It's the Horrible Sex Metaphor Thread!!!

Do your worst!

I want to shove my sausage of love into your weeping lady-tunnel and leave my sweet-cream man-butter behind.

There's only one possible answer to that request:

Gonna go cram my hand in the puppet... if you know what I mean.

My cruise missile has a special payload for your quivering quim

Gods, to think I remember hearing this on the Dr. Demento Show.

I'd like to insert my erect penis in your well lubricated vagina.

Do the Mudshark, baby

I'm going to plant my man seed in your lady garden.

Can we just stuff her bearded clam?

I'm going to stuff your gilted donut.

I'm gonna unpucker your starfish.

I'll just keep stealing them from Zappa, if that's okay.

Let me spew on your vital parts

Stickin' the carrot into the juicer!

Actual simile from some book I read back in high school: "like a copper tube dropped into a vat of warm chili."

That shit derailed my understanding of sex for at least a year.

Nice!



- Bakin' the skin loaf in the fuzzy oven.

fuzzy flounder fishing
beef bus to tuna town
snorkeling for clams
making bacon

Inserting tab a into slot b.

Anal edition:
cleaning the cornhole
punching the browneye
playing roto-rooter with your tooter

EDIT: I see it's been posted already.

Bumping uglies.

Clam-kisses (lesbian)

Time to cry in the underpass, baby.

First lets stuff the turkey... then baste it.

Revenge for having to hear her talk for eight goddamn hours.

Don't know about being horrible, but, this whole song is nothing but a sexual metaphor.