lack of attraction

I've been dating my gf for a year and 6 months now and She is ussually a really great girl. But lately I have found myself not attracted to her as much. I have asked a couple friends and we all agree that she has put on considerible weight slowly since i have started dating her. At first I didn't think anything of it but it has gotten to the point where she weighs more than I do and I am 6' 3". She is half a foot shorter than I am and weighs more than I do. Because of this i don't ever want to have sex with her and it makes me feel pretty horrible. I don't want to be a picky person but you can't help but be a little bit no matter who you are. What should I do about this. I am absolutly terrified to say anything on the account that she use to be bulimic before i knew her and I don't want that again.

Put on your man pants and realise that if the media tells us next month chubby girls the "in" thing you'd believe them.


Not every girl on here fits the twig motif and thats one of the reasons why we love them.

the thing is that she was chubby and has just gone beyond that

I think its more complicated than StGabriel makes it.

If you are not attracted to PSW then you aren't....there are plenty of guys who are.

If you LOVE her, mention it. In a loving way, and suggest ways you guys -together- can get more active and healthy.
If she is offended or doesn't want to- then another decision needs to be made.
Can you be attracted to her as a PSW or do you find someone who you are attracted to.
Personally I don't think its unreasonable.

It might be a good idea to duck. And by duck I mean clarify your statement so we are not lead to believe that you are with a girl just for her appearance alone.

As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]

i love this girl with all my heart. The problem is only in the physical part. She is a great girl and we love being around eachother. i am considering the excercising together and i already od the eating healthy part, but busy schedules can often conflict with excercising. We both have constant deadlines to meet with our work and are struggling to keep it up.

That's some shite advice for this guy's situation. He's not saying chubby is bad...he's saying it's not for him. It has nothing to do with media hype OR this site.

to the original poster:

What you need to do, if you value this relationship is have a frank, explicit conversation about it with your girlfriend. Don't say "Man...you really got FAT and I don't want to hump you anymore"...but you should mention that you find yourself less diven, sexually speaking, lately.

Unless she's comatose...she knows that she's put on weight. Hell, I can feel it in my jeans if I put on 5 lbs. If you say that you need to work on your relationship because you are less driven sexually...she'll very likely pick right up on it. If not...mention it ourtight....but try very hard to be tactful.

If she was bulimic I'm geussing shes not.
The question of the day is do you care and or love this girl?

That's most definitely NOT the question of the day. He's already said that he cares for her very much. A lack of sexual attraction due to significant weight gain is normal and not indicative of malice...or coldheartedness.

If your mom gained weight...you'd still love her. However, since (hopefully) you don't have sex with your mother...it's not exactly a direct correlation, now is it?

going along with the eating healthy part, she wants to go out and eat and spend some time with me tonight because i won't get to see her this coming week. What type of food should i look for. (she always asks me where to eat)

It's not a unmentionable thing. I agree that having an honest conversation about it is the way to go. But choose your words very wisely. Tell her that you're willing to help her because you value your relationship, as well as her health. Be supportive and join in exercise or diet activities.

Listen to the only gal who's posting Calypso. She's telling you exactly how to proceed.

Virtually the same thing happened to me, except for the bulemic part. Being very much in love, the gradual weight gain didn't really bother me at all until it started being very significant, and after that my interest in sex gradually declined. *sigh* Of course, the relationship itself had other significant problems too, and eventually my love was chipped away so much that we broke up without any real progress on the weight issue. Still, it really bothers her, and she has finally started going to the gym, so perhaps she will get back to her old self one day and feel better. Hmmm... not really any constructive advice to offer though. Good luck.

Instead of going out to eat...prepare a fresh, healthy homecooked meal. If cooking at home isn't an option....go somewhere that features a vegetarian menu...or at least someplace that has healthy options.

She loves suchi and so do I so that will work nicely. Thank you

Getting your information from once source is like eating the same food every day. It'll keep you alive for a while...but you won't discover anything new....and you'll eventualyl die from scurvy.

Plainly put....Calypso IS giving some good advice....but you shouldn't ignore all other advice based on the fact that it's not coming from a woman.

Ya see what I mean about our society? A guy can gain weight and get by on personality. A woman gains weight ands its game over I'm not attracted to you. I'm sorry but I don't think its right that this exisits in our culture, I may come off as being cold towards the question but I'm really tired of this thought.
Go with what you think is right just be gentle about it. If you break her heart over a weight problem, I hope they make a movie about you becoming a woman and gaining 100 for a day.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

It'll star Rob Schneider just so you know
It'll sell better then Titanic I tell you what

I'm outta here

You're correct.

However with this topic, woman and their weight, it is a minefield for men. No matter how good our intention is, just the mention of our lady's weight and we'll fuck it up. Calypso was giving a pretty good map of how to walk through it.

StGabriel said:

Calypso said:

StGabriel said:

DarkShades said:
As a guy, i'm not sure what i would do in your position. I'm pretty sure that there are ways that you could hint around about it. Or you could just be direct about it and ask her if she's happy with her weight, i'm guessing that she probably isn't.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by DarkShades]

If she was bulimic I'm geussing shes not.

No woman is happy with weight gain.

Ya see what I mean about our society? A guy can gain weight and get by on personality. A woman gains weight ands its game over I'm not attracted to you. I'm sorry but I don't think its right that this exisits in our culture, I may come off as being cold towards the question but I'm really tired of this thought.
Go with what you think is right just be gentle about it. If you break her heart over a weight problem, I hope they make a movie about you becoming a woman and gaining 100 for a day.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

It'll star Rob Schneider just so you know
It'll sell better then Titanic I tell you what

I'm outta here

I'm not saying i am going to split up with her. That would be a bit wrong in my mind. As I said she is important to me and she is just getting a bit too big. She could stay this way or bigger and I would still date her. I just would like for her to lose a bit or at least stop gaining. I do actually disagree with the media's perception of beauty. I think most of us here would considering the site we all paid to be on was founded on the thought of challenging the media's perception of beauty.

[Edited on Mar 17, 2006 by CapnCookie]

I ate Hot Pockets everyday for lunch for 4 years. No wonder I felt like a pirate.