fake sex secrets

fake sex secret:

i like to watch history channel specials on ancient alien artifacts whilst receiving hand and/or oral pleasure.

i like to watch the cooking channel while getting rimmed.......

I'm so very quiet in bed

I hate sex... and try to avoid it.

I like to blindfold the girl, then squirt warm mayo at her face with a turkey baster. Saves me having to let her touch me.

I get laid entirely too often. I have women standing in line around the block waiting for the chance to service me. It's a real problem; these dames don't give me a moment to myself. I have zero energy to devote to my true interests; solving world hunger and finding a route to peace in the Middle East.

I don't masterbate... constantly

my dick is huge.....

wait.... what?

An entire bottle of lube is needed just for one romp

as a mouse.

like a desert. . .

boobs are not good to look at, nor are they a turn on or provide any sexual satisfaction at all....

I only like missionary.

I have never even seen a naked woman or touched myself even to piss

the ladies constantly want my tight hard body to satisfy their wild sexual fantasies

I find the nude female form completely confusing, to the point of total disorientation. If I look at a naked woman for too long, I get a blinding migraine and pass out.

My cock shoots out dick missles that can fly 1000 yds. and penatrate girls while they are in the shower.

I hate initiating and could go years without sex

I am uncomfortable and awkward sexually. I cry during sex and often hold myself after.

I'm a virgin (even though I'm pregnant)

I'm a total one pump chump.

I last for only 30sec. and never go for 45 min.

There. I'll move it where it belongs.

Dude, this is a FAKE sex secrets thread.

Gods I wish!

I suck at cunnilingus and hate the pun I just used.