Funniest Moments During Sex

What is your funniest moment ever while having sex?

I have a story that still makes me crack up to this day.
Less Than Jake was staying with me for a week, summer of 1995, and they played a house show I set up for them in my old house on one of their days off, in my living room.

Sometime when one of the openers was playing, this girl I was dating at the time dragged me upstairs, and we started at it. Just when things were hot and steamy (She was riding me), Less Than Jake goes on, and I hear the vocalist Chris on the mic going "Where the fuck is Steve?!" Someone in the crowd goes "Upstairs with some girl". Chris from LTJ goes "Hi we're Less Than Jake, and this one goes out to Steve, who's upstairs having sex!"

Me and the girl both heard it, laughed our asses off, finished up, and rushed downstairs all embarrased.

I was having sex with Less Than Jake....nah nothing. Pretty standard sexual encounters.

A guy that I was dating had gotten me a hotel room downtown so we could spend some quality time together.... He ended up getting caught in a meeting longer than he expected, so I was in the hotel alone for a few hours, and finished off a good portion of the liquor we had gotten to take with us.....needless to say when he got there, I was drunk.....I proceeded to get out the whipped cream, and while I'm sliding around on top of it, we're laughing our asses off....until I slide off of him and hit my head on the nightstand....

Still one of my favorite memories....

I was dating a girl named kelly..we just got done having sex and i went and threw up all over her bathroom..it was pretty embarassing then..but now that her and i are over..it's pretty funny

I've recently learned that hallmark does not make "sorry i puked all over your bathroom" cards.

When I was a roadie, we had to share hotel rooms with our coworkers. Which meant, if you wanted to get laid you had to be fairly creative to find a location. So, in the middle of Ohio, I wound up having a threesome with tour performers in the show I was working on. The three of us were going at it in the stairwell of our hotel when a security guard walks in. Thinking we are busted, we freeze. The Guard blushes and leaves. So, we start putting our clothes on to leave, thinking we don't want to risk getting busted by someone not so understanding. As I am pulling my pants up, there is a knock at the door. Who knocks on the door of a public stairwell? It was the Security Guard, he came back to ask if he could watch (his exact words were "When am I gonna get to see this shit for free in person ever again, this ain't the playboy mansion ya know". After somethought, we figured what the hell and gave him a show. We really hammed it up too since we had an audiance.
We thought it was all cool, until when it was over as we were leaving he says "You guys work for Disney right?"
And one of the guys I was with, completely drunk replies "Yeah, It's a children's show"
From then on, I will never see Mickey Mouse the same way.

Lol, I read this and had to reply because it reminds me of one my similar moments. I was a bit drunken, so I acting goofier than my Normal self. But things got going hot and heavy. All the while I was thinking about the whole "Who's your Daddy?" Saying and How cheesey I found it be. Anyways I ended up blurting, out to my boyfriend of that time "Who's your Mommy!?" ended up both of us laughing I fell off the bed hit my head on the night stand.

Then there was the whole thing, My room-mate one day, Told me to see if saying "WHEEE" during sex gets a laugh, Well it worked quite well. At least that time i didnt get a knot on my head for it.

My ex gf and I were going at it and her roommate came in to ask a question. No big deal, she's seen us both naked on multiple occasions and all that. Well, their horny-ass female cat comes in, smelling sex. We're all talking and the cat jumps on the bed all interested then takes one look at my human size cock and ran like bat out of hell and hid in the living room.

[Edited on Apr 17, 2005 by ikoL]

One of us kicked the gear shift out of Reverse and the car started rolling down the hill--

once i was having sex... in a car... behind a strip mall thing... and an indian (east indian) fellow came out the back door of the store he was working at... and froze... he saw us... my pale white ass... bobbing up and down... she told me.. "don't stop"... "there's a guy" i say... "what's he doing?"... "just standing there"... "sooo..." then he went back inside... minutes later... after we resumed 'getting it on' ... multiple back doors opened all along the strip mall... and the heads of reandom strangers commenced in watching us 'get it on' ... confused on what to do... do i get out of the car... bare assed... erect... and drive away... i just recalled "don't stop"... so we finished up.. got out... both... naked... and took a bow...

[Edited on Apr 18, 2005 by unfound]

once my horny ass dog bit a hole in one of my girls undies during coitus ..and she was looking right at us ..that was good for a few laughs at the time

so a peace of advice.... don't ever get horny while your visiting her grandparents...
so i'm at dinner and we said that we would do the dishes since her grandmother had cooked the meal... well after playing grab ass for a little bit things escaladed..... well sice we thought that her grandmother had fallen asleep in her chair we thought that we sure as hell couldn't wake her so........ well yeah sho woke up, we broke up and that family hates me to this day hi sarah... ha ha ha ha... well i can laugh now and so can you i suppose..

that is prob. the funniest things i've ever heard.. that line should be put into a movie so everone can laugh about that one..... it sure got me rollin

two moments come to mind right off:

1. in high school, my gf gives me a blowjob and doesn't swallow, so I wipe myself off with some tissues on the nightstand. later that night we start going at it again and she pulls down my underware and starts cracking up. I look down to notice that my dick is covered with little bits of tissue. I laughed too, after a moment to realize that I didn't have some wierd sudden outbreak (it was high school...I sort of didn't know better).

2. In sophmore year of college, I picked up my gf from the airport after not seeing her in about 2 months over the summer. I had to borrow a friend's car and the airport was like an hour away, so on the drive back to school things got a little heated up in the vehicle. we're pulling in to the town and it's like 1am and she's going down on my while I'm driving. As we're getting closer to the school, I'm driving slower and slower and the windows are fogging up, but I'm not too worried because there's no cars on the road. Then there are flashing lights and I'm getting pulled over. Turns out I had been swerving a little too much and they thought I was drinking. I think when the cop walked up to the fogged up window and saw us both in there, things probably made a little more sense. We had a good laugh after that, but not much more sex in the car. At least not while driving.

I remember once when I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob before school and I accidently quit too soon only for some of it to shoot on to my shirt. oh well I gotta go to school like that, grab a napkin and clean the best I can. Anyway, he told my best friend about it and for the longest time she ragged me everytime I wore that shirt. (kind of like the Lewinsky dress) LOL!

I found this funny, he didn't:

I was 14, going down on the guy I was seeing at the time, either way I'd thought he'd blown and being the good little girl I was I started drinking it down, either way it crossed my mind that this time it didn't taste quite the same....
So I slow down, lick it up, and he tentatively asks me;
"Why'd you stop?"
"Didn't you blow?"
"No!" he looks down, turned the light on and screams,
"What the FUCK!"
I look down, and his dick and pubic area is covered in blood.
Some random screaming comments along the lines of "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY DICK?"
Suddenly, this salty liquid starts running into my mouth again, I run to the mirror and realise I must have gotten a nose-bleed halfway through the blow job.

Needless to say, I went and vomited a lot of my own blood up.
It took him a long while to calm down, and the sheets were ruined.

It took a while for him to allow me anywhere near his dick again.

my partner and i were going at it all over the bed and we had the lights off. we dont usually. i misjudged the edge of the bed flipped off the side and our bedroom is kinda raised up 5 steps i went down the steps and hit the fridge it was sooo funny

Many moons ago, when I was still in my uber goth phase, I insisted on having spooky candles EVERYWHERE in my bedroom. You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a lit candle. Let alone have crazy sexy. My boyfriend and I at the time put a lot of, shall we say - energy - into our sexual manuveurs. I think the people three floors down probably heard us. So we're going at it one day when all of a sudden ::sniff sniff:: "What's that smell?" Someone (I blame him) had kicked a pillow off the bed and onto a candle. POOF! Insta-flaming pillow. He grabbed it and dashed into the bathroom, with little bits of pillow guts spilling out all over the place, the floor, my bed, his weiner. I will never forget him, naked, with a huge erection, running into the bathroom carrying the flaming pillow of doom. Somehow, while flinging the pillow into the bathtub, he managed to light my shower curtain on fire. I may have been uber spooky goth on the outside, but on the inside I was (and still am) a domestic diva. Damn it, I LOVED that shower curtain. I screamed "oh no, my Martha Stewart shower curtain!!" With flaming pillow and now flaming shower curtain in hand, he just stopped and gave me this long "WTF?!" look. Martha Stewart? I don't know who laughed harder. Me because he had flaming pillow guts stuck on his dick or him because I had a Martha Stewart shower curtain. Oh the memories.

the bed broke >.< and my mom was like 'how did it break?'
me: 'oh..we were just...sitting on it...'

'oh.'

me and my gf at the time are all hot and heavy. so we get to the bad and she tells me to really pund her. so we are going at it pretty good. nex thing we know we are on the floor and the frame to my bed is all busted to fuck. she decides she does not want to stop and tries to ride me. everything was not in the correct alinement. she slams down on dick and it just bends right over on its self. it hurt like hell for about 2 weeks. she still thinks its funny to bring up the time she broke my bed then broke my dick. i think it would have been alot more funny if it would have been someone else.

I don't know if this is funny or disturbing but it was certainly educational for me. I was having sex with my boyfriend at his place one afternoon and we were really getting into it. I was not paying attention to how loud I was getting as it was the afternoon and no one else was home aside from my 2 year old son.

There were spankings and nibbles... dirty talk and all that... and things were pretty heated and a bit rough. You know... the good stuff!



Suddenly I noticed that my son Waylon had climbed on the bed and was grabbing at my arm asking me if I was okay.



So parents... start locking the door before age 2 or you might be faced with that situation. It was creepy and made me paranoid for months afterwards.

I hit my head on a bedframe once and passed out. Oh the hilarity!