Sex Talk

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3/7/05

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FrankMask

FrankMask

Saint Paul, MN
June 2003

MAR 02, 2005 11:16 PM

It's 2 A.M. and raining hard. Angelina Jolie/Aphrodite/Johnny Depp/Adonis just showed up demanding a change of clothes and passionate lovemaking. Just one problem, You're out of condoms/dental dams, and the nearest convenience store that's open at this time of night is in Alaska. What are you going to do?

[Edited on Mar 03, 2005 by Frank]

Keith

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK
August 2002

MAR 02, 2005 11:18 PM

I'm married, so I guess we'll fire up a joint and the gamecube. wink

pixen

pixen

HOPEFUL

Australia

MAR 02, 2005 11:23 PM

Kill the cat and make one out of its spleen.

Keith

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK
August 2002

MAR 02, 2005 11:25 PM

miao!! skull

zenFish

zenFish

Vancouver, BC
August 2004

MAR 02, 2005 11:28 PM

pixen said:
Kill the cat and make one out of its spleen.



That's hardcore, right?

Or just disturbing?

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

MAR 02, 2005 11:31 PM

I would raid my roommate's room in search of one, and then blame it on Angelina later.

Erica

Erica

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

MAR 02, 2005 11:31 PM

BUT THE GLOVE DOES NOT FIT! I AM NOT GUILTY!

PullOffMyWings

PullOffMyWings

HOPEFUL

Mission Viejo, CA

MAR 02, 2005 11:36 PM

dude, I would have all of their babies, so it doesn't matter smile

JoshXXX

JoshXXX

Northborough, MA
March 2004

MAR 02, 2005 11:36 PM

I would slam the door. I don't want to have sex with Johnny Depp.

lil_tuffy

lil_tuffy

MODERATOR

San Francisco, CA

MAR 02, 2005 11:36 PM

I'd kill time on the internet.

Lil_Tuffy

MrMuller

MrMuller

Detroit, MI
March 2004

MAR 02, 2005 11:37 PM

If Angelina Jolie showed up making demands like that, I'm not so sure a "love glove" would be topping my list of priorities. However, if she had to have some such thing, cellophane is an easy sub. Or if that's not allowed, I would most certainly go out and silence a lamb, skin it, then beat and stretch the skin to fashion a rudimentary condom. Now I may not know how to do that, but I assure you, I'll learn really quick. My next problem is finding a lamb in D-town.

Edit: Oh and incidentally, I'm totally straight, but as Jay and Silent Bob would say, Johnny Depp is one of the guys I'd go gay for.

[Edited on Mar 02, 2005 by MrMuller]

Meaney

meaney

Chicago, IL
September 2003

MAR 02, 2005 11:38 PM

dive in without a suit.

mk700c

mk700c

Ann Arbor, MI
December 2003

MAR 02, 2005 11:40 PM

I really thought this was going to be an entertaining story about someone who lost a glove at a bar and went through some Adventures in Babysitting type quest to retrieve it, complete with strange encounters at a bus station and perhaps a Moscow subway station and a foreigh dignitary ...

... but alas, it was just stupid crap.

Cassiel

Cassiel

Aurora, CO
September 2004

MAR 02, 2005 11:45 PM

pixen said:
Kill the cat and make one out of its spleen.



I like your thinking.

TAFKASP

TAFKASP

Oakland, CA
June 2003

MAR 02, 2005 11:47 PM




Can I borrow a feeling, Could you lend me a jar of love.
Hurtin hearts need some healin'.
Take my hand with your glove of love.
-- by Kirk Van Houten

Keith

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK
August 2002

MAR 02, 2005 11:48 PM

Actually, now that I think about it, Johnny Depp is one of the people my wife is hypothetically allowed to have sex with, so I guess I'll be skinning the ferrets. Or the rat, depending on his endowment.


JoshXXX

JoshXXX

Northborough, MA
March 2004

MAR 02, 2005 11:56 PM

mk700c said:
I really thought this was going to be an entertaining story about someone who lost a glove at a bar and went through some Adventures in Babysitting type quest to retrieve it, complete with strange encounters at a bus station and perhaps a Moscow subway station and a foreigh dignitary ...

... but alas, it was just stupid crap.



Don't fuck with the babysitter.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Not without protection, at least.

handle

handle

I'm lost
July 2003

MAR 03, 2005 12:06 AM

Imagine the publicity you would get if you caught something from a freak sexual encounter with such a celebrity. You could live the rest of your little prescription filled life on the interview and T.V. movie rights money. I say go for it as is. Way more personal then a crappy autograph.

burstandbloom

burstandbloom

New Orleans, LA
February 2004

MAR 03, 2005 12:12 AM

xAtreyUx

xatreyux

Mountlake Terrace, WA
March 2003

MAR 03, 2005 12:30 AM

hate my life...haha j/k

Al

Al

SUICIDEGIRL

Christmas Island

MAR 03, 2005 04:29 PM

MrMuller said:
If Angelina Jolie showed up making demands like that, I'm not so sure a "love glove" would be topping my list of priorities. However, if she had to have some such thing, cellophane is an easy sub. Or if that's not allowed, I would most certainly go out and silence a lamb, skin it, then beat and stretch the skin to fashion a rudimentary condom. Now I may not know how to do that, but I assure you, I'll learn really quick. My next problem is finding a lamb in D-town.

Edit: Oh and incidentally, I'm totally straight, but as Jay and Silent Bob would say, Johnny Depp is one of the guys I'd go gay for.

[Edited on Mar 02, 2005 by MrMuller]



You do realize lambskin condoms aren't actually made from a lamb's skin, right?

mk700c

mk700c

Ann Arbor, MI
December 2003

MAR 03, 2005 04:43 PM

Al said:

You do realize lambskin condoms aren't actually made from a lamb's skin, right?



They're actually made of baby scrotum.

schoolgirl

schoolgirl

Christmas Island
May 2003

MAR 03, 2005 04:50 PM

I'd be like "damnit Johnny! I'm not a piece of meat." and make him feel all guilty and marry me. and then I'd give him the new clothes.

MrMuller

MrMuller

Detroit, MI
March 2004

MAR 03, 2005 05:18 PM

Al said:

MrMuller said:
If Angelina Jolie showed up making demands like that, I'm not so sure a "love glove" would be topping my list of priorities. However, if she had to have some such thing, cellophane is an easy sub. Or if that's not allowed, I would most certainly go out and silence a lamb, skin it, then beat and stretch the skin to fashion a rudimentary condom. Now I may not know how to do that, but I assure you, I'll learn really quick. My next problem is finding a lamb in D-town.

Edit: Oh and incidentally, I'm totally straight, but as Jay and Silent Bob would say, Johnny Depp is one of the guys I'd go gay for.

[Edited on Mar 02, 2005 by MrMuller]



You do realize lambskin condoms aren't actually made from a lamb's skin, right?



Of course, but the intestine thing had already been used, so I had to come up with something more ridiculous and elaborate. What was I going to say, "I'd go out, rip a lambs cecum out and wear that"? Well, I guess that works too.

Edit: I wouldn't actually rib the condom, she can fuck-off.

[Edited on Mar 03, 2005 by MrMuller]

Drago

Drago

Philadelphia, PA
January 2004

MAR 03, 2005 05:23 PM

I'd go raw for Angelina Jolie

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