Dear Person that fucked me badly

SHE TOOK HER TEETH OUT!!!!1!!!1!!?!?!?!!?1!?!?!ONE!?!?!?! oh man, see my fantasy, it aint a joke brotha.

I didn't want to crush your ego any more, it must be hard being you...

dear person who is "claiming" to have fucked me badly
if you want to really get to me by making up bullshit, come to me not my family & also make sure it's believable bullshit. what u did, whoever you are is way out of line, ringing my 70 year old gramdma to tell her that her granddaughter caught hiv from you in the back of a taxi 6 months ago is just not on. luckinly for everyone concerned, you are so retarded you didn't even think that i left that town 5 years ago & not been back for a year or more. think of something that might actually get me in ths shit next time, intead of something that could not possible have happend
yours, my ass hole

dear person that fucked me badly-

i can't believe ur such a fake!!! i mean i was so sexually attracted 2 u by ur walk, talk and smell i coulda swore u were the god of all sex freaks!

2 bad i bought u cigarettes and sunflower seeds and hung out w/ ur lame no social skills having geek face friends.

theses are the complaints i have: starting 2 seduce me in ur bathroom was HOT but seeing that u weren't sure how 2 manuever ur manhood while i'm atop the sink was rather embarassing, was this ur first time trying this position??? if so just admit it and we coulda worked on it.

why must u stick ur tounge out while fucking me!!!??? i mean ur not michael jordan making a 3 pointer.

why r u tilting urself 2 the side the entire time? it feels good but i like a lil variety.

u make not a peep the whole 10 minutes of action!!! i think u managed a slight groan at ur climax but u weren't as excited as i'd suspected. well neither was i obviously! ur dick was a good size tho, and it's a shame cuz u could be really, really awesome in the sack if u'd just let loose and have fun.

ghee, wat a fucking calamity!!
ur still fine as hell tho and were a decent conversationalist.
when i saw u a year later at that club, i darted everytime i saw u 4 the above mentioned. u can't possibly think u were the stud u mislead me 2 believe......

sad. wat a waiste.

sincerely,

andrea (that was the name u constantly referred 2 me as)
even tho that's not my name
hu?

Dear jack rabbit:
It wasn't enough that you stole my virginity, you couldn't even look me in the face when you did it. You said that you cared, but once you finished that was it. No sweet closure, no kiss good night. Just one more ciggarette and no more touching HELLO!! It's not all about you buddy!
In the months that followed you never once got me off. Didn't that kill your self confidence? And not to be mean, but since you were my first I thought you were huge! But now I have learned that you're really quite small, maybe that's why you could never get me off. Although there is one thing I am grateful for, you did take a test for me, so I would know you are clean... so thank you for being responsible atleast.

Dear first love, who didnt even fuck me badly so much as not at all,

I lied, "saving it for marriage" is NOT okay. AT ALL. And yeah, it is a part of why we broke up. 8 months is a long time, pal.

-M_D

Dear person who Fucked me badly,
Dude I'm sorry that you dont know how to use your penis. When a girl has to play with herself every time you have sex something is wronge. Maybe you should try a little thing called forepaly before you jsut go diving in. Man I think I've had better drunken sex.



You suck in bed!!
Aysia

Dear person who fucked me badly,

I appreciate the drooling, really. I also appreciate the bad breath that greeted me, but that I tried to ignore because the rest of you was so fantastic. On the outside.

I know you thought you were being gentle by pulling the back of my head while you were plowing into my tender rose bud anus while whispering, "who's daddy bear's cute cubby boy?"

I know also that I should have never trusted your lazy eye, no matter how lovely your pecs or penis were.

with love,

cabaretic.

(heterosexual now)

Dear person who fucked me badly,

I should have known better than to get involved with someone who would cheat on me, three days later, with my best friend. While I must admit that, at the time, I enjoyed your facial gestures and feeble responses, you didn't really do much but lay there and take it.

Oh, sure...I am always willing to please, sometimes to a fault, but you could have at least reciprocated. I like giving head, so could you have returned the favor? I did you a favor anyway, because you're really not that attractive.

Love,

cabaretic.

ok, so now i just have to post, having found this board on a boring evening... and i'm gonna just be brutally honest and go back through the list....

Dear Mr. Pierced~
Having your dick pierced does not compensate for inability to make a girl cum. Learn to use it before you embelish it. Also, your dick is way small. Just so you know, I faked it. Oh, and I know that when you jerked off, you shot it on the carpet. Sick dude. Really. I walked around barefoot!
Sincerely, me

Dear Mr. Limp~
Ya know, hyping up our hookup for so long was really really not worth it when it all just...dissapeared! I'm sorry you were on antidepressants... It's a shame they give you something ELSE to be depressed about.
Sincerely, me

Dear Mr. Turtleneck~
God damn, warn a girl, seriously. That shit ain't right. If you've got some extra stuff hanging around, you need to let us females know. Foreskin is an uncharted territory. And... It's discusting. If you can, please remove it.
Sincerely, me

Dear Mr. Two-Pump~
Two pumps and a quiver just isn't enough. Hopefully you outgrew this. Cuz it got old real fast. And fisting is something you need to discuss before you just go for it. Ouch!
Sincerely, me

Fisting. OUCH.

As for me...the intestines have the consistency of "wet paper bags" so they're a major no no for me.

Foreskins gross me out too.

But...take pity on us, too. There have been times that I've been Mr. Floppy.

And it's been killing me...softly. Funny, isn't it?


[Edited on Jun 03, 2005 by cabaretic]

Dear penises with foreskins who might have felt a little hurt by the last comment:
I think they're kinda cute, and they feel really nice.
Sincerely, Me

They look like aliens, I tell you.

I dunno...maybe it's because my father had an uncircumsised member and I always associate my lack thereof with him saying..."You should have never gone to that damn Jew doctor!"

Eh, Archie Bunker dads.

i do apologize to any foreskinned guys out there. i'm definately generalizing on that whole thing. maybe they're not all so bad

Dear scratchy face,

I was not impressed by the vintage 70s porn that was shining from your DVD player. Nor was I impressed by the size of your penis, which reminds one of Napoleon, or maybe cocktail weiners. I did laugh after having your manhood revealed to be so insignificant, but stifled it as best I could.

I am surprised I did not contract scabies during the act, which was brief...perhaps you were too pissed to keep it up for very long. I swallowed your cum, which is not to say that I swallowed your shit attitude.

With affection,

cabaretic.

PS- I don't mind being an arse-licker, but I do mind being a shit-licker.

Dear person who fucked me badly,

Now, I don't mind having sex with a girl on her period. In fact, I enjoy it because it feels really good due to the warmth or whatever. What I don't enjoy is not knowing that you are on your period and then waking up in the morning and looking like I just stepped off the set of se7en. So, please next time you are with a guy and you are on your period...tell him at some point. And for the love of god, at least say something before he goes down on you...that was just not cool. Other than that, the sex was pretty good. And you even went that extra mile and got me up after I finished the first time, something my ex girlfriend would NEVER do, so kudos for that.

Sincerely,
Me

P.S. Sorry I came so quickly during sex the first time...but you have to understand the two hours+ of foreplay that happened prior to penis/vagina confrontation had a lot to do with that. There is only so much stimulation a man can take...

I'm finding it a little hard to write the letter I really want to write. Just so you know, it's a good thread, I just have issues that I can't even pay to have resolved.

Sounds like me...although this thread has been rather cathartic towards purging out many of my bad fucks.

I think if I were ever confronted with the chance to really write this guy, I wouldn't do it knowing what I know now. But in the past 10 minutes I've had enough gaul to physically forgive him, seein as how he's dead and all. Thank you "whoever for jumpstarting the subject of the century.

Dear Dan,
That was a waste of a condom. Have some courtesy and keep your penis to yourself. If you can't do something right then you shouldn't do it at all.

Girlypie

What a good fucking point. I know what you mean, like, i hope he didn't use one of the nice lambskin ones, and if so, i apologize to the lamb with you.

Oh, the silk ones are much better, I hear. *winks* Being that this is 1794 and all, right?