Perfect world

... that amount would pay for more than just my rent.

Well NOW I've got to hire some fucking engineers, dammit.

...husbands would let their wives know they were going out at least an hour before they actually do so, instead of last minute.

... Someone else rather than me would touch my peen

You put up half the capital, and I'll let you in on the ice cream dispensing, but it's just you and me, man!

If it's chunky monkey then I think I'll pass

I would have longer arms to shave my back

In a perfect world people wouldn't believe in perfection.

well whaddaya know?

... I'd wake up every morning next to a woman who would smile as soon as she saw me.

Of course, she could be smiling about the small doses of arsenic in your corn flakes every morning.

Which is why I do all the cooking.

My flying robot slaves which respond to my every thought will dispose of my enemies.

...

What? You're not getting all that other stuff, either.

... Michael Biehn wouldn't be as old as my father.
.... I'd have a job that paid the bills.
... I'd have my Master's degree.
... world peace?

...life expectance would greatly improve if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon!