i love this friend/coworker, but i am a dumbass

I've been working with this girl for nearly a year who I have always found fascinating, she has always enjoyed spending time with me, and we have a world of things in common. I broke up with my girl a few months ago, and now this friend at work is single, so it's the first time something could happen.I am out of my mind for her. We go out drinking all the time, and lately I find that I am always ready to move into a new level with her. But it hasn't happened. I'm a bit insecure, and also she's a very confusing person. (she's a huge flirt, she condescendingly tells me how every guy friend she's ever had has hit on her). I feel like she could be the one, if I can get my shit together and be a man and make a move, but I fear that I'll ruin a wonderful friendship and flub the whole situation. Should I be content with this great friendship when I want so much more? What should i do?

Fuck her in the pooper.

Dude, never dip your pen in the company stink....erm, I mean Ink...INK.

Well said.

I agree. Don't cross that line. If it ends badly, you will still have to work with each other.

Unless you KNOW you can tap that ass. Hit her, then quit her.

I don't know if it's just me, but that whole
"tells me how every guy friend she's ever had has hit on her"
just doesn't sit right with me. I get the feeling that she doesn't want you to be one of those guys.

If you're really friends, don't get involved and risk losing that.

If "bros before hos" is an axiom, then its first corollary is "don't let bros become hos." ('Cause then you'd have to put them second.)

If it hasn't happend by now it isn't going to happen, sorry but your in the FRIEND ZONE and you'll just end up hurting yourself. If any thing you 2 will have a nice release of tension with each other and that's it.

not true. I have a tendency to fall for my friends after knowing them for a few years. I have other friends who do the same.

Do what feels right man. You feel like hitting on her? Go ahead - just do it in a polite way. I'm all about the direct approach, "Look, we're friends - I really enjoy spending time with you and sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we were more than friends - if you're up for it, let me know. If not, I hope you'll be cool and remain friends with me". Honesty is great - no games, no trying to kiss her and massive rejection - just putting yourself out there. And if she doesn't dig you, but still acts weird after some simple honesty like that - she's not mature enough to bother with anyway.

Good luck.

I've heard a lot of girls say this. Usually it seems it's her exaggerating after more than two of her friends have hit on her. A lot of good relationships come out of being friends first.

In my experience, a girl saying this to you doesn't guarantee that she'll turn you down. It can just mean take things slow and don't just confess your undying love for her out of nowhere.

When it comes to trying to turn a friend relationship into something more, I find the best strategy is to slowly kind of drop hints, be subtle, be a little more affectionate and if she starts behaving similarly then it's a good sign and maybe you'll end up together. If she doesn't want that kind of thing you'll probably be able to gauge her reaction and back off to where you are now, leaving the friendship totally intact.

I have no advice when it comes to dating people at work.

[Edited on Nov 19, 2005 by Odyne]

Getting together with co-workers has always ended badly for me. In addition to the "we broke up and still have to see each other 5 days a week" problem, you also have the effect of everyone else in the workplace knowing both people involved. This can lead to the whole choosing sides thing, and the possiblity of people at work knowing way more about your personal life then you would ever want them to know.

dont shit where you sleep

Bullcrap. If he was with it enough, he could just insinuate that SHE was trying to pick up on HIM, and then gauge her reaction. It couldn't go over badly if he did it in a funny way, and yet she would have to react somehow, which could give an indication as to her thoughts.

This is a possibility as well. After a certain amount of time, you get categorized.

Unless she's been into you this whole time as well. Just joke with her how she's just been waiting for this so that she could hit on you, but you're not that easy.

Unless this would be too difficult for you as well. In which case, you have my pity.

Remember, if anything bad happends, you still have to work with that person.

No offense, but this COULD be really awkward, and whilt it would be worth it if it was required to find out what she thought, there are much better ways that also build tension and curiosity.

True, NEVER do this unless you want to scare her away.

This would work, but if she picks up on these subtleties (which girls are VERY good at doing), she might feel a bit weird. I don;t think it would damage the friendship, but if you can avoid the awkwardness, or maybe even CAUSE her to start thinking of you in a different way, then I'd say that option would be preferred.

I say go for it! You'll always wonder. Just be prepared that no matter what it's going to change things.

Don't do it. Nothing worse than having to pretend things are normal when she knocks you back. Let her make the move, she will if she wants.

You gotta do it, man...you gotta do it....do it for JOHNNY!!



Seriously, you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do. If you really want more, just go for it. Don't listen to people who tell you to sit on you hands and be satisfied with less than you want.

[Edited on Nov 19, 2005 by PointBlank]

Jesus... Look at all of these useful responses! Maybe there is such a thing as 'internet community' after all. And only 1 guy called me a pussy (which sure, I sort of deserve).

This girl is bizarre, and that's a lot of the reason that I like her. She's unpredictable. It's impossible for me to know what she's really thinking about me, other than she likes being around me. I know she had a crush on me when I first started working there, but I was unattaible cos of my then-girlfriend. I didn't get a massive crush until months later, which by that point she was on a series of semi-serious boyfriends.

I think she knows that she's thrown me off with some of the things she's said about guys -- that she doesnt like guys with jobs or responsibilities, that she picks the wrong men, that she's a "man eater," among other things. I'm looking for some sort of sign from her that I am some sort of exception from her rules before I take a chance.

Thanks for a the advice.

You've got nothing to lose except your job and dignity.

I say go for it.

i dont see any harm in trying... i dont mean just try fucking her, but like, just let her know how you feel and just make sure she knows how important the friendship is and even if shes not interested that you have all intentions of contining it... ive had guy friends hit on me after a few years, things didnt work out and we maintained the friendship, just go about it in a respectful manner good luck!

I was sort of in the same position as you dude, I didn't exactly get the opportunity too but I tried anyways and it didn't work out. Works been hell since, people making assumptions and talking behind my back. Believe me when I say thats not cool. I wish I had never fallen in love with her. Now we're not even friends and thats what I miss the most. If you really value her as a friend then don't risk losing her... it'll make you feel emptier than anything else ever could... but if she isn't that special friend, then all you can have is the sniping behind your back or the happiness of being in love.

What my drunken ramblings are trying to say is that love is a risk you have to take, but, not if it means losing a friend. I think.... errr... i'm gonna shut up now

Don't fuck people from work.
(props to Roethke)

Go for it, Romeo. I tend to agree with the suggestions of going for subtlety, but there's something to be said for the direct approach as well. Just make sure it's worth it to you. And I also agree that you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do. Wasted opportunity is so frustrating. "What if...?"