my ex wants to know if i have been dissing her

my ex-girlfriend (from 12 years ago) has not talked to me in the last 3 years as she has taken time to be all 'wifey' and bear children, no time for friends, especially not ex-boyfriends who became friends.

i had pretty much written her off.

so i get an email out of the blue (and i do not know how she found this addy) asking me why i have been ignoring her and dissing her all this time.

i think she might actually think she's serious.

what would be some optional detailed responses i should give her?

Reply with: Who is this?

Just say one liners like The Joker.

You could send her a bouquet of condoms with the note attached that says "I think you've done enough."

kill her

but please be discrete

Or maybe you just wanna a taste of the theatrical.

Invite her to a chili cook off. Only for her to later find out that you've killed and chopped up her parents and made her eat them in the chili.

Did she actually use the word "dissing"?

I love that show Northern Exposure.

Clearly she wants to hook up (like, with genitals). Hubby's just not the lover you were.

aww... this is kind of sad. her parents were actually quite cool.

she fringes on the 'legally blonde' type

The sad thing is, I think I may know who you're talking about.

Did you offer to continue ignoring and dissing her? It seems to have worked for the past three years.

ignore her. she is probably just unhappy about shit and looking for someone to rant at..or maybe she wants teh secks. either way, don't respond..not worth the time and pain in the ass of it all.

my tears aren't the only salty parts about me

If so a rap battle or dance-off is the only solution.

watch movies like "bring it on" and "you got served" first to make sure your game is in tip top shape

My Psycho-Bitch--Meter is pegging WAY into the red!

How very odd.

I think you should send her a picture of your wang. Make it a huge file.

This is a strategy which works in many situations. A universal solution, if you will.

It would've solved world hunger, but it turns out starving people in Africa don't have mail boxes, let alone e-mail.