Sex Talk

TOPICS:

2/10/11

fishnets fishnets fishnets!

2/10/11

2/10/11

naked in the snow...

2/8/11

Dear Person that fucked me badly [19]

2/7/11

Thoughts On Fake Boobs [12]

2/5/11

Straight guys who love the taste of cum? [5]

2/5/11

To doggie or not to doggie? [11]

1/28/11

1/22/11

Have you ever made your girlfriend squirt?

1/18/11

OkCupid on the Mathematic of (Female) Beauty

1/17/11

1/16/11

giving it to him [10]

XXJCBlackheartXX

1/16/11

anyone know what this picture is from? [2]

1/13/11

OGSGs Super Dirty Sluttown Anal Sexytime

1/13/11

1/12/11

Submissive or Dominant? [6]

1/6/11

NEWS: New UK Act Outlaws (Not So) Extreme Pornography

semiretiredpunk

1/5/11

Lack of sleep and libido

1/1/11

Who's Into Trannies?

12/31/10

Finally getting some after a year !!!

12/29/10

Tall Girl appreciation Thread....oh yeah! [22]

12/26/10

itty bitty SG titty appreciation thread [3]

12/22/10

Ever been to a sex club or party?

12/18/10

Watersports ! [2]

12/18/10

Whats the worst thing that has been said to you after sex? [20]

12/17/10

Lolicon Should be..... [3]

12/13/10

Favorite lube [2]

12/12/10

Complete this Sentence: I Just Masturbated....

12/12/10

12/12/10

feet appreciation thread [4]

12/6/10

The Devil Made Me Do Her

12/6/10

Ladies...hair removal question...

12/6/10

Real Doll Terror [7]

11/28/10

What Girl are you crushing over [37]

11/16/10

Stick It In My Dirty Ass [31]

11/16/10

11/15/10

Celebrity 3-Way [2]

11/15/10

I'm afraid to show my boyfriend my vagina. [2]

11/14/10

VCH's and vibrators

11/14/10

How do you feel about the transgendered? [2]

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Dear Person that fucked me badly

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sikgirl18

I'm lost

April 2005

JUN 05, 2005 10:27 PM

Dear person who fucked me badly,

Please stop bragging about the size of your manhood, because i was highly unimpressed. You say eight inches...well I say four inches on a really good day.

Fucking you was pointless...I faked it every time just to make you feel better about yourself...and please get help for your problem with premature ejaculation.

Heather

cabaretic

Birmingham, AL

March 2005

JUN 05, 2005 10:52 PM

Men and their cocks.

The problem is that we all have this inherent fear of not measuring up, and that's because the measuring stick is this mystical standard called the phallus.

We believe somewhere out there is a twenty-inch-long penis that glistens and shines...and that because we can't live up to it, we must feel inferior.

The problem is that the phallus doesn't exist.

Kortnee

Oklahoma City, OK

February 2005

JUN 06, 2005 03:24 AM

Dear ex-boyfriend #4,
Congrats, you are the reason why I will never date people I work with. I never slept with you, but am very glad I didn't. If your sex skills are anything like your kissing skills, then I'm not missing anything.

Dear ex-boyfriend #3,
You were actually decent in bed most of the time. However, this does not excuse the fact that you made me feel like a whore on the last day you were here. Saying, "That was nice, goodnight," after getting your dick sucked then rolling over and going to sleep is not an appropreate responce. While we were out of condoms and weren't going to have sex, there are other ways to get me off. You have fingers and a mouth. Learn how to use them, preferibly together.

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK

August 2002

JUN 06, 2005 04:26 AM

nigtvamp said:
Dear ex-boyfriend #3,
You were actually decent in bed most of the time. However, this does not excuse the fact that you made me feel like a whore on the last day you were here. Saying, "That was nice, goodnight," after getting your dick sucked then rolling over and going to sleep is not an appropreate responce. While we were out of condoms and weren't going to have sex, there are other ways to get me off. You have fingers and a mouth. Learn how to use them, preferibly together.

See, this is why I get my wife off first. Because after I cum, I'm done. If I went first, I'd be the "That was nice, zzzzzz" guy too.

Salome

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

NOV 25, 2007 09:35 AM

Dear Person Who Fucked Me Badly:

You are such a cockbag. You were the worst lay in the history of sex, and you topped it off by being a giant turd in real life.

I fell head over heels in infatuation with you because you were in a rock band, playing keyboard with such booty-shaking talent and such long, deft fingers. You were also cute and a huge flirt. Six shots of whiskey and a hard sell tricked me into sort-of cheating on my sort-of boyfriend.

But when it came time to put your money where your mouth was (in a manner of speaking), you couldn't get it up. For an hour. No exaggeration, you were afflicted with whiskey dick for a full, sweaty hour of desperate and useless hand- and blowjobs. Not to mention this hour of frustration was the whole extent of our foreplay.

Then, when you finally did get hard, you ignored the condom on the bedside table, threw me down on the bed (oooh, finally some action, right?), rammed into me and came immediately. You showered while visions of herpes danced in my head. And then you didn't even call me before I left a week later to live in Europe indefinitely.

Then, three years later, when I came back from Europe, I gave you a second chance. I was a) homeless, and you were putting me up here in Chicago while I looked for a job and an apartment, b) newly dumped and therefore crazy, and c) a naive, grateful idiot.

Once again, your limp, flabby body provided the grandest of disappointments. Once again you let my right hand do all the foreplay, and once again you decided it was better to get two thrusts in before you lost your erection than to protect me from whatever STDs you had managed to acquire in the interim from any other excessively patient groupie. And this time, you decided to substitute breakfast with skipping off to a week-long vacation with the girlfriend you failed to mention you had, leaving your embarrassed roommate to make forced small-talk with me over Captain Crunch.

I wish I knew voodoo, because I would like nothing more than to make your useless member wither and shrivel. But I don't. So I will console myself by knowing that every other woman you ever sleep with will also consider you the worst, most self-absorbed, most unsatisfying penis in modern history.

The music scene in Chicago isn't that big. Good luck getting laid in this town again, cocktard.

Sincerely,

Salome Suicide

_panda_

I'm lost

November 2005

NOV 25, 2007 10:20 AM

Salome said:
Dear Person Who Fucked Me Badly:

You are such a cockbag. You were the worst lay in the history of sex, and you topped it off by being a giant turd in real life.

I fell head over heels in infatuation with you because you were in a rock band, playing keyboard with such booty-shaking talent and such long, deft fingers. You were also cute and a huge flirt. Six shots of whiskey and a hard sell tricked me into sort-of cheating on my sort-of boyfriend.

But when it came time to put your money where your mouth was (in a manner of speaking), you couldn't get it up. For an hour. No exaggeration, you were afflicted with whiskey dick for a full, sweaty hour of desperate and useless hand- and blowjobs. Not to mention this hour of frustration was the whole extent of our foreplay.

Then, when you finally did get hard, you ignored the condom on the bedside table, threw me down on the bed (oooh, finally some action, right?), rammed into me and came immediately. You showered while visions of herpes danced in my head. And then you didn't even call me before I left a week later to live in Europe indefinitely.

Then, three years later, when I came back from Europe, I gave you a second chance. I was a) homeless, and you were putting me up here in Chicago while I looked for a job and an apartment, b) newly dumped and therefore crazy, and c) a naive, grateful idiot.

Once again, your limp, flabby body provided the grandest of disappointments. Once again you let my right hand do all the foreplay, and once again you decided it was better to get two thrusts in before you lost your erection than to protect me from whatever STDs you had managed to acquire in the interim from any other excessively patient groupie. And this time, you decided to substitute breakfast with skipping off to a week-long vacation with the girlfriend you failed to mention you had, leaving your embarrassed roommate to make forced small-talk with me over Captain Crunch.

I wish I knew voodoo, because I would like nothing more than to make your useless member wither and shrivel. But I don't. So I will console myself by knowing that every other woman you ever sleep with will also consider you the worst, most self-absorbed, most unsatisfying penis in modern history.

The music scene in Chicago isn't that big. Good luck getting laid in this town again, cocktard.

Sincerely,

Salome Suicide

Sheesh! If I played keyboards, I would have sworn that was me!

Salome

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

NOV 25, 2007 10:24 AM

Aw, panda, I know you can't be that huge of a dickface. Srsly.

redpants

Oklahoma City, OK

November 2007

NOV 25, 2007 10:26 AM

dear friend with benefits,

i was never into you emotionally. you knew that, i never lied to you. coming over with my favorite alcohol to just "hang out and watch movies" after i told you i felt you were getting attached and wanted to cut the sex out, should've been ok. but you had to plan on getting me drunk and letting my guard down, ripping my clothes off me with your teeth and making me incredibly horny for you -- just one - last - time.

then you stood up and walked out when i moved to undress you. i remember the tears in your eyes as you turned and said "i always loved you." well i never loved you, and i never pretended otherwise. you knew where i stood the whole time. you're a psychotic cunt bag who fucked yourself emotionally because you wouldn't listen to the words coming out of my mouth and bought your own lies. had you told me how you felt in the beginning i never would've touched you.

i don't miss your friendship.

ps. stop trying to fuck my friends, they see through you.

Anarchie

SUICIDEGIRL

Vatican City

NOV 25, 2007 12:48 PM

Dear whatever your name is, I couldn't tell because you had too many douchy nicknames,

You were my first and last casual lay. You smelt of BO and vomit and your penis was tiny and ineffective.

I hope you haven't died of a drug overdose yet.

Smell ya later,

Anarchie.
x

ohash

Columbus, OH

May 2007

NOV 25, 2007 03:28 PM

Dear Person Who Fucked Me Badly,

When I saw you again for the first time in years, and we were flirting and sneakily getting hot and heavy at the bar, I thought I was in for a kick-ass night. I had missed you...you were one of my good friends and seemed the type that could handle being a friend-with-benefits. We got home and got naked. Your tongue was like a cold, wet, fish...your hands were too rough...even when I asked you to go a little (not that much) easier. You put me on top and laid back...and that was it. I was left to do the work. You didn't touch me again once I started riding you...just laid there. You came. I didn't. I drove him an hour pissed at you and myself. I am so glad that we've never brought that up again.

Love,
Ash

_panda_

I'm lost

November 2005

NOV 25, 2007 04:12 PM

Salome said:
Aw, panda, I know you can't be that huge of a dickface. Srsly.

Wanna give it a go, and see???

phrogg

Greenville, SC

August 2005

NOV 25, 2007 06:33 PM

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Salome said:
Dear Person Who Fucked Me Badly:

You are such a cockbag. You were the worst lay in the history of sex, and you topped it off by being a giant turd in real life.

I fell head over heels in infatuation with you because you were in a rock band, playing keyboard with such booty-shaking talent and such long, deft fingers. You were also cute and a huge flirt. Six shots of whiskey and a hard sell tricked me into sort-of cheating on my sort-of boyfriend.

But when it came time to put your money where your mouth was (in a manner of speaking), you couldn't get it up. For an hour. No exaggeration, you were afflicted with whiskey dick for a full, sweaty hour of desperate and useless hand- and blowjobs. Not to mention this hour of frustration was the whole extent of our foreplay.

Then, when you finally did get hard, you ignored the condom on the bedside table, threw me down on the bed (oooh, finally some action, right?), rammed into me and came immediately. You showered while visions of herpes danced in my head. And then you didn't even call me before I left a week later to live in Europe indefinitely.

Then, three years later, when I came back from Europe, I gave you a second chance. I was a) homeless, and you were putting me up here in Chicago while I looked for a job and an apartment, b) newly dumped and therefore crazy, and c) a naive, grateful idiot.

Once again, your limp, flabby body provided the grandest of disappointments. Once again you let my right hand do all the foreplay, and once again you decided it was better to get two thrusts in before you lost your erection than to protect me from whatever STDs you had managed to acquire in the interim from any other excessively patient groupie. And this time, you decided to substitute breakfast with skipping off to a week-long vacation with the girlfriend you failed to mention you had, leaving your embarrassed roommate to make forced small-talk with me over Captain Crunch.

I wish I knew voodoo, because I would like nothing more than to make your useless member wither and shrivel. But I don't. So I will console myself by knowing that every other woman you ever sleep with will also consider you the worst, most self-absorbed, most unsatisfying penis in modern history.

The music scene in Chicago isn't that big. Good luck getting laid in this town again, cocktard.

Sincerely,

Salome Suicide

I'm glad I'm not him!

Kleio

Winona, MN

January 2006

NOV 25, 2007 07:18 PM

Dear Seth,

I'd give you points for going down on me every time we had sex, except that I knew you were too lazy to actually engage in foreplay. Guess what, that's not my cooter juices lubing up my cooch - that's your saliva. And you wondered why I wasn't interested in sex a month after we married.

I am curious, though. Are you gay, like you told me? Or was that just a way for you to escape from the embarrassment of how miserable you made me? Hope you like the Air Force (unless you, of course, never actually joined and are still in town Mormoning about)!

D

silentwhisper

Glen Ellyn, IL

October 2004

NOV 26, 2007 01:15 PM

I love you writing this, now I can finally feel better about not being in a band cause you posted how shitty this guy was. Girls who get wet for guys in bands I hope you read this!! yay!!!

other than that I sry it sucked so bad for you Salome, you're too awesome for such bad sex-

Salome said:
Dear Person Who Fucked Me Badly:

You are such a cockbag. You were the worst lay in the history of sex, and you topped it off by being a giant turd in real life.

I fell head over heels in infatuation with you because you were in a rock band, playing keyboard with such booty-shaking talent and such long, deft fingers. You were also cute and a huge flirt. Six shots of whiskey and a hard sell tricked me into sort-of cheating on my sort-of boyfriend.

But when it came time to put your money where your mouth was (in a manner of speaking), you couldn't get it up. For an hour. No exaggeration, you were afflicted with whiskey dick for a full, sweaty hour of desperate and useless hand- and blowjobs. Not to mention this hour of frustration was the whole extent of our foreplay.

Then, when you finally did get hard, you ignored the condom on the bedside table, threw me down on the bed (oooh, finally some action, right?), rammed into me and came immediately. You showered while visions of herpes danced in my head. And then you didn't even call me before I left a week later to live in Europe indefinitely.

Then, three years later, when I came back from Europe, I gave you a second chance. I was a) homeless, and you were putting me up here in Chicago while I looked for a job and an apartment, b) newly dumped and therefore crazy, and c) a naive, grateful idiot.

Once again, your limp, flabby body provided the grandest of disappointments. Once again you let my right hand do all the foreplay, and once again you decided it was better to get two thrusts in before you lost your erection than to protect me from whatever STDs you had managed to acquire in the interim from any other excessively patient groupie. And this time, you decided to substitute breakfast with skipping off to a week-long vacation with the girlfriend you failed to mention you had, leaving your embarrassed roommate to make forced small-talk with me over Captain Crunch.

I wish I knew voodoo, because I would like nothing more than to make your useless member wither and shrivel. But I don't. So I will console myself by knowing that every other woman you ever sleep with will also consider you the worst, most self-absorbed, most unsatisfying penis in modern history.

The music scene in Chicago isn't that big. Good luck getting laid in this town again, cocktard.

Sincerely,

Salome Suicide

Ryze

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

NOV 26, 2007 05:39 PM

Dear little Mike (not Big Mike and not Mike Kaplowitz, you both were dank!)

You fucking sucked!! Ok everyone complains about minute men w/ small wee wee's but u were neither. You have a big penis and you lasted forever. I wish you would have came faster!!!

You had that big beautiful penis and i thought i was going to have sooooo much fun!... Then as soo as you hit full penetration you grabbed me hugging me tightly w/ you chin holding my shoulder down .. it was as if i was going to run away.. like you were trying to pin me to one spot. Then you were basically vibrating in my cootch you couldnt have been moving it more than an inch going about 300 bpm (thats beats per minute). And thats not even the worst part!!

The sound you were making was scaring me!! Whats up w/ the fast constant witch laugh?? What makes you make that noise?? An hour and a half of that.. no position change, you didnt loosen your grip on my ONCE!!, you slowed down a couple of times to get bck on beat. the WROST SEX EVER!!!! You remember, this all took place in your friends room while he was asleep.... or should i say "asleep".

The next day, he dropped both of us off.. me first.. then ten munutes later i get a phone call from him laughing!!! all he says was "dude WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!??" He didnt even have to tell me what he was talking about lol!!! He asks me if i wanna hang out cause he's still on my street commig from your house. If you guys were really good friends then i would have never accepted the gusture but that was the first time you had ever been to his house and the only reason you guys knew eachother was from work.. So i did. Ok.. you were a really cool quiet 22 year old, i was a 20 year old girl, and he was an 18 year old poser wanna-be-black white boy...but..... he ROCKED MY WORLD.. probably still in my top 5 best sex ever and he was 4 years younger than you.. PLUS!!! he had lost his verginity only a year prior to this and you had lost yours when you were 14. He had been fucking for one year and you of NINE!!!! YOU NEED TO WORK ON SOMETHING!!! Watch some porn.. take notes!! i see the potencial in you!!! I beleive in you!!

love
me

Taolie

Madison, WI

November 2007

NOV 28, 2007 11:10 PM

Dear Person Who Fucked Me Badly,

If only you had fucked my body as skillfully as you fucked my mind.

I'll admit that I was young and inexperienced at the time, but at least I knew enough to take a fucking shower beforehand! I really tried my best to please you, but with my nose buried in three weeks of stale sweat socks, I had a difficult time focusing on your pleasure.

You might have been able to salvage things with a little oral, except that I couldn't get my penis past the bottle of vodka you had your lips clamped around. You had planned the whole evening - if you were nervous or having second thoughts, you could have told me. I wouldn't have been angry. I was a patient guy, and I really liked you. I would have been understanding and respectful of your concerns. Getting yourself drunk to get past your reservations not only made the sex terrible, it makes it difficult for me, even now, to get turned on by a woman if she's had to much to drink.

Oh, and the just laying there part? Yeah, not a necrophiliac, sorry.

Thank God that was the only time we ever did it. A couple more experiences like that, and I might be really bitter.

Thanks for the memories!
</sarcasm>

Taolie

sushisplooge

Los Angeles, CA

October 2007

NOV 28, 2007 11:29 PM

dear alicia,

Wherever you are now, whatever you are doing with your life, whoever you are seeing these days... I just wanted to apologize for fucking you badly. You were my first and I was soooo nervous, I must have been terrible... And reading all these other letters in here I realize that if you had the opportunity in an online community to write in a thread like this, you would probably talk about me. I just want to let you know that ten years later I have taken a lot of notes and gotten a lot better at it! I want you to know that I have learned a lot and most of all I want you to know that I am sorry for making it not so nice.

Hopefully things are going great for you!
- Rob

Princelogos

USA

November 2005

NOV 28, 2007 11:36 PM

Poor Fucking Girl:
I could have a better time with a $29.95 sex doll, and it might even be more stimulating. Maybe I'm not really being fair, but having to drink everything in the bar to feel a sense of abandon, doesn't really work out that well, does it ?
I might give you another try, cause you do look hot, but this time, let me prescribe something more inducive. Like packing your nose and all available mucus membrane with Peruvian, and chaining you to the bed for a while with a large vibrator stuck in you, just to get your lights lit.
NOTHING IS WORSE THAN A DEAD FUCK !

SadieLee

Dallas, TX

October 2007

NOV 29, 2007 10:32 AM

Dear, Mr. My Dick Is So Great I Don't Really Need To Know What To Do With It.

next time a girls starts laughing uncontrollably and saying stop.....
STOP

Bellica

Mexico

February 2007

NOV 30, 2007 02:21 AM

Dear Person That Fucked Me Badly:

I get the fact that you were nervous, but what the hell does that have to do with doing a pre-fuck warming up exercise? That's called foreplay you idiot!!! You did not have to do 20 push ups... Maybe you should've just saved your stamina...

Boring...

Your truly,
Me

Soya

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

DEC 02, 2007 08:23 PM

hahahaha push ups? wtf!

Dear Ryan,

Your penis tasted like a dead goat.
and what was it? 3 inches?
Maybe that's why your [now ex] wife
didn't care about it.

And you were suppose to be a "legend".

yeahhhhhhhh. not so much there buddy.

Dear Greg,

Your sex is terrible.
I give you an A for effort, but that's about it.
It was entertaining, it just fucking sucked.

Sorry, but it's true.

Dear ********, it wasn't [completely] Gretchen's fault you had boring sex.
I understand she made horrible faces and screamed out the alphabet,
but that doesn't mean you're Mr. Exciting.

Rory_B_Bellows

Dallas, TX

April 2007

DEC 02, 2007 08:29 PM

Dear chick who fucked me badly,

Why did it take you so long to realize that teeth have little to no business in a blowjob?

LadyCakes

USA

February 2006

DEC 02, 2007 08:31 PM

Eternalexile said:
Dear chick who fucked me badly,

Why did it take you so long to realize that teeth have little to no business in a blowjob?

My bad.

Vivid

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

DEC 03, 2007 12:33 AM

Dear majority of my exboyfriends --

Fuck you all for making me think sex sucked.
It doesn't, it was just you guys.

I hope you guys got better, 'cause lord knows I rock.

xoxo
--V

Rory_B_Bellows

Dallas, TX

April 2007

DEC 04, 2007 05:26 PM

Vivid said:
Dear majority of my exboyfriends --

Fuck you all for making me think sex sucked.
It doesn't, it was just you guys.

I hope you guys got better, 'cause lord knows I rock.

xoxo
--V

i love you.

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