Announcement from God

From his office in Heaven today, God announced that he will be retiring from his post as Divine Ruler of the Universe, after serving for 6012 years. His resignation will become effective 1 January 2008. In a brief prepared statement, God said he is basically tired of having to deal with the human race. "The paperwork alone is killing me. The angelic hosts have never appropriated the number of staff I need, and our servers need a major upgrade. Where's that gonna come from? Church donations? Nah, I'm out of here." God, whose real name is Melvin, plans on moving to his condominium in Boca Raton in January. He hopes to improve his golf game, see some live concerts and sporting events, and spend a lot of time on the beach "drinking Margaritas and watching chicks."

At the Press conference he was asked who will replace him, to which he replied: "I could just name a successor, but I have decided that the people should choose their next God themselves, in a free election." After several minutes of breaking into uncontrolled laughter, God recovered and added: "No I'm under no illusions about that. There are several megalomaniacs that have been waiting for my retirement to make their bid for mastery of the Universe. For the record, this Tarkin fellow makes me particularly nervous. But the way I see it, after giving the best years of my life, the human race deserves what they get."

Despite this rather cynical attitude, God has named a Celestial Committee for the Election of a New God, which will immediately begin taking nominations for candidates. The election is scheduled for November 6th, 2007.

Vote for me please.

Vote for me! (or the terrorists win!)

Vote for me or the terrorists win, AND chocolate will disappear from the earth.

Vote for me or the terrorists will win and SG will disappear forever!

Don't vote for me, I'm already in the running for new Satan.

Vote for me and I will give you free chocolate and naked girls.

After what you promised, that last bit just lost you my vote.

But are you capable of growing a long white beard???

Get used to it. People are going to be asking the tough questions.

He's retiring too? Hmm, this could get interesting!

Make it free chocolate on naked girls and you have my vote.

Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?

If I'm up against Zarth, I'm stepping down. He's probably already got the chocolate covered girls ready.

Vote Zarth!!!

I haven't officially placed his name in nomination. I'm waiting for a ruling from the committee as to whether God should or should not possess a sense of humor.

Clearly god has one. Just look at the platypus.

PS: Vote for me, or I will shewt ur planet wif lazers! PEWPEWPEW!

Qualifications? I mean, other than the obvious raw destructive and malignant power, which may actually be enough.

November 6th?
You know good and well this thread isn't going to make it to Nov 6th.

I'm also pretty sure that there'll be a coup before there's an election too.

don't even get me started on this "God" business, sweetheart.

Fuck God. Hypocritical, self-righteous douchebag.

I'm told there's a Satan campaign starting soon too.

No, he's no better really.

I for one welcome our new pansexual, polyamorous overlords.