Friends with Benefits?

I wrote this in my journal, but since I have a lack of online friends that would comment on it, I figured I'd post it here.

Its been about a year or so since I broke up with my bf and a few months since I completely cut him off. I have no interest in getting into another relationship, but I wouldn't mind having some fun every so often - if you know what I mean. Anyway, since I've -always- been in a relationship with someone, I have absolutely no clue how this works.

Are there any rules to the Friends with Benefits package? Or its pretty much a go with the flow thing?

i would think one of the big rules is to be careful! it's pretty hard to maintain a "friends with benefits" relationship with an ex. it would be really easy for one of you to begin to have feelings for the other, regardless of how you feel once the "fun" begins. for instance, what happens if he gets another girlfriend and wants nothing to do with you anymore? or vice versa?

it's a tricky thing, but it can be done as long as you both are open and secure about the boundries of your relationship. there are no set rules, but there are definately things you should consider before getting too involved.

good luck!

Unless you're interested in being MORE than Friends with Benefits with the person you're "going with the flow" with, be VERY EXPLICIT as to the boundaries of the situation. i.e. "Just because we're having sex does not mean we're at all exclusive. I still plan on dating other people and you should too." or "If I feel like you are becoming emotionally attached, I will end this Fw/B scenario".

Also, keep in mind that even if you do the above, it very well may not work. Fw/B is risky. It can be fun, but there's at least a decent chance that it could destroy any prior relationship you might have had with that person.

Good luck.

No relationships should be "go with the flow" things. The lines of communication should always be open and honesty should always be expected and given. That's the best way to avoid heartbreak.

I think that can pretty much be the one rule for ANY relationship.

get out of my head!

at least one person is usually lying to themselves. i prefer somewhat vague acquiantances with benefits.

I like "Strangers With Jizz on Their Nose" better than "Friends With Benefits"

Everytime I've had a fuck friend it just kind of happened everytime we saw eachother. We never set any rules or anything. I miss having fuck friends.

its great unless you have an SO who doesn't know about it

EASY- find someone who is as fed up with relationships as you are. then just stick to the rules!

It didn't work for Rob in High Fidelity...

I'd try to stay clear of having friends w/ benefits that you are extremely close to. It will end someday and hopefully you wouldn't want to destroy whatever relationship you did have with that person prior.
Honesty and openess is the best policy.
Don't kid yourself, if you feel like you're starting to develop feelings for this person, cut it off or try and initiate something further or vice versa. Don't lie to yourself to try and stay happy in the situation.

I'd try to stay clear of having friends w/ benefits that you are extremely close to. It will end someday and hopefully you wouldn't want to destroy whatever relationship you did have with that person prior.
Honesty and openess is the best policy.
Don't kid yourself, if you feel like you're starting to develop feelings for this person, cut it off or try and initiate something further or vice versa. Don't lie to yourself to try and stay happy in the situation.

well, after a very trying relationship I did the man whore thing for a while and what worked well for me was to be as up front as possible. Let the person know that you are only interested in the friends package. That way if things get weird or out of hand you can refer back to that. Of course if you find yourself falling for them, find out how they feel about it. If they don't feel the same I can't tell you what to do except walk away and remember it for being the fun that it was ment to be. I"m sort of in the same boat myself at the moment. Found a lovely little acquaintence about two weeks ago and had a blast, but it doesn't look like it's going to be as regular of a thing as I had hoped, but that's fine.

It can work, but it does require alot of communication. I've had a Fw/B relationship with an x for 9 years. There's alot of love and trust in the relationship, and it's survived 5 relationships that I've had and her getting married. We know that we will always be friends, and there isn't the expectation of sex everytime that we see each other, sometimes it just happens that way. My GF know, as does her husband.

The hardest part is when you are starting a new relationship with someone and you have to sit down to talk about your Fw/B relationship. If they aren't cool with it, then you have to talk to the Fw/B and negotiate from there. Just don't treat your Fw/B as a bandaid until someone else comes along. Even if you aren't in a traditional relationship they aren't 'just' a friend and deserve your consideration.

Ditto.
Without the getting back together bit.

Now, I guess I'm more careful.

I'm actually currently in a Fw/B sit. that works really well. The person is actually my roomate and we get along really great. We just seem to end up having sex alot. On the other hand, it hasn't ruined anything at all. We still hang out all the time and it's great. We realize that as Fw/B we're great but we could never date. We want different things from an actual relationship.
Warning, this situation does not always work out! Obviously we all have feelings and they can get really muddled, esp. where sex is concerned. Make sure you don't end up feeling used and likewise don't try to make the other person feel that way. Be very open in your communication! Just like that's the foundation for a good relationship it's a good foundation for being Fw/B too.
Also make sure you know where the other person stands with their sex life. You want to be careful healthwise as well as emotion wise. If the person you're having this relationship with is having sex with random people he meets in clubs without knowing anything about them you don't want to touch that!
In general just proceed with caution and if things start getting weird don't stick around and try to deal. This is supposed to be something that makes you happy, not that brings negative feelings.

You have a boyfriend.

Sewiously.

Why not save yourself the aggravation and just fuck someone else?

Something's bound to happen.

No, really... I don't. We're really just friends. Honestly! We were friends while I was dating my last gf and we weren't Fw/B at the time, but he was fine with my having a gf. Likewise he's had two gfs since I've known him and I'm fine with that. We don't mess around while either of us are dating though... so I don't know. We're not dating though. We both understand that we could never date. We don't want to date.

I'd rather have love than sex.