Don't let truth get in the way...

....of a good story

tell us about the craziest, most whacked out,
or silliest thing that has ever (or never) happened to you.

i beat the shit out of Chuck Norris.

I woke up this morning and upon looking in the mirror realised my marathon of beauty sleep this weekend has actually transformed me into Audrey Hepburn.

that i was the second man on mars, i had to kill the first, he stole my klondike bar lol

I fucked your mom. Before you were born.

Oh shit....

I fucked your mom, and all I got was this lousy rash.

i always wondered why i was really good at bending stuff

My parents abandoned me at a carnival when I was a baby. The carnies took me in because they thought I was the cutest little doll in the world. After 17 years of playing ventriloquist dummy for the ringmaster (the carnies weren't that bright), and being dressed up by the flying trapeze girls (a story for another day...), I finally struck out on my own. I soon found myself Talahassee, and became a roadie for Toby Kieth (note: he is an asshole), only to get fired after punching the publicist. What can I say? Sarcasticaly telling me "good job" after accidentally bumping the stereos pisses me off.

Alone and with only $50 in my wallet, I wandered around, amusing myself with some imitation vaudeville performances. That's when I was taken in by a child, who kept me in a treehouse in his backyard. Though I knew this was going to be trouble, I liked the free place to crash. Soon, though, I found myself battling mobsters from an alternate 1930's, popsicle monsters, and the most vile creature of all: Dennis Miller. Eventually, I discovered the truth of why all these fights kept getting started: the boy was a genetically engineered Messiah for talking hedgehogs that live at the center of the earth.

One submolecular explosion later, and the boy's house is reduced to a micronized Tunguska, and now we're hiding out in a small town in the MidWest, fending off undersexed housewives with a penchant for chainsaws and woodchucks from beyond time and space.

Win!

that is the best thing i've read in a long time

This one time...at band camp...I stuck a flute up my pussy

When they're not around, I put the TV on. Purely out of curiosity, you understand. Up here, we can snatch some forty thousand channels out of the air. Most of them, of course, are still showing CSI and LAW AND ORDER. There are twelve different channels showing LAW AND ORDER 24 hours a day. In some countries, Jerry Orbach has become a cargo-cult figure. They don't understand the language or much of the situations. They comprehend only that Jerry Orbach is immortal. They watch and divine from the show that he outlives the young gods who are selected to be his assistants. Criminals fall. DAs change. Assistants fade away. Jerry Orbach is forever. Jerry Orbach is, in fact, some kind of avenging God-King who will hunt and incarcerate Scum until the end of time.

that ones true isn't it?

I was adopted from Romania.

i'm one of those people that cant have anything normal happen to them. i dont just got to the store. i go to the store and the cashier vomits on me. no shit. my friend and i are thinking of making a comic book of my ridiculous life.