Thoughts on marrige?

whats a good age to get married?, how long should you be a couple first?, big wedding or small? what ingredients are needed to keep the marrige afloat?I've been thinking about this alot lately- I would love to hear your views on the subject....If you ARE married what have you learned that you wish you knew going into it?

i shred alone

*harmonica solo*

Me ....If it comes along it does or it doesnt.
Marriage is just a piece of paper but the commitment and love for another so as to decide to spend your life commited to that other should be the overridding factor in decideing what a legal marrige is. Not some old religous tradition of a ceromony....not that there is anything wrong with that. Weddings RAWK I love them, the best party to go to is a wedding

PS .God i cant spell and Im to lazy to correct what I even know is wrong

pretty much what he said. i've been married for a month now. we're both 26, but we've been together for 3 years. if the date would have been a year or year and a half ago, i don't think it would have happened. we were engaged for 2 and a half.

that's the good thing about long engagements though. it gives you time to work out all the small problems and make sure it's really what you want to be doing.

the wedding itself was really more of a formality, and an excuse to throw a bad ass party. i felt like we were already married long before last month. it was nice to have a day that was all about us too. it helps to have very good friends for support as well.

When you get married, your soul gets eaten by Satan's weevils.

Now for christ's sake put your socks into correct pairs!!!

I think a lot of people get married too quickly, so I agree with those who advise having long engagements. I'm not sure there's an ideal age to wed, I suppose you'll just know when it feels right.

Please don't place too much importance on the wedding day, it's a great excuse to have a party, but ultimately a wedding is for the happy couple's family and friends, more than the couple themselves: When everyone's gone home, it'll just be the two of you again and nothing in your relationship will really have changed. The reason I say that is because my cousin was with her ex-husband for ten years before they got married and they both got so caught up in the wedding plans that they failed to notice that their real relationship was crumbling, so after the big day, there was a massive anti-climax. They didn't even last a year after their wedding.

long engagements.. gotcha. what about rings? To me, like My man could put a cheerio on my finger and I'd be thrilled! I don't think I'd want a big wedding, just some close friends and family. I dunno... ugh perhaps I'm thinking too much. I got all dreamy and started thinking about the process of marrige. Something I never thought I'd find the right guy to do it with.... and now I'm giddy because I have and its like a possible reality you know? I'm like so god damn giddy!! Can you see me glowing????

Kissing the bride after you've both exchanged rings is cliched. Give her a high five instead.

hmm, well if i could evert find the right guy, then marriage would be defiently.
i believe when u are with some1 u know if it is something that will be worthy of being life long. marriage to me is promising to alwys be a friend , to love and to always respect and be there for. people jump so quickly and then the marriage faild, i do not think it is just a piece of paper. it means something IF you are doing it for he right reason, ive always wanted a big wedding, i guess it doesnt really matter, knowing tht i have finally found my true love would be enough for me.
the ring, gawd im superficial, i want a huge rock! princess cut and platinum, DOES IT MAKE IT OK IF I WERE WILLING T THROW IN SOME CASH haha
...
now i am getting depresed thinking ive been sngle for so long and i will never find the one....im pathetic

Marriage is a responsibility. Not to say that it can't be a good thing, quite the reverse. But a marriage is more of a challenge than I think people give it credit for. For the people I know who have good ones it is one of the most worthwhile things in life. When they're bad they're one of the worst.

i'll throw in my two cents.....

as someone who's been married for a LONG time i think one thing that is vital is learning how to 'fight'. you will have disagreements and you will argue, but you can't say things to one another that are intentionally hurtful. such statements can be harder to get over than the actual argument about who ate the last of the lucky charms!

another bit that my wife (rightly) insists upon is that we don't go to sleep at night mad at each other. added benefit.... working through an argument can lead to some hawt make-up sexins!

good luck!

...yeaaahhhhhhhhh, with nobody else.

Marriage happens when it's supposed to happen...it's people who fuck it up. You can't tell me that two mature, insightful people get married....then divorce in a couple months. One or both of them was in love with the concept of marriage...not each other.

I, for one, think there is no greater pleasure in life than marraige & a family. What's that, you say? "But Cash...you're a miserable misanthrope...and you say so all the time" To that I say....Correct...but that's because I haven't been with the one for me. If she never comes...I die alone because I'll be buggered before I settle out of lonliness.

Does this extend to contact sparring?

bare-knuckle boxing is the way to go!

The couple that fights together, smites together.

plus..... i always 'let her' kick my ass

THIS ROCKS! This would just be the coolest thing in the world to see happen. I'm so going to steal this, but a big kiss after the high five would still have to happen.

OK now for my small amount of change... Being a product of a failed marriage I know what works and what doesn't work, I know where stuff went wrong during our 8+ years together. A long engagement is nice but that doesn't always mean that you will have time to make sure, I would recomend living together before you get married. I was with my ex for over 2 years before we got married, and our engagement was for 8 months but we didn't live together first, but that wouldn't have made a huge difference. We had a huge wedding that we pulled out of a shoe string budget this I highly recomend it leaves more $ for the honeymoon and that is always worth it. Never NEVER NEVER go to bed angery. I do not know how to stress this enough. The learning how to fight becomes a big part of this. Don't be afraid to have it out when it comes down to it but be adults, yelling gets you no where. Be true to your new family first, your old one may be blood but they will get over it, your spouse will have a hard time if they don't come first.. Never lie about anything, but this is open for bending or exageration for some things eg: Your honey looks like hell because they are sick and they ask you how they look. You just got that thing they always wanted for their birthday or Christmas and they ask. Stuff like that is OK but never anything else. Take 1 day out of the week and make it a day for just the two of you, no friends, no other family unless its your kids, and do something that will be just as special as it is fun. Do something special for them once a week at random. Talk about stuff that's bugging you and ask whats bugging them. Never hide anything from them the longer you hide something the bigger it will get and the more it will effect your lover, presents and surprises don't count for this. This is a big one that people get wrong because they think its selfish but make sure that you are happy first before making them happy, if your not happy you could resent doing something to make them happy, once in a while this can go out the window and its OK but never forget if your not happy how long can you make anyone else happy till you have had enough? OK I have gone on long enough about this.


edited because I suck at spelling, and I'm sure there is more in there... stupid spelling police

[Edited on Nov 04, 2005 by PiratePete]

I'm never going to get married.

I think that marriage and long term relationships should be worked at; sometimes people give up too easily.

I also think that seperate bedrooms is useful, because if you want a bit of nookie you have to put some effort in.

If you can spell marriage then it's ok.

I'd like to get married one day. Ideally I only want to do it once so I would like a pretty big wedding. Late twenties seems like a good age for it.
But yes I think it takes lots of work and both parties have to be equally committed towards it otherwise it will not work.

Wise thoughts from one half of a couple I have immense respect for.

Here's mine...

There's no "right age" to get married. What is important is your range of experiences as individuals. Have you lived lives that give you the perspective you need to get into a lifetime relationship with someone? Do you have the emotional maturity to make the sort of inevitable compromises you must make in such a relationship? Have you developed the sort of communication skills necessary? Some people have this at a young age and (unfortunately) some never learn this stuff - and they're usually unhappy no matter how wonderful their partner is.

As for "long engagements" or whatever... I don't really buy it. Kitschy and I were engaged after a year, although I knew we'd be married 6 months into it. We were married a year and a half later. Nothing's changed, for the most part. But as I indicated above, we were both at the right time in our lives for it to work. I often tell people that if we'd met 3 years earlier, it wouldn't have worked. We were both still going through important growth stages and simply weren't the people we are now. The real question is whether we'll still be the same people 10 years from now, and if we aren't - will we have grown together, instead of apart? Obviously I suspect everything will be fine, but we'll see.

I completely echo not_tom's advice - fight well, don't go to bed mad. You also need to be able to function as individuals. If you see kitschy and I out in public together, we're often doing our own thing, talking to people, etc. We do not function as a "unit" most of the time. If you find yourself "clinging" to your SO continually, I think that's a big warning sign - marriage shouldn't be a formalization of co-dependency. Part of functioning as individuals is respecting each other's needs as individuals - and if you can't do that, you're doomed.


[Edited on Nov 04, 2005 by Idjiit]

I like being married. It's a lot of work, but so is everything rewarding in life.

If you want to get married make sure you are with someone who also "believes" in marriage. I know people who are very anti-marriage and it's usually because they never saw anyone happily married. They never want to get married and they are terribly negative about it because of their parents or whatever. Actually a lot of marriages do work and this is also a fact. Find someone who understands that.

Got married in 1990. Been separated for over a year now.

I wish I had known how important it was to not lose myself in the relationship.

I wish I had realized how important it was to make sure you did things together on a regular basis.

Learn how to communicate and fight. Don't hold things inside. Don't lie about the important things.

Do special things for each other.

I also think it's important to experience as much as you can before you get married, find out about yourself and be your own person.

I was going to say that you should make sure you marry someone that you can count on to be there through good times and bad......but that's not something you can know, not really.

I totally believe in marriage and family. It's a beautiful thing. There's a feeling of connectedness, belonging, and love that is very special.

[Edited on Nov 04, 2005 by SluttyGoodGirl]