Dear Person that fucked me badly

dear x girlfriend whos name starts with J

you changed my entire perspective on life, love and happyness
& not for the better...

when i wanted to go out with my friends this did not mean stay home and have sex.

when i wanted to drink this does not mean you were always invited

when its my birthday and im pinging on acid and want to dance this does not mean lets go home

when i would stay at a friends house this does not mean call 100 times

when i dont answer the phone this does not call for 50 missed calls

when im tired i want to sleep, not talk on the phone

when i told you to listen you never listened

you never took my side
you suffocated me.

i hate you...

i understand that i no doubt hurt you as much as you hurt me, but you just made me feel so unconfortable, and though you claimed to love me you made me feel like every guy was better than me which is just totaly out of line

Dear the last girl I had sex with,

You're a girl. I'm a girl. Surely that should mean you know at least SOMETHING about how to please a girl, I'm pretty sure you masturbate...

If you really enjoy treating a clitoris with such violence then I'm disturbed.
It's a clit, not a scratching post. Srsly.

When I move your hand from down there, it's not cause I'm close or have finished... It's because I'm in total pain!

Thanks,
K.
x

Dear Frosty,
I used to count your ceiling tiles and your sex face actually scared me.

~Raae

Dear Cowaorker,

Even though we fucked, I'm not jealous of your boyfriend. I wish you would stop telling me I am.

If anything I would be more likely to be jealous before I had fucked you.

Dear Areshole

Stop going on about how much you love to fuck,
Laying on your back is not really participating is it?... You may as well not have even been there,
In fact I wish you hadn't been.

from
Way out of your fucking league

Dear whoever,

Im better than iv ever been now, I hope you see it and it eats you inside.

Dear,bad lay.

I'd rather have a pap smear then have sex with you again..And i'm still pissed i'll never get those few minutes of my life back...You bastard.


~Morgen~

oh hai,
just a little fyi,
the teeth and the lips can actually work independently.
you dont have to chomp with every kiss.
thx bai

Dear Mr. I only like to do it in missionary position,

Do I really need to tell you that I would like some pleasure too? Oh yeah, that's right. You're a dumb ass. Really. It's not doing a damn thing. I get off more from hot tub jets.

-Henna-

Dear 45 year old hotel front desk lady.. You were really loud and smelled like a cheap liz taylor perfume...

Thanks anyway..

Fucking asshole:

You were the biggest mistake of my life. You treated me like shit.

And the sex wasn't even OK.
I'm so glad you always lasted 4 minutes so I could get it over with FAST and move on with my day.

(Second one)

Dear Mr:

Your big dick and ridiculous stamina didn't do shit.

I hope I had a PSP on my hand while we were having sex.

dear person who fucked me badly.

i'm glad you got off...i think... and btw. you have a small penis.

xo
ish

Dear Closet Lurker:

It would have been way easier to believe that you were straight if you hadn't been straddling me at the time. However, it was *very* easy to believe that you had "never done this before." Stick to the boys, my friend. Kisses!

I read this thread from page one... and all I've learned is a lot of small penis was sat on.

Oh, and that people should brush their teeth and wash their balls/labia.

How about:

Dear person that fucked me badly,

I want to say I'm sorry.

Remember when we sat around marveling at how long it took us to get together, and I jokingly brought up the first time we ever hooked up? I joked about how bad the sex was because we were both so nervous? You looked at me quizzically and said "I didn't think the sex was bad." Never in a million years would I have thought you wouldn't agree that the sex that night was horrible. I'm sorry it took me so long to recover and change the subject.

Remember when we were having cocktails with your friends, and after you had a few in you, you suddenly blurted out over the conversation that you had just started reading a book on fellatio, exclaiming how surprised and delighted you were to learn the penis has more than one part?

Do you remember how quickly that shut everyone up, or how a half dozen pairs of eyes then shifted nervously about the room, occasionally risking stealthy glances of wonder and pity at the both of us? You may have been too drunk to realize what your words revealed about the state of our sex lives; nobody else shared your impairment.

I'm sorry I did that spit-take -- almost as sorry as I am that you never seemed to get past the first chapter in that book.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Come on! One part!? It's not like you need to locate the corpora cavernosa! Head! Shaft! THAT'S TWO!

Dear Person that fucked me badly.

You call that sex? Seriously, wtf is wrong with your dick?
I havent been with as many men as you have, so I dont
know if the crooked thing is a birth defect, or an accident.
You're the only one night stand I have ever had, and
supposedly 'AMAZING IN BED' compared to WHAT might I ask?

Plus, you should cut your fucking nails. Not all girls like to have
nails that long shoved up their vag. There is seriously no
good reason I can think of to have them like that.

ummm...your breath smelled like shit, brush your teeth
once in a while. And just because your sister was in the
living room did NOT make it okay to do that to her teddy bear.

you know what i mean

Dear person that fucked me badly,
Just because YOU like ME to be on Top doesnt mean that I'M as comfortable as YOU are for 6 hours.
While all you did was lie there and be served it was ME who did all the moving.
And after you finally hit your climax, I was so sore that the word orgasm did not sound as appealing as the word REST.
Actually, I was sore too sore to come after the first two hours but yeah, to continue was my fault.
And the fact that you called me an egoistic bitch when I told you that this will not happen a second time ...
So I hope you're glad to know that I've had several other men who did well or not so well, but definately better than you. I'm also glad to notice that you do not seem to have a girlfriend at the moment and that my word about you was spread.

Yours truely, Sey

Dear piggish asshole:
I knew hooking up with you would be a big mistake, even before it happened. But I chose to ignore my instincts, because you had me thinking that you liked me, too. You even told everyone else you liked me. Really, you just wanted to prove you clould get any girl into bed that you wanted. I did things for you I promised myself I would never do for anyone, because you wanted me to. Then afterwards, you threw me aside for someone else, told everyone a bunch of bullshit lies about what happened, and said I need to "realize my mistakes". Hey, guess what? I knew it was a mistake. But what about you? When are you gonna realize that manipulation is a mistake, too?
You need to stop actling like you're the sexiest thing in the world. Really, you aren't. You're just disgusting, and you fucking SUCK in the sack. And honestly, you have a tiny dick. I couldn't even feel it after a couple thrusts.
Please, do the world a favor and go play in traffic.




Dear OTHER piggish asshole:
I specifically told you I did not want to do it, and you forced me to anyway. I hope you're happy with yourself knowing you did that to someone. Your dick is also tiny, and I really mean that. The sex really wasn't that great, and, once again, I couldn't feel your dick. You couldn't even manage to keep it where it was supposed to go. I can no longer stand looking at myself because of you, even an entire year later. Go fuck yourself.




Thanks to both of you, I no longer trust anyone, and am completely repulsed by all sexual activity. I hope you're both happy knowing that you've hurt someone so badly that they'll probably never trust again.

Yours truly, Philia

Some women simply don't want that.

dear idiot the phone call when we were breaking up and I said no no no no to your questions was he bigger, harder, better and stronger. I was just being nice to your petty ego and trying to end the phone call. I should have said yes yes yes yes - thats why I married him. Also I really didn't appreciate your phone call on our honeymoon, either - fuckwit.

Dear Small-Cock as you were known by to all my friends.

You have an ALARMINGLY small cock, I got fed up of trying to look suprised everytime you got it out whilst saying 'you like my big cock don't ya babes?'
I mean really....

x

Dear C,

Of the three times we fucked, I didn't enjoy any of them. You were my only fuck buddy experience and, frankly, you gave the title a bad name. I kept coming back because I was desparate, but now that I am out of a relationship, don't expect to be hearing from me any time soon.

Yes, you are well endowed, but because you didn't know what to do with your dick, it hurt, a lot. The reason I laid there like a dead fish two out of three times was because I regretted fucking you from minute one. I didn't stop you because I was trying to be nice, and allowed you to finish. Even though I am incredibly horny right now, the idea of fucking you again is far from pleasant. Instead I plan to take a trip to my local sex store and fulfill my needs better than your footlong dick ever did.

K, thanks.

<3,
poetic