Silliness

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12/4/07

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phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 01:20 PM

From his office in Heaven today, God announced that he will be retiring from his post as Divine Ruler of the Universe, after serving for 6012 years. His resignation will become effective 1 January 2008. In a brief prepared statement, God said he is basically tired of having to deal with the human race. "The paperwork alone is killing me. The angelic hosts have never appropriated the number of staff I need, and our servers need a major upgrade. Where's that gonna come from? Church donations? Nah, I'm out of here." God, whose real name is Melvin, plans on moving to his condominium in Boca Raton in January. He hopes to improve his golf game, see some live concerts and sporting events, and spend a lot of time on the beach "drinking Margaritas and watching chicks."

At the Press conference he was asked who will replace him, to which he replied: "I could just name a successor, but I have decided that the people should choose their next God themselves, in a free election." After several minutes of breaking into uncontrolled laughter, God recovered and added: "No I'm under no illusions about that. There are several megalomaniacs that have been waiting for my retirement to make their bid for mastery of the Universe. For the record, this Tarkin fellow makes me particularly nervous. But the way I see it, after giving the best years of my life, the human race deserves what they get."

Despite this rather cynical attitude, God has named a Celestial Committee for the Election of a New God, which will immediately begin taking nominations for candidates. The election is scheduled for November 6th, 2007.

CptPyjama

CptPyjama

United Kingdom
October 2006

JUN 09, 2007 01:22 PM

Vote for me please.

ElPres

ElPres

Tampa, FL
November 2003

JUN 09, 2007 01:26 PM

Vote for me! (or the terrorists win!)

CptPyjama

CptPyjama

United Kingdom
October 2006

JUN 09, 2007 01:28 PM

Vote for me or the terrorists win, AND chocolate will disappear from the earth.

ElPres

ElPres

Tampa, FL
November 2003

JUN 09, 2007 01:34 PM

Vote for me or the terrorists will win and SG will disappear forever!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
And by 'terrorists' I mean 'right wing conservative Jesus freaks'



SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Or vote for CaptainAllama, if you really want to, but don't say I didn't warn you!

SnakePlissken

SnakePlissken

Corvallis, OR
December 2002

JUN 09, 2007 01:35 PM

Don't vote for me, I'm already in the running for new Satan.

CptPyjama

CptPyjama

United Kingdom
October 2006

JUN 09, 2007 01:39 PM

Vote for me and I will give you free chocolate and naked girls.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

When was the last time someone you voted for kept their promises, anyway?

Hunkpapa

Hunkpapa

United Kingdom
June 2004

JUN 09, 2007 01:44 PM

CaptainAllama said:
Vote for me and I will give you free chocolate and naked girls.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

When was the last time someone you voted for kept their promises, anyway?



After what you promised, that last bit just lost you my vote.

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 01:45 PM

CaptainAllama said:
Vote for me please.



But are you capable of growing a long white beard???

Get used to it. People are going to be asking the tough questions.

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 01:46 PM

SnakePlissken said:
Don't vote for me, I'm already in the running for new Satan.



He's retiring too? Hmm, this could get interesting!

tex13

tex13

USA
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 01:46 PM

CaptainAllama said:
Vote for me and I will give you free chocolate and naked girls.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

When was the last time someone you voted for kept their promises, anyway?



Make it free chocolate on naked girls and you have my vote.

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 01:50 PM

Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?

CptPyjama

CptPyjama

United Kingdom
October 2006

JUN 09, 2007 02:01 PM

phrogg said:
Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?



If I'm up against Zarth, I'm stepping down. He's probably already got the chocolate covered girls ready.

Vote Zarth!!!

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 02:04 PM

phrogg said:
Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?



I haven't officially placed his name in nomination. I'm waiting for a ruling from the committee as to whether God should or should not possess a sense of humor.

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 02:05 PM

phrogg said:

phrogg said:
Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?



I haven't officially placed his name in nomination. I'm waiting for a ruling from the committee as to whether God should or should not possess a sense of humor.



RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006

JUN 09, 2007 02:08 PM

phrogg said:

phrogg said:
Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?



I haven't officially placed his name in nomination. I'm waiting for a ruling from the committee as to whether God should or should not possess a sense of humor.



Clearly god has one. Just look at the platypus.

PS: Vote for me, or I will shewt ur planet wif lazers! PEWPEWPEW!

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 02:56 PM

RudieCantFail said:

phrogg said:

phrogg said:
Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?



I haven't officially placed his name in nomination. I'm waiting for a ruling from the committee as to whether God should or should not possess a sense of humor.



Clearly god has one. Just look at the platypus.

PS: Vote for me, or I will shewt ur planet wif lazers! PEWPEWPEW!



Qualifications? I mean, other than the obvious raw destructive and malignant power, which may actually be enough.

imprettywhenilie

imprettywhenilie

Phoenix, AZ
February 2007

JUN 09, 2007 03:00 PM

November 6th?
You know good and well this thread isn't going to make it to Nov 6th. biggrin

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUN 09, 2007 03:06 PM

phrogg said:

phrogg said:

phrogg said:
Whether it's germane to this discussion or not I'm uncertain, but I had a dream the other night, and at one point in the dream I saw Zarth's profile pic (the old, pre-Tarkin one) on a billboard in downtown Greenville. Was it a sign, or just a billboard?



I haven't officially placed his name in nomination. I'm waiting for a ruling from the committee as to whether God should or should not possess a sense of humor.





phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 03:17 PM

imprettywhenilie said:
November 6th?
You know good and well this thread isn't going to make it to Nov 6th. biggrin



I'm also pretty sure that there'll be a coup before there's an election too.

imprettywhenilie

imprettywhenilie

Phoenix, AZ
February 2007

JUN 09, 2007 03:21 PM

don't even get me started on this "God" business, sweetheart.

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

JUN 09, 2007 03:26 PM

Fuck God. Hypocritical, self-righteous douchebag.

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 09, 2007 03:54 PM

CKDexterHaven said:
Fuck God. Hypocritical, self-righteous douchebag.



I'm told there's a Satan campaign starting soon too.

whatever

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

JUN 09, 2007 04:09 PM

phrogg said:

CKDexterHaven said:
Fuck God. Hypocritical, self-righteous douchebag.



I'm told there's a Satan campaign starting soon too.

whatever



No, he's no better really.

ElizaTheTroll

ElizaTheTroll

Australia
January 2006

JUN 09, 2007 09:00 PM

I for one welcome our new pansexual, polyamorous overlords.

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