Any Quote From Any Show

Would you like a jelly baby?

Here's the petition. All you have to do is get your customers to sign it.
How will I do that?
Either they sign, or no food!
Ah! Like an election in the old country!

I'm not even going to swat that fly, they'll see and they'll know, I wouldn't even harm a fly.

Roger North: Do you ever wonder why, if you hear a word for the first time, you'll invariably hear it again within twenty-four hours? Or why you sometimes see a single shoe at the side of the road? I have been watching your species for a long time. I once watched a man who masturbated until he bled. Why did he do that?
Dave: [Dave swerves the car and pulls a gun on Roger] Do you know what this thing is? Do you know what it does?
Roger North: I have an idea...
Dave: And have you ever heard the old human expression "I want to shoot you so bad my dick's hard"?
Roger North: That I have never heard.
Dave: Yeah? Well maybe you'll hear it again in the next twenty-four hours.

"I'll be back in a jiff. I'm going to go check that comet for anarchists."

" We could go back to Dallas in November 1963, stand on the grassy knoll, and shout 'Duck!' "

Captain Jack Harkness: What's a Defabricator?
Captain Jack Harkness: [his clothes get disintegrated]
Captain Jack Harkness: Okay, defabricator, does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?
Zu-Zana, Trine-e: [enthusiastically] Absolutely.
Captain Jack Harkness: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.

JDATE as a movie makes me full of happy.

"If you ever make it to Cincinnati you should stop by and see my art collection."

"I'd rather stick my dick in a blender."

"My name's Elam Ferguson. You tell the devil that when he asks who killed you."

"Ship, out of danger?"

"Yes."

"Don't grieve, Admiral. It is logical. The needs of the many...
outweigh--"

"The needs of the few."


"Or the one."

if evolution is true, why dont cats give birth to dogs? your move atheists

KILLING YOU WITH ICE CREAM!

Darth Vader: No, I am your father!
Luke: That's not true! That's impossible!
Darth Vader: And Princess Leia is your sister!
Luke: (bewildered) No! That's....improbable!
Darth Vader: And the Empire will be defeated BY EWOKS!
Luke: (totally lost) That's...very unlikely.
Darth Vader: And as a child, I built C-3PO!
Luke: (By now completely stoic): ...Huh.
(Later, with Vader sipping coffee and Luke smoking a cigarette)
Darth Vader: (matter-of-factly) And the Force? Oh, that's just microscopic bacteria in your bloodstream, called midichlorians.
Luke: (getting up, bored and exasperated) Look, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I'm out. (exits)

Out of order?! Fuck! Even in the future, nothing works!

My dog barks, some. Mentally you picture my dog, but I have not told you the type o' dog which I have. Perhaps you might even picture Toto... from "The Wizard of Oz." But I can tell you, my dog is all ways with me. ARF!

"would you mind not shooting at the thermo nuclear weapons"

"It's like pulling taffy on a hot summer's day."

"Oh, beauty is a beguiling call to death and I'm addicted to the sweet pitch of its siren. That that starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet. "

I will kick a panda in the bollocks if I have to.

"It's funny sir how you always seem to find yourself in an Alliance friendly bar come U-day."

your dad had the best penis in the military

How's Catherine?
Unconscious, but still somehow annoying to me...

Oh hey you best be careful or I'm going to sting you with my stinger. Oh no, but then I'm going to die if I sting you. You know what, I'm not going to sting you after all. And that's my choice, you all ain't worth it. I'm just going to head on over to that flower and suck on that stamen like there's no tomorrow.

Why did I do it? Let's just say the fame was like a drug. But what was more like a drug was the drugs.