Things Not To Do To Your Woman

dutch oven with a shart

Make her perfect.

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AKA silent.

don't secretly cum in her hair while she's asleep, cos she will get pissed trying to comb that shit out every morning

Drug her and sell one of her kidneys.

yusssssss

Toss her your dirt sock for mop up after sex.

Nor her own sock/shirt/dress/whateverthefuckshewaswearing

suggest she make you a sammich on her way out

Say to her: "I hate every bone in your body, except mine."

When she walks in the room say: Boobs or GetTheFuckOut.

Use her bras as water balloon launchers or as helmets when going out dirtbiking.

Depending on the tone, that wouldn't necessarily be bad.

i like the way you think

Walk into a bar/club, turn to her and say, "You my wingman!"

I think I would die laughing.

Noted.

But that's only if I knew you well. If you were a complete stranger (which I don't consider you to be) it wouldn't be very funny.

I was recently told by an Suicide Girl that I need to greet women by asking to see their tits and if they do not comply, punch them in the face. Apparently that will make me "normal."