what to do when the sex stops

My signifigant other has no sex drive what so ever we have only had sex 5 times in the last six months.. ive tried buying her toys, massages, and many other things..I love her dearly but i cant live like this .. ive taken things into my own hands but she doesnt approve of me doing that she thinks it gross.. i dont want to cheat but im at a loss

how long have you been together?
same house?
kids?

Lie about the jerking off and keep on doing it, or dump her and get someone who can keep up with you.

NEXT!?!

Heres an idea. Talk to her about it.

It could be any number of things that have killed her sex drive.
Medications, birth control, stress, she may be getting bored etc.

SOMETHING def to seek some feedback on.
ive been in that situation and it isnt fun.
find out why?
there is always a reason why.
it will just end up killing the relationship and youll prob wish u had talked to her.
as far as using your hand man., how old is she?
hasnt everyone learned that masterbation is normal regardless if they do it or not?
at least your not cheating like some would... talk to this girl and if things dont change MOVE ON....

Ditto.

That might explain a lot.

I'm guessing those "magic jammies" would probably chafe ones naughty bits after a while.

maybe there's someone else. try going through her mobile phone or e-mails.

(the views depicted here in no way reflect the views shared by __justice__)

for the people sitting up the back. this is a joke.

I agree with the above; years ago one of my friends had the same problem, his girlfriend clearly didn't enjoy sex with him, which upset him a great deal and he felt rejected at first. However, once they had talked about it, he was very relieved, because he realised the problem was not anything to do with him, it was about her and some bad problems from the past. She, with his support sought help and once her problems were addressed, their sex life improved no end.

As for the masturbation issue, it is not gross, it is very healthy and the fact that your girlfriend thinks otherwise maybe provides an insight as to a possible cause of her sex-aversion. She obviously has a right to refrain from sex, but she has no right to tell you what to do with your own body, so if you want to masturbate, you should. If you don't want to risk upsetting her for now, just keep it to yourself, but I think that is also something she might need to address eventually.

yes, therapy can help, but it could be a medical issue. I know that many antidepressants inhibit sex drive, as do certain meds for things like arthritis, diabetes, and migraines. you need to have a frank discussion with her about not having your needs met. if she wants to have a better sex drive, she needs to talk to her doctor. if not, you two both need to go to couples counseling. do it now.

PIIHB

Hmm. You guys need to talk honestly about why this is. There could be a good reason that is entirely down to her. But it's worrying that she's so squeamy about you just having a wank. Do you know why she thinks this way?

It may come down to you not being compatible and you having to make a decision about whether to stay or go, but if you have tried every avenue you can, then there's no shame in that. Good luck.

5 times in SIX MONTHS!!! Your so lucky....

*tries to think back to last time..... *tear*

we have talked about this and she knows that shes lost her sex drive..this all started when she started her new job..she now working at a daycare and she says she just too tired at the end of the day..we have one daughter together and she has a daughter from a previous relationship.. they are ages 2 and 5 and they are a handful but she was fine before.. i think shes unhappy with her job and its affecting everything else..unfortunatley she needs to work and her working at a daycare makes it affordable for us to send both the girls there. we couldnt afford it before..so financially we are better off .but damn id rather have sex than have extra money...

have you tried doing more around the house? I know it sounds glib, but just doing some extra chores around the house, even when you're tired will take that much off her shoulders, and might help her have energy. also, little things like watching the kids so she can run errands by herself might help her decompress. she probably needs a little more down time. I realize that you're probably very tired after work, but she is, too. it might be stressing her extra because she watches kids all day, then comes home to do the same thing. a little escape from those duties might make a big difference. good luck.

IT can be tough to get out of a rut. I'd suggest talking about it - but not in your house/apartment, certainly not in bed.

Also, try massages, drawing a bath for her, etc BUT WITHOUT THE EXPECTATION OF IT TURNING INTO SEX. Just get her to relax and feel nurtured but without pressure. While this will not relieve your condition short-term it may help jump-start things.

Not sure whether couples therapy works or not, but I agree with Coi that you guys owe it your child(ren) to work it out - that is if there is still a mutually loving and respectful relationship there. From personal experience, lack of sex drive in a woman usually has nothing to do with whether she loves you or is physically attracted to you. It could be chemical, hormonal or most likely emotional. It is hard for most women to maintain an active sexual relationship with a lover if she is feeling neglected in other areas or feeling resentment for some reason. Talk to her. Not us. She can tell you better.

Have sex with other people.

You should call her up right now and say, "Guess what?" And when she says, "What?" you should say, "Bye."

guilt trip her until she says "yes" and then when she says "yes" go "no thanks, I don't think you're pretty anymore" and walk away

i'd be scoping out her work looking for young, successful, single fathers bringing their kids in....

but then again i've been awfully paranoid since i got off my meds...

Why wait? Any person who thinks masturbation is gross isn't someone I'd want to share a bed with.

Seriously, this isn't a case of her being bored, stressed out, or depressed. This is someone who is probably going to be sexually incompatible for anybody who likes sex.

Seriously, get out before there's an accidental kid or you waste more of your (and her) time. *AND* don't let her convince you that things will get better and you should stick around. Just go. Get out. Get out now. You should be gone so fast that all she sees is a vapor trail.

Edit to say: Make that another kid. And make sure you stay involved with your child. She'll need it.


[Edited on Oct 06, 2005 by GammaRat]