Performance anxiety

Sex seems highly overrated. As a guy, it has gotten to be something of a chore. Often, I find it's just a big pain to stress about whether or not she's having the best sex of her life, or not.

For once, I'd like to meet a woman who is a little concerned about sex as I am. Like, yeah, it's nice to do, but let's not make a major production out of it.

On the other hand, I'd also not like to be with one of those white liars who says that:

(a) I'm the best she's ever had. A phrase said so often, it can hardly be believed.

(b) What's turns her on most is that she's in love, blah blah.

Preferable, she'd say, "Yeah, I've had better sex and I've had worse sex. I just don't care. How's it for you, by the way?"

Hey, my ex girlfriend lives in Ann Arbor. If you're fucking her, you're the best she's ever had.

I understand what you mean by the superlatives. Sex has a lot of emotions bound up with it, and so sometimes if one isn't careful in his/her choice of words, the other could take things in quite the wrong way.

In any event, as you say, don't stress about whether you're giving your partner the best ever. That sounds madness-inducing. Just try and pay attention to the other's wants and needs, and have fun. I would also add that sometimes people just aren't sexually compatible; that's hardly any one person's fault. Maybe you haven't found someone who you really have a spark with. Have fun searching! Don't think too much about it. (I know, easier said than done.)

Is he serious?

Maybe...you just have a tiny penis?


Only spectulating here.

Dude, the performance anxiety is all in your head. Just relax and be natural. Be present with the girl, not all in your own head trying to be some superstud. She'll like you more for that than if you try to be Captain Viagra all night.

If you have to ask 'was it good for you' - it wasn't. And if it wasn't, so what? Unless you're trying to earn a living as a gigolo.

One last thing. Try the 'clearing the pipes' thing as indicated in 'They'res Something about Mary'. That'll take your edge off.

Okay, but if you think sex is merely a boring routine that you're barely concerned with, that's kind of the opposite of "performance anxiety", now isn't it?

You want a girl to say "I just don't care"?
Are you fucking serious?
I mean, if you were thinking "I just don't care" how could you even get it up?

I'm

Yup. I'm not really that anxious. The title was just to draw attention.

And no, the schlongo is not tiny.

I used to care a lot about sex, so I suppose over the years I've gotten quite good at it (who knows... or cares?)

Now I'm older. What I'm saying, is that I've grown tired of the whole schtick. It leaves me out of breath. I'm a fit person, but I don't like exercise. It makes me sweat.

I've grown far too lazy. Usually the woman just lays on her back and hangs out. If you're "lucky," maybe she'll squirm about a bit. So I figure, even if I'm lazy and don't put in much effort, she's got no right to complain.

When I was younger, I used to expend much effort during sex. Even then, the second after I blew my load, I'd be thinking, why the hell did I just do? Did my ancestors evolve for millions of years to endow me with such a great cortex, just so I could try so hard to act like an ape?

Seems more reasonable for evolved men these days to make decisions in their life based on how they would act just after blowing their wad, not before.

I'm thinking about boycotting the whole thing, that is until I'm situated enough in my life to knock a girl up. That would be worth it...

[Edited on Dec 06, 2004 by UpDate]

If you pay attention to a lot of the modern media then sex can't just be sex, it has to be "The Best Sex EVER", and it always has to be "MINDBLOWING" sex.

Pay attention to what people say on SG and you'll see many people who enjoy sex, and enjoy it a lot, but they don't fall into the trap of trying too hard.

I can sort of see your point, but I've been lucky with most of my gfs.

sounds like what you're describing is married sex. and you only have to do it on birthday's, anniversaries and valentines day. so find a girl, make her your wife and within a few years you will be set!

I love that one minute you're saying " I used to care a lot about sex, so I suppose over the years I've gotten quite good at it" and the next you're saying things like "I don't like exercise" , "I'm lazy and don't put in much effort" and "usually the woman just lays on her back and hangs out"

can I just say, you are probably not very good at it. good sex takes effort. a woman isn't going to "just lay there" if she's into it and you are making an effort to get her off. someone who is lazy, lethargic, and self absorbed is probably not going to experience "good" sex and niether is their partner. It sounds to me like you might be a wee bit misogynistic

[Edited on Dec 06, 2004 by papawheelie]

Stop doing it, then.

it's called asexual...

You don't even need to get married. Just move in and act like you're married. worked for me (more's the pity)

Yeah, that's just what I'm talking about. I suppose I'll get married sometime soon. The problem is finding just the right woman who, on top of that, is as little enthusiastic about sex as am I.

The worst situation is to get married, and then finding out that the girl is interested in endless years of courtship, mindblowing sex, blah blah blah... Of course, there will have to be some amount of sex involved occasionally, particularly because I'd like to have children and all... Are there women who have no libido and who like to keep sex to a minimum? Where are they?

[Edited on Dec 06, 2004 by UpDate]

I used to put a lot of effort in. Now it seems like a waste of time.

Okay. So?

[Edited on Dec 07, 2004 by UpDate]

This one got me curious. Ladies, how many of your partners have you said this to? Percentage will do And, how many times did you mean it?

Every girl I've been involved with has said that to me about one 'bedroom department' thing or another.

So i"m sitting here wondering what the deeper issue is. If you don't like it, don't do it. If you want to get better, read this site and everything else you can get your hands on and get better. If you're just plain happier without a partner so you don't have to deal with courtship, then stay single and screw the people who say you should have a partner. If you're looking for someone who will pay more attention to your needs (You ended your first post with"How's it for you, by the way?") then keep looking until you happen upon someone who's willing to take the time to explore your sexuality with you. Whether it's 3 times a day under the kitchen table or on anniversaries and birthdays only, your sexuality is there and, at the moment, it seems its got your goat.

I never said that I wanted to stay single. Just because I guy doesn't like sex means he should have no other reason to have a girlfriend?

That's just being polite... My response would be: "Good/OK/i'm tired, but who cares?"

I guess I'm just wondering where all the women are who, like me, don't care that much about sex. By inference, that's not you. Thanks, nuff said.

[Edited on Dec 06, 2004 by UpDate]

Well , for one thing I don't EVER think I have asked "Was that OK for you?" Such a cliche, famed in anbout a zillion comedy bits , that perhaps our poster wonders what the amazed laughter is all about....

You will never ever meet anyone who wants sex exactly when you want it, and only when you want it. But frankly, I think that'd get a little boring anyway. And sometimes, I just like to beg.

the best advice i've ever been given: forget she's even there

You may as well fuck a warm pot-roast.