Erectile dysfunction-HELP!

Hi everyone. I have a problem with my partner's erectile dysfunction and I want some advice.

Here is the situation: I have a wonderful friend that I share physical intamicy with, a friend with benifits if you will. About 2 months ago, when the said benifits went into effect, we tried to have sex. He wasnt able to maintain his erection and we gave up. The next night it happened again, and I figured he was nervous. He hadent had sex in over a year. I decided to back off and give him some space. Over the next six weeks we had many false starts. He would initiate and then back off, not follow though. I figured he didnt want to take the chance on his penis failing again (and going though even more embarrasment). I treid to understand but ultimatly felt unsatisfied by the arrangment and told him we should stop the physical stuff and stick to being freinds. I was so tired of being teased! AGH! My poor vagina!

Anyway, I invited him over for a movie a few nights ago. I had no intention other than watching a movie, but somehow we got to kissing and then it finally happened! We had sex! It was very brief though, only a few strokes in me and he was D-O-N-E. I felt satisfied despite it. The next morning we treid again....nothing. He got inside me and went limp. The next day, I was giving him oral sex and he was rock hard. I was so exited! I went to put him in me and bam. He goes limp. I just dont get it! He goes crazy for me but when it comes to intercourse he cant keep it up. I dont know much about erectile dysfunction, so whatever you can tell me is helpful. I want him sooooo badly, and am willing to work for it! Any ideas?

I don't know much about it either, perhaps if he saw a doctor for some advice maybe get something to help boost it up and stay like that!
I remember I was in the same situation one time, but I knew the reason why he would randomly go limp. Did too many drugs bah.

I've heard too much rough masturbation'll decrease your sensitivity to the point where you won't respond. I wouldn't suggest asking him if that's part of his routine, though.

If I were to hazard a guess. . .I'd say its something psychological on his part.
But I have no right to an opinion on the matter. He should probably see a doctor.

I know it wont help much, but it took me way more time to edit than it should have.

The psychological aspect you'll have to talk with him about; he might have anxieties about penetration, or about causing pregnancy, or about something else that's more difficult to get at. Maybe the previous woman was problematic. Maybe he is extremely shy, etc.; talk with him. It sounds like something might be troubling him about being inside you.

Beyond this, I'd recommend any of the generic sildenafil citrates -- cheaper than Viagra, and you can get them online. Try Caverta (from Ranbaxy, in India). If he's fairly young, he probably doesn't have much atherosclerosis or other organic trouble, so sildenafil is likely to get him hard and keep him that way for long enough (or longer!), assuming the desire is there, which is the main thing.

If he's drinking a lot of alcohol beforehand, get him to cut that out, and try to keep any other drugs out of it.

Good luck.

Can he climax from oral sex? How about from handjobs? Can he masturbate to climax? Is it just vaginal sex that makes him lose his erection?

Are you absolutely positive he's actually attracted to women? (I'm not trying to be silly or mean or anything, I'm serious...)

VIAGRA

Yes! He can climax from oral sex, hand jobs and masterbation. It seems to be vaginal sex, or the thought of it that makes him go limp.

I have thought about him being gay. I am pretty confident he is hetrosexual. He is only 27, and I think it is pretty young for erectile dysfunction? Yes?

I am thinking it must be in his head. Oi.

Condom?

Also, what you just described could've been word-for-word my (now) wife and I's first few months. I failed to get it up the first try, and then I got in this weird loop where I was so embarassed and freaked out and worried about that first failure that it didn't work several times after that.

What worked? We got fucking drunk and stoned as hell, things got working, and that got rid of my mental block.


[Edited on Jul 25, 2005 by Keith]

you can try the climax control condoms, they work pretty well.

That's the complete and total opposite of the problem, here.

His problem is 100% Psychological. There's clearly no physical problem with him getting an erection, so the problem has to be mental. At a guess, I'd suggest it could be to do with your arrangement as 'friends with benefits', as it puts so much emphasis on sex. If it were a proper relationship, he wouldn't have the pressure of having to 'perform on command' as it were, but knowing that it is just about sex is probably putting a lot of stress on him to perform. I'd say either start dating properly, or just go back to being regular friends, as if this keeps up (no pun intended) it's just going to affect your friendship.
[Edit for spelling]

[Edited on Jul 25, 2005 by Spike]

Tell him to go see a damn doctor and quit asking a bunch of strangers on the internet.

The brain is the biggest sexual organ ..n of course it's also a mad fucked up thing. That it's easy to stroll about the house w a hardon for ages when there's nowt sexual goin on but it's tricky at times to keep it up when you really are turned on is proof enough...but here's a few potential snags..

Breaking the mood/momentum by fumbling about puttin on a condom- he's havin to really concentrate on keepin it up by 'force'..the same 'force' applied while wankin gets the credits rolling sooner than if not.

By his age he's likely to have had a quite few partners n by my reconing then he'll have more than likely have had 1 or 2 not so pleasant experiences which could be replaying in his subconscious.

..but then it could be a thousand other things n all... more patience on your' part, more giving of oral (4 u) on his -then lots more humour n honest chattin about it all shouldn't go amiss though.

Good luck.

Thanks everybody! I feel confident I can make some decisions now. Thanks for the support...I appriciate it.

Sounds like either he's been desensitized due to extreme porn habits, or he's actually suffering from a physical disfunction. Either way, he might want to see a doctor.

And here's an idea: try talking to him. I mean during the act. You can be gentle, loving, supportive, or randy, explicit, and dirty. Whatever works for him.

I find a good "talking to" keeps me going for hours.

Is he talking any meds?

I had a similar problem.

The best thing you can do is make him as relaxed as possible. Usually, if he can do it once he can do it again but maybe he was embarassed that he went off so fast and is afraid of doing it again.

I'm 99.99% sure that is something psychological. Just try to get him to be as comfortable and aroused as possible.

If he talks to a doctor he could get a couple pills of Viagra which could solve the problem. He will probably only have to take it once.

ED has many causes, physical and psycological. I recommend a trip to the Doctor and to try the following - sleep properly, exercise, eat a healthy diet and avoid excessive alcohol intake and keep off drugs. Also, avoid fad diets and eating too little.

Eating fruit, fresh vegetables and avoiding processed foods can improve your love life and life in general.

A healthy body helps to get a healthy erection.

G

A

Y

UPDATE:

Things are hard! Were making some progress! We had great hard sex 3 times last night!

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Kay. What did y'all do differently?