Home Remedies

Inspired by this thread. the rules are simple. Name an ailment or disease for the person below you to give a home remedy for. They then provide a new problem for the next person to fix. wackiness ensues.

Example:
Problem - mosquito bites

home remedy - pour hot turpentine on it.


FIrst problem - head lice

Shave your head



Toe Fungus

shave your head, cover toe in hair.


pink eye

wash hands after pooping


Gout.

dig up a potato and rub one end vigorously on the pubic hair of a woman aged 23-67. Take the potato and stick it in a jar with water like a science experiment (pube rubbed side up!). put it in a window and wait for sprouts to appear. Eat the first sprout to pop up. In the event of mutliple sprouts, eat the biggest one.


The heartbreak of psoriasis.

Carve a hole in a Cantaloupe and fuck it.

Kidney Failure.

Drug and Kidnap someone with a good kindey, rent a motel room, have a shady doctor slice open and cut out the person kidney and leave them in a tub full of ice with a phone next to them. have shady doctor perform kidney transplant.


Elephantiasis of the balls

Fapping fixes everything!!!

Orphan tears will clear that right up.



anal seepage

Cure for forgetfulness, note pad.

Knock off the anal sex.

Ruptured Colon?

That's prevention, not a cure!

Cork?




Ruptured Colon?

Tungsten Suppositories.


Getting mauled by Jesus.

Gay Marriage.

Hangover.

Drink more alcohol until it goes away.


Strep throat

Torgo's executive powder


Pugilistic dimentia

Ground human horn.

Blue balls.

Drinking pee

Maple Syrup Urine Disease

stop drinking the syrup and you won't get so antsy in your pantsy

erectile dysfunction?

Watch this beginning to end.




A runny nose.

dried smurf nipples


Farnsworththoughtsounditis.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

A disorder in which you read everything in Professor Farnsworth's voice.
Example

stop watching futurama! even though i love that show

epic fail syndrome

Eye of newt


Proximity infatuation disorder.

Thread bumping!


Sudden inflamation of the pinky finger

Stabbing.

Being stabbed.