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CapnCookie

capncookie

Columbus, OH
January 2006

MAR 17, 2006 01:16 PM

I've been dating my gf for a year and 6 months now and She is ussually a really great girl. But lately I have found myself not attracted to her as much. I have asked a couple friends and we all agree that she has put on considerible weight slowly since i have started dating her. At first I didn't think anything of it but it has gotten to the point where she weighs more than I do and I am 6' 3". She is half a foot shorter than I am and weighs more than I do. Because of this i don't ever want to have sex with her and it makes me feel pretty horrible. I don't want to be a picky person but you can't help but be a little bit no matter who you are. What should I do about this. I am absolutly terrified to say anything on the account that she use to be bulimic before i knew her and I don't want that again.

gabrielurmen

gabrielurmen

Halifax, NS
December 2005

MAR 17, 2006 01:23 PM

Put on your man pants and realise that if the media tells us next month chubby girls the "in" thing you'd believe them. wink


Not every girl on here fits the twig motif and thats one of the reasons why we love them.

CapnCookie

capncookie

Columbus, OH
January 2006

MAR 17, 2006 01:25 PM

the thing is that she was chubby and has just gone beyond that

thorr74

thorr74

Sylvan Lake, AB
December 2004

MAR 17, 2006 01:27 PM

I think its more complicated than StGabriel makes it.

If you are not attracted to PSW then you aren't....there are plenty of guys who are.

If you LOVE her, mention it. In a loving way, and suggest ways you guys -together- can get more active and healthy.
If she is offended or doesn't want to- then another decision needs to be made.
Can you be attracted to her as a PSW or do you find someone who you are attracted to.
Personally I don't think its unreasonable.

Calypso

Calypso

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAR 17, 2006 01:28 PM

Go for jogs together. Go to the gym together.

If you aren't attracted to her, then you're not attracted to her. Any A-hole can come onto this thread and tell you that you're shallow, but you can't help your lack of attraction. It's just who you are.

The only thing you can do is coax her into exercising with you...and if you make dinner (which you should), make something healthy.

You can't very well just tell her to hop on a treadmill. She'll get offended and dump you.

Paul9000

Paul9000

Monterey, CA
November 2004

MAR 17, 2006 01:29 PM

It might be a good idea to duck. And by duck I mean clarify your statement so we are not lead to believe that you are with a girl just for her appearance alone.

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

MAR 17, 2006 01:32 PM

As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]

CapnCookie

capncookie

Columbus, OH
January 2006

MAR 17, 2006 01:34 PM

i love this girl with all my heart. The problem is only in the physical part. She is a great girl and we love being around eachother. i am considering the excercising together and i already od the eating healthy part, but busy schedules can often conflict with excercising. We both have constant deadlines to meet with our work and are struggling to keep it up.

Cash

Cash

USA
OLD SKOOL

MAR 17, 2006 01:35 PM

StGabriel said:
Put on your man pants and realise that if the media tells us next month chubby girls the "in" thing you'd believe them. wink


Not every girl on here fits the twig motif and thats one of the reasons why we love them.



That's some shite advice for this guy's situation. He's not saying chubby is bad...he's saying it's not for him. It has nothing to do with media hype OR this site.

to the original poster:

What you need to do, if you value this relationship is have a frank, explicit conversation about it with your girlfriend. Don't say "Man...you really got FAT and I don't want to hump you anymore"...but you should mention that you find yourself less diven, sexually speaking, lately.

Unless she's comatose...she knows that she's put on weight. Hell, I can feel it in my jeans if I put on 5 lbs. If you say that you need to work on your relationship because you are less driven sexually...she'll very likely pick right up on it. If not...mention it ourtight....but try very hard to be tactful.

gabrielurmen

gabrielurmen

Halifax, NS
December 2005

MAR 17, 2006 01:37 PM

DarkShades said:
As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]



If she was bulimic I'm geussing shes not.
The question of the day is do you care and or love this girl?

Cash

Cash

USA
OLD SKOOL

MAR 17, 2006 01:40 PM

StGabriel said:
The question of the day is do you care and or love this girl?



That's most definitely NOT the question of the day. He's already said that he cares for her very much. A lack of sexual attraction due to significant weight gain is normal and not indicative of malice...or coldheartedness.

If your mom gained weight...you'd still love her. However, since (hopefully) you don't have sex with your mother...it's not exactly a direct correlation, now is it?

Calypso

Calypso

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAR 17, 2006 01:43 PM

StGabriel said:

DarkShades said:
As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]



If she was bulimic I'm geussing shes not.



No woman is happy with weight gain.

CapnCookie

capncookie

Columbus, OH
January 2006

MAR 17, 2006 01:48 PM

going along with the eating healthy part, she wants to go out and eat and spend some time with me tonight because i won't get to see her this coming week. What type of food should i look for. (she always asks me where to eat)

mamet

mamet

Charleston, SC
March 2005

MAR 17, 2006 01:49 PM

It's not a unmentionable thing. I agree that having an honest conversation about it is the way to go. But choose your words very wisely. Tell her that you're willing to help her because you value your relationship, as well as her health. Be supportive and join in exercise or diet activities.

Paul9000

Paul9000

Monterey, CA
November 2004

MAR 17, 2006 01:51 PM

Calypso said:
The only thing you can do is coax her into exercising with you...and if you make dinner (which you should), make something healthy.

You can't very well just tell her to hop on a treadmill. She'll get offended and dump you.


Listen to the only gal who's posting Calypso. She's telling you exactly how to proceed.

tronvillain

tronvillain

Grande Prairie, AB
April 2003

MAR 17, 2006 01:52 PM

Virtually the same thing happened to me, except for the bulemic part. Being very much in love, the gradual weight gain didn't really bother me at all until it started being very significant, and after that my interest in sex gradually declined. *sigh* Of course, the relationship itself had other significant problems too, and eventually my love was chipped away so much that we broke up without any real progress on the weight issue. Still, it really bothers her, and she has finally started going to the gym, so perhaps she will get back to her old self one day and feel better. Hmmm... not really any constructive advice to offer though. Good luck.

Calypso

Calypso

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAR 17, 2006 01:53 PM

CapnCookie said:
going along with the eating healthy part, she wants to go out and eat and spend some time with me tonight because i won't get to see her this coming week. What type of food should i look for. (she always asks me where to eat)



Seafood. Always go for the seafood. If she likes sushi, take her to a sushi place.

Cash

Cash

USA
OLD SKOOL

MAR 17, 2006 01:53 PM

CapnCookie said:
going along with the eating healthy part, she wants to go out and eat and spend some time with me tonight because i won't get to see her this coming week. What type of food should i look for. (she always asks me where to eat)



Instead of going out to eat...prepare a fresh, healthy homecooked meal. If cooking at home isn't an option....go somewhere that features a vegetarian menu...or at least someplace that has healthy options.

CapnCookie

capncookie

Columbus, OH
January 2006

MAR 17, 2006 01:55 PM

Calypso said:

CapnCookie said:
going along with the eating healthy part, she wants to go out and eat and spend some time with me tonight because i won't get to see her this coming week. What type of food should i look for. (she always asks me where to eat)



Seafood. Always go for the seafood. If she likes sushi, take her to a sushi place.



She loves suchi and so do I so that will work nicely. Thank you

Cash

Cash

USA
OLD SKOOL

MAR 17, 2006 01:57 PM

Paul9000 said:
Listen to the only gal who's posting Calypso. She's telling you exactly how to proceed.



Getting your information from once source is like eating the same food every day. It'll keep you alive for a while...but you won't discover anything new....and you'll eventualyl die from scurvy.

Plainly put....Calypso IS giving some good advice....but you shouldn't ignore all other advice based on the fact that it's not coming from a woman.

gabrielurmen

gabrielurmen

Halifax, NS
December 2005

MAR 17, 2006 02:05 PM

Calypso said:

StGabriel said:

DarkShades said:
As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]



If she was bulimic I'm geussing shes not.



No woman is happy with weight gain.



Ya see what I mean about our society? A guy can gain weight and get by on personality. A woman gains weight ands its game over I'm not attracted to you. I'm sorry but I don't think its right that this exisits in our culture, I may come off as being cold towards the question but I'm really tired of this thought.
Go with what you think is right just be gentle about it. If you break her heart over a weight problem, I hope they make a movie about you becoming a woman and gaining 100 for a day.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
It'll star Rob Schneider just so you knowwink
It'll sell better then Titanic I tell you what


I'm outta here

Paul9000

Paul9000

Monterey, CA
November 2004

MAR 17, 2006 02:10 PM

Cash said:

Paul9000 said:
Listen to the only gal who's posting Calypso. She's telling you exactly how to proceed.



Getting your information from once source is like eating the same food every day. It'll keep you alive for a while...but you won't discover anything new....and you'll eventualyl die from scurvy.

Plainly put....Calypso IS giving some good advice....but you shouldn't ignore all other advice based on the fact that it's not coming from a woman.


You're correct.

However with this topic, woman and their weight, it is a minefield for men. No matter how good our intention is, just the mention of our lady's weight and we'll fuck it up. Calypso was giving a pretty good map of how to walk through it.

CapnCookie

capncookie

Columbus, OH
January 2006

MAR 17, 2006 02:10 PM

StGabriel said:

Calypso said:

StGabriel said:

DarkShades said:
As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]



If she was bulimic I'm geussing shes not.



No woman is happy with weight gain.



Ya see what I mean about our society? A guy can gain weight and get by on personality. A woman gains weight ands its game over I'm not attracted to you. I'm sorry but I don't think its right that this exisits in our culture, I may come off as being cold towards the question but I'm really tired of this thought.
Go with what you think is right just be gentle about it. If you break her heart over a weight problem, I hope they make a movie about you becoming a woman and gaining 100 for a day.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
It'll star Rob Schneider just so you knowwink
It'll sell better then Titanic I tell you what


I'm outta here



I'm not saying i am going to split up with her. That would be a bit wrong in my mind. As I said she is important to me and she is just getting a bit too big. She could stay this way or bigger and I would still date her. I just would like for her to lose a bit or at least stop gaining. I do actually disagree with the media's perception of beauty. I think most of us here would considering the site we all paid to be on was founded on the thought of challenging the media's perception of beauty.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by CapnCookie]

Paul9000

Paul9000

Monterey, CA
November 2004

MAR 17, 2006 02:18 PM

Cash said:
Getting your information from once source is like eating the same food every day. It'll keep you alive for a while...but you won't discover anything new....and you'll eventualyl die from scurvy.


I ate Hot Pockets everyday for lunch for 4 years. No wonder I felt like a pirate.

Calypso

Calypso

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAR 17, 2006 02:20 PM

StGabriel said:
If you break her heart over a weight problem, I hope they make a movie about you becoming a woman and gaining 100 for a day.

It'll star Rob Schneider just so you knowwink



Rob Schneider is..."The Stapler"!

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