Effed Up Pillow Talk

http://www.fupt.us/

Mid eating me out:

Him in a creepy voice: "I can has cheeseburger?"

Post sex, from a random girl a few grades below me

Her: "I like you... you're so much like my older brother"
Me: "uhh..."

Hooking up with my girlfriend at her aunt's house:

Girlfriend: "Try not to get any on the sheets, my grandmother died in this bed."

Was talking to a friend of mine.

Her: So I had sex with this guy last night about three times in a row.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yeah, he wanted to go again, but I didn't want to.
Me: So how did you get out of it?
Her: Well...I started playing with his penis like a cat toy.
Me: ....

While dating a girl who usually only dated tall black dudes:

Me (jokingly): "So I bet you're used to 10 inches and above huh?"
Her: "Nine and a half usually."
Me: (long pause) "Well... you're about to get a whole lot less"