*walks into a graveyard*

You know how many people are buried here?

Thank you for your time.

People are just dying to get in here.

Have they been boxed in?

Why are graveyards so noisy?

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.

Who did the mortician invite to his party?

One skeleton says to another

-man, I gotta go to the hospital.
-why?
-to have my ghoul stones removed.

...inappropriate boner.

Oh wait what?

Sign on the Funeral Parlor door: "We'll be the last to let you down."

This thread should be deep-sixed.

Taken off of laugh support and shuffled off the mortal coil.

This sort of humor only works with bedpan delivery. You've got to have surgical focus.

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What happens when an elephant has too many beers?

It gets trunk.

How did the skunk die?

Paddy was rather sad after viewing the body of a dead atheist.

"There he was. All dressed up and no place to go."

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Why did the farmer win a Nobel Prize?

The doctor calls Paddy with the test results and says: "I've got good news and bad news."
"What's the good news?"
"You've got 24 hours to live."
"Then what could possibly be the bad news?"
"I was supposed to call you yesterday."

This thread is driving me stark graving mad.

Why did the hearse break down?

It blew a casket.

So, any necrophiliacs in the audience tonight?