are needed.

but is there a practical way to attaining a shark tank? there is no way i would ever consider myself as, or even on my way to becoming, an evil genius without the shark tank...

Remember, the way people get caught is by having a motive. Your motive for your nightly activities should be for fun.

Also, switch it up from time to time. If you go after the same type of person every time, that's motive. They can build psych profiles based off that and eventually catch you.

At the end of the day, your goal should be chaos.

*this is also sound dating advice.

Daily shooting practice for all henchpeople.

This. Avoid teaching your minions proper firearm use from ANYBODY representing the Imperial School of Marksmanship. If you need to outfit minions with guns, choose burned out, ex-heroes to do all your shooting, although really, the most effective minions never need guns (like Ninjas)

You make a valid point, however burned out ex-heroes are wild cards as they are one inspirational speech away from being a traitor(depending on how empty the bottle that their drinking is)