Dear Person that fucked me badly

Olvido said:
Dear almost everyone i had fucked :
when i saw what was in your pants i dindt knew if i was suppossed to cry or laugh......... anyway i was too drunk so.... sorry for fall asleep while you where doing.... whatever it was you where doing..... didnt feel shit.....

Subrosa said:
Dear Person that fucked me badly,

You were the hot goth girl at my high school. So when we ran into eachother 8 years later and I found out you lived a mile from me, I suggested we hang out. I didn't know you were going to get all "I need someone to bust my post-relationship cherry" on me after the Alkaline Trio show I dragged you to, but I wasn't going to complain.

That is, until after 3 minutes you came then immediately jumped out of bed before I could finish for a shower. I mean, I don't want to have to quote Van Halen, but "Come on baby finish what you started."!

Not to mention the complex you gave me that I was so repulsive that women needed to shower immediately afterwards touching me. Or at least I had it until you made two more booty calls (yeah, I'm a sucker) and each time I ended up with soaked sheets, no orgasm, and a clump of dyed black hairs in my shower drain.

What the fuck?