Dirty jokes

Ok, here are some really stupid dirty jokes.

Everyone loves dirty jokes, that is why i love everyone.


Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A. Ask your mom.


[Edited on Jul 29, 2004 by hypnogogic]

Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

A. Full.

Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

A. Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A. One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with and the other is used for carrying groceries.

[Edited on Jul 29, 2004 by hypnogogic]

Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Hahah! Nice

Q. Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?

A. Because they have big mouths and little dicks.

Q. How do you stop a chihuahua from humping your leg?

A. Pick him up and suck him off.

Q. Why do men have a hole in their penis?

A. So oxygen can get to the brain.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a microwave?

A. A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.

Q. How do you know when your ugly?

A. When a nymphomaniac tells you "let's just be friends".

Q. What do a anniversary, a toilet and a clitoris have in common?

A. Men always miss them.

what do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

well hung.

Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A. A whore fucks everyone at a party, a bitch fucks everyone at a party except you.

When do you know it's time for bed in Neverland?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q. How do you get 4 old ladies to scream "fuck"?

A. Have a 5th one yell "bingo".

This man goes to the pub. He buys a drink, and sees a woman sitting by herself at the end of the bar. She looks a bit sad. She catches his eye, so he decides to try to talk to her.
He says "look, I hope you don't mind me asking, but you seem a bit down. What's wrong?"
She says "Oh, my boyfriend told me I was way too kinky for him, and we've split up."
"That's a coincidence" the bloke says, "my girlfriend told me I was way too kinky for her too. MAybe I should buy you a drink?"

So, they spend a great evening in the pub. At the end of the evening he walks her home. They've got on so well she decides to ask him in 'for a cup of coffee'. As soon as they get in she says "I'm going to change into something less ocmfortable", and she goes into her room.

She gets undressed...
She puts on thigh high leather boots with a 6 inch stiletto...
She puts on a pvc catsuit...
She puts on a spikey collar, in one hand she's got a bullwhip and in the other hand she's got a gimp mask. To top the outfit off she straps on a 9" dildo.

She's ready for action.

She kicks open the door and says "Right you miserable worm..."

...only to see him by the door putting his coat on.

"I hope I haven't scared you off," she says "I thought you said you're into the kinky stuff?"

"Yes," he says, "I've shat on your coffee table and fucked your dog, I'm done."

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?

A. They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman.

[Edited on Jul 29, 2004 by hypnogogic]

Q. Why do women have vaginas?

A. So men will talk to them.

hypnogogic thats all?

Q. What do elephants use for tampons?

A. Sheep.

Q. What did the trailer trash girl say when she lost her virginty?

A. Get up dad, your crushing my smokes!

A nurse is shopping and reaches into her purse to grab her checkbook and a pen, She comes up with her checkbook and a rectal thermomoter.

"dammit" says the woman

"what's wrong?" syas the cashier

"some asshole walked off with my pen.

Q. What do women and condoms have in common?

A. They spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: why does it take women longer to orgasm then men?

A: who gives a fuck