You can only masturbate so many times . . .

. . . before you want to break up with your own hands

...before your dick gets crooked. wait...

If you lay on your arm till it falls asleep it at least feels like someone else is jerking you off.

But then I can't move my fingers

Or if you don't like that idea you could try to find someone to do it for ya

Now, why didn't I think of that?

When you hand falls asleep and you get a headache, that is the ultimate rejection.

...Before you go blind, and grow hair on the palms of your hands.

At least, that's what the nuns told me. I have yet to lose my vision or develop hairy hands.

Well, I've been doing it for more than 30 years and still don't have hairy palms.

I'm pretty short-sighted, though.

Lies and damned lies.

I swear that I'll stop once I need glasses

...before your nuts scream "stop".

on the female side of this..

....until you straight up can't feel your vag...

.....or until your toes cramp up.

...before you want to do it again.

...before your balls start to hurt.

... until your vag takes out a restraining order. My hand can't come within 50 feet of my bits.

Rotator cup damage, tennis elbow, carpel tunnel wrist,and finally hairy palms and total blindness.

Don't forget the going to Hell part. I'll meet all y'all there.

before you have trouble standing your body is so drained and you're extremely light headed....

Oh, I forgot about all those poor dead kittens;..........my apology to all of those mother cats out there. No nevermind that;......I mean, keep breading like mad cause we are going to cause the untimely demise of a shitload more kittens.

...before you start getting creative...

...before foreplay is needed

...before you (finally) start to fall asleep.

...ouch