Lesbian smut...

Precisely why I didn't defend myself in the manner I could have

um....yeah....well.....you're a poopy head!

You're right. I would be honestly sorry too.
If mind you I weren't so miffed about being ugly now


bygones folks?
Please never take anything the Yuri says in his obvious bad humor seriously.
It leads to bad things quick.
....

Some people seriously don't own a sense of humor.

Um, no.

Also, see post above.

I sell 'em

real cheap too

Oooooh!
I know. I know!
I'll take two!
... and a bottle of jack to go please!

I'm not sure you were looking for a critique, but I'm going to post one anyway. If you're feeling vindictive, I have a bad short story in my current journal entry that you can rip apart.

The problem with that story as an erotic short is that each sentence plainly and literally describes what is happening. There are no similes, no metaphors and there is no unusual language used or creative, vivid description. That can, to be fair, be made to work for you. In prose where what is not being said is equally, if not more important than what is being said, being literal can be powerful and effective. I'm not entirely sure it could ever be erotic, but hey, I'm not going to rule it out. But either way, this writing needs some sort of style.

Problem number two is that there's really not much going on here. You go home tired from work and feeling skanky. You get home and get fucked. Again, being simple can be effective, and I realize that plot isn't the point, but I think erotica needs a bit of a set up to really be effective. You've gotten to the sex before we've even been introduced to the characters, and they don't do anything particularly revealing during the sex. We didn't even get a physical description, apart from one of them having a stubbly vagina. Until the inquiry about wetness, there's no indication that both parties are even female (I mean in the story, not the title of the thread).

Basically, I think you need to work on thinking up a scenario and characters and then work on describing the sensations, as opposed to the physical actions, of sex.

do you know which ass this thread sucks
this ass
<------------
translation

Translation: You need some sleep man
Oh and you wished an excuse to use every emoticon in the book.
You'dve been better off letting it die though

Is that basic or fortran?

.... just ... oh dear....

You're not dumb. You just probably never had to learn Basic Programming. Basically, this person wants to say "huuh" repeatedly.

You're right. I wasn't looking for a critique. However, I can take it. I understand, and even agree with, many of your points here.

But I will say this:

This is something I wrote fairly quickly about my girl and I. I didn't do much proof-reading. If I actually wanted to publish it or something, I would have invested more time in it.

Also, I usually do go into full descriptions of each individual, and I even thought "Damn, I forgot the descriptions" after I had posted this story all over.

Lastly, I call what I write "ADD Smut". It's short, sweet, and to the point. I have friends who write long, elaborate erotica, and it usually bores me. Myself and a number of my friends have an appreciation for ADD Smut.

...I'm gonna go read your story right now, but I don't think I'll be getting all "vindictive".

God Bless lesbians everywhere.

.....can I sue you for posting my thoughts before I can manage to?

...so how WAS your day?