One time, I...

... accidentally glued my hands into the Buddy Christ pose.


Share your achievements both wonderful and pathetic.

...sneezed and peed on myself.

That was yesterday. It wasn't so grate, aktually.

Farted in church. Loudly.

....I got so drunk after drinking 20 double vodkas and orange in one night that I wondered why I was stone cold sober 6 hours later, before realising it was actually 30 hours later and I'd slept through the whole day.

...was so drunk I pulled it out on the sidewalk and peed during the last half block of the walk home. My pants did not come out of it unscathed.

...laughed my birthday cake out of my nose.

...climbed a tree and got stuck and then peed myself because I couldn't get down in time. My auntie laughed at me and I was all crying and shit.

Bitch.

...sneezed in class and didn't get my hand up in time and kinda slimed the guy in front of me. He never noticed, and I was too mortified to say anything.

...got a chance to speak to my favorite band and had a beautifully eloquent speech prepared, but when I encountered them all that came out was "Your music makes me happy."

..killed like 5 threads in a row

..was really drunk and fell down a really steep flight of stairs at a club, and my skirt basically ended up around my waist giving everyone a show....Things was I was SO drunk, I didn't know how bad it hurt until the next day when I had bruises all up my back, ass and thighs

Suppressed a laugh due to a story I heard this girl tell about how she got drunk and fell at a club... Then the non-evil me took over and I empathized.

...opened the door to pick up a package from the FedEx guy, tripped over the doorframe, and fell on him so that he had to catch my big wobbly ass to keep me from eating shit on the porch, which made my dog think he was attacking me and he kind of bum rushed his legs in scary fashion.

That was today, just now, about 3 minutes ago. Thank you, FedEx guy! Sorry I kinda had BO and coffee breath, and that my dog thought you might me attacking me and (kind of) rushed to my aid, further scaring you. You should get a trophy. I'm sure that this isn't the type of 'woman throwing herself at you' story that you guys like to tell back at FedEx headquarters.

Thank you, Maverick, for rushing to my aid. I didn't really think you would, since you are such a peaceful-type doggie.

...suppressed the urge to smack someone for laughing at my story of when I drunkingly fell at a club....

Ok, this was the funniest thing I ever read..
I'm assuming you have a smaller dog? Coz if that was mine - the FedEx guy would have had no leg

Breathed a sigh of relief...

Chocolate Lab, actually. I'm really impressed by him. I always figured he was the type that wouldn't protect me. He's a lover.

My Hero:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

(You would have liked it too much)

DhD_PillowPants said:

BrightRedScream said:

DhD_PillowPants said:
...opened the door to pick up a package from the FedEx guy, tripped over the doorframe, and fell on him so that he had to catch my big wobbly ass to keep me from eating shit on the porch, which made my dog think he was attacking me and he kind of bum rushed his legs in scary fashion.

That was today, just now, about 3 minutes ago. Thank you, FedEx guy! Sorry I kinda had BO and coffee breath, and that my dog thought you might me attacking me and (kind of) rushed to my aid, further scaring you. You should get a trophy. I'm sure that this isn't the type of 'woman throwing herself at you' story that you guys like to tell back at FedEx headquarters.

Thank you, Maverick, for rushing to my aid. I didn't really think you would, since you are such a peaceful-type doggie.

Ok, this was the funniest thing I ever read..
I'm assuming you have a smaller dog? Coz if that was mine - the FedEx guy would have had no leg

Chocolate Lab, actually. I'm really impressed by him. I always figured he was the type that wouldn't protect me. He's a lover.

My Hero:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Omg...cute!

That surprises me too - labs are usually the more lovey type

Depends on the location of the smack. :-)

Just trust me - you would have liked it

I doubt that

Stepped out of a trailer holding up my boss's wallet while bellowing "I have the power!" only to have my ankle buckle underneath me when my foot hit the ground. I fell on my ass and the resulting injury was my foot broken in about 5 different places. It was both funny and embarrassing at the same time.

Where you going to say 'I have the power...of GREYSKUUUULLLLLL?'

Cause that would be awesomest.

indeed it would!!!!!!