Dear Person that fucked me badly

Dear guys who have fucked me badly over the span of the last 6 years,
I'm writing a book about you all.
If it turns out well I will mail you each a free copy. No worries.
xo Tues

Dear girls who fucked me badly over the span of the last 6 years,

I did.

That is fucking incredible.
I'm kind of speechless, except for the uncontrollable giggles.

I shouldn't really laugh, but that did really make me smile and lol....

I'm getting my hands on a copy of that.....

dear T,
I don't know what your ex put up with for the two years you were together before you met me, but fingers do not equal jackhammer. At times i thought you were going to spear through my cervix

I want that too. Oh, did you mean the book?

Dear guy who fucked me badly and wont stop calling,
Give up dude, it just wasn't good enough to do it again.

practice makes perfect

Dear college fuck buddy/ taker of my virginity-
You are scum. The clitoris is not a punching bag. You'd think because of your experience and collection of porn you'd know what foreplay is. You have been in a porno for god sake! Oh wait. A gay porno. Thanks for telling me that AFTER we started fucking. You were the worst thing that ever happened to me. I gave you something that you never should have had. You had a tiny dick, and although it may have felt alright, I NEVER came. Ever. The fucking you did to my emotions and brain still haven't left me, and it has been almost 2 years. I hate you. OH! And 69'ing shouldn't involve your feet pushing my god damn head down on your pathetic cock. And that was the only time you ate me out. IT WAS HORRIBLE!

Dear one week stand-
I should have known better than to mess with you. But since I was trying to get away from scumbag 1 (see above), I let it slide. The first time we hung out, you suggested cuddling that ended with you forcing my head down on your cock. Yeah, you had a nice long dick. But you couldn't use it. When I saw you the second time, and we fucked, I didn't even know it had started, let alone finished. Just because you had a horse dick doesn't mean you shouldn't learn any skills to accompany it. Oh, and, grabbing my tits isn't exactly foreplay either. I know they're nice, but my oven needs preheating first, ya dig?

I hope both your dicks rot off,
Rachel

Ps. Dear current lover/fiance. You rock. Thanks.

Dear person who fucked me badly,
you look like a retarded dinosaur. I was always on top. You were the first man to ever cheat on me and I don't know why I ever considered fucking you. Had I not been a young teen maybe I would have known better. Nice to know you're still only fucking young teens dumb enough to spread their legs for you.

Dear girl who fucked me badly,
Darting your tongue around like a lizard trying to catch ants is not the way to a mind blowing orgasm. Every time we fucked I'd get bored and fake it so I could get up and go do something interesting.
Oh and your attempts at using toys were epic fail, as were attempts at using fingers - file your fucking nails first thanks!

Dear, Brandon, Johnny, Apple, Kenny, What's-ur-name, Weezle, Eddy... You all sucked! And I am the best actress in your little pathetic world. You all layed there panting gasping for air... all mumbling the same shit "that was the best...sex I have ever had...I love you"... and I'm thinking.."I need another drink and a fucking cigarette. I should charge...

dear girl who fucked me badly,
you sweat way too much. its bad enough that i have to feel you dripping all over my face and chest. but every time you lean in for a kiss, i find myself cringing away from your sopping upper lip. (shudder). quit smoking and go for a run.
you also take way too long to cum. i know its hard for some girls, but if you need an hour, you better be super hot, or really creative. you arent either.
how did stay i stay hard?

Dear Ben,

The intense lead up had sooooo much potential. And then what? You can't keep a rhythm, and you don't make it up when given the chance?!?!?!


Fuck you.


Sad about the state of men,

Hopey

Dear PEOPLE that fucked me badly

Its not you, its me
Im fucking GAY

Mwah

Dear fatty, slimy, retarded , hairy vagina owner..

We were together over a year, and in that year we had sex many ,many times. Every time you complained of not getting enough... Please let me help you with some advise for your next future fuck.
1. perhaps you should practice a twist on Jack Blacks cock push ups? Your incredible amount of FAT on your vagina is disgusting, It looked as if I was tongue fucking a leaking waterbed..
2. your not just wet before sex your wet 24/7.Its nice I suppose because "your always ready?" but you always felt like a cold wet slimy swamp and the amount of underwear you had to go through a single day was RETARDED.
3.you only got off when I licked your pussy, the problem was you smelt like a Chinese fish market .Perhaps washing down there once and a wail instead ,of letting the soap from your hair slide down and "wash" the rest of your body as well ,might of helped?
4.shaveing, noff said.
5.perhaps its my fault when I said "lets try scissoring? " you nearly grinded my clitoris and lips clear off. Its amazing I didn’t think it possible? Your so covered in fat down there that you actually found a hard piece of bone to repeatably grind and stab me in the vagina with but... hey?! that’s cool .. The thing that sucked more is that you enjoyed it so much it became your favorite thing...


I understand your a hairy all American butch with a wana be Latin mustache , But the sex you gave me wasn’t what you thought it was. I might have enjoyed myself a little more if I wasn’t so terrified when it was gona be "your turn".

Thank you, I’ve changed my mind. I am now a healthy bi sexual who is scared to have sex with another woman that I haven’t seen naked already. =)

Yours truly
New found Penis lover...

This was awesome, thanks

Your one hundered persent welcome Matter, haha It feels so much better off my chest

Dear girl who fucked me badly

Yes, you fuck badly, but I was willing to accept it because I was just pretty darn excited to be fucking you. But I have to tell you, it's not a joystick, you're not playing Pac-Man, and i'd rather not have to go to the hospital with a broken dick.

Dear girls that fucked me badly,

1.yeah you were hot, yeah you made the scenery nice to look at but come on !!! its not about how you look, its about getting down to it and effort. whats the point of looking good if you always want the lights out! if you look that good put it to use girl!!!!!

2. i take my time licking you and make sure its right for ya only to find you think going down involves chewing. i know its sometimes called a bone but it dont mean you gotta chew it like a pitbull on bostik. i would of been better taking a box of chocs or some flowers round the retirement home, their very kind to us young uns and keep their teeth in a jar next to the bed. and thank fuck you didnt take the meaning of blow job literallly i could of lost my cock only to find i was great at making balloon animals.

3. dont say you like it rough when what your saying is you like it hard and fast, their two completley different things, your thinking "yeah he,s getting harder and faster" and i'm wondering if i should go with some light hair pulling or if your a full on punch in the kidneys kind of girl.

4. whats the point of telling me your really horny when your on your period but think its dirty to do it when on? is that a challange to me to try and make you see its not dirty or a full on "stay away" once a month. you know i licked your breasts after i came on them, i go down after we had sex where is the difference, i give it, i take it, at the end of the day its just another body fluid like the rest we shared.


lastly to all the girls that fucked me good, THANKYOU, we might not share a bed now but that dont mean its not a good memory. something i will remember and judge every other by for the rest of my days

Dear Epic Loser,

Yeah, I know. We fucked. But I had just come home after 2 months away and no sex so I just jumped on the first available cock and it happened to be yours, unfortunately. See, I love sex. I love fucking. But when you tell me you can fuck all day every day I don't want it to be coke cock, I want it to be undrugged dick. So hiding that from me was awesome. Yeah, good call on your part.

S.

PS - And hiding the fact that you have a kid you haven't seen in 6 years turns me right on, baby.

Dear people who've been fucked badly,

You're with some of these people for months, sometimes even years -

WTF?

your confused pal,

LK

Dear Lesbians Who Hit on Me,

I am not a woman.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I think you all are awfully pretty.


~ Grew-a-Beard-for-a-Reason in Jersey

They sell Tarantulas for under $20 at the local Pet Store. When my Ex found out about this she had an expression that made me take away her key.

I am extremely terrified of Spiders. My Ex enjoyed doing cruel things to people so that she could brag to her friends about it(she broke up with me though a cake that said "It's Over! I'm Going back to Chicks!).

There's a fine line between Paranoia and Prescience

Really!