Friendzone explained by SCIENCE!!!!

I see it all too often. Man is attracted to woman and starts acting towards her in a friendly manner: hanging out, doing favors, lending an ear, taking her to the airport, walking her dog, and getting all the things off the top shelf. In the midst of this, the woman continues to date other guys, and calls the first guy to bring ice cream when her boyfriends are being turds.

Eventually, the guy gets frustrated and starts complaining about being "stuck in the friendzone" with this woman who, if she would only look at him in a new light, would be immeasurably happy with him. Or she might at least take off her clothes and let him play with her boobs. Whatever.

Well, according to Scientific American, there is some science to be had.

By romance, they mean fucking.

Or, to put it another way: everybody THINKS everybody else is on the same wavelength, but nobody really is.

So, guys, if you're being a friend with a woman, SHE THINKS YOU'RE HER FRIEND. Not a mate-in-waiting; not a potential boyfriend. A friend. And she thinks that you see her the same way.

This is why honesty from the get-go is essential. If you see someone as a potential partner, make sure you're clear on that from the beginning. Don't play games; don't ham and haw. Taking things slow is fine, but be honest. Otherwise, not only do you not get to date her, you don't get to be her friend, either.

Yay science!
Also, I would love to see the term "friend zone" disappear from usage forever.

Newsflash: If you're only being "nice" because you feel like if you accumulate a certain number of "nice points" then a girl will touch your penor, you're not a nice person. You're a "Nice Guy".

Also, remember: women are not sex vending machines. It doesn't matter how many "friend" coins you put in her slot, you're not going to get that sweet, sweet candy. And banging on the side to jar something loose is just rude.

This!
THISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHISTHIS!!!!!!

Oooo! Oooo! Can it be me?

I agree that with what the term "Friend zone" has become, that it just needs to go.

Also

100%. Communication is key to any relationship, whether that be friendship, fuck-buddies, monogamous dating, or whatever.

I fucking hate this study for so many fucking reasons. Here is a non-exhaustive list:

1) First and foremost it assumes that any level of sexual or romantic desire means that one cannot be "friends". I have had some definition of sex with a fair number of my female friends. I've "made out" with even more of them. And with a few exceptions, I'd probably bang most all of them given the opportunity. HOWEVA, I am not interested in being a "romantic partner" with any of them. The study assumes that I do, and equates the two. Physical attraction and romantic interest are not the same thing, and they shouldn't be treated the same way.

2) The study furthermore is incredibly heteronormative. What about bisexual men or women? Are they just COMPLETELY incapable of having any platonic relationships whatsoever because they may be attracted to both genders? Those poor, poor bisexual dudes who think that everyone is attracted to them and it turns out nobody is! What a tragedy.

3) Perhaps making conclusions about the romantic and sexual behaviors of the broad spectrum of both men and women based on male and female undergraduate students is ooooooohhhhh, MAYBE slightly misguided. Of note, women in college are quite a bit more mature than men in college, in general. Furthermore, both men and women change the way they relate to the opposite sex drastically as they get older. Point is that anyone who seeks to compare me with a college kid when it comes to sex or relationships has no fucking idea what they're talking about. I'd wager the contents of my checking account that the same is true for virtually anyone over the age of 26.

4) So if you've already had sex with someone or have been in a relationship but no longer wish to engage in either, where does that fit into this rubric? Does science allow you to be friends or not?

5) All my female friends are hella attracted to me. Obviously. I am a sexy motherfucker.

No fer srs, this?

Not really. Could be! But could also not be! I agree that if you make your intentions clear it's much easier to make that determination. But the above is not at all a hard and fast rule. I'm sure you're generalizing. I just have to note that using this study to draw any kind of bright line rule is unwise.

I think you are taking issue with the article, not the study. Most of your points are addressed in the actual study. They address theories and directions of future tests in non-hetero candidates, they also polled middle aged candidates in the second study to compare response to the first emerging adult group.

It's also simply a study based on a theory. As such, they address strengths and weaknesses of the current research.

It's ain't fact yet, just theories.

I guess the term friends with benefits is a complete mind fuck for the person who wrote the article.

I have fallen victim to "friend zoning" before, when I was younger and more naive to female behaviour. I have social anxiety issues that make me prefer getting to know a person very well (and essentially, becoming friends with them) before I have any interest in sharing my time with, or being comfortorable around them. Naturally, on the field of romance, this doesn't work, as I'm friendzoned before I ever try.

However, I have noticed that "not being boyfriend material" and being unfuckable are two different things, and have gotten it on with girls who originally had friendzoned me back when I first got to know them. It took several years, and sharp personality changes on my part, but I know from experiance that it isn't permenent for every girl. In my own experiance, I have to admit I've never DATED a girl who once friendzoned me (that much has yet to change), though taking the other step towards sex, and still remaining good friends can't be all bad, and probably knocks down some previously closed doors.

I tend to agree with Subrosa's criticism about the age group used in the study. The friends that we have in college are going to differ from those we have later in life as does the basis for romance later in life. College students' sexual partners are rarely ones that would later develop into a deep friendship or even a long term relationship.

People who are in their 30's or older would probably want to have a sexual relationship that is perhaps going to have the possibility of developing into something more meaningful and will be more selective in the personality characteristics of the person before jumping into bed with them.

Dunno man, studies that tend to define relationships or behaviours are very hard to design, even if they are observational (Kinsey style). What's also probably very difficult to define are the words "friend", "platonic".

Also, to think that a person can predict how relationships are going to start and end with any form of accuracy, using the simple cues implied by the people who wrote the study is just plain arrogant .....

do like me and give up on love all together!

it might be a coward way out but atleast i wont be used like some kind of back up plan anymore ^^ better die virgin and without even knowing what love is Than being all emotionaly destroyed all your life

science proof or not - it still sucks to be rejected...over...and over...and *10 hours later* over again. espessialy when the girl your going for end up with the total opposite of her own description of the "perfect" boyfriend.

i personnaly dont see being only friends as something bad. its HOW you end up getting "friendzoned" that makes it good or bad.

if the girl doesnt play with your feelings , tells your right away that she only wants to be friends - its ok in my book.

Quick question: do your guy friends have to tell you right away that they only want to be friends?

no. but thats not the point. i dont mean everysingle girl i meet. i mean the one i actually show and sometimes tell im into them.

whats logical about some of them (luckly) saying that they do infact are interested or even that they love me back and they totally want something to happen...then a week later "oh...ya sorry...i-im like with some1 now? ...ya"

i put myself out there , trying to look my best. putting efforts into it. comfidence and attention...all of that - just to get "chocked" at the last minute.

whats so damn hard?!. i know i am complaining for something that isnt that bad compared to other things in life but im sure im not the only that thinks that this shit is pretty annoying.

if the girl im going for doesnt love me and if i tell that i do : i dont want her to tell me that she do just to make me happy...then destroy my hopes 1-2weeks later. :/

its basscicly playing with some1 emotions....and that aint cool

I need a translator.

The vending machine ate his money.

Vagina vending machine?

I'd have to agree with most of Subrosa's points. Also, being honest up front about your feelings really is the best policy, even if it can be tough to deal with an answer you don't like. It's only fair to them; they're not mind readers.