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11/22/05
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healthyparanoid

healthyparanoid

Highland Park, IL
November 2005

NOV 21, 2005 10:05 PM

What's your worst?
I'll get it going with writing mine down:
My ex came to visit me at college during halloween. And she was a bunny and i was hugh - so of course we were drinking champagne all night. We finished a few bottle - and we ended up back in my dorm room.
We started making out - then she decided she wanted to give me head. So, she takes off my pants and I'm sitting in a chair while she's performing on my member. After a little while - you know right about the time when you are ready to go at it - right before that moment - my ex pauses. She lets go of me, kinda gives me a half look, then says, "Hold on a second."
She proceeded to puke all over my pants and the floor and some of my feet... puke
The next 10 minutes were spent holding a small garbage bag up for her - until she filled it up. Then i threw on some shorts and got her into the bathroom - where she stubbled and almost fell over multiple times. But I got her there and had to take care of her puking and cleaning it up - then getting her into bed. And needless to say I had to deal with blue balls blackeyed
Aight - your turn

Moonlite

Moonlite

I'm lost
March 2005

NOV 21, 2005 10:22 PM

You should had plugged her while she had her head in the toilet puke biggrin

healthyparanoid

healthyparanoid

Highland Park, IL
November 2005

NOV 21, 2005 11:08 PM

pffft - yea, but it was a dorm bathroom - it would have been a little weird if i was doing that - plus i probably would have been written up

urblueygrl

urblueygrl

Covington, LA
July 2004

NOV 21, 2005 11:55 PM

Mine isnt really a horror story but it could have been. I was on top of my husband who was my bf at the time riding him in on a recliner and he got a really bad nose bleed. We didnt stop, and when we were both covered in blood.

healthyparanoid

healthyparanoid

Highland Park, IL
November 2005

NOV 22, 2005 12:09 AM

why in the hell would you stop, lol - its only a bloody nose
he can suck it up - sure its a little messy, but its sex, cmon...

hey_fukko

hey_fukko

Medford, OR
September 2003

NOV 22, 2005 12:17 AM

Moonlite said:
You should had plugged her while she had her head in the toilet puke biggrin




I had a friend that did that. His gf was paying homage to the porcelain god so he proceded to drop her pants and stuff her in the two-hole.

abracadabra

abracadabra

Seattle, WA
April 2004

NOV 22, 2005 12:41 AM

funniest first thread ever tongue

Romero

Romero

Colombia
March 2005

NOV 22, 2005 12:52 AM

I went to a nightclub and somewhere between the Apple Martini and Crown on the rocks I met this girl who was sitting by herself at bar. I asked her if she wanted to dance and she said OK. In mid song she invites me over to her place, so we grab our coats and waves bye to her friends. At her place, she lays me down on her bed and moves my arms up to her bed posts. Then I hear, CLICK and then another CLICK. I have been handcuffed to a bed post, the girl is gone and comes back 5 minutes later wearing nothing but a Mardi Gras mask, she's holding a bottle of rubbing alcohol on her left and an X-acto KNIFE in the other. She gets on top and begins to carve out her initials on my chest. I never went back to that club again.

ZombieStomp

ZombieStomp

Carrboro, NC
July 2005

NOV 22, 2005 01:21 AM

At least she didn't ride your dick, unprotected, with a bad disease!! And at least she sanitized you with rubbing alcohol.... but still, despite those considerate measures, she sounds like one fucked up girl, eh? surreal

MXV

MXV

Riverside, CA
March 2005

NOV 22, 2005 01:42 AM

Romero said:
I went to a nightclub and somewhere between the Apple Martini and Crown on the rocks I met this girl who was sitting by herself at bar. I asked her if she wanted to dance and she said OK. In mid song she invites me over to her place, so we grab our coats and waves bye to her friends. At her place, she lays me down on her bed and moves my arms up to her bed posts. Then I hear, CLICK and then another CLICK. I have been handcuffed to a bed post, the girl is gone and comes back 5 minutes later wearing nothing but a Mardi Gras mask, she's holding a bottle of rubbing alcohol on her left and an X-acto KNIFE in the other. She gets on top and begins to carve out her initials on my chest. I never went back to that club again.



eeek FUCK, dude!

Moonlite

Moonlite

I'm lost
March 2005

NOV 22, 2005 05:07 AM

Romero said:
I went to a nightclub and somewhere between the Apple Martini and Crown on the rocks I met this girl who was sitting by herself at bar. I asked her if she wanted to dance and she said OK. In mid song she invites me over to her place, so we grab our coats and waves bye to her friends. At her place, she lays me down on her bed and moves my arms up to her bed posts. Then I hear, CLICK and then another CLICK. I have been handcuffed to a bed post, the girl is gone and comes back 5 minutes later wearing nothing but a Mardi Gras mask, she's holding a bottle of rubbing alcohol on her left and an X-acto KNIFE in the other. She gets on top and begins to carve out her initials on my chest. I never went back to that club again.



You should had carved your name into her ass

Finch

Finch

SUICIDEGIRL

Thailand

NOV 22, 2005 05:15 AM

hey_fukko said:

Moonlite said:
You should had plugged her while she had her head in the toilet puke biggrin




I had a friend that did that. His gf was paying homage to the porcelain god so he proceded to drop her pants and stuff her in the two-hole.



dude. he should've been castrated with a pair of rusty scissors. i would've fucking killed him.

Tadzi

Tadzi

Greeley, CO
April 2003

NOV 22, 2005 05:36 AM

ive mentioned this story elsewhere on here....but once i was having sex with this girl (she was on top) and when she came, she involuntarily kind of bucked forward, and slammed her head into the wall, knocking herself out briefly and suffering a concussion.

another time, i got a concussion while going down on a girl. when she came, her hips kind of pushed my head back, while at the same time, her knees kind of slammed together...right on my temples. major ow. blackeyed

crackedhead

crackedhead

San Jose, CA
September 2004

NOV 22, 2005 06:06 AM

Romero said:
I went to a nightclub and somewhere between the Apple Martini and Crown on the rocks I met this girl who was sitting by herself at bar. I asked her if she wanted to dance and she said OK. In mid song she invites me over to her place, so we grab our coats and waves bye to her friends. At her place, she lays me down on her bed and moves my arms up to her bed posts. Then I hear, CLICK and then another CLICK. I have been handcuffed to a bed post, the girl is gone and comes back 5 minutes later wearing nothing but a Mardi Gras mask, she's holding a bottle of rubbing alcohol on her left and an X-acto KNIFE in the other. She gets on top and begins to carve out her initials on my chest. I never went back to that club again.




Shit, that sucks. However, with you restrained and at the mercy of a crazy girl with a knife it could have been much, much worse.

gutti

gutti

United Kingdom
August 2005

NOV 22, 2005 06:55 AM

Finch said:

hey_fukko said:

Moonlite said:
You should had plugged her while she had her head in the toilet puke biggrin




I had a friend that did that. His gf was paying homage to the porcelain god so he proceded to drop her pants and stuff her in the two-hole.



dude. he should've been castrated with a pair of rusty scissors. i would've fucking killed him.


thats what i thought

FreakPirate

FreakPirate

Canada
November 2002

NOV 22, 2005 06:56 AM

The pipes in my ceiling leak all over my computer desk.

Oh... wait...

baudot

baudot

Oakland, CA
February 2004

NOV 22, 2005 07:07 AM

healthyparanoid said:
why in the hell would you stop, lol - its only a bloody nose
he can suck it up - sure its a little messy, but its sex, cmon...


You know, that's how Ghengis Khan died.

healthyparanoid

healthyparanoid

Highland Park, IL
November 2005

NOV 22, 2005 08:53 AM

Finch said:

hey_fukko said:

Moonlite said:
You should had plugged her while she had her head in the toilet puke biggrin




I had a friend that did that. His gf was paying homage to the porcelain god so he proceded to drop her pants and stuff her in the two-hole.



dude. he should've been castrated with a pair of rusty scissors. i would've fucking killed him.


Hence why I simply held her head and dealt with the blue balls. It's better to be in pain, then not have em at all wink

OneWithAll

OneWithAll

Charlton City, MA
October 2005

NOV 22, 2005 09:39 AM

I got a call from a girl i had been "seeing" (we would get together n finish off bottles of jager n red bull while having sex the entire time, it was nice). She was driving through town with her roommate, who was wicked hot - raver girl, n wanted to be entertained. I met up with them at a bar, paid for everything, grabbed a bag of yao, n proceeded to leave with them promptly after they began making out with each other. A friend met us back at my place and clothing was removed, the girls put on a little show for us and we all blew lines off of each other. The girls whispered that they only wanted to have sex with me so i broke the bad news to my friend n he was gone. Then up to my roommates bed (large mirrors, haha) where we continued to rip while the girls took turns pleasuring me. The one thing that i needed to work took the night off - fuckin yao dick, felt like half a man. frown

Maxx

maxx

Los Angeles, CA
July 2002

NOV 22, 2005 09:43 AM

hey_fukko said:

Moonlite said:
You should had plugged her while she had her head in the toilet puke biggrin


I had a friend that did that. His gf was paying homage to the porcelain god so he proceded to drop her pants and stuff her in the two-hole.


I guess my slang is different. I thought he was talking about shooting her.

Trevallion

Trevallion

Murfreesboro, TN
February 2004

NOV 22, 2005 09:49 AM

The two hole?

FridgeMagnet

FridgeMagnet

Chicago, IL
November 2004

NOV 22, 2005 09:52 AM

The monster that lives in my closet came out with a chainsaw and Dr. Loomis shot him and his head exploded all over. That was a horror story alright!

splush1

splush1

San Diego, CA
September 2005

NOV 22, 2005 01:47 PM

SicKingW4 said:
The one thing that i needed to work took the night off - fuckin yao dick, felt like half a man. frown



Yao Dick the Chinese basketball player? Why did you need to work him? biggrin

Try "yeyo." Or, I mean, don't try it. That shit makes you impotent.

hotcurry

hotcurry

Los Angeles, CA
June 2004

NOV 22, 2005 01:56 PM

FreakPirate said:
The pipes in my ceiling leak all over my computer desk.

Oh... wait...




Haha... I was going to say I had a mildew problem in my old apartment.

healthyparanoid

healthyparanoid

Highland Park, IL
November 2005

NOV 23, 2005 07:59 AM

I've come to realize that my luck in the bedroom is somewhat mixed...
How many of you have had friendly fire?
Wellllll - last night I was fooling around with this girl - and she goes down to give me some head.
So yea, she there for a bit - I'm about to cum - so I let her know - she pulls off and lets me finish.
If I didn't have my hand over my face I would have been hit in the freaking eye...
I was lying down and I hit myself in the face blackeyed
That's like porno style flying projectiles. It was the most shocking thing, but even at the time it was fucking hilarious.
Ladies - from now on, I completely understand why not many of you like to take it on the chin - so to speak - its sticky as fuck and you gotta take a shower to get it outta your hair...
Lol

[Edited on Nov 23, 2005 by healthyparanoid]

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