Why are relationships so much damn work?

Well, I'm starting to question everything (again). I caught my last ex cheating on me with another guy, on a totally different level than our relationship was at... But she tried to deny it was her, and thank God I only gave her my cell phone number because she kept calling, kept coming to my work to harrass me... I got security to have a "talk" with her and I haven't seen her since. There went two years of the whole "High school sweetheart" bullshit.

I'm reaching a point where I don't think I care anymore. I've dreaded this day. I'm starting to give up, again. I'm fighting this with every God damn muscle that I have, this creeping feeling that there is no point... But is that such a bad thing? What if the point of life is that there is no point? Then I work myself into a thought frenzy and eventually have to drink a few beers to calm down.

Here I am, 4:00 in the AM, sticking to the one thing that has never let me down: Insomnia. I appear to either be omniprescent or the weakest link at times, but the truth is that I'm tired, weak, and frail... I mean, I work out (not nearly as often as I should), I have a job that pays well, I go to school full time, but for some Godforsaken reason I'm not satisfied.

Someone help me out here

BAM! same thing happened to me.

My solution:

Starting everything over. im moving to another town, getting another job, meeting all new people (I know ONE person in the entirety of this new town), and started thinking about myself. Dont force life, let it happen, and when it does, take it by the horns.

Might not work for everybody, but I feel rather good with myself at the moment. Screw all the things that you are "supposed to do", go do some shit you WANT to do, dont deal with "necessities". That'll help figure out what will make you satisfied with life.

Good relationships aren't that much work dude. And guessing by the example of your cheating ex, you aren't having good relationships. Now with that and your insomnia and your general hopelessness I'd say you should check out treatments for depression cuz it sure looks like you're there. Get help. Maybe some drugs or therapy can help.

Not true!

It's just a different kind of work, and it's intensely rewarding. Bad relationships just don't have the reward.


I don't have any advice for you, mrcoffee, but you have my sympathy.

[Edited on Aug 02, 2005 by pygmy]

I really, really enjoy licorice and apples, climbing things, orange juice, cereal, working out new aspects of philosphical questions, reading, and talking to smart people.

Everything else in my life is just window dressing or distraction.

Beautifully put.

The middle of the night is the wrong time to do this talking thing. Really. wait til morning, when it's sunnier and there's people and noise around.

May I ask if you've thought about seeing a doctor? Maybe something like cbt or exercise would be useful. You want to tackle this before it gets hold.

You are so fucking right.

Relationships are such hard work because they're worth it.

Anal sex?

How can two people be thinking the exact same thing?!?!?

Statistical Probability.

Everybody loves teh butt secks.

I'm sorry, I'm a little confused... For a two year relationship, the only way she had of contacting you was your cell phone or where you worked? It sounds to me like this was a long distance relationship, not a living together every day relationship... Long distance relationships seldom work out unless one of the people moves to be with the other, because one person will invariably find someone closer, or someone else online to talk to as there's not much difference between talking to one person or another online.
Living together day to day relationships are completely different to long distance ones, but the simple answer to why are they so much work, is because they are worth it

because they're pointless and stupid

Bitter much?

awwwwwww
what gave it away??

[Edited on Aug 02, 2005 by KMFCM]

Well, we did a lot of talking on the cell phone about how things were and the way they should be, blah blah blah... I made her dinner once, but for the most part I hung out at her house. It wasn't a long distance relationship, I've been in one of those too and I'm not doing that again! Just doesn't seem like this one was worth it, was all.

And whoever's talking about anal, I really didn't have time to inspect on what they were doing, but you're probably right.

[Edited on Aug 02, 2005 by mrcoffee3]

Sounds as if you're asking "Am I having fun yet?" all the time.

most definately

Don't I know it. Everytime my Real Doll gets a lil too funky it is a real bitch to haul her out onto the back lawn so I can hose her off...

I am a very hard worker. Right now I seriously have 5 jobs! A few months ago I had 6. Then I left her and im back to 5.

All I can give you man is this....... If you start saying to yourself this is hard work when your with someone, give it time and see why and if you walk away feeling like your enegy has been sucked out of you to many times then you need to move on.

Good luck and remember never try to change people. Not saying you do but two people should evolve with each other not from each other. If ya get me?

Juuuustt my thoughts for what they worth? Im just out of a two year relationship with a girl who had a control problem. Looking back she was pretty bad. But I loved her.

I loved her so much and we planned the rest of our lives together. Even got "two" cats together. But her trying to control me really fucked with me and pushed me away in the end and its now over.

Im thinking about getting a dog now. Ahhhh what a nice thought to come home to.....

Dude, you're 18. It gets better.

i've had two serious relationships (2 years or more) and they both ended on bad terms. i learned so much. it takes a lot of work from both sides to make the relationship work and both sides to mess it up. i blamed the first bad breakup on him. then i learned what i wasn't doing right. i was young i still am but i've tried to take the bad and turn it around, make it a learning experience. right now i haven't dated anyone in 5 months. i want to be a single independant woman. go to school, work, have fun, but i also miss having someone. someone to hold, someone to suprise me, someone to look forward to all day, i really do want that. through my relationships i have learned what i deserve. i'm not going to settle for someone that i like, but isn't going to treat me well. relationships are a lot of work, but when both parties do work at it they are so wonderfully rewarding. i hope that i can find that again and that you can find something better mrcoffee ,

Okay my bad. Let me explain what I meant a little bit. I don't find the effort it takes to make a relationship healthy to be anything like work.

This guy makes it sound like being in a relationship is like cleaning an endless supply of toilets. My marriage is nothing like that. Sure, you have to open and honest and attentive and communicate and listen, etc while in a relationship but that's not really work to me.

I've spent years learning to play the guitar and spent hours each day to get to where I'm at but I never thought of it as work. In fact I enjoyed every minute of it. A good relationship can be just like that.