Dealing with a break up

yeah, cause it worked sooo well in very bad things right? Time has taught us that the best spot is inside a fresh cement building, jeez Tadzi, see If I invite you on my next "disposal"

In about the same place as you by the sounds of it. Got dumped by someone I adored about a month back. Man it hurts. Going up and down like crazy ever since. No idea how I'll replace her, so perfect she was in my eyes (shit, I sound like Yoda!). Though of course she wasn't perfect for me or I wouldn't be where I am now.

I've found writing my feelings out in a journal and lots of reading helpful (spiritual and self-help stuff mostly). From that I've come to accept that I shouldn't fight this pain, try to blot it out with rebounds or titty bars, but acknowledge and accept it and let it pass through me at its own pace. If there's one thing I've learned it's that you can't rush the process. I thought I was over my tears, but they still come back and whack me every now and then. Suppressing them just doesn't work for me. Go through the pain, not around it, and in the meantime take care of yourself, spoil yourself, do some of the things you enjoy you'd forgotten about over all those years.

There's the Break-Up Club group if you want to wallow with us other unfortunates and feel free to drop me a line if you want to just spill.

Wow... big response... thanks people.

I've just come back from picking stuff up at the old flat again. She's moving out in January to somewhere cheaper so the money stuff is pretty much sorted.

I don't know about the friends thing though..... reconciliation can't happen if you're not talking to each other.... or do I need to just move on... dammit... I am completely incapable of making decisions right now

Take a big step back, it's still a fresh wound. I'm going through the same thing now, it sucks, she just started packing so it's totally real for me now.

Were you happy in the relationship? Is it something worth saving, or are you just afraid of being alone now (10 years is an eternity)? How about her, sounds like she's shutting you out - communication breakdown as they say? Also happening to me.

Maybe she doesn't want to hurt you, maybe she needs to do this for the good of herself, I really don't know man. Try to be her friend now, don't be mean - it's tempting sometimes (for me at least) but it does no good in the long run.

good luck. oh also I agree about getting shitfaced drunk with your mates, and also about paying the bills for her - don't do it anymore.

Thing is, we used to be really happy, talk about stuff all the time but after so long complacence sinks in and I guess I got lazy and didn't make enough of an effort anymore. She also just got a job she studied really hard for and has her career sorted. I think at the end of the day, she has changed and is going places while I havn't. We also didn't comminicate properly. MAJOR problem.

I think for now you're right, I'll try and be there as a friend and see what happens. Getting drunk with my mates is a problem because they all live miles away. We had friends where I am now but they have gone from OUR friends to HER friends
Need to meet more people.