friends with the ex...

I was just wondering if anyone has had any experience with this subject, if it is possible, how to make it work, etc. I would really appreciate some advice.

Well In my opinion distance yourself for a couple months....that gives both of you time to get over the issue. Then you can actually be friends with no mal feelings. Typically for me it doesnt work out...but then again that is just me. Just give it a try and I would say dont hang out too much... Good Luck!

yeah iv'e made it work from time to time. i think the trick is to make sure you are really friends, so no flirting and absolutely no booty calls. when they talk to you about people they date you must keep comparisons to yourself out of the conversation. basically, you should always think "what would a FRIEND do or say right now- not an EX".
i'm dating one of my exboyfriends right now, though, so i shouldn't give this kind of advice. however, i'm with him because i didn't really follow those rules....

[Edited on Nov 17, 2005 by nyc_doll]

Give it some time/space after the breakup.

If you find that it's too hard, or isn't working, then don't be friends. It's really that simple. Sometimes people can't be friends with their ex, and it doesn't mean that they are bad people. There's nothing wrong with saying "let's NOT be friends, k?"

Thanks for the advice. I think it is just hard right now because tomorrow would have beeen our 5th anniversary. We only broke up about 7 months ago, and now that we are hanging out agian, it's like nothing has changed.

yep the more you get over each other the easier it will be to be friends. none of those pesky wishy washy feelings ya know.

My ex introduced me to my now fiance. We are still really close friends. I don't know, but it seems to me, if you are really going to be friends after a break up, you won't have to work at it, it will just happen. Otherwise you may just be trying to force something that isn't there.

I'm friends with my (only) ex. I don't know how he feels about me though, so I keep a lot of distance. It's really hard to tell since we never discussed the relationship afterwards except for one phone call about a week after I broke up with him. It's been over two years but I don't want to make things awkward so we're friends but we only ever hang out in groups. He hasn't had a girlfriend since me, but I'm still with a guy I started dating a month after we broke up so it's just weird.

you can be friends, you just NEED to get it in the guy's head that you are friends and just friends. Remind him you have a boyfriend or are dating other people and be open about that. If you give him little hints or signs that show affection, he will think he has a chance with you again

it's hard, but I've done it and we are the best of friends now. What is great is that we've both become better people and talk often which leaves the door open to talks down the road about getting back together if we wanted to. If we don't though, I know she is always there for me as a friend. She's like a sister to me.

Conclusion: keep distance, but keep communication. Talk and be open to him/her as you would your other friends.

ive tried this time & time again, & each time i come to the bitter conclusion that its impossible.

i find that it never works...interfers with current relationships...then the sex...so if you dont want to hook back up or piss off your partner then its a no

not a chance. I hate all my ex's more than anything in the world and could'nt care if they dropped off the face of the planet.

why on earth would you want to stay friends with somebody that you can't "be" with. that's just self inflicted torture and totally not worth it.

the world is a big place, get friends somewhere else.

I am friends with several of my exes, one of whom is prolly my best friend. It takes time and distance, and it depends on why you broke up. If you broke up because your ex is a generally nice person, but you didn't get along well as romantic partners, then it's likely you can be friends. If you broke up because they cheated on you, or were abusive, or were a jackass, it's unlikely that you can still be friends, and a little puzzling why you'd want to be. But it definitely takes time. My ex that I'm closest with really fixed things by insisting that we stop all contact for a few months before trying to be platonic. He's a pretty smart guy.

[Edited on Nov 17, 2005 by datsun]

Thanks for the input eeryone. I kind of feel like i shoud clarify a couple of things, though. He broke up with me because I have some issues with depressiont that he says he was unable to deal with. Initially the breakup was supposed to be more of a separation-a temporary thing so that we could both deal with our separate issues on our own, and then hopefully be able to get back together. Then it bacame "we'll just be friends" and work things out. Now...I really don't know. As much as I want to be with him, I really don't feel it's going to happen, but I can't find a way to get on with my life until he says it's not going to happen...

why are you letting him make the decisions? you need to take a little control and decide to move on without him. if it's meant to be for you two, it'll work out after you're feeling good about yourself.

I'm just lucky that my ex and I a cordial...mostly.

Did I forget to mention that I am a very sad, pathetic excuse for a person and I have like no self esteem? That's actually one of the things I am trying to work on with myself, just being able to take control, and find some way to gain some self esteem and be myself and be happy and all of this other stuff that really should have happened a loooooooong ass time ago. That's part of why I'm here

Hell no. It's always a waste of time thinking about how people could be friends with their exes. Look, life is entirely too damn short to even THINK about being friends. Just keep walking and you'll at least maintain your dignity. Move on! Learn to be single for a while before you plunge into another relationship or else you'll be depriving both you and your significant other of a healthy relationship.

You should start by not using that kind of language to describe yourself... change the little things like that first, and start being who you want to be.

I would not worry about a relationship with anybody just yet if I were in your shoes... you're right, you need to be happy on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship with someone. And if you still have feelings for this guy, I'd say give it some time and distance, like everyone else said, because seeing him all the time is going to fuel the fire. There will be plenty of time for you guys to be friends or whatever later, first take care of you.

Oh dear god no! The last thing I want-especially right now-is any kind of relationship. I know I have some serious stuff I need to work out for myself first. I f I happen to be able tofind people who are willing to be friends or something in the mean time...

I am in the process of doing this right now. After we broke up she left the tour for about 2 months and while she was away I made a decision to try and figure it out. There was obviously something about her that I wanted to be around, thats why we were together to begin with, so why not try to salvage that.

She and I have been out to dinner a few times and shared a bottle or two on the patio. It certainly isn't easy, I'm not even really sure it will work out, but I know its worth a go.

Thats all I got.

Yeah, when you do find some friends KEEP them, no matter what. Never lose yourself when you are with someone. Don't alienate yourself from your friends when you are in a relationship because then you'll look really needy to your significant other.

I actually just dropped the peopleI had become friends with since the breakup because I finally realised that they were only using me and manipulating me and...well, it just goes on and on. But now, even as relaxing as being *alone* is...I finally have to admit to needing someone in my life. Someone besides him. And what better place for the socially inept than the internet? (insert big cheesy grin here)

well i tried it as best i could but she seems to not want to talk to me because i have a new girlfriend. but two months after we split she got with some guy and he knocked her up. then it was ok to be friends. now she doesnt want anything to do with me. so im not for being friends with the ex.