Erotic stories, let me know if you like them.

Girls and boys, thank you for your somewhat constructive criticism, though if you'd read everything I wrote before, you'd know that I already admitted that that story sucked, that it's several years old, and that I've gotten much better since then. But since everyone seems to enjoy bitching so much I'll post them "where they should be" and leave everyone here to their ranting.

[Edited on Aug 25, 2005 by stamper739]

But, um, yeah, you have a journal for a reason.

join erotica

There are other outlets for letting your brain explode with erotica, this is not one.

hahaha, NICE

Dude, you need to start out slower. Make me see the picture in my head and imagine what it would be like. Use your words with vivid imagery so I not quite so vulgar and fast. this story reminds me of prison sex the way it is described.

There is a group for this too
Smutty Storytime

I'm going to go apply for a Prison Sex group.

Aaah, Magic Bullets aren't safe for insertion!

That ruined the whole story for me.

i wrote a little story, inspired by yours. my style is a little more direct:

pussy, pussy, clit. pussy, tits. tongue, pussy. fucking. nipples. dick, ass, pussy. pussy. pussy. cock, pussy. cock, pussy, cock, clit. dick, pussy. pussy, lips, head. tongue, pussy. cock, pussy. 69. pussy, cock. pussy. tongue, clit. pussy. pussy, cock. cum.

This is exactly why I posted thia here. One, I had no diea where else to do so, so now I know a couple places, thank you. Two, it was intended as somewhat quick and raw, as I said the others are much better. This is the first oen I wrote a few years ago.

I find it kinda funny that pretty much every guy that made a comment made some kind of negative one, while the women were actually helpful and their criticism is useful. Guys, thanks for keeping an open mind, you are all shining examples of why women think all guys are assholes, thank you.

That's what Pee-Wee Herman said when he was shackled and yanked out of that naughty flick.







[Edited on Aug 25, 2005 by gambitnuitamment]

ugghh.. I kind of gagged a little. Waaay too fast and raunchy to be hot.

ok. this is the reason the thesaurus was invented. "pussy" is a horrible word when used as glibly as you chose to. it is to be used sparsely, at well timed moments, not as the defining word for the wonder and beauty that is the female reproductive organ. dick is a nickname for richard. cock is a rooster. penis is the tissue that swells with blood and is used as part of coitus. dick and cock are to be used in moderate amounts as well.

also, you must start off slower. before you shove her against the wall, it might help to know where the heck this wall is. is this a boring white wall in your bedroom, or is this the great wall of china? create suspense. stop repeating words in concurrent sentences. use more interesting words. grab the readers attention; dont put said reader to sleep.

people like to be told what to do. so dont just write about what YOURE doing, write about how she feels about what youre doing. when you slip into her, does she gasp? scream? giggle?

ill give examples of everything i just said. im going to pick a sentence at random and ill re-write it so that it becomes readable:

"I stand up behind you and press myself against you and lean over you so I can play with your nipples and bite your neck and ears. You can feel my dick through my pants against your ass and pussy."

ok, now heres the exact same thought:

I quietly rise from the shadow that your body casts across the floor. the blinds let just enough light in to glisten off the necklace that he gave you and im filled with a primal desire to make you forget him. without hearing a sound, my teeth slide into your flesh and i taste the warm salty flavor of your blood. you gasp, yet press against my hips, begging me not to stop. i feel for the breasts which he will certainly know are no longer his. they rise and fall as if the very hand of god is moving them with a passion they never knew existed. i laugh.

see? that was really simple. actually re-reading this makes me realize that this isnt very well done, but you have to open yourself to being more creative.

</end rant>

Great advice, that. Listen to this guy.