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metal_halo

metal_halo

Hermitage, TN
October 2004

OCT 09, 2004 03:55 PM


Being a n00b I was kind of worried about posting this, as I figured someone has already asked; but hey -- I used the dang /search engine and it brought up all types of colourful masturbation topics. What you think about, and then reworded to what you use (and every response was porn, people, memories, etc) -- most embarrasing location, embarrasing thought.

Well.

What's the weirdest/most embarrasing thing you've masturbated with?

Here it has to be ham.

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

OCT 09, 2004 03:56 PM

Well, there goes lunch.

*throws out sandwich*

FreakPirate

FreakPirate

Canada
November 2002

OCT 09, 2004 03:57 PM

Wait... you're not Brinstar at all...

tongue

Belllla

Belllla

Houston, TX
February 2004

OCT 09, 2004 04:04 PM

Pirate just made me laugh out loud. tongue

TheAngus

theangus

Raleigh, NC
January 2004

OCT 09, 2004 04:07 PM

MisterSatan said:
Well, there goes lunch.

*throws out sandwich*



that made me laugh.

evilwillow

evilwillow

HOPEFUL

El Salvador

OCT 09, 2004 04:08 PM

I'm sure I'll regret this.....but...how does one masturbate with ham?







Oninotaki

oninotaki

Ypsilanti, MI
March 2003

OCT 09, 2004 04:08 PM

I said it before and I will say it again....an orangebiggrin

Eva2

Eva2

SUICIDEGIRL

Pennsylvania, USA

OCT 09, 2004 04:20 PM

A candle.

metal_halo

metal_halo

Hermitage, TN
October 2004

OCT 09, 2004 04:40 PM


Was the candle turned on? O_o

*cheesy drum line for cheesy jokes*

metal_halo

metal_halo

Hermitage, TN
October 2004

OCT 09, 2004 04:41 PM

evilwillow said:
I'm sure I'll regret this.....but...how does one masturbate with ham?





Err, it's not that hard if you're a guy. ^_^

Kayla

Kayla

Dublin, CA
June 2003

OCT 09, 2004 04:44 PM

hahaha
i can't even tell its too funny.

great topic

Trevallion

Trevallion

Murfreesboro, TN
February 2004

OCT 09, 2004 04:50 PM

I've seen this question asked before on this board, strangely enough.

Malloreigh

Malloreigh

SUICIDEGIRL

British Columbia, Canada

OCT 09, 2004 04:57 PM

my hand. that was crazy.

_Mrs_TLB_

_Mrs_TLB_

United Kingdom
December 2003

OCT 09, 2004 05:02 PM

Malloreigh said:
my hand. that was crazy.



Phew.....i thought i was the only one! eeek

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

OCT 09, 2004 05:08 PM

Malloreigh said:
my hand. that was crazy.


SICK!

Lemonkid

Lemonkid

Canada
May 2003

OCT 09, 2004 05:08 PM

A copy of Shrunk & White's "Elements of Style."

Oh no wait - that was just mental masturbation.

Though it does make a good table for pocket pool.

Does anyone have any chalk?

frank_the_tank

frank_the_tank

I'm lost
February 2004

OCT 09, 2004 05:13 PM

I personally have always kept it kind of simple (my hand); however, i have a friend that used to experiment with the weirdest stuff to as a lube. We are talking mayonaisse, strawberry jam, chunky peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter for fuck's sake. He made a few serious errors in judgement with such things as toothpaste and icy hot, though.

Lemonkid

Lemonkid

Canada
May 2003

OCT 09, 2004 05:15 PM

frank_the_tank said:
I personally have always kept it kind of simple (my hand); however, i have a friend that used to experiment with the weirdest stuff to as a lube. We are talking mayonaisse, strawberry jam, chunky peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter for fuck's sake. He made a few serious errors in judgement with such things as toothpaste and icy hot, though.



Why is this not a surprising 2nd post from someone called "Frank the Tank"?

frank_the_tank

frank_the_tank

I'm lost
February 2004

OCT 09, 2004 05:18 PM

thanks, i try to keep expectations low

Eero

Eero

USA
August 2003

OCT 09, 2004 05:27 PM

wow.


just wow.


Lain

Lain

Astoria, NY
April 2004

OCT 09, 2004 05:31 PM

3 jumper cables , some WD40, a lunchable and a wind sock. All at the same time... fucked up time that was!!! HOOOOWEEEEEEEE!


but seriously...

DUDE! WTF! Welcome to the site n00b

tonkakatt

tonkakatt

Boston, MA
June 2004

OCT 09, 2004 05:40 PM

Icstepec said:

evilwillow said:
I'm sure I'll regret this.....but...how does one masturbate with ham?





Err, it's not that hard if you're a guy. ^_^



ewww...ewwww

STURANIUM_235

STURANIUM_235

San Francisco, CA
April 2004

OCT 09, 2004 05:51 PM

this guy got his arm blown off in desert storm while serving in the army. as part of his severence, he was hooked up with a new bio-mechanical prostetic arm that was activated by voice recognition commands. he went to his hometown bar to show his friends this new arm. his buddy the bartender was very happy to see him alive, and gave him a cold one on the house. "pick up mug" he said to the arm, and it did it. "set it back down" and the arm did it. all of his friends were very impressed and insisted on buying him beers to watch the spectacle. 10 beers deep, he had to pee really bad, so he goes to the bathroom. once inside, he says "unzip pants, and remove". finishes up and says to the arm "shake off". he's stricken by how good the mechanically rythmic shaking feels and becomes curiously aroused. he looks around the bathroom to see if anyone's there, and sees that he's alone. he whispers to the arm: "jerk off". the arm rips his dick right off and then he screams: "fuckin asshole!!!!"

that was the funniest joke ever in middleschool. thought it belonged. meh....

frank_the_tank

frank_the_tank

I'm lost
February 2004

OCT 09, 2004 05:56 PM

I also have a friend that heard that you can heat up a melon in the microwave, then cut a hole in it and fuck it. It was supposed to feel exactly like the real thing. The only problem is that he didn't have a melon handy, so he tried it with a potato instead. How could that possibly be a good idea?

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

OCT 09, 2004 06:21 PM

frank_the_tank said:
I also have a friend that heard that you can heat up a melon in the microwave, then cut a hole in it and fuck it. It was supposed to feel exactly like the real thing. The only problem is that he didn't have a melon handy, so he tried it with a potato instead. How could that possibly be a good idea?


There goes dinner, too.

*vomits*

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