I Got Married Too Young, Now What Do I Do?

Thanks so much for your advice! Finally, someone who knows what I'm going through. The fucking military.. They say they're all about "family" but all they really do is keep families apart and add on the additional stress of always having to move around.

Your husband is a strong man for forgiving you.. I would have a hard time doing it but then again, haven't been in that situation so don't know how much I would want to hang on. I dunno.. but all I can say is I believe this year apart should be good for us..

Thanks again for the advice <3

I don't know if this really have much relevance because it was in a different time but...

My Nana and Grandad got married young, 20 i think, and he was 19. He was in the army when the married and they went through the motions, they split up, almost got divorced and got back together when i was two after being seperated for about 2/3 years. It was alot to do with because he was away alot, and they faught because of it. But 37 years later they are still together.

You are both still kids. Maybe it would be wrong to rush your divorce as quick you did your marrage. If he's going to be away for a year maybe take that year out. Have a break, you'll be in different countrys anyway. And see how things are when he comes home. Maybe everything will work out after some time apart. So many people are too quick to get a dirvoce. If there is something worth saving, save it. If you still love him and he still loves you, thats got to count for something.

The thing I think people are missing here is that people change. You can still love and care about someone and not want to be with them "forever". Marriage is a contract. Pure and simple. People add all the fufu and fluff of the "wedding" and "vows" and "till death do us part" stuff and forget that according to the state and federal government all you did was sign a peice of paper that is called a CONTRACT. Granted, it is one of the hardest contracts to break, but that again is all the crap and emotion and stuff that is added to it. Who gets what, revenge, all that added stuff that makes breaking the contract not easy.

But when one person has decided the contract has been broken (hypothetical examples ahead), either by "feelings" changing, dynamics changing (the wife found out she likes women instead), abuse (which should always be a contract breaker!), infidelity (if that is a problem), whatever have you, then the contract should be able to be broken without all the "stick it out, you PROMISED" "you vowed forever" "you said till death do us part" "it's expected you will stay together" and please don't take this wrong but "marriage is sacred". Well so is a tree but the rainforests are disappearing very quickly and if they had half the emotion and drive trying to save them that anti-divorce advocates have we wouldn't be lossing all that forest.

In this day and age we should have come to the conclusion that being happy does not mean making everyone else happy. You don't have to trash on everyone else and it's not recommended. But you also should not be expected to be miserable. Only you can make you happy. Only Joe can make Joe happy, only Susie can make Susie happy. And if anyone ever tells you that they can not be happy unless you are there you need to run. That is called co-dependancy and quite honestly if they can not be responsible for their own happiness what other self-victim garbage are they going to spew?

I want my partner to be with me not out of obligation of a contract but out of desire. If the desire is not there then all I would have is a shell and I might as well get a toy that hums. Granted, relationships take work. Hard work. But after all the sweating and yelling and trying and hoping and crying are done and you are still left with a shell then it's time to cut loose and fish in a different part of the sea. There is NO SHAME in saying something didn't work, especially if you did honestly give it your all. There is stupidity in staying and "trudging on thru" just to save face, do the "right" thing, etc if you honestly gave it a try.

You have a right to be the happiest you you can be. You have the right to change your mind. You have the right to say enough is enough, I won't do this anymore. You have a right to be you. And you have a right to say all of that outloud and be proud that you are taking care of you.

And for those who may wonder, I have been married and divorced. I have a child in common with that person. I tried for 8 years to make it work. He wasn't willing to work, take care of things around the house, help with the child, and the 2 worse things were trying to off himself infront of the kids (he has 3 from his first marriage also) and the utmost worst, told me it would be better for our 4 year old to be subjected to the sexual abuse of her older half brother (caught it before it got farther than just inappropriate touching but that is more than bad enough to want someone dead) than to never see his other 3 kids again since he knew his first ex wouldn't let him see them if he put up a stink. So in a nutshell it was acceptable for her to get touched in the wrong places verses taking action to stop it and possibly not seeing his other kids. I left. In a heartbeat. Never looked back. Heard it all. "You need to stay together for the kids" "You took VOWS" "You have an obligation to stick with it" blahblahblah.

I will never be a victim to someone else's sense of what my obligations should be again and I will NEVER IN MY LIFE allow anyone to tell me that it's ok for my children to be subjected to that to "save a marriage".

Do what you need to do for you and hold your head high hon. The only person you HAVE to live with your whole life is you. Don't you think YOU doing what makes you happy and what you need to do is a good idea?

arg! puters sorry all

[Edited on Aug 18, 2005 by klymrs]

oops sorry

[Edited on Aug 18, 2005 by klymrs]

I don't mean to be blunt, but I feel in situations like this it's the best way, but don't bother with a seperation, it will only be prolonging the inevitable. Just get a divorce. You've made it clear how you feel about your husband, and a seperation is not going to change that. If you're that unhappy, you might as well get things over as quickly as possible. I hope that's of help, sorry if it's too harsh. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do
[Edit for spelling]

[Edited on Aug 17, 2005 by Spike]