crazy bitches may not sleep on my couch

Official Notice:
I don't care if you are young and sort of cute, and a wacked out space cadet,
or old and fat and googly eyed,
you may not wander into my place of business, and expect to sleep on my couch.
Its not that I dont feel for you,
its just that you'll scare everyone away, you know, everyone who pays me.
Nobody sleeps on my couch but me,
though i reserve the right to bring company, If I so choose.
It Is Written!
So Be IT!

*moves to floor*

*steals cushion off couch*... bastard

get back here with that fucking thing

fuckin...uncomfortable couch anyway.

sitar, move your feet. I'm trying to get comfy here.

Blimey.

What if they pay you for the use of your couch? If you put a tip box next to it I'm sure they would.

you know what, you guys seem ok,
why don't y'all just come back to the house...
that way, we won't be disturbed by the 6am crowd.

(how's that for creepy thread title "come spend the night at my house")

i have no survival instincts so ok!

It's when you have strange people trying to steal your stapler, that's when you know you've got trouble...

That's when you have to get all Office Space on their ass.

Can i at least use your sink to wash my briefs?

'Gonna burn this whole place down!'

Thank you.

Its all about reciprocity dude.
Just smoke some crack and return the favor.

my stapler disappeared along time ago, dammit.
thanks for peeling the scab off that one.

I'll just let them soak a while

I'm now singing "Crazy bitches...on my couch" to the tune of the Don Ho classic "Tiny Bubbles".

*scratches head*

*scratches ass*

*farts*

*rolls over and keeps sleeping*

im so suprised, because people who end up on my couch are usually so savy.

Cereal bowls with milk sitting at the bottom, a full ashtray overflowing with ashes on the table, a mildew stench emitting from the blanket that was washed but never fully dried as it sat in the dryer for 3 days damp-- wrapped around a half nude hairy man with thinning hair in his tighty whities who lies snoring between snorts and coughs Reaking like cheap wine and permanent marker. The high life.

Cereal bowls with milk sitting at the bottom, a full ashtray overflowing with ashes on the table, a mildew stench emitting from the blanket that was washed but never fully dried as it sat in the dryer for 3 days damp-- wrapped around a half nude hairy man with thinning hair in his tighty whities who lies snoring between snorts and coughs Reaking like cheap wine and permanent marker. The high life.

Dude, are you following me?