Weirdest object you've masturbated with?

Being a n00b I was kind of worried about posting this, as I figured someone has already asked; but hey -- I used the dang /search engine and it brought up all types of colourful masturbation topics. What you think about, and then reworded to what you use (and every response was porn, people, memories, etc) -- most embarrasing location, embarrasing thought.

Well.

What's the weirdest/most embarrasing thing you've masturbated with?

Here it has to be ham.

Well, there goes lunch.

*throws out sandwich*

Wait... you're not Brinstar at all...

Pirate just made me laugh out loud.

that made me laugh.

I'm sure I'll regret this.....but...how does one masturbate with ham?

I said it before and I will say it again....an orange

Was the candle turned on? O_o

*cheesy drum line for cheesy jokes*

Err, it's not that hard if you're a guy. ^_^

hahaha
i can't even tell its too funny.

great topic

I've seen this question asked before on this board, strangely enough.

Phew.....i thought i was the only one!

SICK!

A copy of Shrunk & White's "Elements of Style."

Oh no wait - that was just mental masturbation.

Though it does make a good table for pocket pool.

Does anyone have any chalk?

I personally have always kept it kind of simple (my hand); however, i have a friend that used to experiment with the weirdest stuff to as a lube. We are talking mayonaisse, strawberry jam, chunky peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter for fuck's sake. He made a few serious errors in judgement with such things as toothpaste and icy hot, though.

Why is this not a surprising 2nd post from someone called "Frank the Tank"?

thanks, i try to keep expectations low

wow.


just wow.

3 jumper cables , some WD40, a lunchable and a wind sock. All at the same time... fucked up time that was!!! HOOOOWEEEEEEEE!


but seriously...

DUDE! WTF! Welcome to the site n00b

ewww...ewwww

this guy got his arm blown off in desert storm while serving in the army. as part of his severence, he was hooked up with a new bio-mechanical prostetic arm that was activated by voice recognition commands. he went to his hometown bar to show his friends this new arm. his buddy the bartender was very happy to see him alive, and gave him a cold one on the house. "pick up mug" he said to the arm, and it did it. "set it back down" and the arm did it. all of his friends were very impressed and insisted on buying him beers to watch the spectacle. 10 beers deep, he had to pee really bad, so he goes to the bathroom. once inside, he says "unzip pants, and remove". finishes up and says to the arm "shake off". he's stricken by how good the mechanically rythmic shaking feels and becomes curiously aroused. he looks around the bathroom to see if anyone's there, and sees that he's alone. he whispers to the arm: "jerk off". the arm rips his dick right off and then he screams: "fuckin asshole!!!!"

that was the funniest joke ever in middleschool. thought it belonged. meh....

I also have a friend that heard that you can heat up a melon in the microwave, then cut a hole in it and fuck it. It was supposed to feel exactly like the real thing. The only problem is that he didn't have a melon handy, so he tried it with a potato instead. How could that possibly be a good idea?

There goes dinner, too.

*vomits*