Totally inappropriate response to a perfectly reasonable question.

its the same deal with you. it sucks.

where's my beer, dammit?

Inside your beer bottle. In the middle of a bear trap. In HELL!!!!

Are you talkin' to me?

A tree fell in the words, and no one was around...


Is it peanutbutter jelly time?

You've had it too good for too long! Get a job!

read any good books lately?

I'll get you... AND YOUR LITTLE DOG, TOO!

Pardon me, do you know how to get to Carnegie Hall?

Well, if you had a JOB, you wouldn't be able to read either!

Why is it still raining?

In 2001 the Wizards looked like assed out fuck sticks with a puny brains for selecting dickless piece of shit Kwame Brown with number one overall pick..

Would you like to catch a movie??

In 2002, the Wizards were caught stealing from a local sex shop. The real scandal behind this: they were all caught hoarding the 12" dildos...nothing else.

Who's up for dinner?

NO, i will not take your sister to prom!


did you see the season of Dexter?

No, I'm not interested in spooning you. I've told you no three times now.

Who wants cookies?

meh can haz cheezburger!?!

what would like to be when you grow up?

I was thinking about being a prostitue, ditch digger, or meter maid.

Are you chewing gum?

What do I look like? A fucking hooker that Vince can just walk up to and say "you're gonna love my nuts" and then beat the shit out of?

How many people have you suggested call an abulence because they are far too intoxicated tonight?

0, fuck that, they can drive or ride a wave of their own vomit to get themselves to the ED

could you lend me a dollar?

Fuck you asshole I need another beer!

You need a light?

yeah i do, the only reason being that i intend on burning your house down, fucker

where can i get a pretzel?

Well there are some back the way you came Missy.

How much milk is too much?

when you start pissing it out of every orifice, duh

are you a virgin?

Only if you don't count 14 yr olds and under.

Where's your mom right now?

Oh I thought she was over at your place in that lingere you bought her.

Where did my left foot go?

I seem to remember cutting it off and putting it in my "Left foot trophy cabinet"

Why am I posting on a message board at 5am when I should be sleeping?

cause you suck at life. turd.

why arent i drunk yet?

Because you aren't here with me.


Why does God hate me?

Because you're about 3,000 miles too far away for me to buy you drinks, assface. (to sweetloretta fuck I'm too slow).

Because you are an abomination to HIS name and all that HE created for this world!

When do pumpkins become cheddar?

because you took Jesus' meal and wine at the Last Supper and God did not approve

what makes a good pie?

*answer for ReverendBenzo