Sex Talk

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3/7/05

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Yuriel

Yuriel

I'm lost
January 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:32 AM

delusion said:
Hey reversehalo, personal insults like that are a real good way to get zotted. Also, with that gut as your profile pic you may consider being a liiittle nicer. wink



Precisely why I didn't defend myself in the manner I could have wink
EL SUICIDO LOCO

cthav

cthav

USA
August 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:34 AM

plaingurl said:
can't we all just get along?


...couldn't resist.

really though. everybody should be a bit nicer.



um....yeah....well.....you're a poopy head!

smile

Yuriel

Yuriel

I'm lost
January 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:34 AM

plaingurl said:
can't we all just get along?


...couldn't resist.

really though. everybody should be a bit nicer.



You're right. I would be honestly sorry too.
If mind you I weren't so miffed about being ugly now wink
tongue

bygones folks?
Please never take anything the Yuri says in his obvious bad humor seriously.
It leads to bad things quick.
....
EL SUICIDO LOCO

Finch

Finch

SUICIDEGIRL

Thailand

MAR 05, 2005 01:35 AM

cthav said:

plaingurl said:
can't we all just get along?


...couldn't resist.

really though. everybody should be a bit nicer.



um....yeah....well.....you're a poopy head!

smile



ppppsssshhhhhh. wink

delusion

delusion

Santa Barbara, CA
March 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:38 AM

Some people seriously don't own a sense of humor.

delusion

delusion

Santa Barbara, CA
March 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:39 AM

Shalome said:

delusion said:

reversehalo said:

Drago said:
Dear Penthouse,
I never thought it would happen to me, but I totally posted a fake story on a website tonight...



Sweetie pie, it's called "erotica". And if you send your mom to my house immediately, I will make it all true. wink kiss


Wait, does "erotica" mean "big, fat lie"?




Yes. All fictional literature, whether erotic or not, can be classified as "a big fat lie." whatever


Um, no.

Also, see post above.

whatever

beaky

beaky

Miami, FL
April 2003

MAR 05, 2005 01:51 AM

delusion said:
Some people seriously don't own a sense of humor.



I sell 'em

real cheap too

Yuriel

Yuriel

I'm lost
January 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:54 AM

beaky said:

delusion said:
Some people seriously don't own a sense of humor.



I sell 'em

real cheap too



Oooooh!
I know. I know!
I'll take two!
... and a bottle of jack to go please! smile
EL SUICIDO LOCO

SomethingStupid

SomethingStupid

North Hollywood, CA
March 2004

MAR 05, 2005 02:11 AM

I'm not sure you were looking for a critique, but I'm going to post one anyway. If you're feeling vindictive, I have a bad short story in my current journal entry that you can rip apart.

The problem with that story as an erotic short is that each sentence plainly and literally describes what is happening. There are no similes, no metaphors and there is no unusual language used or creative, vivid description. That can, to be fair, be made to work for you. In prose where what is not being said is equally, if not more important than what is being said, being literal can be powerful and effective. I'm not entirely sure it could ever be erotic, but hey, I'm not going to rule it out. But either way, this writing needs some sort of style.

Problem number two is that there's really not much going on here. You go home tired from work and feeling skanky. You get home and get fucked. Again, being simple can be effective, and I realize that plot isn't the point, but I think erotica needs a bit of a set up to really be effective. You've gotten to the sex before we've even been introduced to the characters, and they don't do anything particularly revealing during the sex. We didn't even get a physical description, apart from one of them having a stubbly vagina. Until the inquiry about wetness, there's no indication that both parties are even female (I mean in the story, not the title of the thread).

Basically, I think you need to work on thinking up a scenario and characters and then work on describing the sensations, as opposed to the physical actions, of sex.

Koenigsegg

Koenigsegg

I'm lost
July 2004

MAR 05, 2005 02:28 AM

do you know which ass this thread sucks
this ass
<------------
translation
smile frown whatever confused love mad wink eeek shocked tongue surreal biggrin blush kiss blackeyed puke skull robot ARRR!!! EL SUICIDO LOCO oink bok miao!! ooo aaa

Yuriel

Yuriel

I'm lost
January 2004

MAR 05, 2005 02:37 AM

forever said:
do you know which ass this thread sucks
this ass
<------------
translation
smile frown whatever confused love mad wink eeek shocked tongue surreal biggrin blush kiss blackeyed puke skull robot ARRR!!! EL SUICIDO LOCO oink bok miao!! ooo aaa




Translation: You need some sleep man tongue
Oh and you wished an excuse to use every emoticon in the book.
You'dve been better off letting it die though wink
EL SUICIDO LOCO

ill_will

ill_will

Detroit, MI
September 2004

MAR 05, 2005 04:09 AM

theSpotlessMind said:

forever said:
10 PRINT "HUUH"
20 GOTO 10



ah.... basic



Is that basic or fortran?

Rosscoe

Rosscoe

I'm lost
March 2005

MAR 05, 2005 04:20 AM

.... just ... oh dear....

scarydoll

scarydoll

Trenton, NJ
January 2004

MAR 05, 2005 07:24 AM

plaingurl said:

forever said:
10 PRINT "HUUH"
20 GOTO 10



okay. i've thought about this and thought about this again, and i still don't get it.

either i'm tired or dumb.




You're not dumb. You just probably never had to learn Basic Programming. Basically, this person wants to say "huuh" repeatedly.

reversehalo

reversehalo

Zimbabwe
January 2005

MAR 05, 2005 08:12 AM

TedKoppel said:
I'm not sure you were looking for a critique, but I'm going to post one anyway. If you're feeling vindictive, I have a bad short story in my current journal entry that you can rip apart.

The problem with that story as an erotic short is that each sentence plainly and literally describes what is happening. There are no similes, no metaphors and there is no unusual language used or creative, vivid description. That can, to be fair, be made to work for you. In prose where what is not being said is equally, if not more important than what is being said, being literal can be powerful and effective. I'm not entirely sure it could ever be erotic, but hey, I'm not going to rule it out. But either way, this writing needs some sort of style.

Problem number two is that there's really not much going on here. You go home tired from work and feeling skanky. You get home and get fucked. Again, being simple can be effective, and I realize that plot isn't the point, but I think erotica needs a bit of a set up to really be effective. You've gotten to the sex before we've even been introduced to the characters, and they don't do anything particularly revealing during the sex. We didn't even get a physical description, apart from one of them having a stubbly vagina. Until the inquiry about wetness, there's no indication that both parties are even female (I mean in the story, not the title of the thread).

Basically, I think you need to work on thinking up a scenario and characters and then work on describing the sensations, as opposed to the physical actions, of sex.


You're right. I wasn't looking for a critique. However, I can take it. I understand, and even agree with, many of your points here.

But I will say this:

This is something I wrote fairly quickly about my girl and I. I didn't do much proof-reading. If I actually wanted to publish it or something, I would have invested more time in it.

Also, I usually do go into full descriptions of each individual, and I even thought "Damn, I forgot the descriptions" after I had posted this story all over.

Lastly, I call what I write "ADD Smut". It's short, sweet, and to the point. I have friends who write long, elaborate erotica, and it usually bores me. Myself and a number of my friends have an appreciation for ADD Smut.

...I'm gonna go read your story right now, but I don't think I'll be getting all "vindictive". wink

Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

MAR 05, 2005 08:15 AM

God Bless lesbians everywhere.

I_Poop_Too_Much

I_Poop_Too_Much

I'm lost
February 2004

MAR 05, 2005 09:36 AM

EnfantTerrible said:

TheIrishBastard said:
God Bless lesbians everywhere.




I think I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. It is a sad existance wanting to be involved in lesbian orgies but continually getting ostrasized from my own kind. frown

[Edited on Mar 05, 2005 by EnfantTerrible]



.....can I sue you for posting my thoughts before I can manage to? ARRR!!!

bgrrrr

bgrrrr

Portland, OR
November 2004

MAR 05, 2005 01:35 PM

...so how WAS your day?

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