Things not to say on a first date......

In preparation for tonight I already bought the condoms I'm even wearing one as we speak!!!!

So when you're done with me you're going to blow my friend too right?

BOOM BOOM BAM PEW PEW BAM BOOM.

You know you do that on the range too when no ones looking and you're waiting on a new clip.

My penis likes you.

How is this bad? I'd go with it!

*jots this down*

...are you taking notes on the fairer species of this human race? Regardless of your extraterrestrial status quo, you would think you may have observed by now I am not a normal version of female to go by.

Which is why I plan to make you mine.

You'll make a great pet!

That isn't herpes on my lip.

So...

Do you go ass to mouth?

So, let's go back to my place. Just keep it in down while we fuck, my folks'll be asleep, but we can be louder in morning, my schedule's opened way up since I got fired. Oh, and we'll have to use to top bunk, dog sleeps on the bottom.

I love that you leave your windows unlocked. It made stalking you so much easier.

Okay well how about mouth to ass. On the first date of course.

This makes you extrainterrestrial. If you know what I mean.

....

no you are an extraordinary specimen.

Here's cab fare so you can make a break for it whenever your ready, now let's get started, the sooner we get this freak show on the road the sooner we can go our seperate ways and tell our mutual friends who setup this farce it didn't work out.




(I actually did say that to a girl I was setup with on a blind date with after much badgering from a friends wife)

If I ever start talking in an southern accent, run. That is my other personality, and... well... she is a little bit crazy.

Oops, I forgot to put on deodorant. Pew!

You are okay with projectile vomit right?

I took a vow of celibacy.

I think I might be okay with that. I am mostly in it for the emotions anyways.